


A Lily for Tora

by BegoniaRex



Series: Tiger Cubs [1]
Category: Midnight Poppy Land (Webcomic)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Intense, Marriage, My First Fanfic, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 147,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BegoniaRex/pseuds/BegoniaRex
Summary: Tora and Poppy get married, settle down, and have three kids. Adventures of a whole new sort ensue.But what will they do when the past comes back to haunt them?Update 2/22/21: Currently revising and heavily expanding the early chapters. Ch. 1- 6 have been now been redone.
Relationships: Tora/Poppy
Series: Tiger Cubs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997620
Comments: 464
Kudos: 462





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I started writing...buuut then ended up posting my werewolf story first. Okay, I DID write a three page Digimon story for Creative Writing in 9th grade (not going to tell you how long ago THAT was!), but this is the first one I actually wrote intending to share it with others. I think about Midnight Poppy Land all the time anyways, so I may as well try my hand at writing something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora reflects on where life has taken him when he holds his newborn daughter Lily for the first time. A happy future for him and Poppy, that I really hope they get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song suggestion for this chapter if you want to cry: I Do by Aloe Blacc & LeAnn Rimes https://youtu.be/j983VLBdRwk

When Lily was born, Tora thought his heart would explode. Who knew something so tiny could fill his heart with so much? Love, fear, joy, worry, and a thousand other emotions blazed through him as he held his daughter for the first time.

But it was awestruck wonder that caught his breath when she cracked her eyelids open, and he saw his own golden eyes staring back at him.

Tora hadn’t thought he’d ever get married, let alone have the kind of life where he could even contemplate a family of his own. When fear and intimidation had been the only language of his days, the future wasn’t something he ever dwelt on. What was the point, when you were just as likely to wind up dead at the hands of a supposed friend as a long time enemy? It was a waste of his time to consider the coming years with anything beyond an indifferent shrug when he knew he'd probably be dead before he managed to reach 30.

He’d been under no illusions about where his value lay in the eyes of Vincent Balthuman and the clan. He was nothing more than a weapon to the sadistic, utterly heartless psychopath and his cronies, the merciless, power hungry men who’d stolen his life and done their very best to completely break Tora's spirit since his early childhood. To Vincent, he was just a well-trained animal to be unleashed at whoever was the latest target for retribution, called to heel whenever the iron-fisted leader of the Balthuman Organization wanted to dole out particularly brutal punishment. No purpose other than to maim or kill before the same could be done to him.

He wasn’t allowed to be anything else except the man who turned his emotions off, tucked his true self away, and just followed orders like the loyal attack dog he was treated as. He was expected to be grateful to maybe get tossed a bone, accept empty compliments for his efforts like they actually meant something more than “good boy.” Supposed to be proud of the clan mark, the collar on his neck that only ever left him feeling ashamed of who he was, a continual reminder of how little control he had over his fucked up, empty life.

But Tora knew his days were numbered - he wasn't arrogant enough to think that his edge would last forever. It would give out eventually. A useless, broken weapon to be tossed aside and disposed of. Just a worthless dog to be put down when he was no longer of any use.

He was a shadow moving through ever deepening shadows, trying to stay out of reach of the other monsters that hid and fought and scrabbled for power in the dark. He had no hope or expectation of things ever being any different than always trying to stay one step ahead, until the day when he would finally stumble and fall, quickly pounced on and consumed by the darkness he would never escape.

And there was always an unending line of hungry young thugs circling, looking for the tiniest opening to take advantage of and rip him to shreds. He only had to fail once to wind up dead in some gutter or back alley, nothing more than another slain gangster, a wasted life that no one missed or mourned. 

He had nothing to live for, nothing to lose. Nothing to offer, and no one he wanted to give it to anyways. Tora was nothing, invisible - people looked at him but didn't see the person behind their preconceived notions and ever ready judgements. He didn't really give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck about anything except focusing on surviving another day.

And that had been his life, day in and day out….until Poppy. She’d been a burst of light, chasing away the darkness that filled his heart and mind. A goddamn angel who stumbled into his path and flipped his world completely sideways, spinning it off in a new, unexpected direction as she swept him off his feet (literally). A feisty, ballsy hamster who fearlessly got in the tiger’s face, immediately found a place in his heart, and just...wasn’t afraid of him. She saw Tora, really _saw him_ , in a way that no one else ever had. She was able to somehow see past the mask of indifference and callousness he’d kept carefully in place for so long. She gave him her trust, showed him the goodness he didn’t think he had...but most of all, she gave him hope.

Hope, for the first time, that there was another way to be, a different outcome for his life other than death or jail. Hope that he could be something... _someone_ other than a weapon, a dog on Vincent’s leash. Not “Big Bro Tora, the Legendary Tiger of Ares Street,” but just...Tora. He didn’t even know who that was, but Poppy helped him find out. 

The process of getting away and starting a new life had been one of the hardest things he’d ever set out to do. There had been violence, blood spilled (his own and others’), and sacrifices that almost destroyed his resolve...but in the end, he’d finally broken free. Though in some ways, the freedom was almost harder to bear than being chained to the mafia had been.

The power to live however he wanted was in Tora's hands alone for the first time in his entire life. No one was telling him who he was or who he had to be - the road before him was completely his own to choose. He couldn’t just put his head down anymore and not give a damn. He had been given another chance at life, and hell if he wasn’t going to take it!

He found who he was away from Narin City, with Poppy there every step of the way, her hand in his. She gave Tora her heart, her love filling him to overflow, helping him push back against the darkness and fear that lingered. His gentleness, all the tender, vulnerable parts of himself hidden away during the decades of torture and abuse, were finally safe and free to come out, met with his Bobby’s warm, enthusiastic acceptance. She embraced every part of him, though it was almost more difficult to show her the wounded places of his heart, allow her to become familiar with all the cracks and broken pieces of himself than it'd been to reveal the dark world he'd lived in and the part he’d played in it for so long. 

Even though he’d always hated it, utterly despised what he’d been forced into becoming, Tora at least knew how to be the Tiger of Ares Street, confident and assured as he moved through that long familiar criminal underworld, shitty and dark as it was. But to just be Tora, himself, free of all of that constricting expectation and Vincent’s crushing hold? He felt like he’d been tossed out into a wide, unfamiliar ocean as he tried to figure out what it meant to be Poppy’s husband, to be just that regular guy for her that she’d somehow always seen him as.

He was always amazed that this bold little woman who had crashed into his path completely out of the blue had so completely upended his life and heart, choosing _him_ of all people to love and cherish. There was no one else he wanted by his side, in his arms, in his bed as long as he lived. 

They got married after a couple years together, and for the first time in his life Tora discovered what “home” meant. There were so many firsts with his Bobby, his ballsy hamster, his noisy, impulsive, headstrong wife who wasn’t afraid to look him in the eye, to argue with him, to hold his hand, to lay her head on his shoulder, to sleep beside him every night….to be his. 

Even after those first few years of peace, it had still felt like a revelation for Tora to actually talk about the future - to plan, to dream, to look at the coming days, months, and years with something other than trepidation or decided indifference. He had a whole life ahead of him now, suddenly able to look forward and count his time in terms of months and years, hell, even decades. No longer wondering if he’d survive the day or to the end of the week.

So when Poppy first brought up the idea of having children, he just didn’t have any kind of answer. It was so far out of the realm of possibility in his previous life, it would have been like someone asking him if he wanted to go to the moon. The focus it had taken to survive each day didn’t leave room for idle daydreams. To have a family in his old life would have been a liability, a weakness his enemies could exploit to control him or take him down. He had lived each day looking over his shoulder, preparing for the next strike - he couldn’t afford to have such vulnerabilities when all his focus was on surviving.

But now that the danger was gone, that his old chains had been destroyed and wouldn’t ensnare a new generation….maybe, just maybe it wasn’t impossible to consider? 

So sure, why the hell not. If it was something his Poppylan wanted, he’d do everything in his power to make her life full of happiness and joy. And besides, he’d survived two decades in the mafia, being a father would be a cakewalk in comparison.

And that train of thought lasted right up until Poppy revealed her positive pregnancy test result over dinner one night. He had been speechless at first, joy and astonished happiness flooding through him...and then the utter panic had hit hard, followed by his old friend fear clawing up his throat. Holy shit, he was going to be a father?! He didn’t know the first thing about raising a kid - hell, he didn’t even know what it was like to have a halfway decent childhood! There wasn’t a whole lot Tora could recall from his upbringing as being particularly good or nurturing. Nothing he had experienced was anything he wanted his own child to ever go through.

He had been raised steeped only in the language of fear, intimidation, brutality, his hands forged into weapons far too young. He was fluent in posturing and hiding weakness, using his body to inflict pain and violence. His hands had always been valued for their brutal strength, their ferocity, making a fist for him as natural and easy as breathing. Tora had learned far too young that monsters were real - there had been no one to wipe his tears or hold him close as they did their best to turn him into one too.

With Poppy he’d finally found love, not only free to be gentle and kind but adored for it, eagerly embracing light after the majority of his life had been shrouded in darkness. But what did he know about being nurturing? What did it mean to be a father - a good one? What did it look like to raise a child with love and compassion, giving them room to grow and breathe while keeping them safe? Could the hands that had shed so much blood for so long really become ones that were known for their tenderness instead? He had no idea, and it scared the ever living hell out of him.

But Poppy again was the light leading the way for him. Her utter joy and enthusiasm was irresistible - Tora couldn’t help but be swept up into it. Even as he fretted over the future, she reminded him that there was more good than bad to look forward to in the coming days. He repeatedly woke soaked in panicked sweat, nightmares taunting him with all the ways things could go wrong, the memories of his old life hanging heavy and dark, but his sweet Bobby was always there to hold him and speak the truth, soothing his fears with her gentleness and light. He worried about irreparably damaging their future kid and all the various harm that might befall them - his wife listened, validated how he felt, understanding where he was coming from, but she also continued to forge ahead, stacking up parenting books and decorating the nursery.

Even as her belly filled out and walking got more difficult, Poppy never wavered in her confident hope for the days to come. Her light, her love, her unshakeable trust in him and who they were together infused expectant joy into every nook and cranny of their life and home. A baby, his own kid, _their_ child…as the months passed Tora's fears were gradually subsumed by a growing excitement for what it might mean to be called "dad" alongside "husband." As the days counted down to them going from a family of two to three, he felt the darkness recede, his days as the Tiger of Ares Street slipping further behind him as he walked ever more confidently into the light of his new life.

And then, there Lily was, his daughter being placed in his arms - dark hair plastered to her head, small scrunched up face, her tiny hands clenched tight....the first sight of her golden eyes. And Tora was instantly smitten, all worry falling away as he got lost in her gaze. His eyes met hers, he gasped, and his heart was hers before he could even exhale - and he thought he’d fallen for Poppy fast. The darkness, the pain of his past, the struggle to get to this very moment...it all felt like nothing next to the blazing fire of his love for this tiny little thing. It had all been worth it if it got him right here, holding his child close to his chest, the baby he and Poppy had made together, feeling her warmth, her breath, her heart beating against his skin.

His daughter. Two simple words that turned Tora's entire world upside down and meant he'd never be the same again. She weighed practically nothing, and yet her arrival, those eyes... _his_ eyes blinking up at him, picked up his whole world and set it back down in a completely new orientation. 

He'd thought he knew what love was after meeting his wife, his heart full to bursting with the light and hope she'd brought into his life. But he found his love had endless room to grow as the garden of his heart eagerly welcomed a little Lily next to his Poppy.

Of all the directions his life could have taken, Tora would never have guessed he’d end up here in this moment, filled with so much love and joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Cleide Sousa for the beautiful fan art of Poppy and baby Lily! It honestly made me tear up the first time I saw it. Please give her a follow over on Instagram @cleideilustradora


	2. Early Morning Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy and Tora's daughter Violet needs a little help with some monsters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song just makes me think of how Tora feels being a husband and father: Say You Won't Let Go https://youtu.be/GHQqaz5Rg0g  
> I didn't originally have more story in mind when I first wrote the previous chapter, thinking I could only ever do a one-shot, but this song has been an inspiration for thinking of what Poppy and Tora's future relationship and family life might look like.

PART I

8 years later 

“Daddy. Daddy. Daddeeeee,” a high pitched voice loudly whispered directly into his ear, a tiny hand tugging insistently on the sleeve of his T-shirt.

Tora cracked an eye open to find a small face with wide, brown eyes two inches from his. Kids really had no concept of personal space. 

His alarm clock read 5:30am. 

He groaned - it was too damn early for this. “What is it, V-bean? You should still be in bed,” he mumbled groggily as he rubbed his eyes. 

The first few times his children had woken him like this - right on top of him and staring him down - he'd freaked the hell out, but at this point, it was practically routine. All Tora cared about these days was solving whatever their problem was and getting them back to bed as quickly as possible. Or cuddling up with him and Poppy, that was always fine too. He was good with either option, the point was just to get the kid in question asleep again, especially when the sun wasn’t even fully up for the day yet.

His younger daughter Violet continued earnestly, somehow managing to lean even closer to his face as she said with a shaky voice, “Joey said there’s a monster in his closet.” 

“Joey is 2 ½, I don’t think he’s the one worried about monsters...is he?” Tora said, squinting both eyes open to get a good look at the five year old crouching next to his and Poppy’s bed. 

The little girl’s short brown hair stuck out in multiple directions. She was still in the sparkly princess dress she’d insisted on going to bed in the night before, her little stuffed tiger Baihu gripped tightly to her chest with the hand that wasn’t currently grabbing his sleeve. She was Poppy’s little mini-me, right down to her incredibly expressive eyes and cute button nose, which even in Tora's half asleep state brought a small smile to his face. 

He still couldn’t believe how their first two kids took so strongly after just one parent, him and Poppy each getting a tiny carbon copy of themselves. There was something both incredibly heartwarming and just a bit uncanny about seeing a smaller version of Poppy's face blinking at him on his left when his wife was sound asleep next to him on his right. The only time he ever really saw any of himself reflected in his second born was the rare times when she glared and stubbornly set her jaw, staring down whatever the challenge before her was with the same fierce desire that coursed through his veins to protect and defend the people she cared about. 

He supposed she got some of that from her mom too - hamsters, as Tora had come to know well over the last 14 years, should never be underestimated just because they were small and cute. His wife was a force to be reckoned with, her 5’2” frame somehow able to contain enough love and strength to move mountains, pulling him right out of the darkness that had held him captive for so long. He was incredibly proud of how much of a badass the woman was - she'd unflinchingly faced down threats that would make men three times her size tremble. Just because they were sweet and tiny didn’t mean Poppy and Violet couldn’t also be incredibly courageous and tough.

And she could be so brave, his soft spoken, sweet Koneko, the heart of a warrior beating quietly within his daughter’s dainty little frame. She took after her mom that way too. Right now, though, his baby girl needed a little extra comfort and support to face down the scary shadows in the dark.

Violet clenched her tiger Baihu tighter as her lip started to quiver, tears welling up in her eyes. “Uh huh, he said it’s scary, and he can’t sleep," she said, finishing her sentence with a shaky sniffle.

Tora pushed himself up on one elbow and placed a tender hand on the top of her head. He gently slid his hand down to rest across her back and pulled her in for a reassuring hug. Violet wrapped a small arm tightly around his neck and pressed the side of her face against his - he could feel the damp trail running down her cheek. Without a word, he scooped her into his arms and rolled over to tuck her in between him and the still sleeping Poppy in one easy motion, his little fairy princess immediately relaxing into the safe refuge of her parents’ bed. 

“Well, Joey can always come sleep in our bed," Tora said as he settled down onto his side to face Violet, offering his left hand for her to hold. She immediately wrapped her tiny hand around his pinky and ring finger as he went on, "No monsters here, your mom is real good at chasing them away. They think she’s really scary.”

“Monsters are scared of Mommy?” Violet said with round eyes as she curled her other arm around Baihu and stuck her thumb in her mouth, snuggling further down under the covers. 

Tora nodded at her, putting on as earnest of an expression as he could. “They’re terrified of her. I used to have monsters bothering me all the time, but once your mom showed up they all ran away and never came back. And since you look just like her, I bet you’ll be really good at chasing away monsters too,” he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly as he used his other hand to brush the hair out of her face.

Still sucking her thumb, his daughter’s eyes managed to get even wider as she looked over at Poppy and then back at Tora. He nodded seriously, while thinking to himself, _Could this kid get any damn cuter right now?_ God, he loved being a dad so much it hurt sometimes. 

Even when they did wake him up at the asscrack of dawn. 

“Really?!” Violet said with big surprised eyes, but then a moment later she started tearing up again. “But Mom’s not scared like me. She’s not afraid of anything!”

Before Tora could answer, Poppy was already moving, her eyes still closed as she hugged their daughter close. His wife softly murmured, “Twinkie, I do get scared sometimes too. But monsters are just big babies - they’re only pretending they’re scary, because they’re afraid of getting beat up. You just yell at them, ‘Hey, monster! You don’t scare me! I’ll kick your butt!’ And then you growl at them, and they’ll run away crying and never come back again.” 

Poppy put her mouth down by Violet’s ear, opening her eyes and looking up at Tora as she whispered with a smile, “But I have a secret - you know what scares them even more when it’s still dark out?”

Violet stared at Poppy, her tears forgotten as she answered back, “What?”

“If you whisper at them when it’s night time, it freaks them out way more. You just make the meanest face you can and whisper that you know they’re just big scaredy cats and that you can beat them up...and poof! No more monsters, they’ll all run away as fast as they can!” Poppy said, throwing out a hand in what was apparently a “monsters going poof” motion.

Violet giggled as Poppy kissed her forehead and then pecked a trail of little kisses down to her cheek. Poppy placed her hand over where their girl was still holding Tora’s hand. Their daughter laid there for a minute mulling over what her parents had just said before her face settled into a steely, determined expression as she seemed to make up her mind. Decision apparently made, she released Tora’s hand, tucked Baihu under her arm, and wiggled out of the covers. 

Tora helped Violet sit up and held her hand as she clambered over him and hopped down to the floor. He squeezed his daughter’s hand once more and then let her go, watching with a proud smile as she determinedly scampered across the room and out the door. 

A moment later, she peeked her head back in from the side of the door frame. “You’re sure this works, Mommy?” she asked plaintively.

“Cross my heart, Vivi. But remember - since it’s still dark out, whispering works the best," Poppy said.

Their daughter’s head disappeared from view again, and they could hear her stomping down the hallway back to the room she and Lily shared, quietly growling and whispering, “Hey, you big poop heads, I’m not afraid of you! I can beat you up!” And then a giggle floated back towards their room as they heard Violet close her bedroom door. 

Tora sighed happily, still facing the door as he said, “You’re an absolute treasure, you know that, Poppylan?”

He rolled over to find Poppy looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a bemused smirk on her face. “I chased away all the monsters for you, huh? I’m pretty sure you dealt with them yourself,” she said as she tapped him in the middle of his chest. 

Tora slid his arms around her and pulled her close, then trailed a path of light kisses from her ear to her mouth. “Mmm, no, I’m pretty sure that was you," he murmured, enjoying the happy little sigh his wife still made after all these years whenever he held her. "Can’t say I’ve seen a single monster under my bed since we’ve been together. “

Poppy quietly laughed as Tora snuggled closer, deepening his kiss. When they came up for air, she said, “I don’t know, I think I just had a very good teacher on how to effectively get rid of monsters. You just have to stare at them until they run away.” She made a deadpan face that he assumed was her trying to mimic his intimidating glare, but she couldn’t completely get rid of her smile at the moment. 

“Yeah, whatever, you just keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you," he told her in all seriousness, squeezing her a little tighter against his chest.

Tora rolled onto his back, pulling Poppy on top of him. “Sooo, since we’re already up, wanna have a little fun? _Hopefully_ the kids sleep at least another hour," he murmured as he trailed his fingers down her back, his hands coming to rest lightly on her ass.

Poppy arched into his touch, running her hands up Tora’s chest and then around the back of his head. “Sounds like a good idea to me,” she said as she threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled his face closer for another kiss. 

"Though we should probably close the door first, don't you think?" she said against his lips a moment later.


	3. Hair Clips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora hangs out with his kids and gets his hair done.

A couple hours later, Tora found himself sitting on the floor in their living room, which wasn't an unusual spot for him to be on weekday mornings. Joey was babbling and clambering over his legs, his son alternating between playing with toy trucks and dragging his tiger striped blanket back and forth across the carpet. The toddler’s black hair was already messily askew from running his sticky fingers through it at breakfast, a long streak of something from his meal smeared down the front of his dinosaur emblazoned shirt. The boy’s brown eyes, the same color as Poppy’s, glanced up at Tora as he proudly proffered his current toy, a small dump truck, for his dad’s inspection.

Tora took it with as much solemness as he could muster, looking it over before he nodded gravely back at his toddler. “Looks good, Sprout, you gonna take it head-to-head with that other one?” he said, handing back the truck as he motioned with his chin towards the matching bulldozer on the toy shelf across the room.

Joey beamed, his smile as sunny and bright as his mom's, and excitedly ran to grab the other toy vehicle, scooping it up with a triumphant laugh before he raced back over to immediately crash it into the truck with an enthusiastic, “Kaboom!” The toddler continued making various crashing and explosion sounds as he pushed the two toys around on the floor, looping back to use his dad’s legs as an obstacle course to navigate his toys around. Tora couldn't help but grin and switched up the position of his legs every time the boy came back around for another pass - legs stretched out straight to be climbed over, then planting his feet and bending his knees so his son could crawl under them like a tunnel, then one leg straight and one bent. Joey giggled delightedly with each iteration, Tora patting his back, ruffling his hair, or snagging him by the back of his pants to slow his progress each time he went by. 

Meanwhile, Violet and Lily bounced up and down on the couch behind Tora’s back as they focused on making his hair “beautiful.” Which just meant putting as many cutesy, colorful hair clips on his head as they could manage. He’d take out most of them before he left for work, but usually left a barrette or two of the girls’ choosing because it made his daughters so happy. His girls loved his long hair, and he'd only learned just how damn much when he'd made the grave error of cutting almost all of it off two weeks after Joey was born.

Tora had thought he was doing his wife a favor, since she was usually the one who cut his hair and kept it presentable looking - he found his hair an annoying chore to deal with sometimes, so he'd assumed, very much mistakenly, she felt the same. He'd reasoned that not having to fuss with his mop for a while would help her out, one less thing on her plate to deal with as they adjusted to life with three kids. But he had been incredibly wrong. So very, _very_ fuckin' wrong. One of the few times in his life the expert reader of body language had misread a situation so badly.

The crying and meltdowns had been epic, including his teary eyed postpartum wife, when he'd unceremoniously returned home from the barber shop sporting the shortest hair length he'd had since well before he'd met Poppy. Tora realized he'd somehow fucked up as soon he walked in the door and both of his daughters refused to hug him. Violet had immediately burst into tears at the sight of him, while Lily refused to talk to him or come anywhere near him, eyeing her dad with deep suspicion. Poppy had come out to see what all the commotion was, and tears had welled up in her eyes once she realized what he’d done. 

He'd finally tactically retreated (he had been the mothefuckin’ Tiger of Ares Street, he did _not_ _flee,_ goddamnit) to the refuge of his woodworking space in the garage with a newborn Joey, the only person in his family who didn't give a single fuck what his damn hair looked like, and called Quincey to commiserate. His younger brother had indignantly shrieked so loudly Tora thought he was going to go deaf and then proceeded to berate him at length for doing something so stupidly drastic without consulting him or Poppy about it first.

After plying the three incredibly upset women in his life for a solid week straight with as many apology baked goods as he could shove at them, Tora had immediately commenced growing his hair back out as fast as he could. He'd learned his lesson, and his wife was the only one allowed to bring a pair of scissors anywhere near his head these days. Now, it was the longest he'd ever had it, reaching almost to the bottom edges of his shoulders blades, and his girls were absolutely thrilled at having so much to play with. Poppy was very vocal in her approval as well, and ran her fingers through it every chance she got. 

Over the past year, he'd gone to work with increasingly more complex hairdos, various hair accessories scattered across his head, his hair twisted up into assorted ponytails and buns, and recently, Poppy had started teaching Lily and Violet how to do different kinds of braids, with Tora's head always conscripted to be the example. He honestly didn't give two shits what any of his girls did with it, he just loved being able to make the people who mattered most to him in the world so happy by simply sitting there and letting them play with his stupid hair. 

There was just something that settled contentedly in Tora's chest at having those little hands on his head, the animated chatter by his ear, the way they excitedly bounced into him as they worked away on their latest masterpiece. All mundane yet also dramatic signs of how much his life had changed over the years. His daughters loved his hair because they loved him, loved being around him, loved being close to their dad. It still delighted him that his kids felt zero hesitation in crawling all over him, grabbing his hands for comfort or to lead him somewhere, pressing their face directly into his when they wanted his attention, doing whatever the hell they wanted to his hair.

Tora had a new hire make a crack about his hair just once, several years ago when Lily was four and first decided his hair needed to be more fun. The long, silent, withering glare he’d given that dumbass had shut up anyone else from further commentary on his choice of hair accessories. If he showed up with a strawberry hair tie or teddy bear clip in his hair now, no one made so much as a peep to their boss’ face about it if they knew what was good for them.

Even if he wasn’t in charge, Tora would still have no qualms about immediately shutting down any naysayers or snide remarks. He didn’t put up with anyone talking shit about his kids, no matter how innocuous the ribbing might be. He was their dad and damn fuckin’ proud of it. If Lily and Violet were that delighted to play with his hair, he was just as happy to let them have at it.

And letting the girls do his hair was an easy way to entertain them in the mornings before he left for work, especially today while Poppy took a shower. She’d needed one this morning after feeding Joey breakfast ended with more food on her than in the kid’s mouth. 

While their only son was generally a pretty chill, sweet-tempered toddler, he made his opinion on foods he didn’t like very evident. The boy didn’t say much in protest, usually quietly curling his face up into a disgusted pout, but he had a mean arm and would fling any offensive foods as far away from his plate as he could if his parents didn’t keep a close watch on him. Today, he’d landed two heaping handfuls of oatmeal right to the side of Poppy’s head when she’d looked away for just a couple moments.

Tora wasn’t super surprised that their kids could be so strong willed and opinionated - it wasn’t like he and Poppy lacked for stubbornness, that was for damn sure. And their son wasn’t even close to being their most obstinate child - that distinction definitely went to Lily. Tora glanced back at his oldest daughter as she attempted a braid on one side of his head, her tongue stuck out in concentration. 

Where Violet was the spitting image of Poppy, Lily took after him, right down to the same I-take-no-shit scowl and intense golden eyes. Even eight years on, it honestly still surprised and delighted Tora some days to see his face in miniature looking up at him with one of his own expressions in place. And his oldest daughter could equally surprise him with the ways she differed, some of her mom’s mannerisms mixed in with the girl’s own uniquely fierce, independent personality. If Violet was their quietly brave fairy princess who loved all things rainbowy and covered in glitter, then Lily was their rambunctious, stout-hearted knight always ready to set off on a new adventure, ever prepared to slay a dragon for her younger siblings.

Currently his oldest child's wild black hair was covered by an orange and black hat with kitty ears on it. Lily would barely let Poppy take it off to wash it or when the girl needed to take a bath, otherwise it was firmly clamped on her head at all times. 

Tora smirked and rolled his eyes - his wife thought it was hilarious to get their kids tiger themed clothes and toys. He got back at her by buying them things with hamsters on it, though Poppy was far more dedicated to their game than he was, roping in friends and family to help her track down ever more tiger items. Quincey in particular had committed himself to Poppy's cause with unbridled fervor, sparing no expense to send his nieces and nephew ever more ridiculous and over-the-top items. Tora had quickly learned that far more kids stuff had tigers on it than hamsters...or maybe just that his younger brother had way too much time and money on his hands, and was highly motivated to get the most random ass things customized in orange and black stripes.

Not only did each child have a treasured comfort item that was orange and black striped, but Quincey had even gone so far as to buy Poppy a lingerie set in the same damn pattern, which had just made her giggle uncontrollably. Tora had snorted in amusement right before he texted the man to stop being so fuckin’ weird and to quit wasting his money on stupid shit. He didn’t know where his younger brother found these things sometimes. Even their goddamn toaster had been a gift from Quincey, the stupid thing branded every slice of bread with a silly little cartoon tiger face.

The custom-built tiger striped Ferrari kid car from Uncle Quincess had been a bit much though, even compared to the blonde man’s own ridiculous, lavish standards. The tricked-out vehicle easily fit all three kids, with room to spare, and had more than enough battery power to go to the park, zoom around for a good while, and return home without needing to be recharged. Tora was certain it'd been almost as expensive as a real car, though his best friend refused to tell him how much he'd spent on it.

All he'd told Tora was that nothing was too good for his favorite nieces and nephew, or “the niblings” as he so affectionately referred to them. They were also known as “your ravaging horde of wild tiger cubs” when Quincey was begging their dad to peel them off of him when they were smothering their uncle with physically intense expressions of love. Whatever his brother called them, when Tora pointed out matter of factly that they were his _only_ nieces and nephew, Quincey had responded, "All the more reason for me to spoil them as much as I can then, Honey. Plus, it annoys you, which just adds to the fun."

Tora was pulled from his thoughts as Poppy walked into the room, looking far more relaxed now that she was clean of their son’s rejected food. She had changed into a fresh set of clothes as well and looked ready to tackle the day once again. Almost twelve years of marriage, eight years as parents, giving birth to three kids, and the woman was still just a straight up goddamn angel. 

She’d changed into a pair of purple shorts and a tank top with cartoony house plants all over it. Tora loved that Poppy still confidently wore all that cute shit, happily continuing to embrace her adorable nerd side as the years rolled on. He thought she’d honestly look good in anything (or nothing, nothing was always preferable), but it made him especially happy that she still got so much joy out of wearing brightly colored clothes with cute ass things plastered across them.

Tora took a moment to check her out, not that he could really help himself, his eyes appreciatively following her curves. Poppy smiled knowingly as she caught him looking at her, their eyes meeting as she brought the first two fingers of her right hand up to her lips for a brief moment before she turned her attention to their kids.

“Hey girls, your dad needs to get going soon,” his wife said as she finished drying her hair with a towel. Their daughters protested at having their hairstyling fun interrupted, but changed to excited cheers as she continued, “Remember, we’re going to check out the new playground at the park today, they just finished installing it yesterday. I need you to tell me what you think of it so I can finish my story.” 

While Quincey still had her look over his manuscripts, claiming that no one else had an eye for details quite like she did, Poppy wasn’t his main editor anymore. She wrote a lifestyle column and blog focused on family activities for the local newspaper, and usually took the kids along on her excursions to research the latest fun thing for families to do in their area. What better feedback as to whether something was actually fun for kids than to get their children’s honest, no-holds-barred opinions on it?

Since it was currently summer and school was out, helping Poppy research her stories was a decent way to entertain the girls for a good chunk of the day. In the fall, Lily would be heading into 3rd grade and Violet starting kindergarten. Tora knew Poppy was looking forward to having a bit more free time and quiet during the day once school started again. 

He checked the time and realized he did actually need to head out to work. While his job was fairly flexible - running the place had its perks - he tried not to make a habit of being late. He liked to set a good example for the at-risk youth and men getting out of the criminal life he employed at his warehouse and adjoining gym. 

Tora knew from his own experience what it was like trying to start fresh and find honest work with a bad past dogging your steps. It took a lot to step away from the world you were long comfortable with; even if you knew you were involved in fucked up shit, there was the fear of not knowing how to navigate anything else, that maybe that was all you were good for. At least the awful shit was familiar, even if it left you feeling hollowed out and dead inside. To start over and stumble through the unfamiliar terrain of working a job in the civilian world while dealing with judgmental glances and snide comments could be incredibly discouraging and deflating. Tora’s workplace gave men like him a place to land and get some decent job experience working with people who got it, free of the judgy bullshit they ran into in most other places in their lives.

“Okay, kiddos, I do have to go,” he said as he leaned forward and stood up. He reached out and grabbed Joey’s ankles as he rose to his full height, the toddler breaking into a fit of giggles as he was flipped upside down and dangled in the air. Tora held his son up higher so he could give him a kiss on his forehead, the boy reaching out to grab his dad’s face with sticky hands as he pressed a kiss to Tora’s nose. He lowered Joey back down to the floor, the boy plopping his feet out wide with a laugh once he was laying on the ground again. Tora ruffled his son’s hair affectionately one more time before he stood back up, leaving it even more wild looking than before.

He turned and leaned down, curling an arm around each girl and then pulling them in close. He kissed Violet and Lily on the forehead, rubbed his nose against theirs as they giggled and then pointed to his hair. “Which one do you want me to wear to work today?” Tora asked.

Violet, thumb in her mouth now, poked at a glittery purple barrette tucked behind his right ear. Lily mulled it over before triumphantly announcing, “The braid!” 

“Sure thing, Wildcat. It’ll help keep the hair out of my face today,” Tora said as he released the girls and then tugged the ears on Lily’s tiger hat. She squawked in protest and gripped her hat firmly to keep it in place.

“One of these days, I’ll be fast enough to get it off of you,” Tora said with a grin as Lily reprovingly wrinkled her nose and shook her head at him.

He expertly removed the rest of the hair clips within seconds, tossed his hair up in a bun, and then turned to give Poppy a kiss. “I don’t know, I think Lily’s catching up to your braiding skills, sweetheart,” he said to his wife with a wink. 

Poppy giggled as Tora caught her in a one armed hug and gave her a couple little pecks as they walked towards the door together. 

Lily and Violet shrieked, “Eeewww! They’re KISSING!” and ran out of the room making gagging sounds. 

Tora and Poppy just smirked at each other, rolling their eyes at the usual over-the-top response to any of their displays of physical affection, and finished saying goodbye for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely family picture is by @Cats_Tiny over on Instagram. She has made some absolutely heart melting fanart for this story, and I'm so incredibly touched at how she brought the kids so perfectly to life. Please check out her art and give her a follow.
> 
> Tora's workplace is actually inspired by my current job. I run the social media for a thrift store that intentionally hires those coming out of prison and rehab to help them gain good work experience. Not everyone on staff comes from that background, so it's a good way for everyone to learn and grow from each other while working in a supportive environment. I see Tora wanting other men getting out of the thug life to have an easier path to civilian life than he did.


	4. Punks At The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy takes the kids to the park and has an odd, unsettling encounter.

“Lily, don’t bike so far ahead, please!” Poppy called out to her oldest daughter. She was pushing Joey in the stroller while trying to keep an eye on him and his two sisters, which Lily wasn't making an easy task as she kept streaking off away from them. While her orange and black tiger striped helmet and bike were easy to see from a distance, the street curved just enough that the girl had gone out of view a few times already. 

While Poppy wouldn’t ever be quite as high strung as her husband was about security measures for their family, it still made her deeply uneasy to have any of her children out of eyeshot for very long when she was out with them by herself. She’d been through enough grief, loss, and dangerous situations in the early years of her relationship with Tora that she was far more cautious and situationally aware than she’d been as that innocent, naive, 20 year old moving to the big city for the first time. 

Some of her extra safety consciousness also just came from being a mother to three young kids now, like any other normal parent concerned for the wellbeing of their children….but there was an additional layer of wary cautiousness added on top of that, that came from being married to a former high ranking member of the mafia. Once her eyes had been opened to the dangers and darkness that hid in plain view, there was no shutting them to that world ever again. While she hadn’t been forced into that life like Tora had, Poppy certainly wasn’t an oblivious civilian anymore either.

While Lily kept doing her best to race ahead, Violet was on her glittery rainbow tricycle right in front of the stroller - the younger girl not only took after her mother in looks, but in quite a bit of her personality too. While she had her moments of wanting to go off and explore on her own, Violet generally preferred to stick close to Poppy and Tora when they were out and about. She was more happy and confident heading off into new territory if she knew her parents or big sister were right behind her.

Lily, on the other hand, had no problem forging ahead and blazing her own trail, always itching to discover what was waiting around the next corner. Her fearlessness was both a source of pride and worry for her mother. As a child, Poppy had been so prone to anxiety and fear that she’d held back from doing things with other kids. Her overactive imagination made her nervous and scared about bad things happening if she strayed too far away from the reassuring presence of the adults she trusted. She didn’t want her own children to feel that hesitant and unsure….but she also didn’t want them going off and getting lost or hurt either.

“Lily, honey, please stay where I can see you,” Poppy said, this time louder and more firmly. 

Her oldest child heaved a big, dramatic sigh that would’ve made her Uncle Quincess proud, rolling her eyes as she threw her hands out towards them in frustration. “But you’re so sloooow,” she whined as she glumly biked back towards them. “Vivi keeps stopping to look at every single stupid flower! It’s taking _forever_ to get to the park.”

Sometimes her firstborn acted like she was 8 going on 13. Poppy arched an eyebrow and gave Lily _a look_ \- it had been all of five minutes since they’d left the house. The park was about a quarter of a mile away from their home, and they were already halfway there, so they’d arrive at the play area in about ten minutes total. But apparently ten minutes to an 8 year old felt infinitely longer than it did to her 35 year old mother. 

They usually got to the park fairly quickly, but today it was taking them a little longer than usual since Violet _was_ stopping frequently to closely examine any flowers she saw along their way. Poppy had just recently started teaching the five year old more about butterflies, so her youngest daughter was trying to hunt for them as much as possible. 

“Don’t be mean, Kitkat, you know your sister just wants to see some butterflies. She hasn’t had as many chances to see them as you have. Why don’t you point out the flowers where they’re most likely to be?” Poppy suggested, gesturing towards the plants in the front yard they were currently walking by. 

Lily grumbled, but dropped back closer to her little sister. She slumped over her handlebars as she dragged her feet on the ground, matching Violet’s slow speed. After a minute, she stopped pouting and quietly started pointing out flowers to the younger girl and which butterflies might land on them. Poppy smiled as she heard her oldest child’s voice quickly go from moody and annoyed to proudly pleased at being able to impart her greater experience and knowledge. 

She loved seeing the relationship her kids had with one another, all the ways they drew closer together and pushed back at each other. Growing up as an only child, she’d always wondered what it would have been like to have a brother or sister to go through life with her. Maybe she would have felt less alone after her father died and wouldn’t have thrown herself into an unhealthy relationship for so many years if she’d had a sibling to lean on or bluntly point out to her how much of a sorry piece of shit her ex was. Even if they drove you crazy and got on your last nerve sometimes, to have siblings who knew you inside and out and were there for you no matter what was a gift she hoped her kids would always give each other as they got older.

Though some days, Poppy wondered if her girls in particular would ever be friends and get along. It felt like she devoted more time to breaking up fights and preventing them from beating the snot out of each other than they actually played nicely together - doing Tora’s hair in the mornings was one of the few activities they consistently almost always cooperated on, united in their love of their dad and making him "beautiful" before he went off to work for the day. 

Well, all of that was just part of the process of raising kids, she supposed. They were young children after all, with their own unique personalities still forming, not perfect little angels. And more than that, they were her and Tora’s kids, so they had plenty of energy, creative problem solving skills, loose interpretations of rules, and stubbornness in spades. 

Even if they left her pulling her hair out in frustration at times, Poppy knew this season of life was only temporary. Someday, her babies would be grown and off on their own journeys - a helpful reminder to hold onto when she was looking into the girls’ room and wondering how a tornado had managed to localize itself just within that space and thrown every scrap of clothing they owned into a giant pile on the floor. Or when they decided their baby brother’s entire upper body needed to be painted with mayonnaise and jam, for god only knows what reason. Or when she was trying to cajole Lily down from their roof, yet again, because she’d climbed up there to get away from having to play with her little sister, or just because the girl felt like channeling Spiderman that day and had the urge to scale a building with her bare hands.

As she ambled along behind her daughters, Poppy reached down and stroked her son’s head for a few moments as he happily took in the world around him with bright eyes the same color as her own. Where the girls pretty much constantly chattered and scampered around each other when they were out and about, their little brother tended towards quietly observing and then excitedly unloading about it once he was back home, most content when he was cuddled up close with his family. Poppy smiled at that - their son definitely took after Tora in that way too. The boy had apparently inherited more than just a lot of his dad’s looks, sharing his quieter, softer, cuddly side too, which honestly just made her heart melt. 

Father and son were pretty much tied for who was the biggest cuddlebug in their family, both always ready for any excuse to snuggle. Poppy had come across them more than once just cuddled up in various places around the house, sometimes quietly talking to each other or Tora reading a book to the toddler, but more often than not they would be napping or just silently enjoying the other's comforting closeness. Joey had his wild moments for sure, most recently deciding that clothing was entirely optional as he somehow repeatedly managed to slip outside into their front yard stark naked, but overall he was her happy little Biscuit, her sweet sunshine boy, quietly beaming at anything and everything that caught his eye.

She wondered yet again if her husband had been like Joey at their son’s age or if he’d been more boisterous like Lily was as a toddler. Whatever he’d been like as a young child before he’d had the misfortune to fall into the clutches of the mafia, she loved the man he was now, all the sweetness, love, gentleness, joy, and humor he brought into her life. Poppy hoped their kids would take on only the best parts of her and Tora as they grew older.

Someday, her children would be teenagers, then young adults, then maybe eventually start families of their own. She had hopes and dreams for them for sure, but they would ultimately choose their own paths. Their stories would split off from her own, chapters and pages where she wouldn’t even show up as they grew and matured into their own lives. 

While parts of their growing up process could try her to the max at times, Poppy was ultimately incredibly grateful for the chance to be there for her kids for all of it, the good and the bad. Her parents had left her life when she was still so young, before she’d had the chance to become the person she was now. They’d really only been there for the introduction and first couple chapters of her life’s story. And now here she was, a wife, a mom, not just an editor but an author in her own right, a woman who had some sense of her place and purpose in the world. While she was happy and content with her life, Poppy also wished sometimes that she had more family still around to experience the ups and downs of it with her, to celebrate the victories and mourn the losses as they came.

But, she had her little family with Tora, and that was honestly pretty amazing - she still had to pinch herself some days at where they’d ended up. It hadn’t been a sure thing whether they would make it this far - not because their love for each other had ever been in doubt, but his old life hadn’t let him go without a bitter, almost fatal fight. She was grateful for the life they’d forged together; they’d both refused to allow the darkness and pain of the past to prevent them from building a home, a safe haven where fear and doubt had no easy welcome. 

They loved each other and their kids, expressing it in a thousand different ways beyond saying, “I love you,” though that phrase was delightfully common in their house too. Love was so much more than words, threading through each and every day, giving their family an unwavering strength, an unbroken faith in each other. At that thought, Poppy reminded herself that just because they pressed each other’s buttons so readily and squabbled at the drop of a hat some days didn’t mean her daughters also didn’t love one another deeply. Eventually they’d learn to express it in better ways than pokes and throwing things at each other...though if Tora and his brothers were any indication, annoying one another was just the universal love language of siblings. 

Tora and Quincey got on each other’s nerves like no one else could, but it was clear they meant the world to one another. The men texted and called each other regularly, usually more at Quincey’s initiative, but Tora always picked up if he could. And their two families visited together as often as they could make the logistics work, the cousins already forming their own strong relationships.

Becoming fathers had seemed to bond the two men even more, as they commiserated over and celebrated their new stage of life. They were the only two who truly understood how amazing it was for the other to get the chance to deal with such normal parental things as potty training and kissing ouchies and fighting the imaginary monsters in the closet when their lives had once been so dark and pointing towards a likely tragic end. Poppy knew without a shadow of a doubt they were beyond happy for each other, and that either man would drop everything in a heartbeat to help the other if one of them needed it. 

How each man actually expressed his love for his brother might look totally different, but she knew full well it came from the same heartfelt place. For Quincey, that meant spoiling their kids with lavish generosity as a way to tell his big brother he cared, that they were family no matter where life took them. He’d invested in Tora’s business idea when no one else would give him a chance, enthusiastically bringing other investors on board. 

And when they’d bought their house while Poppy was pregnant with Violet, her brother-in-law was the one who’d surreptitiously hired a very high-end, discreet construction firm to have certain improvements done to make sure it was a secure and safe place for Tora and his family to come home to. Quincey had of course phrased it in a way only he could, insisting that he wanted his big brother to “sleep like the big baby you are, Honey. Because lord knows, you are _so_ grumpy when you don’t get enough rest. Plus, those lovely eyes of yours do _not_ look good with a gray pallor near them _at all.”_ But Poppy knew what he was doing, helping Tora deal with the ghosts of his past without making a big deal of it.

And no matter where he was in the world, the blonde man always regularly reached out to check on their family, just to make sure things were going okay, wanting to know if they needed anything. Sometimes he just proactively decided they were in need and would send them random deliveries, but Poppy knew it was just his way of communicating love. Even when love apparently meant matching tiger onesies for the entire family or a whole patio set just somehow appearing out of the blue in their backyard.

When Tora grumpily referred to the blonde man as “Princess,” she heard the same deep affection in his voice as when he called her “Bobby.” Her husband didn’t give nicknames to people he didn’t actually care about, that was for sure. After Quincey’s twins were born, Tora had picked up every frantic or confused call, no matter how late, to answer every single question his younger brother had about being a new parent. Her husband loved being called “Uncle” almost as much as he treasured being “Daddy” to their children. Though he was less amused by Quincey trying to get “Uncle Tigger” to stick.

And no matter what he was called by his niece and nephew, Tora always made sure he knew where his younger brother and his family was, quietly staying on top of their itinerary whenever they traveled. If she texted him right that moment, Poppy knew Tora would immediately be able to tell her exactly what time zone and state in America Quincey and Cordy were currently traveling through, and where the next stop on the famous author's big book tour would be.

And more than just what he did now, Tora had also made sure Quincey was able to slip free of the chains of the mafia just as he was able to, though the process of accomplishing that had taken different tactics for the blonde man’s situation. Poppy knew it wouldn’t have felt like freedom for Tora to finally be unburdened from carrying the crushing title of the Tiger of Ares Street while his adopted younger brother was still trapped in the mafia underworld without him.

And even though he wasn’t as close to the brother he was actually related to by blood, Tora still cared deeply for the man he usually referred to as “that dumbass little shit.” Their kids, with their dad’s enthusiastic approval, had inexplicably bestowed the man with the moniker Uncle Mayor Dork, much to Goliath’s continual irritation and confusion.  While their relationship was far more antagonistic and less genial, Tora still stayed in touch with the only immediate family he had left. The blue haired man was a bit rough around the edges and tended to be nomadic, unexpectedly popping up here and there whenever he rolled through their area, but even though he called their kids “the rugrat goblins,” Poppy knew he cared for her family in his own way too.

She smiled, watching her girls biking slowly along together, Lily leaning her head down to her little sister as she imparted her knowledge of flowers and bugs. Yes, they could fight and fuss and pick at each other, but sometimes, like now, they could pleasantly surprise her with their gentleness and easy expressions of love too.

\------------------------

Poppy had to admit the new play area at the park was pretty impressive. 

There were multiple, brightly colored sprawling structures. It not only had the usual swings and slides, but also included a few climbing walls, a very large purple slide that curled around a climbing wall, one tower shaped like a rocket ship taking off and another like a tree, and a large section that was fully handicap accessible. 

Yes, they’d be spending a lot of time here the rest of the summer, she thought, as her daughters ran with delighted shrieks and excited hollering whoops to start scaling the closest tower. 

The old playground had been small and rickety and long due for a replacement - Poppy hadn’t let the girls play on it much, as she’d been worried about how structurally sound it was. They’d mostly come to this park for the walking paths and to explore the natural areas back in the woods. 

There were some nice views along the wash that fed into the nearby Nigen River. Lily particularly liked going out into that area with Tora, as they both enjoyed the quiet solitude of observing nature with just each other for company.

There were a few other families nearby with a good amount of children already running around and enjoying the new playground. Poppy knew this would be a popular destination for local kids, especially after her article and accompanying blog post about it was published. She tapped out some initial thoughts on her phone, pausing to snap a couple photos to reference later. 

She tried to get a few shots of the girls playing, but most of them ended up blurry, both of her daughters in pretty much constant motion as they explored. She managed to get a nice one of Lily, tiger hat firmly in place, head thrown back in laughter, as she scaled a small dome made of rope and metal bars. The climbing structure was probably a foot or two taller than Tora, but Poppy imagined to the girls it felt like standing on top of a mountain. 

She snapped another shot of Lily standing triumphantly once she’d clambered to the top, her gold eyes closely studying the playground spread out before her. Poppy remembered that feeling of loving to climb up high and survey the world around her. When you were young and small, there was something incredibly satisfying about being able to get up above everyone else’s heads for once. 

After their initial run through the play area, she did ask the girls to stop and pose for a couple shots. Though for every one photo she got of them actually smiling nicely and looking at her, she had to take two or three of various silly faces and them poking at each other. 

Poppy also got a couple snapshots of Joey happily playing in the sand, his face and hands already smudged with dirt. Maybe she’d use them for the blog, but it was just a good opportunity to get a few photos of her kids happy and enjoying a nice day. 

She was tapping out a few more notes, when another woman approached her with a toddler in tow. “Excuse me, I hate to bother you, but are you P. T. Asura, the family activities blogger for the Star Tribune? “ she asked shyly. 

Poppy looked up in surprise at being recognized. “Uh, yes? That’s me,” she said politely, settling her face into a pleasantly neutral expression as she instinctively scrutinized the woman in front of her. 

The paper had a headshot of her on their website, but she went by a pen name to maintain her privacy, which was for Tora’s benefit as well. Though he was long out of the mafia life, and was listed as Thomas Wilkes on all official paperwork, Poppy still thought it wise to not use her real name on things being published or going out on the internet. Even though the mafia underworld back in Narin City thought the Tiger of Ares Street had been dead and gone for well over a decade now, with her husband’s past and the enemies he’d made, it was better to be safe than sorry. 

When they’d moved halfway across the country and set up their life together in the much smaller and quieter city of Olzii, Tora said her last name was better than anything else he could go by; he told her she’d given him hope when he didn’t have any and had given up on ever finding any happiness in his life, so he was proud to honor her by going by her family’s name. Most people that knew them now just assumed “Tora” was Poppy’s pet nickname for her husband, especially when they saw he had a tiger tattoo on his left leg, and neither of them bothered to correct that assumption. Tora always told her it was better to just let others fill in the blanks than try to come up with a story you had to keep straight later on.

The woman standing by Poppy smiled bashfully and continued, “I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your column and blog posts. There can be so much depressing news out there some days, but I always love seeing what fun activities you write about. It’s helped me get out of the house more and try new things with my kids.”

“Oh, thank you! That’s so nice to hear!” Poppy said with a big, genuine smile. 

They chatted about Poppy’s work and how she got ideas for her column, some of her favorite sources for finding fresh content, and just commiserated over being moms with young kids. 

The woman, now introduced as Elena, was talking about the troubles of finding a good preschool when Poppy’s eye was caught by something moving in the woods back behind the play area. 

The park was the biggest one in this part of town, and its large streambed fed into the Nigen River that cut through the city; it was already a popular destination for easy day hikes with its miles of both paved and unpaved walking trails. The playground area was nicely landscaped, but there was also a large amount of acres for an urban area left to grow wild, mainly to help with erosion control. 

Poppy continued listening to the woman in front of her, but narrowed her eyes a bit as she made out a couple of figures coming out of the trees from the direction of the more secluded woodsy area. 

Her early years with Tora and her experience with his life in the mafia had honed her already sharp intuition - she paid close attention to those seemingly inconsequential situational things she would have once done her best to ignore or try to wave away. Her husband had actively encouraged her to tune into that instinct more, telling her that if something felt wrong to not brush it aside or worry about offending people. “It’s better to be alive and rude than polite and dead,” he’d reminded her more than once. 

While Poppy wasn’t ever going to be comfortable being as brusque as Tora could be, she listened when her gut told her something didn’t feel right...and these two men making their way towards the play area definitely didn’t feel right. 

Her gaze flicked over them as she continued chattering with Elena. Their attempted casualness felt off, and she zeroed in on their clothing. While Tora didn’t care much for fashion trends, he’d always liked having good quality shoes, and working with Quincey for as long as she did had helped Poppy develop an eye for noticing high-end apparel. The men were walking with a deliberately slow, ambling pace and weren’t dressed right for a hike in the woods, their outfits more appropriate for walking into a club than out on an unpaved trail. Their shoes in particular, trendily colorful sneakers, were much too nice for tromping through the dirt and underbrush out that way. 

Poppy’s lips pressed into a thin line as she kept her eyes on their approach, and the other woman finally noticed her gaze was focused elsewhere, turning to see what Poppy was looking at.

“Huh, those two don’t look like they’re from around here,” Elena commented, shrugging her shoulders as she glanced back at Poppy.

“No, they don’t,” she agreed, her gaze fixed on the pair now slowing down even more as they made their way around the playground. She didn’t like the way the men were leering at the nearby children. One of them flicked a spent cigarette out of his mouth and onto the path. 

“How rude,” Elena sniffed as she pulled her young son closer, now paying closer attention to the two. 

Poppy didn’t think it would be a good idea for the men to notice the two women looking at them, so she tried to pull Elena’s gaze away while keeping the suspicious pair in her peripheral vision. She asked the other mom some questions about potty training and let her continue talking.

Poppy used an old trick Tora had taught her, casually pulling out her phone, pretending to notice an important notification, and then excusing herself, saying her boss had just sent her an email about a big deadline. She mimicked typing out a reply, which gave her a minute to stop and think, time to consider what action she should take next. 

_“Don't rush into a situation if you don't absolutely have to,"_ Tora's advice from years ago echoed in her head. _"Observe the threat as much as you can without drawing notice. Stop and give yourself enough time to think, then react only if it makes sense. Being impulsive is a damn good way to wind up hurt...or dead. And for the love of fuck, Poppy, don't be so goddamned worried about being nice! Get the hell out of there any way you can if things are going to shit."_

Even though his social graces and manners had gotten better in the past 14 years (not having to constantly be on guard against surprise attacks certainly helped with that), Tora would probably still go for bluntly ending the conversation or not bother saying anything at all. But Poppy chose a more polite though just as effective approach. She apologetically told Elena that she apparently needed to snap a few more pictures of the park for her piece on the playground, saying something about needing to give the editorial department enough options to choose from. 

The other woman commented about needy bosses and then said she needed to get going anyways, as her son was starting to get fussy and she needed to get her older son from daycare. 

Poppy waved goodbye, scooped up Joey, and quickly made her way towards her girls, who were thankfully away from the edge of the play area. They were currently hanging out inside the tree shaped tower in the middle of the playground.

Poppy wanted to break into a sprint, but forced herself to keep to a brisk walk. She clambered up to sit with her daughters, asking them to point out to Joey their favorite parts of the park, and then pulled out her phone again. She snapped some pictures of the climbing structures, the large slide, the surrounding trees, and then zoomed in on the men who had stopped for a drink at the water fountain. 

It had been over a decade since she’d had any real reason to draw on a particular skill set Tora had drilled into her, but the checklist she needed to run down readily came back to her: No tattoos of any kind that she could see. It didn’t appear they were carrying any weapons, though her husband was a much better judge of that than she was. They looked to be in their early 20’s. Both dressed casually in dark jeans and t-shirts underneath open button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled halfway up their arms, but the sneakers they wore stuck out to Poppy like a glaring neon sign. Those were definitely high-end shoes, not something your average poor college student would be kicking around in. That was more the style back in trendy Narin City than here in their far away town. 

She tried to get some photos of their faces, but the distance made it hard to get any clear, focused shots. It didn’t help that her hands had started trembling slightly as she felt a rush of adrenaline hit her system. 

Poppy felt her heart rate picking up, her pulse beating hard in her throat as she forced herself to breathe evenly, trying to keep her movements casual and relaxed, not wanting her kids to realize anything was off. Lily would be the one to notice right away if something was wrong, but thankfully she seemed entirely focused on chattering away with Violet and Joey.

Poppy felt so exposed, yet also safely out of reach in their high up perch. She knew she didn’t have long to try to take pictures before her kids noticed she wasn’t snapping photos of the playground anymore or the men finally raised their heads from the drinking fountain and saw some random woman with her phone pointed in their direction. 

She felt both a nervous fear coiling tightly inside her chest and a strangely detached state of mind wash over her, her years spent with Tora preparing her to more than capably handle this. She was more worried that her kids were right next to her and in easy view than she was about anything bad happening right then. It was the middle of the day, and there were far too many witnesses around for those two men to do anything stupid, if they weren’t complete and utter idiots. The fact that they’d been doing a decent job of not standing out told her they were smart enough to pay attention to their surroundings.

A minute later, Poppy thanked her lucky stars she’d just tucked her phone away when her girls both let loose loud shrieks of laughter. The men immediately looked up and over at them, Poppy casually brushing her shirt off and then turning to wipe Joey’s hands to hide her face from view. She busied herself fussing with cleaning sand out of her son’s hair, forcing herself to slowly, almost torturously, count to 15 as her heart rate picked up even more. 

Had they noticed her? Did they get a good look at her or any of her kids? Should she try to handle it herself if things started getting out of hand? If it was just her, that’d be one thing, but she had all three kids with her right now. 

How fast could she get Tora over there if there was going to be trouble? But hell if she wanted her husband to ever have to get involved with shit like this again. Dealing with former street thugs at his workplace was one thing, but she didn’t want him anywhere near men like those two. Even if she was scared, she desperately wanted to keep her whole family safe from harm. 

Finally, Poppy swallowed, her mouth suddenly feeling dry and gritty as she looked back up...and then sighed with relief, letting go of the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. The men were making their way out to the parking lot, apparently not paying her any mind the way she’d noticed them. Her eyes followed them as they got into a dark gray sedan with tinted windows, and then watched as the car smoothly pulled out onto the street and disappeared around a corner. 

She waited a couple more minutes just to be sure they were gone for good, before she made any moves to head back down. Poppy gripped Joey a little tighter than she needed to as she clambered down the tower, Lily and Violet scrambling around her. They all headed back over to the stroller and the girls’ bikes, Poppy quickly digging for the lunch she’d packed for them.

Maybe they’d just been some drug dealers? They had those out here, though it was usually small time stuff compared to what went down in the seedy underbelly of Narin City - in Olzii, it was usually weed and opioid painkillers for the most part, with meth usually further out in the suburbs. 

She’d have to ask Tora if he’d heard any gossip at work about new dealers moving into their area. While he was very much not connected in any way to the criminal underworld these days, old habits died hard and her husband made sure to keep his ear to the ground about crime in their part of town. While the men working under Tora were trying to make a living with honest work, rumors and gossip from the streets still made their way to them and subsequently Tora.

Poppy settled herself on the bench she'd parked the stroller by, the girls' bikes tucked up against the backrest, and pulled out lunch for the kids. She made short work of divvying up sandwiches, goldfish crackers, and juice boxes for the girls, and cheese and fruit for Joey. 

She was still a bit rattled as she came off the sudden adrenaline rush that had coursed through her, though she knew externally she looked calm. Just an ordinary frazzled mom dealing with her three rambunctious kids...and whose husband used to be in the mafia and always told her to pay close attention to her gut when it said something was off. 

She had learned the hard way a long time ago not to do the “Oh, that was weird, but I won’t tell Tora because it’ll make him worried,” thing. Good communication was key for maintaining a healthy relationship and also for keeping each other safe.

Once the kids were focused on eating, Poppy pulled out her phone again and swiped through the pictures she’d taken. She texted Tora a few photos with a message giving all the pertinent information she could think of. She made sure to clarify that the men were definitely gone and hadn’t done anything except look suspicious, but that they’d felt incredibly odd and unsettling to her. 

Tora texted back almost immediately, thanking her for telling him. He followed up by telling her that once he’d talked with her further and looked through the rest of her pictures, he’d ask if anyone at work knew about the pair. They both knew he wouldn’t say it was nothing to worry about, because that could end up being a lie, and he tried not to make false promises, especially when he didn’t know the full situation.

He then asked if the kids were enjoying the new playground, and Poppy sent a few photos of the kids from earlier, including the ones of Lily laughing and then standing atop the climbing structure, since it showed off her golden eyes and tiger hat so nicely. 

_I’m thinking I should get matching hats for Vivi and Joey :)_ Poppy texted Tora, knowing full well he’d roll his eyes and do his little pfft laugh at her game. 

_Maybe I’ll get them matching hamster pjs,_ he sent back. He followed up with, _None for you tho since you’re already a hamster._

 _Hey watch it mister. Maybe I’ll get YOU a tiger hat! The kids would love that,_ she responded. 

_Sure sweetheart. I’d like to see you find one that could fit my big head._

She laughed, just as she knew he’d intended her to, and continued flirting back and forth while the kids finished their lunch. The knot in her chest didn’t completely disappear, but just hearing from Tora helped it loosen enough for her to breathe easily and enjoy the rest of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, all of Poppy's nicknames for her kids are food related lol.  
> In case you didn't catch them:  
> Lily - Kitkat  
> Violet - Twinkie  
> Joey - Biscuit


	5. Poppy's Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy wakes from a bad dream, one she hasn't had in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend listening to this song while reading the chapter:  
> Jonah Baker cover of Lay Your Head On Me by Major Lazer https://youtu.be/JHop3WCoNg8  
> It just so perfectly encapsulates how I see Tora and Poppy comforting each other when they wake up from bad dreams.

_Golden eyes desperately locked onto hers, and she watched the light in them fade. She tried to scream, but nothing came out except an anguished, pleading whisper, “Tora! Come on, look at me! Tora! Tora, please, I need you to stay with me!”_

It was the darkest part of the night when Poppy gasped awake, her heart racing, her breath ragged and harsh in her throat. Coated in sweat, chest heaving, the soft T-shirt of Tora’s she’d worn to bed was damp and sticking to her skin. She struggled to suck in a steady stream of air, involuntarily panting like she’d just been sprinting up a flight of stairs as fast as she possibly could. She heard herself faintly whimper, her body reacting instinctively to communicate her distress.

Poppy couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't even get her damn eyelids to open. Her muscles were frozen, her limbs still completely immobilized with sleep even though her mind had frantically flashed awake. Her fists were clenched, one hand resting across her stomach, the other twisted up in the sheets. Try as hard as she might, she couldn’t get her body to fucking _move._

Tora was sleeping right next to her, the mattress dipping to her left where he lay. Even though they weren’t currently touching, Poppy could feel his warm presence. The man threw off heat like a furnace - she could tell one of her feet was close to the back of his leg, the long familiar warmth radiating off him giving her something comforting to focus on.

She tried to soothe herself with that sign of life, but she desperately needed to turn her head and look at her husband, reach out and touch him, make sure he was okay. She needed to know he was safe and unharmed. _Is he breathing?!_ a terrified voice wailed inside her mind. She strained to hear him exhale, but her heart was pounding so hard in her ears she couldn’t make out anything beyond her own out of control breathing.

Fear crashed over Poppy like a tidal wave, painfully constricting her airway, and she struggled to not choke on the flood of panic coursing through her. 

Images flashed through her mind, memories mixing together with nightmare scenarios that had never come to pass.

Tora calling out her name, his voice full of desperation and fear, his eyes locked on her instead of the attacker rushing at him. _No, don’t look at me! They don’t want me, you’re the target. Look up, Tora! Oh god, Tora, LOOK UP!_

Tora getting shot, stabbed, attacked by faceless figures, grabbed by hands reaching out from the dark, pulling him down, down, down. Away from her. Lost and out of her reach forever.

Tora slumped on the ground, his blood everywhere. So much blood. Far too much. He was dying, the life draining out of him as he gasped her name one final time. _No, please no. You can’t leave me like this. Just hang on, Tora. I’ll get help, make sure you get to safety._

An old memory stubbornly rose through the panicked maelstrom to settle at the forefront of her mind - a good one, a little candle flame of light flickering to life in the midst of the oppressive darkness. It quietly broke through her groggy haze of terror, pushing back the fear for just a moment. She latched onto it like a lifeline as she waited for her body to respond to her once again, focusing as hard as she could on that moment instead of the fear and dark memories trying to claw their way up her throat.

Just a snippet, a few breaths. Tora’s voice, murmuring reassuringly in her ear. A handful of short sentences. Her body pressed tightly into his, his strong arms wrapped securely around her.

It’d been quiet like this, in the earliest hours of the morning, right around the time they’d gotten married and moved halfway across the country. She’d just woken for the fourth night in a row crying out Tora’s name, grabbing onto him as tears poured down her face. Her husband tenderly held her, one hand gently rubbing up and down her back as he held her close with the other.

He’d softly, soothingly whispered, “I’m okay, Bobby, you’re okay. We’re safe. Nothing bad’s gonna happen tonight. Just focus on one breath at a time, sweetheart.”

Safe. They were safe. Even if she couldn’t move or open her eyes just yet, Poppy wrestled some measure of control back from the fear, reminding herself where and when she was. Safe, in their bed, in their house. Far from the dangers that had lurked in the dark underbelly of Narin City, long out of reach of the men who’d wanted to harm her husband any way they could. They thought the Tiger of Ares Street was dead and gone, she reminded herself. He wasn’t a target anymore.

Tora was free. He was alive and sleeping right next to her, she told herself firmly. They had gotten away and had children, made a family together. Their kids were sound asleep close by, tucked snug in their beds, comfortable and untroubled, covered by her and Tora’s unwavering love.

She huffed out a short breath and then sipped in as slow of an inhale as she could - it was shaky but got steadier towards the end. She exhaled out slower and then took another long breath in. 

Her eyes were still closed, her limbs still unresponsive to her commands. She focused on her right hand still resting on her stomach, bringing her attention to the feel of her breath pushing it up and down, trying to slow the still rapid rise and fall. 

_Breathe, Pops. Just focus on breathing. In….out…..in……out. There you go._

She slowly, slowly felt the sensation of control painstakingly come back, starting in her fingertips and dripping up her arms an inch at a time. She uncurled her fist, feeling like she was pushing through a thick sludge to get her muscles to move. Her hand finally was stretched out flat, palm down, her fingertips digging into the now cold, damp shirt.

She wiggled her toes, flexed her calf muscles. Swallowed. Fully in control of her breath once more she sucked in a deep, cleansing breath. Swallowed again. Forced her jaw to relax, unclenched her teeth. 

Finally, Poppy was able to drag her eyelids open and rolled her head to the left, to Tora. In the darkness, he was mostly just an indistinct mound of blankets and man. She blinked, zeroing in on the shape of his bare shoulder where the covers had slipped down, the curve of his neck, the side of his head. He was sleeping on his left side, facing away from her. His hair spilled towards her across his pillow like an inky pool.

He shifted slightly, took a deep breath, made a soft sleepy noise. The sight of him, hearing him, just confirming he was breathing and okay….something tight inside of her chest heaved a relieved sigh and released its constricting hold around her heart.

Poppy rolled onto her left side, reached out and rested both hands on Tora’s back, trying to slow her breathing even further to match his. She didn’t move closer to him just yet, her fingers and palms the only part of her connected to him as she focused on breathing for another minute. She knew if she cuddled up to him while she was still this riled up and agitated, he’d immediately sense her distress and wake up right away. She wanted him to sleep - they both didn’t need to be awake right now - didn’t want to add to his worry after telling him about the suspicious men she’d seen at the park.

As her heart rate began to slow down and her breath evened back out, the slew of emotions and random snatches of fear filled moments swirling through her brain finally settled down enough for her to recall more clearly what had pulled her so roughly from such a sound sleep.

Tears welled up in Poppy’s eyes as the dream came back to her, the all too familiar details flooding her mind’s eye. Her hands instinctually pressed harder into Tora’s back, and she tried to focus on nothing else but the comforting warmth of his skin, his steady heartbeat vibrating through her fingertips, sweeping her gaze over the darker parts of his shoulders and back where his tattoos were. She didn’t need to see them, their contours and colors long committed to her memory. She slid her hands together over his kanji tattoo in the middle of his back.

 _He’s alive, he’s okay, there’s no danger here,_ she told herself. But she still had to clamp one hand tightly over her mouth a moment later to hold back a sob as she fought the resurgent flood of emotions rolling through her. Tears spilled out, and she felt a trail of them slide down the side of her nose, gather in the edge of her nostril and then overflow. Her face felt tight, flushed, far too hot.

It was an old nightmare, not one she’d had for years now: Tora bleeding out, dying...dead at her feet, his eyes dull and empty of all signs of life, leaving her bereft and utterly alone. 

Her fault. It’d been her fault he was caught off guard that night. His defenses were down because he was focused on her. He would have been fine if not for her being there. 

But he hadn’t died that night, she reminded herself. It was just a nightmare. An awful one that she loathed experiencing ever again, hated feeling her body respond like it had actually happened, but it was a dream nonetheless. Just a dream - the truth of her actual reality was right here, laying safe and comfortable with her in their bed.

Poppy released her mouth and reached out trembling fingers, leaving her left hand firmly planted against the middle of Tora’s back over his kanji tattoo, sliding her right hand down under the blankets to gently, gingerly trace the ropy scar that snaked around his right side from his stomach to his lower back. It was long healed, but it had been deep and so very close to being deadly. She’d almost lost him then. It’d been such a near thing, that long, awful night, Tora teetering on the edge of life, a hair’s breadth from dying.

She shivered at the memory. That day had haunted her for so many years, and she used to have nightmares about it almost every night.

Poppy couldn’t make herself remove her hands from Tora’s skin, the terror from her dream still clinging heavily to her; even as the stupefying haze of sleep dissipated further, leaving her head more clear, somehow the dread felt even sharper now. The ridge of his scar under her right hand was a tangible reminder of how close she’d come to losing him, losing her heart forever. Even though she knew it was unfounded, a wild, irrational panic swept over her that if she couldn’t feel the rise and fall of his breath that it would stop. 

Poppy scooched closer, curling herself around Tora, molding her body against his as she pressed her forehead into the spot between his shoulder blades, lips lightly brushing over the top of his kanji tattoo. She knew she was sweaty, her shirt soaked, but she couldn’t bring herself to move away and take it off just yet. Couldn’t bear not touching him right now, not even for the few seconds it’d take to pull her shirt over her head.

Her left hand rested against his left shoulder, her fingers tracing back and forth over the large peony there. She slid her right hand around his side, reaching her arm as far as she could across his chest, and then tightened her hold, pulling him tightly against her. Her hand drifted down to settle over the larger than life flowers inked below his heart that bloomed across his ribs..

Even though Poppy couldn’t feel any difference in his skin, she knew exactly where his little flower garden was, remembering how it’d grown over the years after the arrival of each child. It was her husband’s way of expressing his amazed joy, his perpetual celebration of the children and family he never thought he’d get to have. Just as she was intimately familiar with every leaf and petal of the poppies trailing down around his right leg, she knew every line and shape of the tattoos on his left ribs, all the tiny details of those newer flowers lovingly memorized and treasured. She visualized each blossom that spread out from under her hand, comforted by her husband’s permanent declaration of his deep love for their children.

A bright orange tiger lily, a smattering of dark freckles in the center. A purple water lily with a sunshine yellow center. A peach colored sword lily, arching around the first two flowers.

She held those flowers at the forefront of her mind, pushing back the somber grey darkness of that old nightmare with the bright colors of her children, basking in the love Tora had for their kids, his continual wonder and delight at being a dad. 

Poppy let loose a long sigh and tried to relax into Tora, drinking in the smell of his skin, centering herself with his rock solid presence. She snuggled even closer, threading her legs through his, pressing as much of herself against him as she could. He didn’t even need to be awake to help her chase away those old ghosts, just having him in her arms, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breath was enough.

Earlier that night, she and Tora had talked after they’d put the kids to bed, Poppy recapping what had happened at the park more thoroughly. She knew her husband would look into it circumspectly without drawing attention to himself. He discreetly tipped off the police about bigger problems on occasion - there were a couple officers who were regulars at Tora's gym that he trusted and liked. 

And the men under him, particular his top three guys, had their ears tuned for brewing trouble, usually hearing about potential threats well before things boiled over.

Her family was okay. They weren’t in danger. Nothing bad had happened. She trusted Tora to find out what the deal was with those two men who’d immediately set off alarm bells in her gut and made her so deeply uneasy.

She tried to tell herself she was getting worked up over nothing - a bad feeling and a nightmare, old memories coming back to call, that was it. Nothing ever felt right when you fretted about it in the middle of the night. But still…

She involuntarily shuddered, pressing herself against her husband’s back as hard as she could.

“Bobby? What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Tora mumbled, his hand instantly coming to rest over hers, and she suddenly realized how tightly she was clutching his left side, her hand spread out protectively over the three flowers inked there. He threaded his fingers through hers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

She hadn’t even felt him wake up. One moment he’d been sound asleep and the next his hand was holding hers. 

Poppy sniffled and buried her face in his back, her left fingertips involuntarily pressing into the skin over his shoulder blade. “It’s nothing, just a bad dream,” she said, failing to keep the quiver out of her voice right at the end. She flexed both hands, forcing her fingers to relax against her husband’s body, attempting to silently convey that she was fine. “Sorry I woke you up, I was just trying to settle myself back down,” she said, trying to keep her tone even as she leaned her forehead against his back again.

“You can wake me up anytime for any reason at all, sweetheart, you know that,” Tora murmured as he rolled over to face Poppy, keeping his hold on her right hand the entire time. He lifted her hand to his mouth and brushed a kiss across her knuckles as he searched her face. Whatever he saw there had him wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head, and Poppy felt her body immediately relax into the safety of his arms.

“I especially don’t mind being woken up because you’re feeling me up and running your hands all over my body,” he said a moment later, the smile evident in his voice. She didn’t even need to see Tora’s face to know he’d broken out into a flirty little grin. 

“I was not ‘feeling you up,’ I just needed to feel you breathing, okay?” she huffed, poking his chest, her mouth moving before she even thought about what she was saying.

Tora pulled her closer, one hand resting on her lower back as he brought the other up to cup the back of her head. He kissed the crown of her head, nuzzling his nose into her hair. “You haven’t had that nightmare for a long time,” he softly said against her hair, somehow immediately knowing what her dream had been about. “It was those fuckin’ creepy assholes at the park today, wasn’t it?” he asked, his voice breaking into an angry growl as he swore.

She sniffled again, pressing her face and hands into his chest as she nodded. “Yeah...I guess it rattled me a lot more than I thought,” she whispered, then bit down hard on her bottom lip, trying not to cry more. 

Those men had stirred up this spectre of terror, the well founded fear of the dangers that had lurked in Tora’s old life blowing in behind them. She knew, she _knew_ without a shadow of a doubt, her husband had gotten away for good and wouldn’t ever get pulled back in to that dark, dangerous world again...but her heart just wouldn’t listen to her brain tonight. Something about those two men had deeply unsettled her, resurfacing long dormant worries and fears.

“It’s gonna be alright, sweetheart,” Tora quietly told her as he stroked his fingers through her sweat soaked hair. “Nothing’s gonna happen with those guys that you need to worry about. From what you told me, they’re probably just flashy dipshits who get off on swaggering around. I’ll pass along those pictures you took of their sorry asses to the right people, and that’ll be the end of it for us, okay?”

Poppy silently nodded, still feeling the tendrils of panic from that old nightmare mixed with bad memories curling around her heart. 

Tora must have felt her tension, pulling her back just enough for him to look down at her. “Hey. Poppylan, look at me,” he murmured, his hands gentle as he cupped her cheeks and lifted her head up. His gaze was tender as he searched her face. He wiped the line of tears off her cheeks with his thumbs and then looked straight into her eyes. Even in the detail obscuring late night dimness, she could make out the fierceness glimmering in his golden eyes as he went on, his voice serious and intense, “I fought my way out of hell for you. And yeah, I almost died that one time, but even that couldn’t take me away from you. I am not going fuckin' _anywhere_ , sweetheart.” She heard more than saw his playful smirk as he continued, “You’re stuck with me for good, Bobby, so you’re just gonna have to deal with it. Feisty ass hamster came out of nowhere and caught the tiger by the tail for life.”

Poppy couldn’t help but huff a laugh and smile back at that. She laid her hands on his shoulders and sighed dramatically, “Oh, how terrible for me. Such a sacrifice. Stuck with the most handsome man I ever laid eyes on, whatever shall I do?”

Tora did his little pfft chuckle at that and released her face, sliding his hands down her arms to clasp her hands in his. “Hmm, I think you forgot devilishly good looking and incredibly sexy in your description there,” he murmured as he started kissing down Poppy’s neck. “Maybe include what a pro he is at making you those brownies you love so damn much.”

“Mhmm,” she half moaned, half answered him. She shivered, this time from the sensation his lips sent shooting through her body. Even after knowing him for over 14 years now, Tora still managed to make her melt into a puddle with his kisses. "And I'm pretty sure the big, bad tiger wanted to be caught. He didn't put up much of a fight,” she managed to find her voice enough to say with some sass, even as Tora’s lips on the side of her neck left her a little breathless. “All the hamster had to do was kiss him a few times, and he was a goner."

“Couldn’t help it. Those were some fuckin’ amazing kisses,” Tora whispered against her skin, nibbling along the curve where her neck met her shoulder. “And for the record, I think the completely and totally innocent, not in any way trying to grab my attention hamster knew exactly what she was doing too,” he said, and she could feel him smirk against her skin as he poked her side with a single finger. “Feisty little shit knocked me flat on my ass on day one, punched me in the face a couple days later, and I’ve been falling hard ever since.”

Poppy giggled and tried to wiggle away as he lightly tickled her side and kissed up her neck, his other arm keeping her firmly in place against him.

He paused a moment later, pulling away just a bit as he reached up a hand to caress the side of her face. “I’m serious though, sweetheart,” he said, the solemn earnestness back in his voice. “You’re stuck with me no matter what bullshit life throws our way. We’ve been through hell and back together, and if that didn’t destroy us, nothing will. We’ll deal with this too, just like we always have. Together,” he said, reaching his hand down to tap his wedding ring against hers, the quiet clink of the metal knocking together bringing a grateful smile to her face.

Tears started welling up in Poppy’s eyes again and she tucked her head under Tora’s chin as she squeezed his hand tightly. “Thank you. I really needed to hear that tonight,” she whispered, her chin quivering. 

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he said, wrapping his left arm around her, his large, warm hand resting across her back. A moment later she felt him smile. “Are you crying again?” he teased gently.

Even in the dark, the man was far too fudging perceptive for his own good, she grumbled to herself. “...Maybe,” she muttered, not able to stop herself from sniffling as she smiled. “They’re happy tears this time though.”

He squeezed her hand again, pressing their joined hands over his heart. “God, I love you so damn much, you know that? How did I manage to get so fuckin’ lucky to marry you?” he murmured, dropping another kiss against the top of her head. “Got a goddamn angel right here, that I get to fall asleep next to every single night,” he said, pressing his hand against her low back.

Poppy huffed a laugh at him, deep gratitude bubbling up within her for the big romantic softie she was married to. He said the mushiest things and somehow always melted her heart with his earnest words, because she knew he never told her anything he didn’t mean. “You know that’s just going to make me cry more, right?” she said as a few more tears slid down her cheeks, this time from her overwhelming gratefulness for this amazing man holding her so securely. “And I love you too.”

“Think you'll be able to fall back asleep okay now, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Yeah, thanks to you,” she murmured, nuzzling against his chest. She pulled her head away and looked up at him a moment later. “Though a few more kisses might help that process along even faster. You know, purely just to help me relax,” she said with as serious a tone as she could muster.

“Mmm, well, I don't know that it's going to help you fall asleep any faster, Bobby, but I’m certainly not going to say no to anything that makes my wife feel better,” he chuckled, immediately tilting his face down towards hers. “Nothing in it for me at all, of course. Such a sacrifice, ya know,” he teased as his lips barely brushed against hers. 

Poppy wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, pulling him closer towards her face. “Oh, shush you,” she huffed right before she kissed him firmly. 

+++++++++++++++

Tora smiled as he lightly stroked his fingers through Poppy’s hair, his right arm wrapped snugly around her, his hand resting on the swell of her hip. It’d taken all of maybe twenty minutes before his wife was fast asleep again, already softly snoring, cute little hamster that she was. 

He’d let her kiss him and run her hands wherever she pleased for as long as she wanted, then went and grabbed a wet washcloth for her to wipe off her face and neck before he’d gotten her into a fresh shirt (another one of his, of course). While he would have really liked to just have her naked the rest of the night, they were parents of young children and did not tempt fate that way. They'd learned very quickly that it was always when one of them was completely undressed that a child would pop up in their room or need them _right the hell now_ for some reason. So clad in a new shirt, freshened up, and reminded of how treasured and loved she was, Poppy had quickly settled back down, her body bonelessly melting into his within a few minutes.

Tora slipped his hand up under the back of her shirt, his clothes so loose on her, yet the sight of her wearing something of his always somehow so damn alluring. He slowly stroked his hand up and then down the length of her spine. She sighed happily, her back instinctively arching up into his touch as he ran his palm back up again to her neck. Goddamnit, even sound asleep she was still just so absolutely fuckin’ adorable and sexy.

Her head was nestled on the side of his chest, one arm flung across him, his pajama shorts hiking up where her leg curled around his thigh, her soft curves tucked into his side. Tora loved how relaxed and safe his wife felt with him. He knew she’d tried not to rouse him since he still tended to sleep pretty lightly and it always took awhile for him to fall back asleep again, but hell if he would ever be annoyed at getting woken up because his Bobby needed some cuddles. Especially if it was to help chase away the fear brought on by resurgent bad memories and dark dreams. She hadn’t needed to tell him what nightmare had woken her up tonight, he’d known from the panicked look in her eyes and how tightly she’d grabbed onto him exactly which dream it’d been.

He tilted his face down and rested his lips on the top of her head, breathing in her sweet, comforting smell. And the lingering sweat in her hair from her panicked state. _Damn it._ He felt the corners of his mouth pull down as he heaved out a frustrated sigh, his hands reflexively holding her tighter. Fuck, he wanted to bash those two creeps’ heads together just for bringing that particular night terror back again. It’d been a number of years now since Poppy had woken crying and shivering like that, grasping onto him like she was worried he was about to disappear, because she’d dreamt he’d bled out and died at her feet. He knew that one was especially unsettling for her since he _had_ almost been killed in front of her that way, the memory of that awful night lending far too many vivid, heart wrenching details to her nightmare.

While she’d dealt with her fair share of grief and loss separate from anything he’d brought into her life, Tora knew choosing to be with him hadn’t been an easy path, especially in the early years of their relationship. If Lily came to him someday and told him she was in love with a man with as much baggage as he’d had, Tora would more than likely tell her to walk away immediately. But somehow, his wife hadn’t been deterred by how fucked up his life had been back then. He was incredibly grateful that she’d seen something in him worth pursuing, that she’d thought he was worth the heartache and grief that had come along with loving him.

He just wished Poppy didn’t have to carry that heavy, awful shit that still popped up in her worst dreams, that she could have somehow stayed unburdened and free from the darkness of his old life. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to keep her safe and happy, going so far as to tell her he couldn’t see her again and letting her walk away….but they kept being drawn back together in spite of his best efforts. In the end, he hadn’t been strong enough to completely cut himself off from her light.

Poppy murmured something intelligible, her hand twitching where it lay just a bit below his heart. She stirred and then settled back down a moment later, letting out a soft content hum as she nuzzled against him and then stilled into heavy sleep once more.

He smiled at where her hand was, where it just naturally settled anytime they were cuddled up like this. Years ago, Poppy’s hand would always instinctively come to rest directly over his heart, her fingers splaying out over the large peony inked there. Even in her sleep she’d felt the need to safeguard the tender, vulnerable parts of him, reminding him with her gentle touch that she was looking out for him and wanted to be as close as she could. But ever since his orange tiger lily tattoo in honor of their firstborn had fully healed, his wife’s hand had rested lower, protectively holding the symbols of where his heart now lay.

Tora gently patted her on the back as he looked down at the tiny little woman curled into his side. She’d been so scared, her body rigid with fear and panic as she’d shivered against him. He’d immediately woken up when her tears dripped onto his back. He wished yet again that he could take those dark dreams and awful memories and carry them for her as easily as he swept her off her feet and carried her in his arms.

But his Bobby, she was so strong, wasn’t she? His feisty, ballsy hamster and her seemingly inexhaustible courage, strength, and stubbornness that had carried them both through so much over the last 14 years. The woman just wouldn’t throw in the towel and let go of him, no matter what. She was a hell of a lot stronger than him, that was for damn sure. Not only was she the most gorgeous thing he’d ever laid eyes on, fierce and brave in her love for him, but she was whip smart and so incredibly sharp too. She was perceptive as all hell, her intuition and sense for people’s intentions rivaling his own.

While her texts earlier that afternoon had immediately sent a surge of nervous anxiety running through him, his heart rate picking up as soon as he realized what was going on, Tora also knew Poppy could more than capably handle things herself. And if she felt a situation was too much to face alone, she also knew when to call him in for backup. Sometimes being married to a heavily tattooed, 6’3” former mafia enforcer came in handy. 

Though she had done just fine without him there. She’d noticed a possible threat, kept herself and the kids safe and out of reach, all while intensely studying those creepy fuckheads without them paying any attention to her. He patted her hip gently, a swell of pride rising up in him - his wife was shrewd and knew how to escape notice when she wanted to. She could hide behind her innocent looking doe eyes while not missing a single detail in front of her.

She’d provided an incredibly thorough description of those two men for him, down to the color and style of their shoes and whether she’d noticed anything in their pockets. Tora would be able to recognize the pair if he came across them just from how well she’d described them, and the pictures she’d gotten were as good as she could’ve gotten at that distance.

Yes, he was incredibly proud of Poppy, but also sad that she’d even noticed those men in the first place. That was because of him, he knew that full well. Once she’d committed to being with him all those years ago, he’d had to school her in so many things to help keep her safe. He’d been paranoid and hypervigilant for good reason, staying on edge and constantly aware of his surroundings was what had kept him alive and able to fend off surprise attacks more than once. The Tiger of Ares Street, the favored attack dog of Vincent Balthuman, the weapon that so easily took people out, had walked around with a giant target on his back, and once she’d stepped into his life, Poppy’d had one settle squarely on her too.

Tora knew, he _knew_ full well she didn’t fault him for any of it, his wife loved him and had helped him finally get away from all of that awfulness. Keeping her ignorant of the threats that had constantly followed him would only have placed her in greater danger - she would’ve walked into certain death more than once if she’d stayed unaware of what to look out for. But still, he hated that she immediately knew those two men at the park were trouble and what details to check for. 

And the fact that they’d dragged up so much old fear and terror for her broke Tora’s heart. He wanted his wife to feel as safe and secure as their kids did, unbothered by the ghosts from his old life back in Narin City. He wanted Poppy to _feel_ safe - his wife shouldn’t ever wake up filled with terror that the dangers of his past had come back again. They were safe now, and he would do everything in his power to keep it that way. 

Safe. Tora wanted his family safe, protected from harm, comforted knowing that he would always do his best to look out for them. While he hated the skills he still carried from his days in the mafia, would always have in the back of his mind until the day he died, he at least could put that knowledge to good use in pursuit of safeguarding his wife and kids.

He pressed his lips into the crown of Poppy’s head again, breathing in the light floral scent of her shampoo mixed with the terrified sweat that had poured off her. Tora sighed again, not looking forward to the conversation he knew he’d have to have sometime over the weekend with his wife. She was not going to be a fan of the plan he had in mind. 

He reached down and wrapped his hand around her tiny fingers resting on his ribs, both of their hands now laying across the three lilies tattooed there. 

_ Oh sweetheart, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I know you’re not gonna be too happy with me, but there’s some sneaky thug reconnaissance shit I gotta do to make damn fuckin’ sure those guys aren’t something we actually need to worry about. I hope you’ll understand and trust me, like you have before, that I’m not gonna do anything stupid or needlessly dangerous. But your husband sure as hell isn’t going to sit back on his ass when a possible threat is this close to you and our family. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was totally inspired from real life. I recently woke up pretty much exactly like Poppy for the first time ever in my life - breathing hard and whimpering. Not a fun way to come to early in the morning.  
> When I wake up from nightmares, it's usually pretty anxiety inducing anyways, so I do just cuddle up to my husband and listen to him breathe. It's surprisingly effective to help the fear settle down.


	6. Saturday Morning Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday morning, the house is quiet and calm, yet Tora finds himself waking to a slightly unpleasant surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 2/22/2021: I was never happy with this chapter, but wasn't sure what didn't feel right about it when I originally wrote it. I was hitting some writer's block at the time, and just slapped something up before I went on vacation for a week last summer. The chapter was barely 1,000 words and was more of an outline than it actually furthered the story in any meaningful way. Almost all of the original text is still here, it's just been worked into a more emotionally resonant update that's over seven times as long now. Plus more fun Quincey recollections from Tora!

It was Saturday, damn it, and he should’ve still been fuckin’ sleeping, some part of Tora’s brain grumbled irritably. He didn’t know what time it was, but it was definitely too goddamn early to be conscious in any capacity for a weekend morning.

Even now, over a decade after he’d finally gotten free from the clutches of the clan, he didn’t often wake up slowly with his awareness fading back in at a leisurely, relaxed pace. Usually between one breath and the next, he was alert and awake, his body instinctively tensing for action. He was still pretty easily roused by out-of-place sounds, no matter how quiet, or subtle changes in the environment of their house - more often than not, his senses would immediately flick on, automatically scanning his surroundings for any and all possible threats before his brain could even think rationally. While Tora’s life and what he did now was worlds apart from who he’d been back when Poppy’s path so unexpectedly crossed his for the first time, spending over 20 years trapped in the dark, dangerous underworld of Narin City meant he couldn’t ever fully turn off that long ingrained behavior that’d saved him from injury and certain death more than once.

So Tora appreciated whenever he gradually came to, the fog of sleep sedately rolling back simply because he’d actually gotten enough sleep and his brain had just decided it was a good time to wake up. Anyone unexpectedly touching him in his sleep these days was family, people he loved and cherished with every fiber of his being, and he could instinctually recognize their touch, even when he was unconscious. So thankfully, that more gentle waking was becoming more common the older he got - he’d gratefully noted in recent years how his once ever present, overwhelming paranoia was slowly dissipating the longer they lived out in quiet, sleepy Olzii. 

He’d mellowed out significantly since his late 20’s, his life and current line of work being far safer and more calm helped significantly with that. And the fact that almost everyone from Tora’s mafia days thought the favorite weapon of the Balthuman Organization was long dead set his mind even further at ease. Thomas T. Wilkes slept far better and more comfortably, even with three little kids who still didn’t usually sleep through the entire night, than the Tiger of Ares Street, holed up alone in his shitty concrete bunker of an apartment, ever had.

It’d felt like Narin never slept, a frenetic, chaotic energy pulsing through the city at all hours of the day and night, a fitting reflection of Tora’s tumultuous life back then. He’d lived in literal darkness far more than he ever saw the sun in those days; his sleep - what little he got of it - erratic, inconsistent from one day to the next, and so often disturbed for one reason or another. But now, more often than not, he could actually fall back asleep if he woke up during the night, where once he would’ve only stared at the cement walls of his lonely, empty apartment from his spot on the couch or floor until he threw in the towel on getting any rest and just got up and chain smoked until dawn. 

And even better, the reasons _why_ Tora might be woken suddenly these days were far and away more likely to involve imaginary monsters than real ones. Well, that, and ghosts of the past popping up in unsettling ways on occasion, the lingering ache of fear and grief not always so easy to soothe away. But having to deal with bad memories and old nightmares, as shitty and unnerving as that could be at times, was highly preferable to being traumatized by _new_ fucked up bullshit. 

The first part of his life had been hell, but it was _behind_ him now and had been for over a decade. Even if it came back to fuck with his head and heart at times, he had a healthy support system to draw on now that was generally pretty effective at quieting the nagging echoes of his past: the unwavering, understanding support of Poppy; his life as a father and husband reminding him how incredibly far he’d come; the years he’d invested in gaining insight and helpful tools through a shit ton of therapy; and most importantly, plenty of distance, emotionally and physically, from all the awfulness of his old life. 

While it’d taken Tora a while to slip back into a sound sleep after comforting his upset wife during the night, feeling her gradually relax against him, her breathing evening out, her ever gentle hands resting on him, had eventually helped settle his mind and calm his own worries. It’d made his heart ache to see her so overwhelmed by that god awful dream, the one he’d hoped she would never experience again. It’d been years since he’d woken up to her frantically clutching at him with tears pouring down her face like that. He wanted the woman he loved to feel safe, to keep her protected from harm, to have her feel his love snugly wrapped around her like her favorite throw blanket. 

Though he hoped Poppy envisioned his love for her as something more badass looking than that blanket, which was draped over the back of the chair on her side of their room. The soft, fuzzy thing was a bright, sunshine yellow, and covered in cartoony, smiley faced loaves of bread, slices of toast with avocado or a weird egg creature on them, short stacks of pancakes with pats of butter that also had faces on them, and croissants making kissy faces. 

Pfft, still such a delightful little nerd, and he loved her dearly for it.

And who was he kidding, that ridiculous blanket was a pretty accurate reflection of the aspects of himself that had bloomed in the gentle, welcoming care of his wife - there was nothing badass or tough or harsh about the man he’d gotten to be over the past 14 years spent in Poppy’s bright, joyful presence. He knew he was a total teddy bear when it came to the tiny little woman who’d completely upended his world from the first moment he’d laid eyes on her. She let him be soft and gentle and sweet - it just naturally flowed out whenever he was around her. He could also be weak and scared and worried, and freely admit it to her - she never viewed him as any less worthy of her love.

Worried and concerned. He’d definitely been feeling that last night for sure. But even though Tora had felt deeply worried for his wife amid a growing concern about what those men at the park were up to, it wasn’t so bad being awake for half an hour when he had a gorgeous woman, the love of his life and the mother of his children curled around him. He’d listened to Poppy’s soft, easy exhales, his breath eventually synching up with hers as he'd felt his eyelids growing heavier. 

The quiet sounds of their home and neighborhood were a relaxing backdrop, and Tora had found himself contentedly smiling at just how….unexcitingly ordinary it all was for him at this point. That peace and quiet was _normal_ still felt like such an unexpected gift. Even a _single_ passing car on their street at that hour was unusual, though thankfully not cause for alarm either. Mundane, uneventful nights were perfectly fine with him, and he would never take a single one for granted.

Tora had tuned in to their sleeping household, not because he was on alert or scared, but just to bask in the completely routine, unbroken quiet. Any other person probably would’ve shrugged and said they didn’t hear anything particularly notable if asked what they heard right then. But to him, it was so much more than simple background noise: all the gentle hums, the occasional clicks, the distant whooshing of the white noise machines running in both the girls’ and Joey’s rooms, that long familiar soundtrack of their house, _his home,_ meant everyone was settled safe and secure and comfortable for the night. Combined with holding his wife close and listening to her breathe, it was as soothing as any lullaby, and he’d eventually succumbed to the gentle pull of sleep, lulled by the tranquil, uninterrupted silence.

But now, it was annoyingly bright, the morning sun turning the darkness inside his eyelids a vivid red. They had high, narrow clerestory windows across two walls in their bedroom and hadn’t bothered putting coverings over them, which usually didn’t bother Tora since the sun didn’t hit that part of the house directly. He and Poppy both liked waking up and being able to see the sky. But today, it just seemed weirdly bright. Was the light bouncing off of something nearby and reflecting into the windows?

However it was getting in, early morning sunlight was bullshit, he grumbled to himself, shifting to throw an arm over his eyes when he was suddenly brought up short. He couldn’t get either arm to easily move for some reason, his brain still groggy enough that the restriction in his movement didn’t do anything but befuddle and mildly irritate him.

After those initial two observations, the next sensation Tora became aware of was that part of him was wet and slightly sticky. Specifically the area around his left collarbone, the base of his neck, and down to just over his heart. 

_Blood?_ some part of him wondered, his brain foggy and sluggish with the lingering haze of sleep. Was he hurt somehow? No, it was too cold, and not viscous enough. Also, he wasn’t in pain, and there was a noticeable absence of the familiar, coppery smell of blood. _Something...on me?_

As his brain kicked into gear just a little bit more, Tora brought his groggy attention to the dense weight pressing down on him from his left shoulder, onto his chest and along his side, with something hard digging directly into his bladder. His arm felt slightly numb, so he knew the weight had been there for at least a little while. Something soft and slightly ticklish brushed lightly against his stomach every time he breathed.

Tora was still far more asleep than awake, his brain blearily trying to stagger upright like Quincey heavily leaning against him for support even as the blonde man loudly insisted he was perfectly fine after a night of far too many drinks.

Quincey. Younger brothers. Small children. His thought process plodded along, lethargically clicking the connections together. He obviously wasn’t in any danger if his brain felt it was safe to stay this slow and sluggish.

Tora swallowed, more aware of the dampness at the base of his neck. What the fuck was he covered in?

His left arm was mostly numb, so he knew it wasn’t going to respond very quickly. His right forearm and hand was pinned under the familiar, soft curves of his wife’s body. She’d apparently rolled away from him sometime after he’d fallen asleep, trapping his arm underneath her. He flexed his hand up, lightly stroking her side with his fingertips, and she immediately shifted away from the ticklish touch with a sleepy grumble. 

Arm now free, eyes still firmly closed, Tora dragged his hand up to his stomach, clumsily feeling out what was on him.

A small fluffy blanket was the source of the ticklish sensation, which he left where it was.

The source of his bladder’s discomfort was a tiny knee digging into it, which he shifted over into a better spot.

Tora felt like his brain was moving through molasses as he far too slowly remembered only one child was still small enough to sprawl across him and have their knee hit his bladder. He ran his hand up Joey’s leg, his palm coming to rest across his son’s back. He gently patted the boy a couple times and then brought his fingers up to probe the wet stuff pooling on his skin.

 _Oh, yay. Drool. Lovely._ While Tora truly loved how much his son enjoyed cuddles, delighted in how the boy so freely and enthusiastically sought them out every chance he got, his floppy little cuddle fish child also had a propensity to drool a hell of a lot when he was completely relaxed….which was usually when he was snuggled up and sleeping with either parent, but particularly so with his dad. _Lucky me,_ he thought dryly. _Well, at least it’s not something worse. Definitely better than waking up to being peed or puked on….or bled on._

 _And still not as bad as his Uncle Quincess,_ he thought amusedly, feeling the corners of his mouth curl up in a smirk as he wiped his wet fingers off on the side of his pajama shorts. Quincey drooled like a mini Niagara Falls when he slept heavily; the blonde man leaked so much saliva there had been times when Tora was genuinely concerned about him dehydrating during the night. He’d even sprayed his younger brother’s open drooling mouth with a small spray bottle when they’d traveled together over the years, to get some water back into the man....and okay, yes, maybe that was also just to be an ass and fuck with him a little bit. 

He knew enough about houseplants now from his years with Poppy, that he liked to joke his younger brother was the human equivalent of a nerve plant - an attention seeking diva that constantly needed watering and got on his nerves. Quincey was not amused at the comparison. Especially when his older brother had facetiously gifted him one, and the plant had promptly proceeded to curl up and die on him less than two weeks later. 

Though Tora was nowhere near as snarky as Poppy, always smugly pleased and proud of his wife’s level of brilliant sass when it came to Quincey. One of the times his brother had visited them not too long after they’d bought their house, right around Violet’s first birthday if he recalled correctly, his wife and Lily had unintentionally teamed up and handily put the blonde man in his place with some well deserved ribbing and sneaky pranking.

His younger brother had been getting ready to turn in for the night after being particularly over-the-top, his annoying shithead side very much out in force that evening for some reason, and Poppy had stopped Quincey, saying she’d forgotten to give him something. She quickly headed into the kitchen, coming out a couple moments later to unceremoniously present her brother-in-law with a bright pink sponge. 

“Didn’t want to forget to give you your pillow,” she’d dryly said as she fought valiantly to keep a straight face, a smile tugging hard at the corners of her mouth. “It expands the wetter it gets, so it should be the right size in about...oh, half an hour?”

Quincey had narrowed his eyes and angrily huffed, immediately pivoting to fling the sponge directly at Tora. “This is all your fault! You’re such a bad influence, Booboo! She used to be so sweet and nice!” he’d shrieked as the pink rectangle bounced off the larger man's chest.

“Hey, watch it, Princess! I didn’t even say anything. And you know damn well Poppylan was just hiding her sneaky little shit tendencies until you got comfortable and let your guard down. That had nothing to do with me,” he’d protested, feigning far more irritation than he actually felt, grabbing the sponge as it fell and lunging at his younger brother. He’d stuffed it down the front of Quincey’s shirt as the blonde man squealed and struggled to no avail to break free. 

“You should be grateful Poppylan doesn’t want ya to drown,” Tora had said, biting his lip to keep from laughing, meeting his wife’s eyes as she smirked over at the brothers as they scuffled around. “I mean, she probably just doesn’t wanna have to tell people she was your editor. ‘Ya know, the author who offed himself in his own spit? Yeah, used to work for his sorry ass.’ Sad way to go, Quinceton, but hey, if you wanna tempt fate that way, be my guest,” Tora had teased, intentionally messing up his brother's always perfectly styled hair as he’d patted him on the head.

Quincey had squawked and flailed at him, and Tora finally took pity and let him think he’d managed to slip free. The blonde man had tried to muster as much dignity as he could, primly tugging his shirt back into place and smoothing his hair back as he turned and coolly strode down the hallway to the guest room….the effect of which was immediately dispelled three seconds later, when Lily dropped down shrieking with maniacal laughter from where she’d clambered up in a corner near the ceiling and patiently waited for her prey to draw near. 

Quincey had let out a terrified scream, hitting the highest note Tora had ever heard come out of the man’s mouth in his entire life, which was abruptly cut off as the breath was driven out of him, collapsing onto the floor from the sudden onslaught of a small, devious child flinging her full body weight directly on top of him.

Tora and Poppy had frozen for a moment, as surprised and caught off guard as Quincey, and then laughed so hard they cried, doubling over as they clutched at each other with tears streaming down their faces at the sight of their tiny daughter smugly sitting on top of Uncle Quincess crumpled on the floor. Once he’d recovered enough to find his voice again, the blonde man had gone on a long, impassioned rant about how much of a creepy bastard Tora was, and that his freaky shadow goblin tendencies were absolutely _not_ being passed on to the next generation if he had anything to say about it. 

There’d been something in there about how they were corrupting their child and setting her on a dark ruinous path of no return and blah blah blah. Tora had promptly tuned out most of it, as it was hard to take anything the blonde man said seriously while he was sprawled out and twitching on the floor with his pajama clad, 4 year old niece climbing on him and poking at his ticklish spots. Plus, Tora was too busy laughing his ass off and wiping the tears from his eyes to care about coming up with any kind of snarky response to his brother’s lecture.

Poppy had tried to be somewhat mature and chided Lily for sneak attacking Uncle Quincess like that while giggles snuck out here and there. But Tora went and ruined any effectiveness his wife’s scolding may have had by matter of factly pointing out how their daughter was doing an excellent job of improving her eye hand coordination and increasing her stamina while building upper body strength.

By that point, he’d been a dad for four years and had experienced enough of Lily's rambunctious shenanigans to relax a bit, not quite so terrified anymore of his firstborn mangling herself or cracking her head open with her increasingly inventive ninja-like activities. Since his oldest daughter was bound and determined to climb all the things, he’d made sure she at least knew how to get up and down properly. He’d justified it to Poppy by saying Lily was less likely to get hurt if she knew what the fuck she was doing. Plus, even in his hysterical state, Uncle Quincess had made sure his “favorite golden eyed niece” didn’t come anywhere near hitting the floor, clutching at her and twisting to cushion her landing even as he’d gone down with a hard thud. 

Tora was honestly just impressed his daughter had managed to Spiderman her way up the wall while staying so quiet and unseen. Not that Quincey was anywhere close to being the most observant human being on the planet, but still, it was pretty fuckin’ hilarious that their normally boisterous, tiny slip of a child had gotten the drop on her uncle...literally. 

Poppy had just sighed and shaken her head at her husband, but she’d had to bite her lip pretty damn hard to not break down laughing again...and had immediately loudly snorted, clapping a hand over her mouth, her sides quivering as she’d tried to contain her laughter at the next thing Tora had said.

“I mean, she’s helping Quince stay on his toes. Like his own tiny, surprise personal trainer,” he’d pointed out with a completely straight face. “I bet his heart rate is the highest it’s been in a while. I count that as cardio, sweetheart. And besides, we don’t want him to get soft and lose his edge now that I’m not around to keep him in shape anymore.”

Tora smirked at the memory of his normally suave and put together brother glaring daggers at him from his disheveled state on the floor. Pfft. If only he’d known what was in store for him in the coming years, he would have appreciated having to handle just a single assailant that night. For as much as the kids ganged up and attacked him whenever he stepped foot into their house, Tora knew Quincey absolutely loved his “niblings,” his “snack pack,” and whatever the hell other titles were on the ever growing list of nicknames he’d come up with for the three children over the years. Pretty much every time his younger brother saw the kids, he had a new set of endearments ready to go. He was currently calling the trio, in order, Snack size, Fun size, and Bite size. 

Tora huffed amusedly and continued with the task at hand, patting Bite size on the butt before flexing his left shoulder as he shifted the boy down just a bit to get the blood flowing more freely into his arm again. He blindly groped for the kleenex on his nightstand, pulling out several tissues to wipe off all his son’s drool. Not the worst way he’d ever been woken up by one of his kids, but certainly not the most enjoyable in the world either, he thought as he mopped up the puddle at the base of his neck.

Tora cracked one eyelid open just slightly, squinting against the bright morning light as he turned his head and blearily blinked, checking the time. 6:49am. Not as early as he’d thought. And that was a whole hour and 19 minutes later than Violet had woken them up yesterday, so he couldn’t complain too much.

Once he was dry again, Tora grabbed another handful of kleenex and cleaned off Joey’s face, neck, and hand that had been resting right next to his mouth. _Love you to pieces, Koji, but as Bobby would say, holey moley, I hope you grow out of this at some point. I don’t wanna be your personal sponge forever, kid,_ he chuckled wryly to himself as he tossed the damp wads of tissue on the floor.

The boy had somehow stayed asleep through all of Tora's movement and having his face wiped off, only making a few grumpy sounds of protest at being displaced from his chosen cuddle spot. The toddler immediately nuzzled back into the cozy warmth of his dad once Tora finished wiping up all the drool. Yup, like mother like son, he thought, glancing over at Poppy as she grunted and rolled closer to him again, also still sound asleep. He repositioned Joey’s tiger striped blankie so that it was resting under the boy’s head - while he was more than fine waking up to cuddles with his toddler, Tora would prefer to not have to clean anymore puddles of spit off himself that day. 

Now that his brain was a little more functional, another thought struck him that had him arching an eyebrow and squinting thoughtfully down at the 2 ½ year old sleeping on him. “Huh, did you climb out of your crib on your own then, Sprout?” Tora softly murmured, bringing his left hand up to stroke his son’s head as he settled his right hand on Poppy’s side. He supposed it was about time then to switch Joey to sleeping in a bed if he could make his way out of the crib and all the way into their bedroom on his own power now.

That thought made Tora’s heart twinge a little bit. His baby boy was growing up so fast - it honestly felt like they’d just brought him home from the hospital last week, the girls overjoyed to have a little brother, not quite understanding that they wouldn’t be able to play dress-up with him for a while yet. Lily had been excited to have a sibling look so much like her, though she’d been a little crestfallen to discover they didn’t share the same eye color. Poppy had diplomatically pointed out that meant he looked like _both_ his big sisters, and wasn’t it fun to have a baby brother that shared his looks with the two of them?

Joey looked a little bit like everyone in their family, which was adorable, and even more adorably, he loved to drape himself across any family member who was within easy reach. Apparently “cuddle” to the 2 ½ year old meant “flop bonelessly on top of the person I want to show affection to.” Case in point, his current sprawled out state across Tora. The toddler obviously meant well, his big affectionate heart already plainly evident, and would hopefully finesse his technique of expressing love as he got older. For not even being 30 pounds yet, the kid already felt quite dense when he was sleeping directly on top of Tora’s ribs...or kneeing him right in the damn bladder. 

Pfft. Floppy little fish child, indeed. There was something about toddlers and how their weight seemed to double when they fully relaxed. And it wasn’t like the boy was going to get any lighter. All their kids were shooting up so fast, within a year or even less, Tora probably wouldn’t be able to carry all three of them at once anymore. 

Not that Poppy was a fan of that feat anyways - his wife continually reminded him that he wasn’t 26 anymore and needed to be mindful of not aggravating his old injuries, particularly his right side where he’d been fuckin’ gutted open like a goddamn fish. Yes, he knew damn well he should be careful and not overdo it - he’d come far too close to dying from that injury, and it’d been an absolute bitch of a recovery process to get back to full strength again. 

And lately, the stupid fuckin’ thing had started to flare up out of nowhere, throwing an awkward hitch into his gait sometimes and making his back painfully cramp up....but the kids were only going to be little once, and Tora would be damned if a stupid knife wound from 12 years ago would hold him back from uninhibitedly playing with the children he never thought he’d get to have. He wanted them to remember their dad being able to scoop them all up and carry the three of them around as they laughed their heads off. And yes, maybe he took more than a little pride in the fact that he was still strong enough to pick up the combined, wiggly weight of an 8, 5, and 2 ½ year old.

Not for the first time, Tora idly wondered if any of his kids would ever be as tall as him or if they’d take after Poppy’s more compact stature. That’d be just what he needed - a whole pack of feisty, ankle biting, hamster sized tiger cubs on his hands. Lily and Joey took so strongly after him in looks though, so one of them would probably hit six feet. He smiled, trying to envision what it’d be like to have to look _up_ at one of his kids someday. They were still so damn tiny, it was hard to imagine them as adults. 

Tora was pulled from his lighthearted musing when Poppy whimpered and shuddered in her sleep, her brows furrowing together as she frowned deeply, her hands clenching into fists. _Fuck. Not another nightmare,_ he thought as something in his chest immediately tightened. 

"Hey, it's okay, sweetheart. Not gonna let anything bad happen to ya. Everyone's safe in their beds right now," Tora soothingly murmured. He slowly stroked his right hand up and down Poppy’s side, and she quieted back into stillness a couple moments later. He carefully slid his arm under and around her, pulling her a little closer and then settled his hand on her lower back, his thumb and forefinger so naturally finding the two dips on either side of the base of her spine. 

After her rough waking during the night, he wanted his wife to sleep in this morning for as long as she could. Poppy needed some quiet time to rest and settle herself again. Tora had immediately been able to tell how rattled and unsettled she was when he’d gotten back from work the previous evening, her welcome home hug a lot longer and tighter than usual as she’d held him firmly. And the fact that she’d had _that_ nightmare in particular last night, after so many years free of the fear and panic that tended to drag it back up, told him everything he needed to know about what was going on inside her head and heart right now. He’d always been able to read her pretty easily, but especially after knowing her for over 14 years, his Bobby rarely if ever needed to tell him with words when she needed some extra TLC.

Tora tried to keep his body relaxed, hoping he could pass on some extra calmness to his wife with his presence beside her. Lily and Violet would probably be stirring soon, and he hoped for a quiet, relaxed start to the day, so that Poppy could rest undisturbed. Maybe he’d take the kids out somewhere for a bit to give her a couple hours of alone time right away. When was the last time she’d gotten the house to herself?

He groaned silently to himself a couple moments later as he considered the easiest, least stressful outing he could take all three kids on. With that brand spankin’ new playground fresh in their minds, he knew exactly where the girls would want to go. 

Poppy had shown him more of the pictures she’d gotten of the kids and the play area, and if not for those creepy fuckers, Tora would’ve actually been pretty excited at having such an easily accessible, free place so close to home where the kids could run and burn off some of their energy outside. While the girls loved the indoor play place at McDonalld’s, that was a special brand of torture for their dad. It was hell being trapped in a stuffy, smelly, glass walled room reverberating with the shrieks and screams of multiple children while picking at shit food and enduring the nervous, judgmental glares and eye fucking of nearby parents.

But he also didn’t feel like being stuck on a bench or the edge of the playground with Joey while the girls played either. He still got hit on when he was out without Poppy, even when he had the kids with him. Hell, sometimes it seemed like he got hit on even _more_ with the kids in tow. 

It was a different type than the chicks that used to bother him for his number when he was 25, but it was still irritating as hell. When he'd been single and unattached, it'd just been an annoyance, like waving off pesky flies. He’d just freely given out the number to Fred and Fran’s and gone on his way. 

But Tora refused to play that game anymore, not willing to even pretend that he was open to any advances, especially with his kids looking on. Poppy was the only woman he had eyes for, the only one who’d held his heart for the past 14 years, and he wanted his children to know without a shadow of a doubt that he was deeply committed to their mom. It pissed him off at such a deep level that women still thought he'd give them his number with a wedding ring clearly on his finger and a toddler in his arms. It honestly infuriated him how goddamn insistent some of these women could be. He didn’t know how much clearer he could be - no meant fuckin’ _no._

Though, his kids could be quite….creatively inventive in helping their dad out of those frustrating and uncomfortable interactions sometimes. He had to admit it’d been absolutely fuckin’ hilarious recently when Lily caught on that some overly friendly soccer mom wasn’t taking no for an answer….and proceeded to puke directly into the woman’s oversized purse that was sitting on the ground. His daughter had claimed, with a perfectly straight poker face, that she thought it was a trash bag. It’d been a real struggle to not break down laughing at the woman’s horrified expression - Lily’s look of smug self-satisfaction as she took Tora’s hand and loftily declared they should get back home to Poppy had nearly been his undoing. 

How the ever living fuck his oldest daughter had managed to spite puke on command was beyond him, but Tora was honestly impressed with her resourcefulness and ingenuity - though he wouldn’t dare admit that to his wife. He was still trying to figure out how that kid could be so damn cute while pulling off something so devious. Lily had known _exactly_ what she was doing.

Tora had somehow kept a straight face when he told her she was not allowed to barf on people or their things on purpose, but when he’d gotten home and told Poppy, they'd both laughed so hard they’d cried. He’d almost recovered when his wife looked him dead in the eye and said, “You know as my Granny always said, ‘Good riddance to bad rubbish,’” and they’d dissolved into tears of laughter again. 

Yeah, he wasn’t up for getting hit on today, even if Lily pulled something that goddamn ingenious again.

While he was fairly relaxed and content having both Joey and Poppy cuddled up with him right at that moment, Tora was still feeling tense and worried from being pulled awake just a handful of hours ago by his wife crying and shivering from her old nightmare. Her tears on his back had roused him pretty much instantly, an unhappy flashback to the years when she used to wake up almost nightly sobbing his name and refusing to let go until she fell back into a fitful slumber. It’d taken a long time before she’d regularly slept well again, and he would do everything within his power to make sure she dreamt peacefully once more.

While he rarely felt the urge to react to people with any kind of physical violence these days, Tora very much itched to beat those two creeps into a bloody pulp just for bringing that particular nightmare back to Poppy. The men his wife had seen concerned him a lot less than the reaction they'd stirred up in her. While they were certainly a problem, it was one he knew how to confidently handle, plenty of options at his disposal to deal with their unwanted presence so close to his family. Unfortunately, there wasn't much Tora could do to rid his wife of the violent, bloody visions that still haunted her darkest dreams.

He slowly flexed his shoulders up and down a few times, tightening and loosening the various muscles in his legs as he pointed his feet, just trying to release the stress curling within his muscles a bit. What he really needed was a nice long workout to blow off some of this tension and settle his worried thoughts - there was something about turning his brain off for an hour or two and just focusing on nothing but moving his body that always did wonders for clearing his mind. But unfortunately, Tora didn’t have much time to hit the gym like that these days. He kept a set of basic weights and a bench down in the basement, but it wasn’t the same as being able to do a full circuit at his work’s far better equipped gym. He took advantage of his free access there when he could, but it didn’t feel fair to leave Poppy with the kids all day and then add an extra hour on top of that to get in a workout. Plus, managing his business was more than a full time job, and three young kids at home kept him running around plenty.

Hmm, running….now that might just work. 

Maybe he could knock out a few things at once this morning: Give Poppy some quiet alone time at home, entertain the kids while getting them out of the house, and work in a decent amount of exercise to boot.

If he took Violet and Joey in the jogging stroller with Lily on her bike, he would actually be able to run pretty hard. Lily would certainly enjoy being able to go full speed for as long as she wanted, and the kid could go for a good long while, taking it as a personal challenge to try to outrace her dad. Looping through some of the paved paths at the park would also give Tora a chance to unobtrusively scope out the edges of the area that Poppy had seen those guys come from yesterday. There was no way in fuckin’ hell he was actually going to bring his kids into that part of the park before he knew what was going on, but he could at least eyeball it from a distance for anything overtly suspicious. 

Those men had been cocky enough to go sauntering around in broad daylight with a lot of witnesses around - they were either incredibly dumb and sloppy or so powerful they didn’t care who saw them. Speaking from personal experience, Tora knew that smart criminals who wanted to stay alive and out of jail usually kept their heads down and tried to stay out of sight. If the pair at the park were as young and flashy as Poppy described, he was leaning towards them being inexperienced and stupid. 

Tora was fervently hoping for stupid, as that was a situation the cops could actually take care of. He hoped it all ended up being nothing more than some idiotic, low level drug dealers; guys that dipped into their own inventory tended to get a little too full of themselves and could be counted on to eventually fuck up in some glaringly obvious way. If those two assmonkeys were actually that moronic, he could probably get some pretty decent intel on them just from passively observing, which would put his mind at ease to figure out just how much of a possible threat they were to his family's safety. He needed to find out who the creepy fuckers were and why they were prowling around so close to his kids’ new favorite play place. 

He’d pass any actionable info along to his cop buddy, Steve, one of the long time regulars at his gym. But he knew he needed a little more to go on than some blurry photos and his wife’s uneasy feeling.

And he’d get a second opportunity to gather more info and check things over at a slower pace, if there was anything that stuck out to him during his initial run through. Poppy’d said she needed to get a few more pictures for her write up on the play area before her deadline on Monday - she'd packed the kids up and hustled them home after feeding them lunch yesterday before she'd managed to walk through the entire playground. So they would go to the park sometime this weekend as a family anyways, because Tora sure as hell was going to be there when his wife went back, just in case anything weird happened again. 

He didn’t want Poppy feeling alone or afraid if he had anything to say about it. Not that she couldn’t hold her own and throw a mean punch if she needed to - he knew from personal experience just how good her arm was - but he’d do everything in his power to make sure those nightmares didn’t haunt her again. She’d handled things so incredibly well the previous day, keeping herself and the kids safe while scoping out those assholes from a secure vantage point, but there was no reason for her to have to dredge up all that anxiety and fear again if Tora could be there to run interference for her.

And even if there hadn’t been sketchy motherfuckers around, he would’ve still wanted to tag along with his wife anyways. He just liked to follow Poppy around while she worked; it was so stinkin’ cute how intense she got while tapping out rough drafts on her phone. Lily did the same thing her mom did, where they both stuck out the tip of their tongues when they were intently focused on some task. And he also loved seeing what his wife noticed and how she ended up tying all her thoughts and observations together into an engaging, interesting story. 

And any woman that had the stupid idea to approach him, his wife would quickly take care of for him just as ably as he could chase off creepy fucks. Her glare was even fiercer than his, which Tora found incredibly sexy and utterly adorable. Plus, Poppy was a world class expert at disarming people with her cuteness and then handing them their ass with her ever ready, boss thug level snark. If he was honest, Tora liked being able to stand back and watch the show - there was something about his wife claiming him as her own that still made him go all melty.

Yeah, he was a big fuckin’ mushy romantic sucker - not much had changed on that front in 14 years. Hell, he’d probably become even more of a love struck sap as the years went on. Tora wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest to admit just how much he loved his wife. She meant the absolute world to him, and he wasn’t shy about letting people know it. He would do anything for her. 

While he was perfectly fine with playing bodyguard for his wife and kids, Tora knew the girls would not be happy only visiting the new playground when he could accompany them. There were five days of the week when he wasn’t home during the day, and he knew Poppy would want to make heavy use of the park the rest of the summer. So he wanted to go combing through the woods and make damn fuckin’ sure those guys weren’t a problem before he’d be happy with his family going there without him. And that reconnaissance would preferably be later at night when it’d be easier to spot any suspicious people and their illicit activity. Stupid criminals tended to get lazy and let their guards down, assuming wrongly that the darkness and solitude night time provided was enough to hide them from being discovered. 

But Tora also knew he needed to talk to Poppy about all of that first. He wasn’t going to go off and get into any shit that might lead to trouble, no matter how small the possibility of things going wrong, without running it by his wife and getting her on board with his plan of action. As he’d told her last night, they were a team, and dealt with whatever bullshit life threw their way together. Even if he was going out alone, he always tried to keep Poppy in the loop. None of that fuckin’ lone tiger bullshit he used to do. It wasn’t just him anymore - he had a family now to get back home to.

Back in the day, he'd preferred to go on jobs alone for a variety of reasons: less chance that things would get fucked up if there were fewer variables in play; if shit went sideways, it was just his neck on the line and he didn't have to worry about anyone getting killed on his watch. And really, going out on his own meant no one else had to deal with the crushing weight of guilt and shame that hit Tora after every lethal assignment he was ordered to complete. He hated just the thought of contributing to anyone else feeling that shitty about themselves.

But if there was one thing he'd learned the hard way over the years, it was always important to have back-up of some kind in his pocket. Even if it was as simple as Bobby keeping tabs on his whereabouts and making sure he returned home when he said he would.

Poppy wasn’t going to be happy at all about him wanting to go out there, though it wasn’t like Tora was any happier at the prospect of having to draw on his old skill set for a reason like this. He’d usually been more on the punch people in the face or shoot them side of things than getting assigned to do undercover espionage - it was a little hard to stay inconspicuous when you were 6’3” and drew stares without trying - but Tora had done his fair share of surveillance work back in the day. He knew what to look for and where shady fuckers were likely to be.

But _fuck,_ he didn’t want to deal with this shit again. He was out, had been out for a long time, and hell if he wanted to get involved with anything that came even remotely anywhere close to mafia related business. “Just a regular guy,” was actually his life now, and he wanted to fuckin’ keep it that way.

Tora blew out a long sigh and tried to clear his mind of those thoughts for the time being. He closed his eyes and focused on the rise and fall of Joey’s completely relaxed breathing, the boy sleeping heavily without a single care in the world. He would never get tired of how safe his kids felt with him, that when any of them needed comfort and security, they always knew they’d find it in his or Poppy’s ever open arms. 

There were plenty of hours left in the day to worry about all of that bullshit later - he was snuggled up with his wife and son, comfy in bed on a Saturday morning. It was quiet, calm, and peaceful, and he was going to fuckin’ enjoy it, goddamn it. 

Five minutes later, the house was no longer any of those things as Tora heard something crash to the floor, an angry shout followed by a thud, and then a mixture of angry crying and yelling coming from the girls’ room.

 _Welp, it was nice while it lasted, but you just had to go and jinx it by thinking too much about how nice and quiet it was, didn’t you?_ he grumbled to himself as he quickly moved to sit up. Time to go stop a war from breaking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently working on rewriting Chapter 7, so that's why there's no resolution just yet to the fight Tora hears breaking out. It's coming soon! It takes just as long to revise these chapters as it is to write new ones.


	7. A Run And Some Hot Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora takes the kids out for a run. Poppy has time to drink some coffee and reflect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and did some light editing of previous chapters. The prologue and first chapter are untouched, but I added some extra info about the park and tightened up a few plot points. This originally started life as a short fluffy one-shot and then turned into a longer story that's got some twists coming so I realized I needed to flesh out a few things a little sooner.

The trails at the park just before 8am on a Saturday had a decent amount of people out running, a few people with little kids in jogging strollers like him, and a handful of old people out for slow morning strolls before it got too hot out.

Looping through a few paths, Tora’s run with the kids was completely uneventful - there wasn’t so much as a stick or footprint out of place as far as he could see. There was a tiny part of him that was almost disappointed in not finding anything suspicious to investigate, but it was quickly subsumed by a rising wave of relief. He would take mundane and boring over shady and dangerous any day.

A lack of obvious evidence didn’t mean there wasn’t still something sketchy going on somewhere in the park, but at least Poppy hadn’t stumbled onto anything overtly nefarious or caught the attention of anyone dangerous. 

Tora could readily recall the knack his wife had for getting herself into trouble back when he’d first met her. The tiny impulsive woman had driven him crazy with her seeming lack of any sense of self-preservation. She’d thrown herself headlong into dangerous situations whenever she thought someone she cared about was at risk and needed help, especially so when it came to him. 

He’d tried so hard to keep her away from any harm, even attempting to remove himself completely from her life, but Poppy couldn’t be dissuaded once she’d made her mind up about something. He’d finally admitted defeat when she wouldn’t stay at arm’s length no matter what he said or did, even if there were days when he’d been tempted to tie her up and lock her in a closet just to keep her safe.

And truth be told, he couldn’t have stayed away for long - he’d been drawn to Poppy like a moth to a flame. She’d brought so much light and joy into his life just by being her feisty headstrong self, and he was eternally grateful that she’d chosen _him_.

There were still days where he couldn’t believe he was so lucky to be able to wake up next to Poppy for the rest of his life. 

Tora glanced down at Violet and Joey in the stroller and over at Lily doing her best to outrace him. Yes, he was incredibly grateful. To be their dad, to have a family to come home to instead of being in jail or dead was a gift he never wanted to take for granted. 

He put on a fresh burst of speed as he headed back towards home.

He’d needed the run - the tension in his muscles was pretty much gone - but more importantly his head was clear again. The worry and fear that had engulfed him yesterday when he’d received Poppy’s texts and then clung tighter when he’d woken last night to her crying wasn’t quite so overpowering now. 

Tora decided to just focus on his family for the rest of the weekend. Stewing over those creeps prowling around the park wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than put him in a bad mood. He could easily twist himself into knots worrying over all the what-if’s, and he’d rather be fully in the here and now with Poppy and the kids.

Whatever was going on, it’d get sorted out one way or the other. He’d put his feelers out at work on Monday and go from there. 

+++++++++++++++

Poppy really had intended to stay in bed, promising Tora she wouldn’t just start working or do chores while he was out. But as soon as she’d heard the front door click shut behind him and the kids, she couldn’t force herself to lay there any longer. She sighed, rubbed her face, and kicked the covers off.

She was feeling a little bit better but still rattled from yesterday; her resurgent nightmare had only helped to wind her up again during the night. Doing nothing but stare at the ceiling while alone with her thoughts wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than put her right back into that maelstrom of worry and fear. 

Poppy so rarely had the house to herself these days and didn’t want to let this opportunity go to waste, creepy punks and bad dreams be damned.

As a mom to three rambunctious little kids, she at least would take the chance to revel in drinking a full cup of coffee in one sitting (while it was still hot even!) and then take a nice long shower. Maybe she’d even have time to put her hair in French braids, which she knew Tora thought looked cute on her. 

Poppy smiled as she padded into the kitchen at that thought. Her husband thought she was cute no matter what, and made sure to tell her that as often as he could. Even on days when he came home to her frazzled and covered in grime from wrangling the kids, he looked at her with eyes full of the same abiding adoration and love as when she was all dolled up for a night out. 

She still pinched herself sometimes that he’d chosen _her_. Tora could have had anyone - even now, women practically threw themselves at him - and he’d picked her short, squishy self.

And her body was definitely squishier than it had been when they’d met. Giving birth to three kids had added some stubborn pounds and stretch marks, dealing a blow to Poppy’s self-confidence, but her husband still touched her body with quiet reverence, like she was some goddess blessing him with her presence. 

Poppy giggled to herself as she went about making coffee - if anyone had the body of a god, it was her husband. He had just turned forty a few months ago and slowed down some by old injuries, but was still just as ravishing and gorgeous as when she’d first laid eyes on him on that train all those years ago.

She still had that hoodie tucked away somewhere too; Tora had learned that if you give a girl your clothing, you don’t get it back even if you _do_ end up marrying her.

Leaning against the counter with the warm mug cradled in her hands, Poppy felt the tension in her shoulders loosening as she reflected on the journey life had taken her on to get to this moment.

Yes, there had been some scary, dangerous things along the way that still came back to haunt her on occasion. She was no stranger to sorrow or grief, the scars etched on her heart attested to that.

And Tora was right: they’d been through some shit in their life together...but she would do it all over again in a heartbeat, because he was worth it. He would _always_ be worth it.

She sipped her drink and looked around the kitchen, taking in the kids’ art projects on the fridge, the dishes still in the sink from the night before, the smudgy fingerprints on all the lower cabinets, the pile of little shoes and boots nestled by the back door. Yes, sometimes the kids drove her nuts, keeping her running back and forth with their tears and fights...but, at the end of the day, she loved them fiercely and knew Tora felt exactly the same.

Poppy set her now empty mug down on the counter and leaned down to pick a stray Lego off the floor.

The love she and Tora shared, the life they’d built, the family they’d made together - she wouldn’t trade it for anything. She wouldn’t lie and say she wasn’t worried or afraid, but she trusted her husband; she knew he wouldn’t leave her in the dark or intentionally run off into danger. They’d known each other for almost 15 years - their relationship had weathered so much and endured because they knew how important good communication was. 

She could feel the knot in her stomach releasing as she headed towards the shower.

Yes, she wouldn’t pretend the past didn’t still affect her and stir up old worries, but there was also the rock solid assurance that Tora had her back and she had his. They were a team and would face whatever life threw their way _together._

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amazing horsie ride picture is by @Cats_Tiny over on Instagram. She has made some absolutely stunning fanart for this story as well as a ton of other fabulous MPL fanart.


	8. A Bit Of Fussing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey has messy hair and dirt on his face. Poppy has some thoughts as she cleans him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saturday with these guys I had originally only planned to be one to two chapters, but I keep having new scenes pop into my head! I hope you're enjoying Tora and Poppy's life as parents so far.

Poppy had just finished braiding her hair when she heard Tora and the kids come in the door.

One moment the house was quiet and still, and then the next Lily and Violet swept in like a whirlwind, their chatter and giggles filling the hallway, shoes strewn in their wake as they ran to their room to play.

A few moments behind the girls, Tora quietly entered carrying Joey, a relaxed smile on his face as the toddler happily jabbered away about the cars and buses he’d seen on their outing. 

With two older sisters who were more than happy to speak for him, Joey had started talking late but quickly caught up, especially when it came to bugs and anything on wheels. His eyes widened as he caught sight of Poppy, and he excitedly launched into recounting the things he’d seen for her.

Joey’s dark hair was tousled, and he’d smeared something up the side of his face while he’d been out. The toddler looked like his dad except for the big brown eyes that he’d gotten from Poppy. He continued in his animated discourse as Tora dropped a little kiss on Poppy’s cheek and then handed their son over to her.

“Oh, you saw two buses, huh?” Poppy said, smiling as Joey settled into her arms, his bright eyes intent on hers. “And three blue cars? Wow!”

“Feeling better, sweetheart?” Tora asked as he reached down to pull off his running shoes. 

Poppy hummed happily and nodded as she ran her fingers through Joey’s messy hair, attempting to tame it somewhat while their son chattered on. 

Tora’s smile grew wider and his dimples came out as he stepped closer and lightly tugged on one of her braids. “You look pretty darn cute right now,” he said. He leaned in for another kiss but Poppy giggled and pushed him away. 

“Ew, you’re all sweaty!” she said with a laugh. “Go take a shower and then you can kiss me.” 

Tora arched an eyebrow at Poppy and then rubbed his face against her cheek, eliciting a squeal from his wife. “Gross! I just got all clean, mister!” she protested, pushing his face away. She tried to frown at him, but the smile wouldn’t quite leave the corners of her mouth. 

Tora chuckled and patted her on the head, then ruffled Joey’s hair, undoing any tidying Poppy had managed to accomplish. She stuck out her tongue at him, and Tora laughed, patting her shoulder as he headed past her down the hall.

Poppy’s smile faded as she noticed a hitch in his gait just before he disappeared around the corner.

She poked her head into the hallway and caught sight of Tora limping slightly, a hand rubbing his lower back on the same side where his scar was, as he stepped into their bedroom to grab a change of clothes. Her brows knit together in concern and she shook her head at her husband; he wasn’t in his twenties anymore and needed to be more careful. The man didn’t seem to know the meaning of “take it easy.”

She blew out a breath and Joey copied her, furrowing his brows and screwing his face into an exaggerated version of her unhappy expression. Poppy chuckled at her son and ran her fingers through his hair again.

“Mommy mad?” Joey asked, his big brown eyes searching her face.

“No, buddy, not mad. Just…” What _was_ she feeling?

Concerned for her husband’s well being. Worried that he was in pain. Frustrated that Tora had pushed himself too hard and was trying to hide that he was hurting. Wishing she could go back in the past and stop him from getting injured in the first place. Too many layers of emotion that were far too complex to easily explain to the toddler in her arms.

“Just a little sad," she finally settled on. "Your dad’s back hurts sometimes, and I don’t like to see him in pain. He needs to learn to slow down a little bit and not overdo it,” she said to her son, booping his nose as she headed towards the kitchen. 

Poppy grabbed a washcloth and went to work cleaning off Joey’s face and hands, though she knew perfectly well he’d get more grime on him almost immediately. Little kids just seemed to be magnets for sticky substances no matter what they did.

She knew that she’d been the same at that age, remembering stories her Granny used to tell, though she was thankful that none of her kids seemed to have inherited her klutziness - they were all far more coordinated than she’d been growing up. She was grateful that their children had inherited Tora’s agility and motor skills. None of them needed helmets when they were just walking around like Poppy had as a child. Tora still liked to tease her about that occasionally and she let him, because he didn’t have any cute, silly stories like that from his childhood. 

Her husband had been forced at a young age to grow up way too fast. He hadn’t had anyone lovingly fuss over him the way Poppy was currently doing with Joey. She bit her lip as she felt a hint of tears gathering at the edge of her eyes.

Oh, he’d had some good adults in his life who looked out for him - Joey was named for one of them after all - but it wasn’t the same thing as being able to run to parents who would kiss boo-boos and brush away tears and all those other little acts of comfort and love. Tora had never told Poppy all the details of his abuse at the hands of Vincent Balthuman, she just knew it had been brutal and he’d barely survived. She didn’t think there was much reason to dredge up that period of his life if he didn’t need to.

Old habits died hard, Poppy reminded herself. Tora was used to hiding his pain because it’d been a necessary survival skill for most of his life. She didn’t need to rag on him for overdoing it, whatever the reason might be - he was fully aware of his old injury and had made the decision to push it on his run.

Though it frustrated her to see him dealing with pain that was fully preventable, he wasn’t a child and didn’t need a lecture from her. Tora had comforted her last night when she’d been hurting, so maybe she could return the favor and fuss over him a little bit today too.

Poppy finished wiping off Joey’s face and took him to his room to play. As she walked past the bathroom with him, she heard the shower start running.

She set the toddler down by his toys, and he gleefully ran to his stuffed animals piled on the floor and started the process of stacking them in a new spot. He’d be fine for a little bit, Poppy thought to herself, though she left his door cracked open so she could easily check in on him.

She peeked into the girls’ room and was relieved to see them already deeply involved in creating some new world out of Legos.

She crossed her fingers and silently prayed that the calm would last for at least 15 minutes as she headed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. 


	9. A Little More Fussing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy fusses over Tora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little sweet and slightly sexy action for ya.  
> I love writing their banter so much. I don't even have to think about it - it's like I'm just watching their conversation unfold in front of me.

“Mommy mad?” 

Tora’s ears perked up and he leaned back towards the bedroom door when he overheard Joey’s question from down the hall.

Wasn’t Poppy just smiling a moment ago? Why would she be upset all of a sudden?

“No, buddy, not mad. Just….just a little sad. Your dad’s back hurts sometimes, and I don’t like to see him in pain. He needs to learn to slow down a little bit and not overdo it.” 

Poppy’s quiet response made Tora momentarily pause with chagrin as he realized he’d been caught - she must have glimpsed him limping. He thought he’d successfully concealed that his body was starting to ache, the pain radiating out from the scar wrapped around his side. But his wife’s observation skills could be just as sharp as his own, especially when it came to him and the kids. 

Tora sighed as he pulled out a fresh change of clothes from the closet and headed towards the shower, closing the bathroom door behind him softly. He was most likely in for another well-intentioned scolding about pushing himself too hard. 

He could understand where Poppy was coming from - he hated seeing her in pain too - but he didn’t want to hold back more than he absolutely needed to and chafed at admitting any weakness. It was an injury more than a decade old, it pissed him off that it seemed to be hurting more readily of late.

Most of his life had been lived with the philosophy of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” which had gotten him through his teens and twenties...but he _was_ getting older, his body taking longer to recover from things these days. If he had to catch his wife falling out of a tree now, he wouldn’t have just a sore neck for his trouble.

Tora rubbed the back of his head and admitted to himself that Poppy was right - he did need to be more careful. Didn’t mean he had to like it though. 

He grumbled as he stepped into the shower, his muscles protesting more loudly now. Knowing he had to walk back to the park later and sit on a hard bench or stand the whole time while the kids played was not helping his mood. Stretching out on the couch sounded like a far more appealing activity for the afternoon.

But he’d already told the girls they’d go back to play after lunch, and he hated disappointing his kids. If he made a promise to them, he tried very hard not to go back on it. So playground first, then hopefully he’d have some time to put his feet up for a while. 

A shooting pain momentarily flared down his back into his leg, and Tora hissed. Okay, maybe put his feet up and use that back wrap thing Poppy had bought him recently. He turned the water as hot as he could stand, hoping it would help his aching muscles relax. 

A few minutes later, he heard the door open and then click shut while he was rinsing out his hair. He listened to Poppy’s footsteps, her opening the linen closet and rifling through it, then her setting something on the vanity. Tora didn’t hear her leave, and assumed she was fixing her hair. Maybe Joey had pulled one of her braids loose. 

He turned off the water, and reached without looking for the towel he’d hung next to the shower. His hand didn’t find anything on the hook, and Tora pulled the curtain aside to find Poppy sitting perched on the vanity holding his towel. He arched an eyebrow at her, wondering why she’d been waiting for him. 

“Coming to chew me out?” he asked as he crossed his arms. 

Poppy met his gaze, her face serious as she raised an eyebrow back at him. Then her expression softened and she shook her head. “You don’t need a lecture, Tora. You’re in pain - and don’t try to deny it,” she said firmly, pointing at him to emphasize her point. “So you’re going to let me help you dry off, then take some of these,” she paused to grab the bottle of extra strength Tylenol sitting next to her and shake it. “And then I’m going to put tiger balm on those muscles before they cramp up more.” 

Tora blinked at Poppy, momentarily taken aback. That was not the response he’d been expecting. He pushed the wet hair out of his face.

“I’m fine, Poppy,” he said, beckoning for the towel in her hands. 

She pulled it back. “I wasn’t asking,” she said. “Let me take care of you today.” 

Tora made a noncommittal grunt, stepped out of the shower and put his hands on her shoulders. “Sweetheart, I’m okay. I’ll just stretch out on the couch later,” he said, reaching for the towel again.

Poppy huffed at him, not letting him take it from her hands. “You don’t have to pretend like you’re fine with me!” she snapped, keeping her voice low.

She twisted away and hopped up onto the closed toilet seat, drawing herself up so she could glare down at him. She poked Tora in the chest, continuing with her rant, “I’m your wife, it’s my job to fuss over you sometimes! So you can stand here naked and fight about it until the kids come knocking, or you can shut up and just let me take care of you.” She flicked the towel over her shoulder and then copied Tora’s stance, hands on her hips, staring him down with that intense “I’m not taking any shit” look he secretly loved. 

Tora threw up his hands in exasperation as he snapped, “Jesus, woman. Fine!”

He glared back at her, but couldn’t stop the thought popping up that his wife was incredibly sexy right now. He actually really enjoyed when she got all fierce and demanding; literally no one else ever dared to try to boss him around like this. 

Poppy leaned in closer, their noses almost touching, her face still stern. “Plus, how often do I get the chance these days to run my hands all over you when you’re wet and naked?” she said. 

Tora choked, his mouth dropping open and eyes widening in surprise. Poppy held his gaze for another moment, and then she broke into laughter. 

“Oh god, your face! I wish I had a camera just now to capture your expression,” she giggled. 

Tora narrowed his eyes at her. “This is just a ploy to get me alone with my clothes off, isn’t it," he said as he crossed his arms. "You just want to take advantage of my body.”

Poppy giggled again, “Pssh, I wish! Not much we can do right now unfortunately.”

Tora reached out and grabbed her hands, jerking her towards him. Poppy started to protest, which he cut off by capturing her lips in a deep kiss. He held both of her hands with one of his, bringing them to his chest. Tora rested his other hand on her hip and then slid it around to her rear end, giving it a little squeeze before stroking up her back. He caressed the side of her neck, then cupped the back of her head, keeping her close. Poppy sighed happily, melting into him, her fingers pressing into his damp skin.

Tora reluctantly pulled his lips away from hers after a minute. “As much as I’d love to stand here making out with you all day, I should probably get dressed,” he said.

“Can’t say I’m not enjoying the view though,” Poppy said with a little smirk. 

His quiet laughter vibrated into her fingers as he released her hands. 

She lifted the towel off her shoulder. “Since I’m already up here anyways, turn around and I’ll start with your hair.”

Tora muttered something about bossy women but did as she said. 

Poppy toweled off his head and then moved down his back and arms, hopping off the toilet seat as she went. She paused on his lower back, carefully patting the towel over his scar. She gingerly placed her hand on his side for a moment, and Tora couldn’t prevent the spasm that clenched his aching muscles. He sucked in a breath and forced out a slow exhale.

Poppy raised her eyebrows at him and then pointedly looked at the Tylenol sitting on the vanity; he obediently downed a couple pills without a word. She continued drying him off, and Tora realized, looking him over for any further signs of injury, her fingers lightly brushing over his skin. 

Finally satisfied, Poppy gave his butt an appreciative pat and handed him his pants, then gestured for him to sit down once he’d gotten them on. Tora looked at her in confusion.

“I want to do your hair too,” she said.

“It’s fine, I was just gonna put it back up in a bun anyways,” he said. 

Poppy just gave him a look that communicated loud and clear that she wasn’t taking no for an answer today. “Uh huh, and when was the last time you actually combed it?” she asked archly. 

“I combed it in the shower,” he protested.

“Running your fingers through it doesn’t count.”

Tora rolled his eyes and heaved a put-upon sigh, but they both knew she’d won. He carefully plopped down on the toilet seat then looked over his shoulder at Poppy smiling smugly at him.

“No matching braids with you. Pigtails would ruin my street cred,” he said with as serious a face as he could muster. 

Poppy snickered and ran a comb through his hair. “You don’t have any street cred Mr. I-drive-a-minivan-and-wear-cargo-pants,” she teased. “You’re the Tiger of Naptime and Hugs Street now.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know they’re called ‘tactical pants,’ thank you very much,” Tora tried to say with grave dignity but failed at keeping the smile out of his voice. “And ‘Naptime and Hugs Street,’ huh? You know I wouldn’t have it any other way, sweetheart. I’m much happier being a dad and picking goldfish crackers out of my hair than I ever was maintaining my reputation as a big scary thug and having to clean blood out of my clothes.”

He closed his eyes and leaned back into Poppy’s hands as she started to massage her fingers into his scalp. He absolutely loved when she played with his hair, and honestly didn’t care what she did with it.

Poppy thoroughly combed out any tangles and then pulled back the strands hanging in his face, securing it into a simple half ponytail, leaving the rest of his hair to flow free. Her hands lifted off his head for a moment and then Tora felt her thumbs kneading into the base of his skull. He groaned as she found all the tight spots and worked to release them; for having such tiny hands, his wife was surprisingly good at massaging the tension out of him.

His lips quirked up impishly at another thought - she was good at relieving other kinds of tension too. 

Tora opened his mouth to say something pervy just to get a rise out of her when his side spasmed again and forced an annoyed, pained grunt out of him. Poppy’s hands stilled on his neck and then slid around to his chest to pull him back into her for a hug, her cheek resting on the back of his head.

“I really hate seeing you in pain, you know,” she said. “But you don’t have to be so _damn_ stubborn about hiding it from me either. You should know by now you don’t need to maintain the tough guy act with me. I’m not going to think less of you for needing my support, okay? 

Tora sighed and reached up to clasp Poppy’s hands in his, absently running his thumb across the textured surface of her wedding ring. “Yeah, I know, you’re right, sweetheart. It’s still not easy for me to ask for help though.”

Her arms tightened, holding him closer. “How about just let me take care of you sometimes without raising a big stink about it first? I can usually tell when you need something from me without you having to spell it out.” 

“How did I get so lucky to marry you?” Tora asked, lifting one of her hands to his mouth to kiss it. 

Poppy nuzzled into his hair. “Hmm, I could ask you the same thing,” she said. She stayed there for a moment and then pulled her hands out of his and patted his shoulders before stepping away. “Alright, mister, don’t think I forgot about the tiger balm. It’ll be easier for me to do that if you’re laying down, so get your cute booty to bed. I’ll be in after I make sure the kids aren’t trying to kill each other or destroying anything important.” 

Tora chuckled as he stood up. This time Poppy caught his mischievous grin. She rolled her eyes at him and swatted at his arm. 

“What was that for?” he said with mock surprise. “I didn’t even say anything.” His dimples came out as his smile widened. 

“You didn’t need to - I know exactly what you’re thinking, you old perv,” Poppy said with a sniff, tossing his towel at him, and flouncing out of the room.

She stuck her head back in a moment later, pinning him with a gaze that allowed no protest as she continued, “I’m serious though, go lay down on the bed, and I’ll try to work on some of those kinks in your back.”

“Mm, I’d like to work on some other kinks with you,” he said quietly, waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively.

“Ugh, you’re incorrigible!" she huffed at him. "You know perfectly well what I meant. Go lay down and don’t move.” Her eyes flashed at him, though the corners of her mouth twitched up before she marched away. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Tora said, snickering under his breath as he made his way to their bedroom.

+++++++++++++++

Poppy thanked her lucky stars that the girls were deeply involved in the creation of their Lego world, and Joey had conked out in his pile of stuffed animals for the time being. She hurried into her and Tora’s room, not wanting to waste any time; this quiet wouldn’t last, and she wanted to take advantage of it while she could. 

She found her husband still shirtless and stretched out face down in the middle of their bed. Poppy gently sat down next to him, and then pulled out the tiger balm from a drawer in her bedside table. She’d moved it to her side of the bed since she always ended up putting it on him anyways - he didn’t use it otherwise. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” she asked softly, scooting closer to Tora and laying a hand gently over his kanji tattoo. 

“Like my stupid fuckin’ side hurts,” came the muffled reply. 

“Hey, language. Little walls have ears, remember? That’s all I need is Lily teaching her friends _more_ swear words she overheard from you,” Poppy said archly as she skimmed her hands over Tora’s back, checking for any particularly tight spots. 

“Okay, fine - like my stupid _fudging_ side hurts,” he grumbled as she started kneading up his spine. “And come on, you gotta admit a bunch of eight year olds running around yelling ‘dumbass arsebadger’ and ‘douchecanoe’ was pretty hilarious. There are _way_ worse ones she could have told them.”

“That doesn’t make it better!” she sputtered. “You’re not the one who had to apologize to all their parents about it.”

“In my defense, I’m pretty sure Lily came up with that first one on her own. I would never use ‘arse’ and ‘ass’ right next to each other - too repetitive,” her husband said matter of factly.

Poppy made an exasperated noise as she rubbed her thumbs into the base of Tora’s neck and worked her way down to his shoulders. “I’m not even going to ask _why_ our daughter would have overheard you say ‘arsebadger,’” she said, her attention on his left shoulder. She worked the tiger balm over the large peony and leaves inked into his skin. 

“Let’s just say, I was actually trying to not use something worse,” Tora quietly admitted a moment later.

Poppy let out a long sigh as she moved over to massage his right shoulder, following the curves of the koi fish tattooed there. “You’re really not helping your case right now,” she muttered. 

“Hey, I am _significantly_ less profane than when you met me,” Tora protested, lifting his head to look over his shoulder at her. 

“That’s really not saying much, Mr. Potty Mouth,” she said, leveling an unamused look back at her husband.

“Well, we can’t all-- _shit!”_ he cut off with a groan, letting his head fall down on the pillow as Poppy started carefully working the muscles closer to his old injury. She could feel him tensing up as he tried to hide how much it actually hurt.

“Sorry, I’m trying to be as gentle as possible,” she said. “I think it’s already inflamed, so I’m not going to dig into it. You should put some ice on it later and then use that back wrap I got for you.” She carefully applied tiger balm around the scar, skimming her hands down to slide just under his pants waistband. 

“Mmm, you can keep going, sweetheart,” Tora said, glancing back at her again and smirking.

“Oh, I am, but you’re not going to like it. I promise you’ll appreciate this later, but it’s not going to be very fun right now,” Poppy said as she leaned down and then pressed her elbows into his glutes. 

“Fuuu--dge. Goddamn it,” Tora ground out. He dropped his face back into the pillow and muttered a lengthy string of curses quietly enough that Poppy couldn’t make them out. 

After a few minutes, she switched back to her hands, using her knuckles to work out the ropey knots in his muscles. Tora finally lifted his head back up. “You know, normally - oof - I wouldn’t mind having your hands all over my ass, but - ugh - for someone so tiny, you sure are brutal, Bobby,” he grumbled.

“You’ll thank me later when you can walk without limping,” she said primly, continuing massaging down his legs. 

Poppy worked all the way to the soles of Tora’s feet and then went back over him in reverse, checking that nothing was still spasming. She could feel that her husband’s muscles were significantly more relaxed than when she’d been drying him off in the bathroom. His breathing had evened out, and she was pretty sure he was even starting to drift off a bit. She would always love how safe and relaxed Tora felt around her, that he let his guard down so completely.

She finished up by pulling his ponytail loose and giving him a thorough head massage, making sure to work down the sides of his jaw. Even though he was still so careful about maintaining a neutral expression most of the time, her husband tended to carry a lot of tension in his face.

Poppy skimmed her hands lightly over Tora one more time, finishing up by tenderly tracing the parts she could see of the three flowers inked around his left ribs, one for each of their children. An orange tiger lily for their oldest, a purple water lily for Violet, and the most recent addition for Joey, a soft peachy pink sword lily. Her husband’s little garden, nestled near his heart. 

The large tattoo he’d gotten to express his love and commitment to her was currently hidden from view under his pajama pants, but Poppy didn’t need to see the red poppies and dark green leaves that flowed from his hip all the way down his right leg to his ankle to recall exactly what they looked like. She’d had almost twelve years now to become well acquainted with the tattoo that had been as good as a marriage proposal and wedding vows rolled into one when he’d first revealed it to her.

She was still incredibly touched that she meant so much to him that he’d been willing to endure over thirty hours total of having needles repeatedly stabbed into some very sensitive areas. While she loved their wedding rings - the other’s fingerprint of their forefinger engraved into the surface of their respective gold band, hers inlaid with several tiny sparkly diamonds at Tora’s insistence - the moment Poppy had first laid eyes on such a permanent expression of his love, she’d broken down into a flood of happily overwhelmed tears, immediately knowing what he was telling her by forever making her namesake flowers a part of him.

Tora stirred a bit as she slipped off the bed. “Thought I was giving you a break today,” he murmured sleepily. 

Poppy smiled and caressed his head. “You did. Doesn’t mean I can’t return the favor. You can rest for a bit now too,” she said as she leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time for lunch okay?”

“M’kay,” Tora mumbled at her. She was pretty sure he was completely out by the time she made it to the door.

Poppy walked out and closed the bedroom door silently with a grateful sigh. She pinched herself just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming; she still couldn’t get over the fact that she’d been able to drink a full mug of coffee while it was still hot, let alone have more than 20 minutes of alone time with her husband. She thanked everything for aligning just right so that she and Tora actually got that much uninterrupted time together while the kids were awake. 

This had been a fantastic Saturday, and it wasn’t even lunch time yet!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if "little walls have ears" is actually a phrase anyone else uses - it's something my Mom used to say all the time when I was younger, and I think it's just such a funny mom thing to say.


	10. A Nap And Some Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora gets a nap, the kids eat lunch, and the neighbor shares something unsettling.

Tora woke up, having not moved an inch, to Poppy gently running her fingernails across his scalp as her soft voice washed over him. He felt completely boneless and relaxed. Damn, his wife really did have the magic touch.

It took his brain a moment to come back online and then her words suddenly clarified, “--have lunch soon, Tora. You probably don’t want to sleep through that.”

“You’re making it very difficult to want to get up right now, sweetheart,” he mumbled, yawning and leaning his head back into her fingers.

He sighed and stretched, rolling his shoulders and testing his muscles for any stiffness. There was still some lingering pain, but it had settled down to a much more manageable dull ache. 

Poppy giggled and Tora raised a brow in question at her. “You’re just so cute right now, like a great big kitty cat,” she answered with a grin, lightly scritching her fingernails down to his neck. Her eyes glittered mischievously as she said, “Will you start purring if I keep going?” 

Tora huffed out a quiet laugh. “You know, normally I’d have some witty, overtly sexual response for that, but my brain is a pile of goo right now," he said contentedly, sleepiness still wrapped around him like a cozy blanket. "So just insert your innuendo of choice today, Bobby. Then you can punch my arm before walking away muttering about how much of a perv I am while you try to hide your smile. Sound like a plan?”

Poppy lightly whacked him on the back of the head with a pillow. “You’re ridiculous you know that,” she snorted. 

“And we both know you love it,” Tora said as he pushed himself up carefully. 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, hot stuff,” Poppy said lightly, though he could see her watching him for any signs of discomfort. 

Tora rubbed the back of his neck, rolling his head from side to side. “Are you sure you only gave me Tylenol? Because I feel significantly better than-” he glanced at the clock, “-an hour and a half ago.” He was pleasantly surprised that the pain had lessened so much after such a short rest. 

“Maybe I just have the healing touch,” Poppy said wiggling her fingers at him. “Or maybe taking a hot shower, letting me baby you a little, and actually laying down for a little bit wasn’t such a bad idea after all, huh?”

Tora was about to respond when they heard an indignant shriek from one of the girls followed by a heated argument getting underway. 

“Welp, it was fun while it lasted. I put on some cartoons, and I’m guessing there’s a disagreement about which one should be next,” Poppy said as she headed out the door. “I’m actually impressed they managed to not get into a fight until now. Pretty sure that’s a new record.” 

Poppy hustled down the hallway, and then Tora heard her breaking up the fight with practiced ease. “Hey, let’s use our words with each other, and keep our hands to ourselves, okay? You got to watch Princess Tales, so now she gets to watch Pokemon….Yes, I know you’d rather watch another episode of your show. But you have to compromise sometimes, which means you don’t always get exactly what you want.”

There was a long pause, and then he heard his wife say incredulously, “Alright, who put glitter glue in Joey’s hair? And don’t try to tell me he drew a smiley face on the back of his own head.”

Tora took that as his cue to make his way to the living room. Time to tag team on corralling the munchkins and getting some food into everyone. 

++++

As usual, the kids took their sweet time working on the meal, though it was less eating and more trying to poke each other and poorly hide the things they didn’t want to eat.

It wasn’t that their children were particularly picky eaters, the kids were just very opinionated on what food they wanted on any given day. Sometimes it was cheese. Sometimes it was chocolate milk. Today it was strawberries, which made both Tora and Poppy smile. 

“Must be genetic,” she muttered as she cut up more of the fruit and handed it off to Tora to bring to the table. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said with a straight face, swiping a couple berries off the counter on his way by.

He sat down at the table and took a bite, winking at Poppy as she headed over to join him. He looked just as happy with the extra strawberries as the kids, which Poppy couldn’t help but grin at. It really was just too adorable. 

Lunch was eventually finished, the glitter glue was confiscated and cleaned up, and matching shoes were located for all three sets of squirrely feet.

They finally made it outside with minimal fuss, though Poppy couldn’t figure out how even though they’d just been out with Tora that morning, somehow the kids’ shoes had been scattered throughout multiple rooms. It was honestly like living with tiny walking tornadoes somedays. 

As they started to make their way down the street, the girls had to stop to pet their neighbor’s little punt dog first. Tora had told his wife it reminded him of a mop the first time he’d seen the old lady out walking the pup, which Poppy secretly agreed with. She had made him swear to never say that in front of the kids though, as she just knew they’d repeat it at the most inopportune moment. 

While her dog could be slightly annoying, Mrs. Everett was a sweetie and loved chatting with the neighborhood kids; she kept a watchful eye on the street when any children were out playing.

Poppy appreciated the older woman’s willingness to babysit on occasion, so that she and Tora could get a break - the opportunity for an extended uninterrupted conversation was rare otherwise. They didn’t do anything glamorous these days - the two of them getting any decent amount of alone time together was gift enough in Poppy’s opinion. Usually it just meant grabbing a bite to eat and going grocery shopping or running other errands. 

They didn’t take Mrs. Everett up on her standing offer to babysit too often though, as Tora struggled with leaving their kids in the care of others. As the kids got older, he was slowly becoming more willing to use a babysitter, but Poppy still caught him sometimes hesitating to walk out the door, looking at their children with such ferocious love and fierce protectiveness burning in his eyes that it made her heart ache for him. 

Poppy wasn’t sure exactly how old her husband had been when he’d fallen into the clutches of Vincent Balthuman, just that it was at a very young age; even if she would never be able to fully understand, since her childhood was so different from his, she empathized with the lingering fears Tora carried from his hellish upbringing.

Poppy’s most haunting nightmare was Tora dying at her feet and not being able to do anything to stop it - for Tora it was his family being ripped away from him and coming to harm. She always knew the nights when those dreams tortured him, because as soon as he startled awake he’d reach out to pull her into a tight embrace and then immediately go check on the kids. He had to rest his hand on their heads, listen to their slow steady breathing, see each child sleeping peacefully to reassure himself that they were safe, and then he’d come back to bed, curling around Poppy and holding her close. It always took a long time for his heart rate to finally slow and return to normal on those nights. 

Poppy lifted her face towards the summer sun shining down on her little family, trying to let the sunshine clear away the lingering shadows in her mind. The blue sky and little puffy clouds overhead, the warm summer breeze, the sound of her children laughing, Tora’s solid presence beside her - it was almost enough to completely silence the remaining whispers of fear from last night. She was actually doing a pretty good job of it until she and Tora were talking with Mrs. Everett for a few minutes as the girls played with the dog. Their neighbor chatted about the weather, what a couple families on the street were up to, and then she said something that had Poppy’s ears on alert. 

“Oh, you’re heading over to that new play area at the park? I’d keep a close eye on the kids, dearies," Mrs. Everett told them. "Though I suppose you’re not likely to have any trouble with Thomas along with you. You probably make anyone think twice about bothering your family, isn’t that right?”

Tora and Poppy shared a quick concerned glance before Poppy asked with a feigned nonchalance, “What’s there to be worried about, Mrs. Everett? The new playground is so nice, so many families are already using it.”

The older woman hmphed in agreement, glanced down at the kids, and then walked closer to Poppy, lowering her voice, “I’ve seen some off-putting young men when I’ve been there walking Bosco recently. So rude, littering and acting like they owned the place. They’re not from around here, I can tell you that much for sure. Seems like the type looking to stir up trouble, so I’d make sure the kids don’t wander off where you can’t see them. Hopefully they’re just bored college students that will be heading back to school in the fall, but….” she trailed off, looking intently at Poppy and then Tora. “...but you don’t get to be my age without learning to listen to your gut. There’s always troublemakers looking to cause problems, and my gut says those three are trouble with a capital T,” she said, wagging her finger. 

Poppy felt Tora stiffen beside her. “There were three of them?” he asked calmly, though Poppy caught the edge in his voice. 

“Yes, out near the stream banks. Seen them just loitering around and smoking back in the trees. Dressed far too nicely for a stroll out that way, in my opinion,” their neighbor said tartly. 

Poppy saw Tora’s grip tighten on the stroller handle, and then she suddenly noticed Lily looking over at Mrs. Everett, her golden eyes inquisitive and thoughtful. 

“Well, I’m sure it’s just dumb college students like you said,” Poppy said lightly. “Probably loafing around when they should be working. Isn’t that right, dear?” she said turning to Tora, tilting her head towards Lily taking in the conversation. 

Tora’s gaze flicked over to their daughter and then back to Poppy, his expression impassive.

He smirked at Mrs. Everett as he nonchalantly said, “Yeah, a few wimpy pothead college students are nothing I can’t handle. Hell, one strong look from Poppylan here, and they’ll be high tailing it back where they came from.” Mrs. Everett chuckled as Tora had intended her to, the woman not catching Poppy’s weak smile. He continued, “But thanks for the heads up - we’ll keep an eye out for any troublemakers and send ‘em packing.”

Anyone else would have thought her husband was unperturbed, but Poppy could sense his rising agitation.

She knew they both desperately wished it was as simple as giving someone the stink eye to get rid of trouble. And they both had the experience to know it was _never_ that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that Tora goes by Tom or Thomas to maintain a low profile. He was notorious enough that even living half way across the country from Narin City over a decade after he got out of the mafia, he'd still be careful.


	11. Fretting, Sand, And A Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora frets as they go to the park, Joey gets sand everywhere, and Lily gets in a fight.

They headed to the park, but Tora fought the overwhelming urge the whole way to march his family straight back home and barricade them inside until he could get to the bottom of whatever the hell was going on.

It was one thing for Poppy to notice something odd - when they’d gotten together all those years ago, Tora made sure to drill into her what was important to pay attention to, since in his old life seemingly insignificant things could end up being deadly. But for their elderly neighbor to also be unsettled by what she’d seen? Nope, he didn’t like this _one bit_. 

All of Tora’s senses were on alert, and he felt himself involuntarily slipping into bodyguard mode, automatically scanning the area for any threats. 

The kids hadn’t seemed to pick up on Mrs. Everett’s unease - Lily was the only one who’d paid attention to what the older woman said, but appeared to have been pacified by her parents’ glib responses. Tora didn’t want his children to live in fear of boogeymen, real or imagined....but he knew all too well that there _were_ monsters in the world, and it took so much more than a scowl or blustery posturing to get rid of them. But that was something for him to worry about, not his kids. 

Tora silently walked along, pushing Joey in the stroller, his mind busy trying to tie the threads together of what his wife had seen with Mrs. Everett’s observations, his earlier intention to let it rest until Monday abandoned.

He thought he was doing a decent job of keeping a neutral expression on his face until Poppy gently put her hand on his arm as she walked beside him. 

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly, looking up at him with her big brown eyes full of concern. 

Tora met her gaze, struggling to find the words to articulate the stew of emotions swirling around inside his head. Sometimes his wife could read him so well without either of them having to speak, but right now she needed him to verbalize what was bothering him. He heaved out a heavy sigh, trying to release some of his tension with it. 

“To be honest, sweetheart, no, I’m not. You know how much I hate feeling helpless. This whole thing has me on edge, especially with how it’s affected you,” he said, pitching his voice low to not carry to the girls walking in front of them. Tora rubbed his face and looked away from his wife’s penetrating gaze. “What I really want to do is bash those punks’ heads together so hard that they’ll never think about setting so much as a toe in the park ever again. It makes me incredibly uneasy thinking of them anywhere near you or the kids.” 

Poppy didn’t say anything, sliding her hand down his arm to intertwine her fingers with his. Tora squeezed his wife’s hand gratefully, and they walked along in silence for a few minutes.

He and Poppy watched Lily and Violet scampering around, giggling and bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk playing some new made up game.

Tora eventually released Poppy’s hand to reach down and ruffle Joey’s hair, the toddler throwing his head back to beam up at his dad. Tora couldn’t help the smile that curled up on his own face in response - their children had definitely inherited Poppy’s passion for life. And even though his mind roiled with worry, the kids’ joy was infectious, helping him focus on something other than his agitated thoughts.

Joey comically screwed up his face and blew a raspberry Tora’s way, which made Poppy giggle. 

“Geez, is it really that obvious? I must be losing my touch,” Tora said, puffing his cheeks out and blowing a raspberry back at the toddler. 

“Or maybe it’s just because you don’t have to put up any walls with us,” Poppy murmured, smiling as Tora and Joey continued making silly faces at each other. 

++++

Tora’s back and side were still sore enough that he didn’t want to test out sitting on a hard bench, so he sat in the sand with Joey while the toddler played. Which mostly involved his son scooping up sand and sprinkling it over his shoes and outstretched legs, and then, before Tora could stop him, onto his own head. 

“Yeah, you’re definitely getting a bath when we get home, ya little stinker,” Tora muttered as he attempted to wipe the grit out of the toddler’s hair and face, Joey giggling like he’d just heard the funniest joke in the world. “Seriously, kid, how did you manage to get this dirty in less than 5 minutes?”

Tora heard Poppy laugh and looked up to see his wife shaking her head. “Story of my life these days,” she said, and then turned back to tapping away on her phone, working on her article.

A moment later she snickered and said, “Heads up, dear.”

Tora looked back at Joey just in time to watch their son dump another two handfuls of sand on his head, laughing gleefully as the sand ran down his face and into his clothes. 

“How did you see that from all the way over there when I’m sitting right next to him? You weren’t even looking up,” Tora grumbled as he stood and lifted Joey off the ground, a cascade of sand pouring off the toddler. 

“It’s a known fact all moms have eyes in the back of their heads,” Poppy said with wink. “And he did that a couple weeks ago when we were here, though I managed to stop him from doing it a second time. I think you get to be in charge of bathtime later though - I’m still getting a break today, right?” Poppy giggled as Tora narrowed his eyes at her, Joey joining in her mirth and waving his grubby hands in his dad’s face. 

Tora arched an eyebrow at the toddler, bouncing him up and down a couple times before flipping him upside down. Joey shrieked with laughter as Tora swung him back and forth a few times, keeping a firm grip on his chubby legs, more sand falling off the boy.

He grinned at his son’s unabashed glee, and then glanced up to see Poppy walking over as she shook her head at them, a bemused expression on her face. 

“What? I’m just trying to be efficient. If I flip him a couple more times maybe all the sand will shake it out, and there’ll be less to clean up at home,” Tora said in response to her grin, their upside down son continuing to giggle. 

“Okay, Mr. Efficiency, but I’d really prefer if you didn’t throw your back out for the second time in one day,” Poppy said, smoothly taking Joey’s legs out of Tora’s hands, swaying their son from side to side before setting him down gently on the grass. “I already worked those kinks out once today.”

She realized immediately what she’d just said as Tora’s mouth twitched into an impish grin. “We are in public!” she hissed, pointing an admonishing finger at him, her face going bright red. 

“I didn’t say anything,” he said, trying to look innocent and knowing full well his dimples were on prominent display.

“But you’re thinking it! I can see your pervy little brain going full speed right now,” Poppy said as she shot him a knowing look. 

Tora was very much enjoying how scarlet his wife’s face was. She got even more feisty whenever she was flustered, which he found endearing and hilarious.

He grinned wider, opening his mouth to provoke her more when they heard Violet cry from somewhere nearby. 

After Lily was born, Tora had quickly come to learn that children have all sorts of cries. There were ones for “I’m hungry,” “My diaper is wet,” “I’m bored,” “I want attention,” “I just want to scream because I think it’s fun,” “I’m upset but not hurt,” “I’m in pain or distress and need help,” and many more.

Violet’s cry had him moving at a brisk walk as he immediately recognized his daughter was upset but didn’t seem to be in pain.

A second louder shriek a few moments later had him sprinting, as that one was filled with pain and anger. 

Tora rounded the corner and ducked to look under a slide as he heard Lily scream, “HE IS NOT!” and saw her tackle an older boy and then sucker punch him square in the face, Violet tearfully looking on. The kid grabbed his face as blood spurted out of his nose.

 _Well, she certainly has her mother’s aim_ , Tora thought to himself, both proud and taken aback at his oldest daughter’s fighting prowess.

“Oi! Break it up!” he hollered, wading in to separate the combatants, though Lily seemed to be the only one still itching for a fight.

His daughter was spitting mad, resisting as Tora hauled her off the other kid. Tora set Lily down next to her little sister, pinning her with a silent look to make sure she wasn’t going to launch herself back at the kid before he let go of her. Lily threw her arm around Violet, pulling her close.

Satisfied that Lily would stay put, Tora turned back to the kid on the ground, kneeling down to check him over. The boy groaned and rolled over onto his side, a thin trickle of blood dripping through the fingers of the hand clutching his nose.

“Here, let me take a look,” Tora tried to say calmly, his adrenaline still high from hearing both of his daughters so upset. He lifted the kid’s chin to examine his nose.

“What, you gonna punch me too? Fuck off, old man!” the boy spat out, jerking his face out of Tora’s hand.

Violet gasped and Lily snarled behind Tora. 

“Big talk for the kid who just got taken down by an eight year old,” Tora said, his anger rising. “What are ya, ten?”

“Eleven!” 

“So, big tough eleven year old, ya thought ya could just push my girls around, huh? Real damn mature of ya,” Tora growled. He could tell he was really worked up, slipping back into his old speech patterns. 

The boy paled under Tora’s furious gaze, but still managed to indignantly say, “She hit me first!” 

Tora sighed, glancing back over his shoulder. “That true, Lily?” he asked her.

His daughter met his gaze, her golden eyes hot and angry, lifting her chin defiantly, though Tora noticed her mouth was quivering. He was surprised to see she was struggling not to cry.

“He deserved it, Dad!” she protested. “He was being mean to Vivi and then me when I told him to stop!”

Tora’s brows knit together in confusion as he took in his daughter’s current state.

While Lily was scrappy, she didn’t generally make a habit of jumping in swinging. She was normally fine returning insults with her own, sprinkling in choice invectives she’d picked up from Tora. That was usually enough to chase off most bullies. Her temper could flare up fast, but it also dissipated pretty quickly. The fact that she was on the verge of tears made Tora’s already agitated state worse.

“And you thought that was a good reason to punch him in the face?” Tora asked.

As soon as he saw the trickle of tears start sliding down her face, he realized his tone with Lily had been too harsh, filled with his tension and worry from the past day.

She glared at him, her eyes flashing with hurt, before whirling away and running off. 

“Hey! Lily!” he called after her, rising to his feet in alarm. 

Thankfully at that moment, Poppy finally caught up, having been slower than Tora due to needing to stop and scoop up Joey before she could make her way over. His wife took in the situation with one sweeping look, including their oldest daughter sprinting off towards the woods as fast as she could. 

“Go after her,” she said to Tora. “I’ll take care of this, dear.”

“You sure?” he asked, reaching down to place a reassuring hand on Violet’s head. 

Poppy nodded. “Mediating fights is a daily occurrence for me at this point...though they don’t _usually_ involve bloodshed,” she said, glancing down at the bleeding boy still laying on the ground.

Tora squeezed Poppy’s shoulder gratefully and then turned to run after their daughter. 

“I’m guessing that’s your mother coming over here now?” he heard his wife ask as he broke into a jog.

Lily was just disappearing into the trees, and Tora really didn’t want to lose sight of her today. All he wanted to do was wrap his daughter up in a big hug and not let go for a while.


	12. A Talk In The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora and Lily have a good heart-to-heart talk and take a walk.

Tora made it to the edge of the trees less than a minute after Lily, his much longer legs helping him easily gain on her head start. He could hear his daughter crashing through the undergrowth - she wasn’t doing anything to try to hide from him, which he took as a good sign - and then caught sight of her tiger hat flashing through the greenery as she ran.

Tora guessed she was only focused on putting as much distance as possible between her and whatever had just happened at the playground.

He would have been able to catch up to her right away if not for needing to navigate around areas that she could simply run straight through, his larger frame hindering easy passage over downed trees and around overgrown bushes. 

After a few minutes, Tora slowed his pace as he realized where they were heading.

Lily’s path was angling towards the stream and the larger trees that grew near the banks. The two of them had explored that part of the park many times over the years, Tora having discovered early on that his daughter shared his appreciation for the tranquility and solitude found off the more well traveled paths. There was a special peacefulness they shared sitting together hidden back in the trees, just laying there and watching the clouds, observing the occasional animal scurrying by, not another soul able to tell they were there.

Originally it started because Tora wanted to give Poppy some alone time to rest when she was pregnant with Violet, and he thought it’d be a fun way to kill an hour or two with his then-toddler daughter.

But over the years it had become Lily’s favorite one-on-one activity with him. Whenever she was feeling overwhelmed or wanted to talk about something or just needed time away from her siblings, she’d grab his hand and quietly ask, “Can we go for a walk in the trees, Daddy?” Even in the dead of winter, if she asked he’d make the time to go.

Tora paused to duck under some low hanging branches and then had to watch his footing as he carefully picked his way over the scattered remains of a couple fallen trees, mindful of the lingering ache in his back and side.

When he looked up again, he saw Lily in the process of scrambling up a tree. She settled on one of the lower branches, pretending to not watch him from the corner of her eye as he finished making his way over.

Tora quietly sidled up to the tree, folded his arms and propped them up on the branch Lily was sitting on - it was just low enough for him to be able to comfortably rest his chin on his forearm and easily glance over at his daughter.

She sat there looking ahead, jaw tight, fists clenched in her lap, the tears still wet on her face. After a moment, she let out a shaky breath and used the sleeve of her shirt to vigorously scrub her face.

Once she was still again, Tora reached out and gently tugged the ears on her hat, getting her to turn and look at him. He wiped her cheek with his thumb, clearing away the last trace of tears, then set his hand palm up on her knee.

Lily took his invitation, grabbing on to his fingers with both of her hands and holding tight.

“Hey,” Tora murmured. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. That wasn’t okay to do. I’m upset, but not at you.”

Lily looked down at her lap and poked at his fingers. “You’re not mad at me?” she asked tentatively. 

“Nope. Honestly, I’m kinda impressed. You took down a kid way bigger than you with just a single punch,” Tora said, making sure she could hear the admiration in his voice. “But I do want you to tell me the real reason you tried to beat the snot out of him. We both know you’re good at putting bullies in their place with just your words, so it wasn’t because he said something stupid about you or your sister. What got you all worked up?”

Lily met Tora’s gaze and held it for a long moment, a flurry of emotions whirling in her eyes as she searched his face. Then she let go of his hand and pulled her hat down over her eyes, muttering something too fast for him to catch.

Tora had to ask her to repeat it.

Lily slouched, her hands still gripping her hat. “He was saying really mean things...about you, and wouldn’t stop it...so I made him stop,” she said quietly.

Tora blinked, momentarily taken aback. That was not at all what he’d been expecting.

“Lily, that’s really sweet of you to stick up for your old man, but besides your mom, you, Vivi, and Joey, I don’t give a fu--flying fig what anyone else thinks about me, especially some snotty nosed brat,” he said. “It’ll take way more than a few lame insults to hurt my feelings. I’ve dealt with way worse, kid, trust me.”

Lily’s bottom lip trembled, her eyes still hidden under her tiger hat. “But I don’t like hearing people talk about you that way, Dad!" she said, her voice shaking with anger. "Just because you have tattoos doesn’t mean you’re a bad guy and hurt people. You’re _not_ mean or scary! And your eyes _aren’t_ creepy!”

Tora frowned, the gears turning in his head. “Did he say something about _your_ eyes looking creepy too?” he asked. 

Lily bit her lip and nodded.

Tora sighed, feeling his heart ache for his little girl. He vaguely remembered people saying dumb things about his eyes when he was a kid, but he’d been a lot more focused on surviving the abuse and torture inflicted on him. Strangers thinking his eyes were weird was the least of his worries back then.

And though he didn’t care what others thought when they looked at _him,_ Tora certainly didn’t want his daughter to feel any of that judgement weighing on her just because she happened to share his looks.

“C’mere, Kodora,” he said, reaching up and pulling Lily off the branch, cradling her like a baby in his arms.

He sat down on the ground and just held her close, wishing he could protect his little tiger from all the cruel and disparaging words people would throw her way. Tora pushed her hat up above her eyes then lifted her chin with a gentle finger so she’d meet his gaze. Lily looked up at him, her amber eyes more sad than angry now.

He wanted to assure her that he’d always be able to keep her safe, but he tried not to make false promises to his kids. Though it made his heart ache, Tora knew the world would find ways to hurt his daughter; he wasn’t naïve enough to believe she’d never have her heart broken.

But he would do his best to help her stand tall with the knowledge that she had her parents’ unwavering love no matter what life threw her way.

“I wish I could tell you differently, kiddo, but people can be really stupid and awful sometimes," he told her solemnly. "But just because they say something doesn’t mean you have to listen to it, especially when it’s straight up garbage. I’ve learned people dump on others when they feel bad about themselves. Unhappy people look for those who stand out and try to cut them down to feel as small as they do. You and me? We stand out, and those fu--freaking idiots don’t like that,” Tora said, seeing the flicker of understanding in Lily’s eyes.

He squeezed her tighter as he continued, “There is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with you, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I think you’re _amazing_ and so does your mom. We love you just the way you are.” He emphasized his last sentence by bopping her on the nose with his finger, and he saw a smile start emerging on her face. 

Tora felt Lily relaxing in his embrace, the tension and anger draining out of her as she took in his words. He could see her mulling over what he’d said, her face pensive but more at ease than it’d been before.

After a few moments, she let out a big sigh and snuggled against his chest, her head resting over his heart. Tora quietly sat there, just letting her feel comfort in his love and protection.

No matter how old his kids got, he always wanted them to feel this safe when they were with him. 

After a couple of minutes, Lily had apparently gotten all the cuddles she needed, sitting up and rearranging herself to settle on the ground between his crossed legs. She flopped back against Tora and stuck her legs up in the air. Her face was still contemplative as she looked at her feet silhouetted against the sky, but the anger was pretty much gone. 

“I still don’t like it when people say mean things about you, Dad,” she quietly said after a while. 

“Well, yeah, I don’t _like_ it either,” Tora replied.

Lily’s eyes flicked up to meet his, a question on her face.

He continued, “Just because I choose to not let their dumbass opinions affect how I live my life, doesn’t mean I don’t feel frustrated or hurt sometimes when people say stuff about me that’s not true.” 

Lily giggled and Tora raised an eyebrow at her.

“You said ‘dumbass.’ Mom says we’re not supposed to swear,” she pointed out somewhat smugly. “It sets a bad example for the children,” she said, mimicking Poppy’s voice as she repeated her mother’s often used admonition to Tora about swearing. 

Tora snorted. “Bad example, my butt. You already know that one, _and_ taught it to all your friends,” he muttered in mock annoyance. “Fine, their stupid, prejudiced, overly critical opinions then. Whatever you call it, I don’t actually _enjoy_ hearing people spout crap about me.”

Lily’s face fell again, and she kicked her feet at the clouds before bringing her legs back down to sprawl on the ground.

“Why don’t you say something back and tell them they’re wrong?” she finally asked.

Tora sighed. _If only it were that simple and easy, kid,_ he thought.

“Because I’m not going to waste all my energy trying to convince strangers to think nicer things about me. I know I can look intimidating, and getting up in people’s faces won’t really help them think any differently. If people want to jump to conclusions, that’s their problem not mine,” he said. Lily’s eyes got a determined, steely look, and Tora quickly added, “And I don’t need you going around punching people to defend my honor either, Wildcat. You gotta learn to pick your battles over things that matter.”

She huffed and crossed her arms, annoyed at being found out. “You matter,” she grumbled.

Tora smiled, honestly touched by his daughter’s words. It always did his heart good to hear that his family cared about him. He would never tire of the ready ease with which Poppy and their kids expressed their love and affection for him.

He picked up Lily and set her on her feet to face him, his hands on her shoulders, his eyes intently holding hers.

“Look, I’m not saying you can’t tell them off, but please don’t just rush in swinging. It almost gave me a heart attack seeing you go after that kid. He outweighed you by a good twenty pounds and had about six inches on you. You landed a lucky blow that ended it quickly this time, but I really don’t want to see you get hurt,” Tora said, his chest tight at the thought of Lily getting punched the same way she’d taken out that boy. “I want you to be able to protect yourself if you need to, but I’m not going to teach you how to fight if you’re just going to intentionally run headlong into trouble.”

Lily’s eyes got wide with surprise as she said, “You’re going to teach me how to fight?” She tilted her head at him in confusion as she continued, “How do you know how to do that? I’ve never seen you fight anyone.”

“See, that’s what I mean about learning to pick your battles, kid. There’s almost always another way to solve a problem other than using your fists,” Tora told her, trying to deflect on giving an answer about his past. That wasn’t something he wanted to get into with his kids anytime soon, if ever.

Unfortunately Lily kept looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. Tora tried to keep it brief as he answered lightly, “And I used to get into trouble all the time when I was a kid, and learned the hard way how to keep myself from being a punching bag. Over the years, I picked up some skills and got pretty good at being able to end a fight.” 

_Wasn’t that the understatement of the century. More like tortured by a psychopath into being his ruthless killer_ , he thought bitterly, and then pushed that down. No sense in dwelling on that today - that past was far behind him, and he hadn’t been Vincent Balthuman’s dog for a long time.

He at least could do something better with those skills now and make sure his daughter would be able to defend herself if she had need to.

Lily gave him an unconvinced look, squinting her eyes suspiciously as she asked, “Yeah? How good?”

Tora barked out a laugh as he stood up and brushed off his legs. Of course his daughter wouldn’t be satisfied with that simple answer.

“Let’s just say, good enough that most people didn’t try to mess with me anymore," he told her truthfully. He’d had to make sure anyone who pissed off the Tiger of Ares Street lived to regret it. 

"So I can make sure you know how to fend off a bully if your scathing insults aren’t enough to chase them away,” he said as he reached for her hand. “But we should probably get back to the playground soon. Don’t want your mom to think we ran off to live in the woods.”

Lily giggled as Tora had intended her to, the subject deftly changed without her realizing. 

Tora started heading back the way they’d come, but Lily pulled on his hand.

“Can we walk along the stream a little bit first?” she asked, pointing in the direction of where Poppy had seen those men come from the day before. 

Hell no were they going that way right now.

“I think we’ve left your mom alone with Vivi and Joey long enough. She’s probably wondering where we are, so we should head back,” Tora said. 

Lily stuck out her lip and pouted, not moving her feet as he tugged gently on her hand. “Pleeease,” she whined. 

Tora was not taking her anywhere near that area and was not in the mood to argue about it. “Lily, I said no, we can go out that way another day,” he said firmly. _Once I’ve figured out what the hell those guys are up to and have made sure they’re long gone,_ he said to himself.

“Then how about that way?” she pressed, pointing in the opposite direction along the stream.

Tora gave her _a look_ , but his daughter continued staring up at him with those pleading puppy dog eyes. After a moment, he sighed. It really wouldn’t take that much time to detour near the stream on their way back.

“Okay, fine, we can walk that way, but we need to make it quick,” he relented. “I’ll give you a piggyback ride, so we can move a little faster, okay?”

God, he was such a pushover sometimes. Some big tough guy he was. All the women in his family had him wrapped around their tiny little fingers. Tiger of Naptime and Hugs Street indeed.

Lily excitedly hopped on his back, and Tora set off at a brisk walk. He knew Poppy wouldn’t be happy if she knew he was carrying Lily after the pain he’d been in earlier, but their daughter didn’t even weigh 60 lbs. He could easily lift more than that without any strain.

He’d just gotten up to the stream bank when Lily dropped a question that made him freeze in his tracks. “Dad, you didn’t want to go the other way because of those creepy men that Mom and Mrs. Everett saw, right?”

Tora tried to get moving again, but couldn’t get his legs to respond. Lily suddenly felt very heavy on his back. He felt his jaw involuntarily clench and forced himself to breath evenly and slowly.

Goddamn it, he did not want his kids getting wrapped up in this. But if Lily had already noticed something was off, he wasn’t going to lie to her and pretend everything was perfectly fine. 

“So you noticed that yesterday, huh?” he carefully asked.

“Well duh, I’m not stupid,” she said, sounding exactly like a snotty teenager for a moment, before continuing more seriously, “Mom was scared of those two guys walking by, so I made sure Vivi didn’t see them. And Vivi didn’t hear what Mrs. Everett said either.” 

If it wasn’t a potentially dangerous situation, Tora would have been pretty impressed by how observant and quick thinking his oldest daughter was. That she’d made the connection so easily between what Poppy had seen and what Mrs. Everett told them unfortunately just made him nervous and anxious right now. 

“Good job looking out for your sister. And that was really nice of you to help your mom like that,” Tora said, struggling to figure out what to say next.

He was fighting the urge to snap an order at her to leave it alone and let him deal with it. Lily was very much his child though - if he ordered her around, she’d just get mad and obstinate, digging in her heels instead of listening to reason. If he said, “Don’t do ___,” without a good enough explanation, she’d just run off and try to do it to prove she could. Well, she was exactly like Poppy in that way too, he supposed.

“Please listen to me, Lily. I’m not joking, and I’m also not trying to treat you like a baby. But I really need you to let your mom and I take care of this, okay?” Tora implored her.

He felt her stiffen, but cut off any potential protest as he continued, “This isn’t like fighting over Legos with your sister or punching that kid in the face. There’s a really good chance those men are dangerous, and I need you to promise me you’ll stay away and tell us right away if you see them again.”

Lily was quiet for a moment, and Tora thought she was going to fight him on it, but finally she said in a quiet voice, “I promise, Daddy.”

He let go a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Well, that at least took one thing off his mind.

“And I’m asking you to stay close to me or your mom until we know those guys are gone," he told her earnestly. "Don’t run off alone like you did today, please. And stick close to your sister when you’re out. It’s not forever, Wildcat, just until I know it’s safe again, okay?”

Lily grumbled behind his head for a couple seconds, but she grunted out an affirmative sound and Tora was more than happy to take it. 

“Thank you, kiddo. I don’t want you to be afraid, but you do need to be a little more careful for now,” Tora said, grateful she’d actually listened to him. He didn’t have the emotional energy today to argue with his eight year old about why she shouldn’t run heedlessly into danger. 

He started walking again, picking up his pace a bit, wanting to get back to Poppy and the other kids. While Lily had needed to talk, he didn’t like being out of sight of the rest of his family for so long after the events of the past day. 

Lily sighed and laid her head against his shoulder, obviously mulling over everything they'd talked about.

“Can we go closer to the edge?” she asked after he’d walked for a bit.

Tora glanced over at the stream bank and shook his head. “We’re already pretty close," he said. "This time of year the ground’s too soft, and those edges can give way if you step wrong. I don’t feel like falling-” he glanced over the edge, estimating the drop, “-fifteen feet today. I’m not made of silly putty you know. I’d go ‘squish crunch’ and not ‘boing’ when hitting the bottom.”

Lily giggled. “What about ‘splat’?”

Tora chuckled, “Yeah, that too.”

Lily came up with a whole list of silly sound effects as they made their way through the woods and back towards the playground. Tora was just glad to let the heavy stuff go for now and came up with a few goofy sounds to add to her list. 

They popped out of the trees onto a walking path, and then a few minutes later rounded the trail back at the play area. Tora saw Poppy sitting on a bench giving a snack to Joey and Violet, and his wife waved as he and Lily came into her view. 

Lily was feeling much better after their talk, and to be honest, so was he. Maybe he’d needed to run off for a bit and sit in the woods just as much as she had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kodora means small tiger.


	13. A Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora wakes up and has some thoughts while cuddled up with Poppy.

Sunday dawned with the sky cool and overcast, a light drizzle of rain intermittently pattering against the windows.

The morning was quiet in their house, everyone a bit spent from the last couple days’ activity. Tora was thankful that all three kids actually slept in for once, pooped out from playing at the park two days in a row.

He was even more grateful that he and Poppy both slept well, free of any nightmares or sudden waking during the night. 

Tora roused first and just laid there basking in the peace and comfort that almost always washed over him on waking up in their bed. No matter how many years they were married, he would never take for granted that every morning he got to wake up next to Poppy.

Today, he’d come to with his face nuzzled into her shoulder, his hand on the swell of her hip, her skin soft and alluring under his fingertips. One of Poppy’s hands was splayed out on the side of his face and the other rested on his chest, her fingers a reassuring presence on his body. They were cuddled up facing each other, even in their sleep instinctually drawn towards each other. 

Tora let out a contented sigh, breathing in the sweet smell of Poppy’s skin, his lips brushing against her collarbone, sliding his free hand up to clasp her dainty fist over his heart.

He felt the moment she started waking when her fingers twitched on his face and then slipped into his hair. 

“G’mrnin’,” Poppy blearily mumbled, sleep still clinging heavily, her fingertips making slow, lazy circles on his scalp. 

“Good morning, beautiful,” he murmured back, dropping little kisses on her neck.

She stretched and yawned, then curled closer to Tora as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Mmmm, this is nice,” she said, sighing happily and tucking her head under his chin. “The kids are still sleeping?” she asked a moment later.

“Apparently. Though don’t comment on it or you’ll jinx it,” he said half jokingly. 

He felt more than heard her snicker. “Pfft, I know better than that, dear. Invoke the horde and they will descend,” she muttered.

Tora quietly chuckled and then they both lapsed into a comfortable silence, listening to the light pitter-patter of rain on the roof. 

Within five minutes, he felt Poppy’s breathing slow and even out as she drifted back to sleep, her hands on his chest curling into gentle fists as her body softened against his. Tora would have liked to join her, but living the first part of his life in a state of almost constant hypervigilance meant that even now, more than a decade out of the mafia life, once he was awake he usually had a hard time falling back asleep.

It had taken them getting away from Narin City and being married for over a year before he’d been able to start consistently sleeping through the night.

Tora looked down at the snoozing woman cuddled up to him and smiled. Well, being awake wasn’t so bad, not when he got to hold a goddamn angel in his arms. Poppy would snort if he called her that, probably making a self-deprecating remark about her weight and stretch marks, but she would always be his angel no matter what.

The intervening fourteen and some years since he’d first caught sight of his future wife climbing out of those bushes had only caused Tora to grow even more enamored with her, inside and out; she continued to bring so much joy and light and love into his life. 

He slid one hand down to rest in the curve of her lower back, one of his favorite spots on her to touch. She was sexy as hell even just laying there sound asleep, her hair trailing over his arm, her soft breath tickling the skin on his chest. She’d tossed on one of his T-shirts the previous night, a soft moss green V-neck, which was currently hiked up over her hip - Tora absolutely loved seeing anything of his on her body.

It always did something inside of him, a warm bliss emanating out from the center of his chest, when he saw Poppy wearing his clothes. She’d mentioned once it felt like wrapping herself in a hug from him, which had honestly just made him melt. 

Even after so many years together, the things that came out of her mouth still knocked him back sometimes and left him completely disarmed, her sincerity and unrestrained expressions of love a gift Tora absolutely treasured. She was just so...herself with him. Her feisty, impulsive, headstrong, candid, hamster self. The hamster who caught and tamed the tiger.

 _Yeah, like I really put up that much of a fight. All it took was one look and I was done for,_ he smiled to himself, recalling that long ago day when their paths first crossed. 

Poppy stirred, mumbling something incoherent in her sleep, almost like she knew he was thinking about her. She made a happy little sigh and snuggled into him even more, one of her hands drifting up from his chest to his face. She patted his cheek twice and then stilled again, the cutest little snore emanating from her mouth. 

His wife said she always felt safe with him, and it was evident even in her sleep that it was true. Tora turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand and didn’t move back, letting Poppy’s hand stay over his mouth.

She made him feel safe too - so incredibly safe and secure. She gave him so much without even trying. Her touch settled him like nothing else, grounding and comforting him. Even sound asleep, her presence relaxed him, soothing the worries and fears that had reared their ugly heads over the past couple days. 

Tora heaved out a long sigh and gazed out the high clerestory windows at the low-hanging grey clouds currently dribbling rain.

There was so much from his past that he didn’t want to have to think about ever again. It wasn’t like he lived in denial about who and what he’d once been - he was painfully aware of those warped parts of himself, the blood on his hands from the violence he’d committed and the lives he’d taken. But he didn’t want that darkness to reach into his present life to mar the happiness and fulfillment he’d found. 

He’d spent years putting so much time and effort into healing from his old life, becoming someone he was proud of, discovering the person Poppy had seen right away underneath his facade, growing into the man who treasured having the titles of ‘husband’ and ‘dad.’

His hands were no longer weapons used to mete out fear, violence, and pain, now their strength was devoted to dispensing gentleness, comfort, and love - holding hands, caressing heads, providing hugs, helping put shoes on, protecting from harm, and a myriad of other things his family needed.

Couldn’t the past just stay behind him where it belonged?

There were days where it felt too close, like he would never be free of it, always haunted by what had been done to him and the life he’d been forced into.

It was an ongoing battle to not feed the fear still hanging onto him. Fear had dogged Tora’s steps his whole life, a constant whisper at the back of his mind that sometimes rose to an deafening shriek, telling him all the ways that things would go wrong, how he’d fail as a husband and father, that this happiness wouldn’t last, it’d all be taken from him and he’d be alone in the dark once more. 

He _knew_ none of that was true, but he didn’t always _feel_ it, especially when those old fears managed to sink their claws down into the most vulnerable parts of himself. It was hard to hold onto what was true and real when a litany of increasingly horrible what-if’s wouldn’t stop looping through his head, his own personal horror movie.

The last two days had resurfaced dread and panic that Tora thought he’d moved past years ago. 

Poppy grumbled in her sleep, shifting uneasily in his embrace, some part of her picking up on his tension.

Tora blew out a breath, realizing he was getting caught up in brooding instead of enjoying this chance to cuddle with the woman he loved. He could ruminate anytime, but how often did he get the opportunity these days to just lay in bed for a while and hold Poppy? 

Tora kissed her palm once more and then carefully lifted her hand off his face, tucking it back against his chest. He tilted his head down to kiss the crown of her head, letting his lips linger there, inhaling the faintly floral smell of her hair. He listened to Poppy’s slow, steady breathing, his hand on her back riding the rise and fall of each breath. 

Tora let her presence ground him, pulling him out of his head and back into the present moment. He knew dwelling on all the fucked up things he wished were different wasn’t going to accomplish anything besides make him _more_ stressed out.

The past was what it was - there was nothing he could do to change what had already happened, only his response to it. And going down endless rabbit trails of what-if’s about the future also wasn’t going to help either. 

He reminded himself that the present moment was the only place where he could affect change, one decision, one breath, one step at a time. It didn’t matter how small the movement was as long as it brought him further out of the darkness and closer to the light.

Poppy cuddled up to him was a good reminder of all the ways his life had indeed gotten better over the years. He’d come a long way from sleeping alone curled up on the floor or sacked out on a crappy couch in a shitty apartment, that was for sure.

Tora traced a gentle finger down the side of Poppy’s face and heard her hum happily as she stirred and came to. She lifted her head to meet his gaze, her sleepy eyes soft and full of affection.

He wasn’t sure what she saw on his face that made her ask, “Hey, handsome, whatcha thinking?” 

“Just how awesome you are, and how lucky I am to have you,” he answered.

“Mmm, well, you’re pretty great too, you know,” she said, leaning in to kiss him soft and slow. “Anything else on your mind?” she asked after a few moments.

Tora couldn’t help himself. “Yeah, just admiring this amazing ass of yours,” he said, breaking into a smirk and flashing his dimples as he slid his hand down to squeeze her rear.

“Oh my god, Tora! The things that come out of your mouth sometimes,” Poppy laughed incredulously, swatting at him. “Is that what you lay here and think about when you wake up before me?”

Tora blinked innocently at her. “Uh, yes? Why wouldn’t I? I wake up next to a drop dead gorgeous woman every single morning,” he told her with complete sincerity.

Poppy rolled her eyes at him but couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Yeah, and I wake up next to an obscenely good looking man every day," she said, patting his chest. "But my first thought isn’t how nice your butt looks.”

“That’s because you’re too busy checking out other parts of me, isn’t that right, sweetheart?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at her. “My eyes are up here by the way.” 

“You’re incorrigible, you know that?“

“I am utterly and completely unrepentant.”

Poppy snickered at him, “Tell me something I don’t know, Captain Obvious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me a bit to write - as someone who has put in a lot of work in therapy to overcome trauma from my own past, I really want to portray the process of dealing with it accurately. I had some good but intense conversations this week about trauma and the work that goes into overcoming it, which was great but also very taxing. While I was not forced into being a hitman for the mafia, Tora's thoughts very much reflect my own, especially the frustration of thinking you've dealt with something from the past only to have it pop up to bother you again.  
> Trauma isn't always a constant weight - it ebbs and flows with the years and current stress levels - but it's something that can't be ignored or pushed away. It's also not something that you talk or think about once and then you're done, it's an ongoing process to untangle the knots of fear one by one, bringing light into all the dark places. Having trauma also doesn't mean you're somehow irreparably broken or damaged, and I'm trying to show what healing from traumatic events can look like for Tora and Poppy as they mature as people and in their relationship.  
> Anyways, I hope I'm portraying the process in a realistic yet positive way.


	14. The Calm Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora cuddles with his kids and then talks with Poppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I teared up a little bit in certain parts while I was writing this chapter.  
> I listened to this music on repeat while writing the chapter, and I think it fits the tone so well: SPIRIT - Epic Celestial Orchestral Music Mix https://youtu.be/flBfcBKvYh4

The rain continued to trickle down off and on throughout the rest of the day, never turning into a storm but staying wet and dreary enough to keep everyone indoors.

Not that any of the kids were itching to go traipsing around outside today - even after a good night’s rest, all three of them were still tuckered out, evidenced by the distinct lack of boisterous activity in their house. Tora could always tell when his kids were actually tired out, because the noise levels went down while the need for cuddles increased. 

Case in point, that afternoon while Poppy finished editing her article, he found himself stretched out on the couch with all three children piled on him as they watched a movie.

Poppy had planned to wait until the kids were in bed that evening to work, but after lunch Tora shooed her off to the office/guest room for a couple of hours. She was grateful for the uninterrupted time to write and edit, as she needed to get her piece submitted for the following day’s deadline; her review of the new playground would be published in her column the following week.

Both she and Tora thought it best to not use pictures of the play area that included their kids after the drama of the last two days, especially since they didn’t yet know what was going on out in the woods. 

While Poppy put the finishing touches on her article, Tora was more than happy to watch whatever movie the girls wanted - Joey was still young enough that he didn’t have an opinion yet, content to watch anything his sisters chose. His wife may have seen every single Disney and Pixar movie multiple times while she was growing up, but Tora’s childhood had afforded him few opportunities to curl up on the couch for a kid friendly movie night.

While he might not have seen those films at their age, he’d been pleasantly surprised to discover how much he enjoyed watching the movies for the first time with his kids. Sure, some of the really old princess ones were pretty insipid in his opinion - Tora didn’t want his daughters thinking they needed some dude to swoop in to solve their problems for them - but thankfully the girls tended to go for the Pixar titles which he also liked better. 

Usually watching movies in their house meant the kids would sprawl all over the floor or stand way too close to the TV while Tora either had the couch to himself or cuddled up with Poppy.

Today, the girls picked Inside Out, and then demanded Tora lay down so they could clamber onto him. Tora stretched out on the couch, and the kids bounced around for a few minutes before quickly settling in around him.

Joey snuggled into the crook of his right arm, Violet nestled in on his left, and Lily laid on the back of the couch at first but then after a couple of minutes scooched down to claim the open spot between her siblings. 

Within half an hour all three kids were sound asleep in Tora’s arms. Lily held out the longest, but she too eventually succumbed to the coziness and dozed off on his chest.

Tora muted the TV once he felt sleep fully settle on Lily - thankful he’d kept the remote within easy reach. He didn't want the movie to bring any sudden noises that would shatter the quiet and end the kids’ impromptu nap too soon. 

If someone had told him 15 years ago that one day he’d count the weekend well spent if he got to snuggle with his kids while watching a freaking Disney movie, he would have laughed in their face and then probably punched them for good measure. But here he was, reveling in that exact situation, a stupidly content smile on his face. 

There was a particular set of emotions that always radiated through Tora whenever any of his kids cuddled up to him, and it was only magnified today by having all three of them sacked out in his arms.

He was struck with amazed wonder that he got to be dad to these tiny little things who felt so safe with him, trusted him utterly and completely, and didn’t simply tolerate his physical affection but actively sought it out. His hands they wanted to hold, his arms they sought for comfort and love, his kisses and hugs they asked for at bedtime.

It was the most natural thing in the world for Tora to respond without even thinking when his children reached out to him. 

Seething beneath the awe was a fierce, burning compulsion, so intense it made his heart ache, to keep his kids safe, to protect these incomparable gifts at all costs. Even when they were at their worst, he’d never been tempted to lift so much as a finger against any of his children.

Tora was all the more disgusted and horrified at what Vincent Balthuman had done to him now that he was a father himself. It would utterly destroy him to have his kids respond to him with fear in their eyes and cowering, abject obedience.

He shifted a bit to adjust the boneless weight of Joey pressing on his right arm, noting how much bigger the toddler had gotten recently. Tora had no memories or stories of himself at that age, but hoped he’d felt as relaxed and safe as his son did in his arms. His joyous little Koji was growing up fast, recently hitting another growth spurt, quickly leaving babyhood behind. 

Tora glanced down at Violet nestled against him, his sweet Koneko clad in a sparkly purple shirt that said “dream big little mermaid,” her stuffed tiger hugged close.

How could anyone look at a five year old and see anything other than a precious treasure to cherish and safeguard? He couldn’t even fathom wanting to break such a gentle, trusting spirit.

Lily stirred in her sleep, her tiger hat starting to slide off her head. Tora carefully tugged it back into place, and then put a gentle hand on her back, his daughter settling at his touch. He was thankful his fiery and independent Kodora still sought out cuddles with him.

By the time he was Lily’s age, Tora had already been under Vincent’s “training” for a few years and had the broken bones and scars to show for it. 

He shivered at the thought of his children going through even a fraction of what he did, but didn’t let the fury gain traction today, allowing gratitude to wash over him. Not for what he’d experienced growing up, god no - he’d be justifiably angry about that until the day he died - but for his path in life bringing him here to this moment. That he got the opportunity to be a dad to these three sleeping so peacefully in his arms was something Tora didn’t take for granted in the slightest.

His life trajectory should have resulted in him already being dead many times over or rotting away in jail, but instead he was married to the love of his life and had three kids that he absolutely adored. He’d done nothing to earn it, but had still been given this incredible gift, love when he hadn’t felt lovable, and light when he’d thought himself unworthy to step out of the darkness.

His children felt safe and relaxed when they were with him, and the feeling was mutual. Tora loved seeing them growing into their own unique selves, but along with that, he knew it wouldn’t be too much longer until he’d no longer be able to hold all three kids at once like this.

He sighed contentedly and felt himself drifting off, lulled by the warmth and coziness he was literally covered in, wishing he had the power to slow time so he could make this day last a little longer. 

++++

A little bit later as the credits rolled on the movie, Poppy was delighted to discover Tora asleep with the kids all snuggled up to him, an expression of utter contentment on his face. He always looked so young and vulnerable when he was sleeping, the cares and worries he usually carried absent from his face.

She was trying her best not to wake him, but his eyes fluttered open as she tiptoed through the living room.

“Apparently dad makes for the best pillow, huh?” she quietly said with a grin, walking over to brush the hair out of her husband’s eyes, letting her fingers linger on his face. 

Tora blinked sleepily at her, returning her smile. “If you notice, I’m not complaining in the slightest,” he murmured.

“Oh, I know you absolutely love it. You’re so cute right now with how blissed out you are,” Poppy said.

She found Tora utterly adorable in how much he enjoyed cuddles. The big, fearsome looking, heavily tattooed man was a complete teddy bear when it came to snuggling with his family. Poppy could literally watch the tension drain out of him anytime she or the kids touched him.

She knew the last couple days had been hard on Tora, and was glad he was getting a chance to unwind and relax.

Though he hadn’t said anything specifically about it to her, Poppy could tell that the situation at the park had dredged up some bad memories, the old ones he never talked about that took the light out of his eyes and had him looking at their children with a heart piercingly fierce protectiveness. She thought he’d needed the physical affection from their kids even more than they’d needed it from him today. 

Tora hummed happily, closing his eyes and leaning his face into Poppy’s fingers. “Pretty sure there’s enough room on here for one more, sweetheart,” he said.

“You just want everyone cuddled up with you today, huh?” Poppy said, arching a bemused eyebrow as she glanced down the length of the couch - at 6’3” her husband pretty much filled the whole thing by himself. 

“Damn right I do,” Tora muttered, his eyes still closed. 

There was some space down by his feet, but she didn’t really want to sit that far away since she wanted to be able to talk to him without waking the kids. She was just going to make herself comfortable on the floor where she was standing when a thought struck her and she smiled - there _was_ a better spot available. 

She set her hands on either side of Tora’s face, rubbing his temples before sliding her fingers around to the back of his head. He made a happy little sound at her touch.

“You know, you just continually prove my assertion that you’re actually a great big kitty cat,” she teased, enjoying the effect her touch had on him.

Tora cracked one eye open and glanced at her with an amused expression. “Oh? Why is that?” he asked.

“Pretty much any time I touch you, you’re practically purring in my hands,” she said, emphasizing her point by massaging her fingers into his scalp as she lifted his head off the couch. “And tigers can’t purr, you know.” 

“Mmm, well _this_ tiger certainly does,” he said, relaxing his head completely into her hands. 

Poppy propped her husband up a little more and then in one smooth motion slid into the now open spot and lowered his head back down into her lap.

He smirked at her without opening his eyes, and she started running her fingers through his silky hair, fanning out the long dark tresses over the arm of the couch. 

She thought he’d fallen asleep again, but then Tora asked, “So were you able to get your article finished up and submitted?”

Poppy sighed, “Yes, it’s done and ready to go, but…I haven’t sent it in yet.”

Tora opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on her face, his sleepiness suddenly gone. “Why not?” he asked.

Poppy's words tumbled out in a rush as she fidgeted with his hair, “I just...don’t know if it’s a good idea to publish it right now? Maybe I should just use my back-up story about the zoo instead. I’d feel terrible sending people to the park if something dangerous is going on and then someone ends up getting hurt - or worse. I don’t even want to go back there right now. And I hate seeing how it’s been making you feel this weekend. I also feel bad bringing it up again when you’re so relaxed right now too.” 

Tora carefully extracted the arm he had curled around Violet to reach his hand up to cup the side of Poppy’s face. “Poppylan, look at me,” he said, his eyes serious as they locked onto hers. “It’s going to be okay.”

She opened her mouth to object, but Tora put two fingers on her lips to silence her as he continued, “Send in whatever you think is best to your editor, but I’m hoping this will all be cleared up by the time your article comes out next week.”

Tora listed off his plan of action for her, “I’m going to ask around at work tomorrow if anyone’s heard anything. You know the guys there always find out about sh--stuff well before it hits the fan. If anything sketchy is going on at the park, at least one of them will know about it. I’m also going to give your pictures to Steve when he comes in to workout in the morning. He’s one of the few cops I actually like, because I know he’ll follow up on this. And if all else fails, I’ll stake out the park mysel--”

Poppy grabbed his hand away from her mouth and cut him off with a resounding, “Absolutely not!” that came out much louder than she’d intended. She glanced at the kids to make sure she hadn’t woken them up - Lily stirred slightly and then stilled once more.

Poppy continued at a lower volume, “No way in _hell_ are you going tromping off into those woods to face off against who-knows-what! Plus someone might see _you_ creeping around and think you’re the bad guy up to no good. I don’t want anyone calling the police and getting you arrested.”

Tora’s face softened but his gaze remained steely. “I’m not going to get arrested for hiking through the woods, Poppy," he said. "If I don’t want to be seen, you know nobody’s going to catch so much as a glimpse of me. And I would go at night.”

She finished the part of the sentence he left unsaid, “Because that’s when something criminal is more likely to be happening. Which means I want you out there even less! Just let the police deal with this, Tora,” she begged.

Poppy felt tears pricking at her eyes. Did he have any idea the gut wrenching terror that gripped her heart at the thought of him heading into danger like that?

Tora squeezed her hand. “Hey, I’m not going out there if I don’t absolutely have to," he said, the truth of that plainly evident on his face. "That’s not my plan A or B. But I’m also not leaving you and the kids at risk either if the cops can’t take care of it.”

Poppy’s fingernails dug into his hand involuntarily. “So you’d _take care of it_ ,” she bit out bitterly, not even trying to stop the tears leaking down her face now. She felt him stiffen at her words.

She was well aware of what her husband used to do when he “took care of” someone, which could mean anything from a beating to straight up murder. Tora used to say that someone had to take out the trash, and Poppy knew that “someone” always meant him. And he’d hated himself for it, ashamed of who he was, tortured by the blood on his hands.

She never wanted him to be in that position ever again. 

He looked at her with pained eyes. “Sweetheart, you know I don’t do that anymore,” he said very quietly, his voice catching briefly. “I wouldn’t be looking to pick a fight, just to gather information to figure out what’s going on. That’s it, _I promise_. And like I said, that’s just a back-up plan only if the others fall through.” Tora squeezed her hand and then brought it to his mouth and kissed each of her fingers intertwined with his. “Trust me, I’m not going to get myself into any trouble. I have too much to live for now,” he said softly, gesturing to the sleeping bodies curled up on him.

Poppy sniffled, trying to calm down. “I do trust you, Tora,” she said, her voice quivering. “But I also saw you almost die once, and it tore me to shreds. I _can’t_ go through that again. Promise me that you’ll do everything you possibly can before you’ll consider going out there on your own.” 

He met her gaze, his golden eyes full of determination and love. “I promise you that it will be my last resort. I’m not going to endanger myself for no reason. I love you too much to do that to you,” he fervently told her, squeezing her hand tightly.

Poppy’s tears started flowing faster, and Tora's face filled with concern. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked.

She rubbed at her eyes with the heel of her palm, then closed her eyes and blew out a breath.

“No, you said just the right thing. I really needed to hear that from you today. Thank you," she said, her voice still quivering with emotion. "I actually am feeling better now, but this-” she gestured at her wet face, “-is kinda just an emotional release after the last couple days. You know how it is: you need cuddles, and I need to cry. Though it’d be nice if getting my emotions out didn’t involve my face getting all red and blotchy.”

Tora smiled reassuringly at her. “You’re pretty darn cute though.”

Poppy huffed out a short laugh. “Yeah, I bet I look just _great_ right now.”

“Whether you’re all scraped up climbing out of some bushes, spitting mad, or crying all over me, you’re still the best thing I’ve ever laid eyes on," he told her, utterly serious. "And don’t you forget it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The absolutely heart melting art is by Cat Stiny. She is an amazing artist, and I highly encourage you to follow her on Instagram for MPL and other Webtoons fanart along with original art. www.instagram.com/cats_tiny
> 
> I like to think Tora has various nicknames for his family, some more private than others. If you notice in the comic, he tends to call Poppy "Bobby" when it's just the two of them - he pretty much never refers to her that way around anyone else.  
> So I think he'd have some special nicknames for his kids that he wouldn't use in public and keep just between him and each kid.  
> Lily's more common nickname is Wildcat, but one-on-one he calls her Kodora, which means small tiger.  
> Violet is Vivi or V-bean in public, but in private he uses Koneko, which means little cat or kitten.  
> For Joey, it's Sprout in public, and his special nickname is Koji, which means tiger cub.


	15. Dark Clouds Gathering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls give Tora a silly send off on Monday morning.  
> Tora asks around at work to find out what's going on at the park and doesn't like what he hears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note for any new fanfic writers - write yourself an outline BEFORE you start writing a story. I did not do this until I'd already started working on this story and that's bitten me in the butt a couple times now. I originally wrote the section of Tora at work in this chapter right after Chapter 5, and then realized I needed way more story to happen before we get to this point. The chapters from Saturday and Sunday for this family are now my favorites in this whole story.  
> When I sat down to work on this chapter after finally catching up, I realized I needed to rewrite most of it as the plot had changed enough that it didn't work right anymore. But I'm happy with how it turned out now, and the next several chapters are already outlined out, so I should be able to get them out fairly soon.  
> Thank you so much for reading and joining me on this journey as I work to complete my first attempt at fanfic. It's been such a fun ride so far, and all your comments give me so much motivation!

Early Monday morning, Tora had just pulled on his shoes to leave for work when Violet padded over and wrapped herself around his leg as she smiled sweetly up at him.

“Bye, Daddy. Love you!” she sang as she hugged him.

“Love you too, V-bean,” Tora said, starting to lean down to give her a hug back when he heard Lily trying to sneak up behind him right before she latched onto his other leg. 

“Love you, Dad. Have fun at work,” she said, impishly grinning up at him as she plopped down on his foot, her arms wrapped around his knee. 

“Love you too, Wildcat,” Tora said back, his eyebrow quirking up in amusement as Violet copied her sister and sat down on his other foot, and curled her arms around his leg. He put his hands on his hips and affected a bewildered look, the girls snickering at each other as he flexed one leg then the other. “Though it seems I can’t leave since _something_ is holding down both my feet," he said with faux bemusement.

Poppy’s voice came from behind him as she walked out of the living room. “Oh no, Tora, what’s wrong?” she said with mock concern. 

Tora leaned down and grabbed the leg Violet was holding, pretending to strain at attempting to lift it. He huffed out, “Can’t. Move. Too. Heavy.”

He switched to his other side and did the same motion. “Oof, this one’s even heavier. Poppy, I think you’re going to have to call in to work for me and tell them I won’t be coming in today. I can’t make it to the door,” he said over his shoulder as Lily and Violet giggled.

Poppy gasped dramatically, “Uh oh, dear, it’s worse than you think! Looks like you’ve gotten captured by some ferocious little tigers. How will you ever escape them? You know tigers are impossible to get rid of once they catch you.”

“I don’t know, guess I’m just stuck here forever,” Tora said, shrugging his shoulders at his wife.

He waited a couple moments, and then stroked his chin, gazing contemplatively at first Violet and then Lily. “Hmmm, there must be _something_ I can do to get myself out of this predicament.”

The girls snickered louder as Tora acted like he was struggling to move forward, grunting as he slowly shuffled his feet towards the front door. The girls broke into shrieks of laughter as he lifted his feet higher off the floor with each step, swinging them up and forward.

Right before he got to the door, he suddenly stopped and bent down to Violet and Lily, going straight for their most ticklish spots. They quickly tumbled off his feet and sprawled on the floor breathless from laughing. 

Tora smirked and dusted off his hands. “Looks like the big tiger wins again. You girls be good for your mom today, okay?” Tora said to his daughters.

He glanced over at Poppy and grinned. “Good thing it was ferocious tigers today and not feisty hamsters. Those critters are something else entirely. Once they set their minds to something, there’s absolutely no stopping them,” he said. 

Poppy smiled and rolled her eyes as she walked over to him. “Well, this hamster knows a good thing when she sees it and couldn’t just let the big tiger get away,” she said as she stood on her tiptoes to give Tora a little peck on the lips, draping her hands around the back of his neck to pull his face down closer to hers.

He chuckled as he slid his hands around her waist and kissed her back, “Mmm, did you ever consider maybe the tiger let you catch him?” 

Lily and Violet made gagging noises from their position on the floor, then tried to look innocent when both Tora and Poppy looked down to give them the same reproving glare.

Poppy patted Tora’s chest as he released her. “Oh, I’m well aware this tiger wanted to get caught by the feisty hamster. You were not subtle. At all,” she told him with a deadpan face.

“Making you blush and get all flustered was just too much fun. Still is,” Tora said, his grin getting wider as a thought struck him.

Poppy gave him a dour look and put a warning hand against his lips. “I’m not blind, I see those dimples coming out. I don’t need the kids picking up _more_ inappropriate language from you.”

“It’s not inappropriate,” Tora mumbled around his wife’s fingers.

Poppy raised an unconvinced brow at him. “Uh huh, suuuure it is. You’ll just have to save it for later,” she said, patting him on the arm as she turned him towards the door and gave him a gentle shove forward. “Off you go, on the double, chop chop.” 

“Thank goodness there’s no stairs for you to push me down today,” Tora muttered under his breath as he opened the door.

“I heard that!” 

Tora laughed quietly as he shut the door behind him. 

++++

Less than an hour after arriving at work, Tora’s good mood had completely evaporated, replaced with resurgent agitation.

When Steve came in at his usual time just after the gym opened for the day, Tora used the pretense of spotting the officer while he lifted weights to surreptitiously pass along Poppy’s pictures of the two punks. He filled him in on what his wife and Mrs. Everett had seen at the park.

Tora already knew there wasn’t a whole lot the police could do at this point, since Poppy’s pictures showed the creeps hadn’t been doing anything other than looking sketchy as hell. But he’d been hoping for at least a little bit more of a response than what Steve could offer.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Tom, I don’t mean to sound dismissive, but unless your wife actually saw them doing something illegal, there’s not much I can do besides put in a request for some extra patrols to the park,” Steve said as he finished his reps under Tora’s watchful guidance. 

Tora grunted, knowing from personal experience how easy those were to dodge. He’d been hoping his information might spur the police to proactively investigate before something bad happened.

As Tora helped him put his weights back, Steve commented, “The pictures your wife got don’t match any descriptions I know of for active suspects in the area. I know you security guys need to be paranoid to succeed in your field, and I appreciate the head’s up, but they’re probably just some stupid college students home for the summer, wasting time smoking weed back in the woods.”

Tora said he didn’t think so - his wife wouldn’t have gotten so rattled by a couple of potheads - but he knew, “They freaked my wife out a lot,” wasn’t the kind of evidence law enforcement could act on.

It wasn’t like he could explain that Poppy had firsthand knowledge at her disposal about the inner workings of the criminal underworld, and that she was aware of what to keep an eye out for. 

Steve knew Tora, like everyone else there, as Thomas Wilkes, married father of three, former private security contractor who’d decided to make a career change and created the plan for what became the gym and warehouse.

Tora didn’t own the place outright, having worked with some investors to get it up and running, but he was solely in charge of day to day operations and enjoyed the freedom of being his own boss. He was very careful about sharing details of his past at work, never lying but letting people infer what they wanted from his vague details. And everyone just assumed “Tora” was his wife’s nickname for him due to the tiger tattoo on his leg, and he didn’t do anything to dissuade them otherwise. 

Right before he headed out, Steve told Tora, “You’ve passed along some good info over the years, and I hope you know how much I appreciate that, Tom. You hear about things before they boil over into an issue, and you’ve helped us cut off some bad actors before they had the chance to cause a lot of trouble. I trust your intel. If you find out anything more concrete about those guys at the park, let me know when I’m here on Wednesday. If you have something more for me to go on besides those pictures, I’ll have a justification to look into it more.”

Once Steve left, Tora made his way over to the warehouse and quietly chatted with a few of his most trusted guys whose intel was always good. Kurt, Frank, and Jensen paid attention to gossip from the streets only to make sure they stayed as far away as possible from any trouble. 

Kurt was Tora's right hand man, a lanky redhead who'd worked for him for almost as long as the place had been open, able to easily take over running things anytime Tora was away. He was laid back and friendly, both staff and gym clients familiar with his groan inducing dad jokes - Kurt said he needed the practice since his two kids were, in his words, “still too young to appreciate my comedic genius.”

Frank was older than anyone else on staff, a seemingly gruff, no-nonsense ex-gangster who put the fear of God into any trouble makers but was always willing to patiently train in new hires. Frank’s official resume was one of the most eclectic Tora had ever seen, and he knew he could safely assume that the man’s unofficial job experience was even longer and more interesting. A running joke around the warehouse was to ask Frank what job he _hadn’t_ done in his life. 

Jensen was a quiet stocky man around Tora’s age with a dry sense of humor and a sharp attention to detail. He was a stickler for following safety regulations and wasn’t afraid to read anyone the riot act for using the forklift improperly. Tora had learned that he could quickly derail a safety lecture though by asking about the man’s two sons or his multiple dogs. 

They made a good team and had built a strong camaraderie over the years of working together, but there was an unspoken agreement to not ask too many questions about each other’s pasts. They focused on who they were now, the present being readily shared - pictures of kids and pets, vacation plans, house renovation projects, restaurant recommendations for date nights. Tora tried to foster an environment that celebrated the lives they’d all built after leaving their old ways behind.

The warehouse crew overall were more low-profile types than the ones who ran the gym - most of them didn’t want to, and a few couldn’t, interact with the general public for various reasons. For the most part they just wanted to keep their heads down, stay out of the public eye, and focus on getting their work done, thankful to have a steady job that didn’t judge them for the life they used to live. Two guys were finishing up parole, and there were a few others who had tattoos that screamed their past affiliations to anyone with functioning eyeballs - Tora had never been tempted to get tattooed on his face for good reason. 

His ink was pretty easy to hide when he wanted to. The Balthuman brand on his neck was long gone - he’d gotten that fucking thing lasered off as soon as he could. A cover-up wasn’t enough, he’d wanted that mark off of his body for good; he wasn’t anyone’s property, and wanted to be totally free of the collar that had choked him for so long. The removal process had hurt like hell to sit through, and it’d taken a few sessions to make sure there was no trace of Vincent’s ownership left on him.

His other tattoos he’d gotten of his own volition, and Tora was happy to keep them - especially the poppies going down the whole length of his right leg. He always smiled at the memory of Poppy’s first reaction to seeing that declaration of his love for her: she’d been surprised and taken aback, though also incredibly touched that he thought she was worth sitting through that much pain for.

 _Why_ she’d had such a good view of the whole piece was an even better memory. But even that fond recollection wouldn’t do much to soothe his darkening mood today. 

The quiet questions Tora asked and the furtive answers he received throughout the rest of the day revealed far worse than he’d expected, and he kicked himself for not talking to his guys before Steve had come in. The gossip filtering in from the streets was not reassuring. The information he got was quickly making it apparent that he couldn’t just ignore the situation and hope it would get taken care of, not with Poppy and kids so close to the action. 

_Fucking goddamn human traffickers were in the area_. None of the guys had names or knew who was involved, and no one had recognized the men in Poppy’s pictures, but Tora didn’t need to be a genius to put two and two together. 

Shit. Shitshitshit. This was bad, very bad. There weren’t enough expletives in the world to express how absolutely fucked this was. The situation at the park had gone from worrisome and anxiety inducing to flat out terrifying. 

_Goddamnit all to hell, why couldn’t it just be drugs?!_ Tora raged to himself as he went about his job duties. Drug dealers he knew how to handle - there was always a weak link in the supply chain that could be intimidated or willing to take a deal to turn informant for the cops. 

The sort of people who got involved in trafficking were twisted and dangerous; they had no hesitation in hurting women and children, more than willing to exploit the vulnerable and marginalized. In his mafia days, Tora had absolutely loathed anytime he’d been required to interact with traffickers. They were just so cavalier in the suffering they inflicted - there were a handful he’d met who practically reveled in the pain and violence that came with that line of work. 

Tora couldn’t just let this be, he needed to scope out the park and confirm what was going on for his own peace of mind. And he knew Poppy would _not_ be happy about it. Hell, _he_ wasn’t happy about it either. He didn’t want to get involved, but he wasn’t just going to let traffickers set up shop less than half a mile from his house, if that’s who those guys actually were. 

Tora raked his hands through his hair as he got ready to leave for the day. He was not looking forward to the conversation he needed to have with Poppy once he got home.

He hoped her day was going better than his was.


	16. Little Hellions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy has a very long day. The kids explain their reasoning for misbehaving to Tora.

Poppy exasperatedly blew stray hair out of her face. She’d started off with a tidy ponytail that had slowly become more and more disheveled as the day wore on.

The morning had begun promisingly, but within half an hour of Tora leaving for work their sweet, sleepy children transformed into raging howler monkeys. She tried to smooth her hair back into some semblance of order, but Poppy knew it was a battle she’d lost somewhere between putting the girls into yet another timeout for fighting and Joey puking down the front of her shirt.

By the time lunch rolled around, Poppy wished she could just throw all three of her rabble rousers outside in the yard and lock the door. She thought dealing with actual monkeys flinging poo at each other would honestly be less stressful than refereeing her children had been today.

Joey alternated between fussy clinginess, not wanting her to put him down for even a moment, and pushing her away to melt down over the most minor inconveniences: the tag on his shirt annoyed him, he wanted different socks on and then cried when Poppy took the first pair off his feet, he tried to put on a hat that was upside down and got upset when it wouldn’t fit on his head, he didn’t like the sippy cup she put his milk in, and so on.

Her normally sweet natured boy had decided to embody the worst aspects of the “terrible twos” all in one day, which wouldn’t have been quite so taxing if his sisters weren’t also up in his face and at each other’s throats over every little thing.

Nothing Poppy tried was able to avert her daughters from continuing to push each other’s buttons. The girls had played so well together in their room over the weekend, but when Poppy sent them off to continue building their Lego world, yelling had quickly broken out over who got to use the “best” pieces.

Usually Violet was content to follow her big sister’s lead, but today she was swinging back and forth from cranky nitpicking to bouts of tears and whining. Lily was surly and short-tempered, sassing back to almost everything Poppy said to her. Her oldest kept trying to boss her younger siblings around and then getting upset when they wouldn’t listen to her. 

It’d been hectic and stressful for Poppy as she waded in to break up one conflict after another, the kids going at each other in various combinations as soon as her back was turned. She didn’t get so much as a moment’s break to send even a text to Tora.

Normally she would have ushered her children outside to play in the backyard or taken them to the park to burn off some energy. But on a day when she could have used it most, neither option was available. 

Unfortunately for Poppy, the weather had turned less hospitable, going from cool and overcast - which had been perfect the day before when her children wanted to lay around and cuddle - to a sticky heat that grew more overbearing as the day went on. While it was still cloudy, with a big storm forecast within the next day or two, the temperature and humidity were rising back to their more typical late-June levels.

Everything was still damp from the rain on Sunday, which only added to the moisture hanging in the air. Going outside wouldn’t do anything for the kids’ temperaments except make them worse.

And even if the weather had been cooperative, the park was off the table for the time being; Poppy wasn’t going back there without Tora until he said it was safe to do so. While she didn’t think anything bad would happen during the middle of the day, she wasn’t going to tempt fate either - her family’s well being was her highest priority.

She might be feisty and stubborn according to her husband, but Poppy was no fool. It’d been one thing to risk her own safety when it was just her and Tora years ago, but she was a mother now and driven to do everything within her power to keep her family safe from harm. Which meant keeping herself cooped up with her aggravatingly chaotic children today. 

When it finally hit mid-afternoon, Poppy was completely wrung out and put on a movie to try to distract her squirrely troublemakers long enough for her to take a much needed potty break and finally check her phone. After making sure the kids were settled down and fully engaged with what was playing on the TV, she practically bolted down the hallway, closing the bathroom door behind her with a relieved sigh.

Once she’d taken care of business, Poppy glanced at her reflection in the mirror and saw a very frazzled woman staring back at her with tired eyes, rumpled shirt askew, and more hair out of her ponytail than in it.

Poppy squinted as she noticed something, leaning closer to the mirror. Was that...vomit in her hair?

She groaned and ran her hands down her face - that had been on her for hours and she hadn’t even noticed, so distracted by everything else the kids had gotten up to today. She tried to quickly clean it off in the sink, one ear constantly tuned for any disturbances in the living room. 

After tugging her shirt back into place, redoing her ponytail, and splashing some cool water on her face, Poppy checked the time on her phone - 4:25pm. Thank god, Tora would be getting off work soon. He’d gone in earlier than usual to make sure he got the chance to talk to that cop friend of his first thing in the morning, so he would be home around 5:00, which Poppy was _very_ grateful for today of all days.

She hoped his conversations at work had been fruitful. There were no text messages from him, which she really wanted to take as a good sign. If it was particularly bad news though, she knew he’d wait to tell her in person rather than try to relay it over text messages. 

Suddenly her phone pinged with a text from Tora, as if he’d known she was thinking about him.

_Hey sweetheart how’s your day been?_

Poppy responded, _Super draining. The kids have been awful. Pretty much right after you left this morning they turned into little hellions. Put on a movie less than 15 minutes ago so I could finally get a break and go to the bathroom._

_Oh no, are you okay?_

She glanced up at herself in the mirror, double checking that her hair was indeed clean as she hit send. _Well I just discovered puke in my hair from when Joey barfed on me...before lunch. So it’s been that kind of day. >:( _

_:( Sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?_

_Can you pick up dinner pretty please? I don’t care what, just really don’t want to cook after the day I’ve had._

_Definitely. I’ll grab something from that noodle place you like by work._

Poppy’s shoulders slumped in relief. That was one less thing for her to worry about today. _You’re the best. THANK YOU! Have I told you how much I love you?_

_Only like every day ;) And I love you too._

Poppy was about to walk out of the bathroom when she noticed Tora was still typing. She paused to wait for his next message and then frowned as a minute went by and he hadn’t hit send. Her husband didn’t normally dither over texts like she sometimes did.

 _Everything alright?_ she texted him after another 30 seconds passed and he still hadn’t sent anything.

Her phone pinged a couple moments later, and Poppy’s stomach clenched as she read his reply, _Need to talk with you when I get home. Don’t want the kids to overhear._

Poppy gnawed on her bottom lip as she typed back, _...That bad huh?_

_Really sorry to make your day worse but it’s not good news. I hate to add to your crappy day but we need to talk about it tonight. I’ll tell you more when I get back._

Poppy massaged her aching temples as she headed back out to the living room and flopped down on the couch, making sure to give herself a direct view of the front door.

She was thankful for the momentary calm and desperately hoped that the kids wouldn’t start acting up again when Tora got home. 

++++

A few minutes after 5:00, Tora silently slipped in the door, takeout bags in one hand, his jaw tight from the concerned scowl he was struggling to keep off his face. Even without his texts from earlier, Poppy knew it was the expression he always wore when he needed to talk to her about something particularly upsetting.

And people said her husband wasn’t expressive - Poppy could read him like an open book, even all the way from her seat in the living room. 

Tora toed his shoes off, his frown softening as he rolled his shoulders and neck a few times to release some tension.

He glanced over and met her gaze, his expression gentling further as he greeted her with a small smile, and they silently acknowledged each other’s frustrating days with the same knowing look. She could tell he was worked up, because his smile didn’t remove the worry lines pinching his eyebrows together. 

The kids were completely focused on the movie and hadn’t noticed Tora’s entrance yet. Poppy took advantage of their distraction to quietly shuffle over to the entryway and tiredly lean into her husband for a much needed hug. She sighed as she buried her face into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

“Long day, sweetheart?” he murmured to her, circling his free arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

“You have no idea,” she said, hearing the exhaustion evident in her voice. “If someone had told me eight years ago that being a parent meant saying things like ‘stop licking the floor,’ ‘don’t wipe your boogers on your siblings,’ and ‘we do not eat chalk’ multiple times in a day I would have thought they were pulling my leg.” She looked up at her husband, his brows raised in bemusement. “And yes, I had to say all of those things to more than one child today...and it wasn’t the 2 ½ year old,” she told him wearily.

Tora snorted and rubbed Poppy’s back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I can only imagine why you needed to say that to the girls multiple times. But you gotta admit, that _is_ kinda hilarious.” 

His mouth twitched in amusement as she raised her head to give him an unamused and put upon look, but the more Poppy thought about it she had to agree with Tora - it _was_ pretty ridiculous.

Her lips slowly curled up into a smile and then she couldn’t stop the snicker that came out of her mouth. “Okay, yeah, you’re right, that is actually funny. But it’ll be funnier when I’m not exhausted from having to repeatedly tell them all day not to do stupid stuff like that.”

Tora kissed the top of her head as he said, “I know, just wanted to make you smile a little bit.” He briefly shook the plastic bags in his other hand, making the contents rattle. “And I brought you food, so hopefully that helps too.”

Poppy squeezed him gratefully. “It actually helps a lot. Thank you so much for getting dinner. Cooking was the last thing I wanted to do after everything else that went on today.” 

They stood there silently for a minute, the only sound the movie playing in the other room.

Poppy was incredibly grateful for her husband’s quiet strength and the comfort she got from being wrapped up in his arms. She sighed, not wanting this reprieve to end, but at last reluctantly lifted her head off Tora’s chest to look up at him.

She could feel the tension in his back, her embrace not doing anything to relieve it today. He had a faraway look in his eyes, his mind obviously somewhere else.

“So what do you need to talk to me about?” Poppy asked softly, the sound of her voice snapping his eyes back into focus, his jaw clenching as his attention returned to her.

He shook his head. “Later. Want to talk freely without interruptions,” he murmured. “Or eavesdroppers,” he added, flicking a sideways glance towards the living room and then back to Poppy.

Out of the corner of her eye, Poppy saw Lily peeking over the arm of the couch, her golden eyes intently watching them.

Tora gave Poppy a reassuring squeeze before turning his face towards the living room. “If you’re trying to get the drop on me, Wildcat, you’re gonna have to do a better job than that,” he called over to their daughter, a good natured smirk on his face. “I might be old, but I’m not blind. Your hat is way too easy to spot, kid.”

Lily narrowed her eyes, sinking lower and trying to cover the ears on her hat with her hands.

“Daddy!” Violet and Joey rushed over, the movie forgotten as they clamored for Tora’s attention. 

Poppy slipped the takeout bags from Tora’s hand and headed to the kitchen to unpack it, leaving her husband to greet the kids. She heard Violet and Joey shriek as Tora swooped them both up in his arms and walked over to the couch, plopping himself down next to Lily.

After a moment, she heard her husband quietly say, “Thought I told you guys to be good and behave for your mom today.”

Violet piped up, “We were!”

“Yeah, we totally were!” Lily chimed in. 

“Riiiight, because fighting and wiping boogers on each other is behaving,” Tora responded archly. Poppy could practically hear the unamused look he was giving them.

“It was only a little one,” Violet protested.

“Mine didn’t even stick,” Lily muttered.

Tora sighed loudly, and Poppy knew he was pinching the bridge of his nose. “That… does not in any way make it better,” he said.

“Well Joey ate his. That’s just gross!” Lily said.

Poppy paused setting the table, sticking out her tongue in disgust. Apparently she’d missed _that_ delightful little show earlier.

Tora snorted. “Yup, that _is_ gross," he told their kids. "And so is licking the floor. Just...why?” 

“We were having a floor licking contest,” Violet said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I won.”

Poppy shook her head, wondering again how kid logic worked, as Tora sighed again.

“Oh. Of course. Because why else would you do that?” he said, sounding just as befuddled as Poppy felt. “How about we agree that is not a contest you need to have again. I don’t want you getting some weirdo mouth infection that makes your tongue fall out or something.” The girls giggled, and then Tora continued, “So was the chalk eating also a contest?”

“We didn’t eat it, Dad! We were just trying to make our teeth different colors,” Lily said.

“Also why?”

“We wanted to see if we could make our spit rainbow.”

Tora didn’t say anything, and Poppy assumed he honestly had no clue how to respond. She had only been focused on the fact that her daughters were putting sidewalk chalk in their mouths earlier and not so much concerned with _why_ they were doing it. She just rolled her eyes at her children and walked into the living room. 

“Aaaand with that, it’s time for dinner!” Poppy announced.

The kids stampeded into the kitchen in a flurry of boisterous noise. Poppy and Tora took a moment to look at each other and just shake their heads. 

“Sometimes I honestly wonder how they make it through the day without offing themselves,” Tora muttered as he walked past her.

Poppy patted him on the shoulder as they headed into the kitchen. “Same, bruh, same.”


	17. Why Are You So Afraid?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily asks Poppy some hard questions.

Dinner involved one spilled drink - which was much less mess than the two Poppy had mopped up at lunchtime - and two attempts by Violet to get Joey to stick noodles up his nose. Lily was more subdued, her face contemplative as she focused on slurping up her udon rather than antagonizing her sister.

There were no attempts at fighting, so Poppy counted it as a win. With Tora there, she had another set of eyes available to watch for any trouble brewing and prevent shenanigans from breaking out, which meant she could actually eat her food before it got cold. 

Once they’d finished eating, Poppy thanked Tora again for picking up food, and then everyone dispersed without fanfare: Tora got up to take Joey to the bathroom, Poppy started stacking the dishes to bring them over to the dishwasher, and Violet wandered off into the living room to play. Lily took a step to follow after her little sister when she paused and then turned back to the table, silently gathering up the used silverware and bringing it over to the sink.

Poppy quirked an eyebrow at her oldest daughter’s sudden change in behavior, but didn’t say anything, quietly continuing to clean up from dinner. She had learned years ago to not push Lily too hard to talk - if her daughter wanted to tell her something, she’d do so once she was ready. 

They finished clearing the table together without a word, Lily evidently mulling something over. She had the same furrowed brow and faraway look that Tora got when he was sorting through a particularly knotty issue. It wasn’t until Poppy gently bumped her daughter with her hip and smiled at her that Lily’s gaze snapped back into focus as she blinked up at her mom.

“Hey, Kitkat, whatcha thinking?” Poppy asked her softly. “Seems like you got something on your mind.” 

She watched a wave of emotions wash across her daughter’s face, Lily obviously trying to work out what she wanted to say. After a few more moments, her daughter seemed to settle herself, her gaze sharpening as she looked intently up at Poppy. 

“Mom, why were you so afraid of those creepy guys at the park?” Lily finally asked. “They didn’t do anything, but you and Dad are both really scared.”

Poppy’s eyes widened in surprise - that was not what she’d expected her daughter to ask about. Tora had told her about his talk with Lily in the woods on Saturday; it’d seemed like he’d been able to satisfy their daughter’s curiosity without going into too much detail. But Lily was a very sharp and incredibly observant child - she’d apparently noticed more of her parents’ fear and anxiety than they’d given her credit for. 

Poppy’s shoulders slumped as she sighed and leaned back against the counter. She was completely spent after the day she’d just had and really didn’t have the emotional energy to navigate such a delicate conversation right now.

How could she even begin to sum up the scars she and Tora carried from the past in any way that might be close to appropriate for an eight year old? Especially this eight year old, who could smell a lie a mile away and wouldn’t be satisfied with a short “baby” answer. 

Poppy’s thoughts whirled as she held her daughter’s gaze. It felt like time slowed to a crawl as memories from the past flashed through her mind at warp speed. Words she wished she could say jumbled together in her head.

_Well, Lily, your dad and I have good reason to be scared, because we know from firsthand experience that there are real monsters in this world who thrive on the pain and destruction they inflict. We’re no strangers to what evil looks like in action._

_Your dad was almost broken by the abuse inflicted on him as a child. Tortured into becoming a violent enforcer for a sadistic psychopath, he hated himself for all the bloodshed he was made to take part in._

_We got into some pretty dangerous situations after I met him, and at one point he almost died at my feet._

_I desperately want to say that the past is behind us now and doesn’t affect our present lives, but it’s been over a decade and we still look over our shoulders sometimes, waiting for something to leap out from the darkness. Most of the time, we’re happy, focusing on the love we have for each other and you kids, but deep down we both still carry a lot of scars from the things we went through before you were born._

_Even though your dad finally got free and was able to grow into the person he always wanted to be, there’s still a part of him that’s holding his breath for all the goodness and joy he has now to get ripped away. It would absolutely destroy him if you experienced even one of the innumerable awful things he endured at your age._

_And I’m terrified of something awful happening to your dad or you kids. It’s hard to think coherently when my mind is shrieking at me that my family is in danger. You mean the world to me, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you._

_Those guys I saw just brought everything back up to the surface for some reason. Maybe they’re not dangerous, but they still stirred up memories of traumatic things that continue to weigh on my heart._

Poppy finally pulled herself out of the maelstrom raging in her head, blinking as she felt herself come back to the present moment. Only a few seconds had passed while her brain stuttered over what to say. Lily was still looking at her for an answer, the need for reassurance evident on her daughter’s face. While her oldest child might be strong and fierce, she was still only eight and needed her mom to offer comfort and respite from the scary things out in the world.

Maybe there would come a day, years in the future, when it’d make sense to share more details about the darkness and pain from the past, but right now Poppy knew she needed to assuage the worries and fears her young daughter had and not add to them. 

Poppy wasn’t going to say those men at the park weren’t anything to be concerned about, not after seeing how wound up Tora was about whatever he’d learned at work earlier. She and her husband tried not to just straight up lie to their children - Lily knew that her parents made a habit of being honest and forthright, and Poppy didn’t want to break that trust.

But she also didn’t want to make Lily unnecessarily frightened either. At this point, Poppy didn’t know what those men were up to, and it wouldn’t help anything to jump to conclusions. All they’d done was make her deeply unsettled. 

She finally sorted through her thoughts enough to give an answer that both she and Lily would be satisfied with.

“Those men scared me and your dad because they reminded us of some bad things that happened to us a long time ago,” she told her daughter. “So even though they didn’t do anything when I saw them on Friday, I got kinda freaked out because they looked like the people who hurt your dad.”

“The ones who made Daddy have his scar?” Lily asked in a quiet voice. 

Poppy nodded. “Yes, and there were people who hurt him before that happened too," she said softly. "It makes me really sad and cry when your dad gets injured and is in pain - the same way I cried when you had to get stitches a few months ago.” 

Lily had tripped running on the sidewalk and landed chin first on the pavement earlier that spring. She’d rattled her teeth and gotten a gash that needed a handful of stitches.

Poppy hadn’t teared up when Lily came staggering in with blood dripping down her neck and onto her shirt - the silent tears came when they were at Urgent Care at their clinic and the doctor needed to give Lily a couple numbing shots to the injured area that made the girl shriek in pain. Poppy helped hold down her daughter while the shots were administered, and Lily had seen the tears streaking down her mother’s face over her distress. 

Lily considered this, and then asked another question, “So are you afraid those guys at the park are going to attack Dad?”

Poppy shook her head. “It’s more like your friend Emma and how she’s afraid of Mrs. Everett’s dog, because someone else’s dog jumped on her and snapped at her face. She’s scared of dogs now because they remind her of the bad one that tried to hurt her," she told her daughter. "I don’t actually know anything about those men, but got scared because they looked like the people who’d done bad things to your dad before. That’s why he’s working on figuring out who they are, to make sure they’re not actually going to hurt anyone. But if they are, he’ll let the police know about them.”

Lily mulled this over for a moment, and Poppy hoped it was enough information for her daughter.

Talking about her reaction on Friday and the reason she reacted the way she did was more taxing than Poppy thought it’d be. She could feel her energy crashing as the long day caught up with her. 

But Lily wasn’t quite done, asking, “So why is Dad scared? Is he afraid of getting hurt again?”

“No, I’m not worried about those guys hurting me. I know how to end a fight if I need to, remember?” Tora said as he sauntered into the kitchen with Joey trailing behind him. “I want to know who those guys are because I’m worried about _someone else_ getting hurt, especially any kids.” Poppy knew what he meant was “especially _my_ kids.”

He walked over to Lily and then quickly scooped her up in his arms, causing her to giggle and squeal, “Daaad! What are you doing?” 

Tora lifted her up so her face was level with his, his eyes fixed on hers. “You don’t have to worry about this, Wildcat. I said I would take care of it,” he said with a firm yet gentle tone. “All you need to do is focus on staying out of trouble. Like not wiping boogers on your brother or convincing your sister to lick the floor.” 

Tora arched an unamused brow, leveling a knowing look at his daughter, and Lily mirrored his expression right back at him.

She managed to hold her face impassive for only a few moments before breaking out into laughter as Tora started tickling her.

“No fair!” she gasped between giggles, twisting in his arms as she tried to tickle him back.

“Sorry, kid, not gonna work. I am impervious to any and all attempts at tickles. I have zero ticklish spots,” Tora said as he carried Lily into the living room.

“Says you. We both know that’s not true,” Poppy muttered very softly under her breath as she followed behind her husband.

Tora just smirked and flashed his dimples over his shoulder at his wife before he plopped down on the couch, the kids scrambling to climb over him.

“You guys want to finish your movie, or you just gonna use me as your personal climbing wall tonight?” he said as he leaned over to grab the TV remote.

“Movie! Movie!” the kids yelled, just as quickly clambering down and claiming space on the floor around Tora’s feet. 

“That’s what I thought,” he said, grabbing pillows for the kids to lay on.

He tilted his head back at Poppy after he hit play, “Why don’t you go grab a shower, sweetheart? I’m sure you could use one after dealing with all the puke and boogers and rainbow chalk spit today.”

She leaned down and kissed Tora on the forehead, briefly wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “You’re pretty great, you know that?” she whispered in his ear.

“I try,” he said, reaching up to pat her face. “Now go use all that girly smelling sh--stuff you love so much. I know you’ll feel a lot better when you smell like a fairy unicorn flower garden or whatever it is.”

“You know perfectly well all my bath stuff is strawberry scented,” Poppy said as she gave him a playful swat on the shoulder. 

He just grinned, eyes already on the TV screen, and made shooing motions towards the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm not trying to leave you guys hanging for Tora and Poppy's conversation. I was going to include it in this chapter, but realized I'll be referencing some things from the most recent Fast Pass episodes (#46 and #47). So I'll just put it in its own separate chapter just in case anyone doesn't want any comic spoilers.


	18. Tigers That Bite And A Sweet Reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids fight and then get put to bed. Poppy has a moment with Joey. Tora and Poppy talk and make out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note that there are references to the most recent Fast Pass episode #47 sprinkled into this chapter--  
> Also apparently I lied when I originally said Chapter 9 was going to be as sexual as the story got. Episode #47 just inspired a little sexy fun to happen. I totally meant for them to just talk, but...well, you'll see. First time I've ever written anything like that, so I hope it's as fun to read as it was for me to write. As my husband said when he read parts of this chapter, "Oooh, things got a little saucy!"

Poppy sighed and stretched her arms over her head as the hot water ran down her back, savoring the opportunity to indulge in a little self care after such a tiring day trying to keep up with the kids. Tora was right - being able to scrub away the grime and muck she’d accumulated over the course of her day definitely made a big difference.

By the time she stepped out of the shower, she felt like an actual human being again and not just a repository for all of her children’s slime and dirt. 

She pulled on a pair of shimmery purple pajama pants followed by a t-shirt emblazoned with a sparkly T-Rex, a unicorn horn on its head and a magic wand in one of its tiny hands. “Be A Unicornasaurus Rex In A Field Of Unicorns” was written beneath the rainbow colored dinosaur. It’d been a gift from Tora a few years ago, and always made her giggle whenever she looked at it. 

As Poppy toweled off her hair, she suddenly caught the sounds of a growing commotion in the living room getting loud enough to be heard over the sound of the bathroom fan. She poked her head out into the hallway and overheard Tora raising his voice over the racket the kids were making, trying to regain some semblance of order.

_Y_ _eah, good luck with that,_ she thought to herself. She’d tried all day to stamp out the constant fighting, and it seemed the kids still had some remaining aggression left to work off before bed.

“Oi! Seriously, knock it off!!” Tora commanded. Poppy couldn’t make out any clear response from their children, but a moment later her husband yelped incredulously, “Hey! No biting! What the hell?! _We do not bite people!_ ” 

Poppy stepped back into the bathroom as she heard Tora firmly ordering the combatants into separate rooms for a timeout, his tone brooking no further arguments.

A couple minutes later the bathroom door was unceremoniously flung open as he stormed into the room and stomped over to the linen closet. 

“Little hellions indeed,” Tora grumbled as he rifled through the shelves and pulled out a handful of bandaids. “The little snots bit me good,” he muttered, raising his left hand to show an obvious bite mark on the base of his thumb and another on his forearm, tiny drops of blood welling up on his skin. “They absolutely get that from you, you know,” he groused, as he tore open a couple bandages and stuck them over his oozing wounds. 

“Hey, I don’t bite!” Poppy protested, tacking on a weak, “...much,” when Tora just leveled a reproving look at her in response. “Well, you didn’t seem to mind all that much when you were moaning in my ear last week,“ she huffed under her breath as she hung up her towel.

Tora snorted. “That’s different and you know it, Poppylan,” he said, though she could hear the amusement working its way into his voice and noticed the tiny flush of red that bloomed on his cheeks. “You also don’t draw blood,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I can if you really want me to,” she retorted with an innocent expression that morphed into a devious smirk at the blush that flared across her husband’s face.

Even after almost 15 years and having three kids together, Tora still had no trouble in completely unraveling her in embarrassment, taking particular delight in dropping his innuendo on her when she least expected it. So little phased him that Poppy revelled in the rare instances when she managed to get under his skin and really fluster him in return. 

Tora narrowed his eyes as he stalked over and then ducked his head down until his lips just barely brushed against her ear. “Goddamnit, woman, you drive me absolutely wild, you know that? If I didn’t have to go patch up our children and make sure they don’t keep trying their best to kill each other, I would throw you over my shoulder right this instant and take you straight to bed,” he growled, the heat in his voice sending delightful little shivers down her spine.

Poppy grinned wickedly back at him. “Promise I get a raincheck on that?” She cut off in a startled squeak as he grabbed her butt, giving it a firm squeeze.

“You bet your cute ass I will once the opportunity presents itself,” he purred into her ear before striding back out into the hallway.

Poppy smiled smugly at her husband’s retreating backside, taking a moment to appreciate the view. She paused for a moment to check her hair in the mirror and then followed after him to help wrangle their kids.

++++

Thankfully, getting their children ready for bed didn’t take as long as Poppy feared it would. It seemed that final burst of combativeness managed to burn off their remaining aggressive energy, so the kids were fairly docile when it was time to be tucked in for the night. Poppy was grateful for the easy bedtime routine, breathing a relieved sigh that at least _one_ thing went smoothly with her bitey little tigers today.

She knew Tora still needed to talk to her, and didn’t want to be trying to have an important conversation when she was fighting against nodding off.

Poppy said goodnight to the girls as Tora settled Joey into his crib, and then they switched rooms, making sure the kids got kisses and hugs from both parents. When she walked into his room, Joey reached out to Poppy, silently requesting to be held, and she couldn’t resist the opportunity for some cuddles with her sweet baby.

_Well, not a baby anymore_ , she thought to herself as she hefted him into her arms, noticing it was getting more difficult to lift him up. 

Joey laid his head on Poppy’s shoulder with a contented sigh as she stroked his back and gently swayed from side to side. She basked in the knowledge her children felt so utterly and completely safe with her, their trust a gift she didn’t take lightly. Poppy hummed a lullaby and continued to slowly rock back and forth, feeling Joey’s breathing slow and his body go slack as sleep overtook him. His hands were tucked under his chin, his head lolling over to rest in the crook of her neck as he drifted off.

The last of her irritation from the day dissipated, soothed by the cozy presence of her son in her arms. It was moments like this that made dealing with all the fighting and messes worth it. 

While rocking Joey to sleep, she heard the murmur of her husband’s voice as he read a story to the girls, a silly Dr. Seuss title judging by their daughters’ occasional giggles. Violet and Lily were obviously tired as Poppy didn’t hear any wheedling from either of them for a second story once he finished the book.

A couple minutes later she saw the shadow of Tora’s feet pass by Joey’s bedroom door as he soundlessly padded down the hallway. 

She was still amazed at how someone so large managed to move so quietly. The man could glide through a room like a ghost. Whenever Tora made noise when he was walking, usually when he was coming up behind Poppy and didn’t want to startle her, it was because he wanted to be heard. Poppy, on the other hand, felt like she moved through spaces like a train wreck most days, especially when she was towing the kids and all their stuff along with her. 

She smiled as she stroked Joey’s head - hopefully their kids would take after their dad in that regard. Though today they had definitely not been anywhere close to silent up until now.

Even though he was fast asleep, Poppy continued to rock her son, not wanting to let go just yet. She knew it wouldn’t be too much longer before she wouldn’t be able to do this with Joey anymore - he’d soon be too big for her to hold him cuddled up in her arms like this. She’d be happy to finally be done with the annoyance and mess of diaper changes, but it was also bittersweet realizing her baby was quickly growing up.

Less than ten minutes later, she reluctantly surrendered him back to his crib after she saw Tora’s shadow pass by the door again as he came back down the hall. 

Poppy gently brushed the hair out of Joey’s face and rested her hand on his head for a few more moments, letting her gaze linger on her son’s cherubic face.

The color of his eyes and the shape of his nose were from her, everything else about his features was all Tora: his complexion, soft black hair, dark eyebrows, long pretty eyelashes, and cute lips. They even shared the same blissfully relaxed expression when they slept, which Poppy found utterly adorable. She knew Tora would just roll his eyes at her if she pointed that out.

She lightly traced a finger down Joey’s cheek and then draped his tiger blankie over him before at last heading off to her and Tora’s room. 

She found her husband sitting on their bedroom floor leaning back against the foot of their bed, one leg stretched out and the other bent with his fingers absentmindedly tapping on his knee. He’d let down his hair and changed into a pair of grey cotton pajama pants and a dark blue tank top. A steaming mug of chamomile tea was clasped in his other hand, a second cup resting on the floor beside him obviously meant for her.

To anyone else he might have seemed relaxed, but Poppy knew better - she could see the tension vibrating through his body like a bowstring pulled taut. 

With one look, she knew he was worrying about her response to whatever he needed to tell her about. He had that faraway look in his eyes again, the little worry lines back between his eyebrows.

Tora hadn’t smoked for a very long time, but it didn’t mean he still didn’t crave it on occasion when his stress levels got high enough. Tonight, he was fidgety, trying to give his hands something to do with the tea and finger drumming; the man Poppy knew 14 years ago would have already been a cigarette or two into the process of chain smoking.

She quickly strode over and carefully took the mug out of his hand, setting it on the floor next to her drink.

Tora looked up at her in confusion as she gently pushed his bent knee down so both legs were stretched out in front of him. Poppy lowered herself into his lap, straddling him as she draped her arms over his shoulders.

Tora opened his mouth but before he could speak, she silenced any forthcoming words with a soft, tender kiss that quickly turned more firm and ardent. 

He made a happy little sigh, some of the tension draining out of him as he deepened their kiss. She felt his hands settle on her sides for a moment before one slid around to slip under her shirt and press into her lower back, his rough, warm palm a familiar and welcome presence on her skin. His other hand came up to hold the back of her head, his fingers threading through her still damp hair. 

As they kissed, Poppy trailed her hands down her husband’s broad chest, momentarily resting her fingers on the top of his hips before she couldn’t resist the temptation to sneak her hands up under the front of his shirt.

Tora gently caught her wrists, stopping any further upward progress of her wandering fingers. He reluctantly released her mouth, and leaned back against their bed with a quiet huff. 

“As much as I’d love you to keep going, Bobby, there won’t be much talking happening if you do,” he told her a little breathlessly. “And not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

Poppy smiled, briefly flexing her hands against Tora’s stomach. “You looked like you could use a reward to take the edge off. You know, something sweet.”

This time Tora’s smile spread to the rest of his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling up at that old private joke of theirs. “Mmm, well you definitely are that, sweetheart. Your kisses certainly haven’t lost any of their effectiveness over the years,” he said. He angled back towards her face, his eyes glittering with playful hunger as his gaze locked onto her lips. “Think I need another one though.”

Poppy pulled her head back, not able to move too far since Tora still had his hands wrapped around her wrists. “Thought you just said my kisses hadn’t lost their effectiveness?” she said archly.

“Doubling up makes it even _more_ effective. It’s a scientific fact, you know,” he said with an impish grin, flashing his dimples at her. 

“Oh, well, who am I to question science,” she giggled as Tora freed one of his hands to snake around her shoulders and pull her back into him. Her laugh cut off into a delighted moan as he captured her mouth with his once more.

His hands came up to gently cup either side of her face, his thumbs lightly tracing the curve of her cheekbones, a marked contrast to how intensely his tongue was exploring her mouth.

Poppy gave as good as she got, returning his fervor with her own, her hands sliding up his stomach and chest to his shoulders and then around the back of his neck and up into his hair. His breath hitched when she gathered his dark strands into her fists, pulling with a firm yet gentle grip that became more demanding the longer their lips stayed locked together. 

After a couple minutes, Tora half heartedly tried to break away, but Poppy kept a strong hold on the back of his head, his hair wrapped up in her fingers. She leaned harder into his lips, and he let their mouths stay pressed together for a few more moments until he quietly groaned in frustration and very grudgingly pulled her face away from his. He leaned his forehead against hers and slowly trailed gentle fingers over her face. 

Tora closed his eyes and sighed happily, “Thanks, sweetheart, I really needed that.”

“Did it help relieve some stress?” she asked.

“Yeah, but now you’ve got me wound up in a different way,” he muttered somewhat half jokingly.

“Perv,” she said with no real heat behind it. 

“Takes one to know one, Bobby,” Tora retorted, giving her a little smirk.

His smile quickly dropped away, and he leaned back against their bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I would love nothing more than to keep making out with you and see where the evening takes us, but unfortunately we really need to talk, sweetheart,” he said, patting the floor next to him, the two mugs of tea still waiting for them. 

Poppy reluctantly slid off his lap and settled herself next to her husband, adapting a similar position leaning against their bed. She picked up her tea and blew on it, waiting for Tora to speak.

Silence stretched between them as Tora dropped his head back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. Poppy could see his jaw clenching as he tried to work out how to start.

He finally growled out a string of curses almost too low for her to hear, “Goddamnit, this fucking sucks. Stupid fucking bullshit.” 

Poppy put a gentle hand on his thigh and he immediately grabbed it and held on tightly. Tora sat there for a couple more silent moments and then heaved a big sigh, still staring up at the ceiling. He ran his thumb across her knuckles as she squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“Poppylan, I talked to the guys at work today like I told you I would,” he began. “Passed your pictures to Steve and told him what you and Mrs. Everett saw. Said he’d need a lot better evidence than that to open an investigation. Not a whole lot the cops can do about creepy punks doing jack shit, unfortunately. ‘S not like I can go into detail about why you getting so upset about those assholes is worth looking into.” He paused and squeezed her hand before continuing, “And I didn’t get a chance to talk to Kurt, Frank, and Jensen until after Steve left, which was a stupid rookie mistake on my part.” 

Tora sighed and finally lifted his head off the bed, letting his hair drape over his eyes. He picked up his mug of tea and took a sip before setting it back down on the floor again.

He finally looked up at Poppy, and the ferocious look in his eyes had her swallowing hard around the knot that suddenly constricted her throat. 

“None of them recognized the guys in your pictures, so it might not even be the same people they heard about...but something about those assholes you saw just doesn’t sit right with me. The way you reacted - that’s not how you’ve ever responded to running into drug dealers or wannabe thugs or any of the other shady low-level fucks we dealt with back in the day,” Tora said, his hand still wrapped firmly around hers. 

Poppy wasn’t sure if he needed her to answer so she just shook her head in confirmation that those two guys had felt uniquely unsettling. 

Tora nodded slightly, acknowledging her response, before he went on, “I’ve been wracking my brain all day trying to come up with a better solution, sweetheart, but what the guys told me earlier means I can’t just leave it to the cops to take their sweet ass time to look into it. Not when it’s you and the kids at risk.” 

“T-Tora, you’re not making much sense,” she stuttered out. “Just tell me what’s going on. Please.”

His eyes bored into hers with a blazing intensity that made Poppy’s mouth run dry.

“Word on the street is that there’s human traffickers somewhere in our area," her husband told her grimly. "Didn’t get any names and nobody seems to know what they look like, but I’ll be damned if it’s not those guys you saw.”

Poppy almost dropped her mug on the floor, fumbling for a moment before regaining her grip and carefully setting it down.

She tried to speak but couldn’t form anything coherent, “Wha- how- oh. Oh my god.” She put a hand over her mouth and then looked back up at Tora as a thought struck her, “Oh shit. Shit. This is really bad, isn’t it?”

He just looked at her with the same grim ferocity burning in his eyes, and that was answer enough for her.

“Tora, I submitted my article this morning about the playground! I can’t send people there with this going on! Oh my god, what if someone gets hurt or kidnapped or...or killed?!” she cried, grabbing onto his arm with her free hand. “And the police can’t do _anything_ with that information?!”

Tora shrugged slightly as he said, “Don’t think it’s enough for them to go on. I don’t have a connection between what the guys at work told me and those two punks you saw. It’s just conjecture at this point, nothing solid for Steve to follow up on. Unless….” he trailed off, searching her face. “...unless I go in there myself and find out for sure what’s going on.” 

Poppy stared at him, her first instinct to rant and scream at her husband that he was out of his mind if he thought that was the best option, that there was no way in hell she was letting him walk into those woods alone, that he didn’t need to do this and to let someone else, _anyone else_ deal with it. But...who else had the skills and knowledge he did and was willing to use it to protect others?

She knew it would break Tora’s heart if someone got hurt, especially if it was a child, and he could have done something to prevent it. 

She took a shaky breath, steeling herself. He was going to get information. To give to the cops. So they could stop the bad guys. Tora wasn’t the one who would have to take them out. She swallowed hard, and then met his eyes. 

“When will you go?” she asked in as steady a voice as she could manage, knowing he could hear her acceptance and understanding. 

“Tomorrow night, after it gets dark,” he answered, his surprise evident that she wasn’t going to fight him on his decision. 

Poppy nodded. “Okay,” she said softly. “But!” she snarled, glaring and sticking a finger in his face. “If you get hurt, I swear to god, Tora, I will kill you with my bare hands.”

The edges of his mouth curled up at her threat. “I’m not planning on death by hamster, sweetheart," he said with a gentle smile. "I’ll be in and out like a ghost, they won’t even know I was there.”

“Just...be careful. Please?” she said plaintively, tears welling up in her eyes. “I can’t - I don’t want you coming home covered in blood ever again.”

“Bobby.” Tora pulled her into him, wrapping her up tight in his arms. “I promise it’s just a fact finding mission," he told her earnestly. "I’m not going out there to fight anyone. Once I have the intel I need, I’m out of there and straight back home, okay?”

Poppy sniffed and pressed her face into his shoulder. “Okay,” she said after a moment.

They sat in silence for a few moments until Tora cleared his throat. “Do you mind if we get back to the kissing now?” he asked.

Poppy smiled through her tears. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot actually,” she said, hugging him a little tighter.

Tora lifted her face, wiping the moisture from her cheeks with his thumbs. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Poppy looked at him in confusion, “For what?”

“For understanding why I need to go out there. For trusting in me,” he said softly, his eyes tender as he held her gaze.

“Pfft, I’ve always trusted you, that’s nothing new,” she said, her smile spreading to the rest of her face.

“Well, I appreciate it all the same….now c'mere and let me _properly_ show my appreciation,” Tora murmured as he pulled her in for another kiss, and Poppy couldn't help but melt into him.

They had sex that night, slow and simmering with heat, sharing tender kisses that turned increasingly fervent as they trailed their hands all over each other.


	19. Reflection And A Sexy Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy has some introspective thoughts about their relationship, but this chapter is focused on them fooling around and then having sex.  
> If you don't like smut, just go ahead and skip this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is totally your fault, MPL Thirst Army. My first attempt at smut, and I hope you all enjoy it! I waffled back and forth about trying to work a sex scene into this story, but after the encouraging responses I got on the previous chapter I decided to just go for it. This is the only place in the story that makes sense for it anyways. Also just a note that I added a little bit to the very end of the last chapter to lead into this scene better.

When you’ve been with someone for almost 14 years, married for 12, parents for just over 8, sex becomes a multifaceted thing expressed in a myriad of ways, ebbing and flowing like the seasons, Poppy mused. 

A soft sigh escaped her as Tora pulled his mouth away from hers and started trailing languid kisses down her neck. Her head instinctively dropped back, her exposed throat an open invitation to his wandering lips. 

Throughout the course of their relationship, they’d had sex to express their love for each other plenty of times of course, but also to celebrate, to play, to blow off steam, to make up, to reconnect, for comfort, for the pure carnal fun of it, and for an infinite variety of other reasons. 

Tonight, it was to soothe the emotional tempest whipped up by the last few days, giving some respite and a chance to catch their breath from the anxiety and fear they’d both been dealing with, reaffirming through every caress and kiss that they were there for each other no matter what new curveballs life threw their way.

Over the years, they’d tenderly explored every inch of skin, mapping out each other with wandering fingers and tongues, lips blazing trails over each dip and swell, the terrain of their bodies going from unknown territory to lovingly memorized landmarks. The familiarity didn’t mean there was nothing left to discover - they still found new ways to surprise and delight each other - but Poppy also loved that she was that steadfast source of comfort and refuge for Tora that no one else could provide. Their sex life was deeply layered, a private language built upon the countless reasons and ways they’d made love over the years. 

From their first time together, her fumbling and awkward, feeling self-conscious about her body and unsure of herself, Tora had met her eagerness and passion with his own. He’d enthusiastically responded to every hesitant and halting attempt at intimacy Poppy initiated as she blossomed into confidence; she’d quickly grown more assertive, bolstered by his continual acceptance and encouragement. 

While there was always good natured teasing and playful banter between them, Tora never made light of her initial inexperience, never made her feel anything less than beautiful and incredibly desirable. He’d been honored and blown away that she trusted him enough, loved him so deeply that she’d wanted to give herself to him. He’d delighted in being the one to draw her out, helping her leave her inhibitions and fears behind as she discovered her sexually adventurous side with him.

The only blundering moment her husband never let her live down was the time early on in their relationship when she’d unintentionally ripped a couple belt loops right off his pants in her fervent haste to pull him to bed. His eyes had danced with laughter, Poppy’s face flushed bright red with shock and embarrassment, as he’d caught her before she could tumble backwards and sprawl on the floor. 

“I’m flattered you want me so badly that you’re literally ripping my clothes off, sweetheart. Are you this feisty with everyone you meet or is it just me?” Tora had teased her, echoing what he’d said the night she’d first started falling for him. 

Oh, it was definitely just him. 

She never could help how she reacted to Tora, Poppy thought as she quietly moaned, arching her back and grabbing onto his shoulders as he nibbled across her collarbone. His hands slid out of her hair and down her back before he snaked them under her shirt, his fingers tracing lazy patterns up her spine. 

Goosebumps flared from her head to her toes at his touch, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself as close to him as she could. She felt his smile against her skin and the reverberation from his almost silent pleased chuckle - she knew he absolutely loved the effect he had on her.

For all the darkness and loss they’d both lived through, laughter and joy was a welcome and ever present aspect in all parts of their relationship. The easy banter they so naturally slipped into was testament to the unfaltering acceptance they’d found in each other almost right from the start, even as they'd danced around their feelings for each other at first. They had both been afraid of rejection back then, not yet realizing how unshakeable their bond was. 

Once they'd realized that neither of them ever wanted to let go, they’d both reveled in the freedom to unashamedly show their tender and playful sides, revealing more of the vulnerable parts of themselves they usually kept tucked away. Poppy wasted enough years trying to shrink herself into becoming someone she wasn’t for a manipulative, insecure piece of shit before she’d stumbled into Tora’s path. There had never been any judgmental shaming from the man currently touching her so reverently; the idea of him making her doubt herself was so far from reality it was utterly laughable. 

Poppy couldn’t even fathom either of them ever trying to carve off aspects of themselves to fit into a tiny, suffocating box of assumptions and expectations of what their relationship “should be.” Neither of them had ever concerned themselves with _should_ \- it had only ever been about who they _could_ be with each other. 

Tora slowly trailed his fingers up and down Poppy’s back, his mouth returning to hers. He ran his tongue across her top lip and then kissed her slowly but firmly, his lips soft yet insistent as they probed hers, his tongue slipping in and languidly plumbing the depths of her mouth. She shivered at the heat building between them, their hands growing more incessant in their exploration.

When Poppy was with Tora, she was home, safe and loved. It didn’t matter where life took them as long as she was with him. 

They’d built a family together - a true family, not the so-called one Tora had been forced into and unwillingly raised in. The Balthuman Organization claimed they were ‘family’ while doing nothing to earn the honor of that title, holding basic necessities over her husband’s head to gain his grudging acceptance and obedience; they’d provided for him only enough to extort his service as a tool and a weapon. 

With her, Tora had a real family; she and their kids loved him for who he _was_ , not for what he could _do_ for them. 

With her, he had a home, not just a place to lay his head at night; their house was an oasis of refuge and rest from the world and all its cruel, thoughtless judgments. 

With her, he had unconditional love, freely given every single day, that he didn’t have to do anything to earn; Poppy’s only request was for him to be nothing else except himself with her. And she did her best to give him the same in return. 

As their lips continued to move together, Tora’s hands drifted from her back to her sides, his thumbs just barely brushing the soft skin on the underside of her breasts. He lightly traced the bottom curve of each breast with the tip of his thumbs, eliciting a delighted shiver and a fresh wave of goosebumps to race down Poppy’s limbs. 

She’d been loosely straddled over his lap, but now her thighs tightened around his, her hips pressing into him. She raked her fingers through his hair, and then buried her hands in his silky tresses, pressing him more firmly to her lips. 

Tora chuckled into her mouth, his eyes gleaming with delight and desire. 

He freed himself just enough to amusedly murmur, “Is someone maybe feeling a little turned on right now? I can’t quite tell if you’re into this or not.”

“Oh shut up, and quit being such a tease,” Poppy huffed breathlessly. 

She pulled his hands from under her shirt and reached down to peel off his tank top, tossing it to the side before her hands were immediately back on him. She loved the sight of his body, his tattoos only accentuating the muscles rippling across his broad chest and down his strong arms. She enjoyed feeling him up even more, still enthralled after all these years with the free access he granted her to touch him whenever she wanted. 

Her gaze was pulled up when Tora stripped her shirt off in return, dropping it on the floor next to his with a satisfied smirk. 

Poppy knew he loved drinking in the sight of her just as much as she enjoyed ogling him. He ran light hands down her arms and then back up her sides, pausing to cup her breasts and run his thumbs over her nipples, eliciting a delighted gasp out of her. 

“You’re so incredibly sexy, you know that?” he said, his voice a low, husky rumble, his eyes liquid gold as his gaze swept over her. “How did I get so lucky to marry such a drop dead gorgeous woman?” he whispered as he pulled Poppy against him and kissed her again. 

She sighed into his mouth, all other thoughts in her head flitting away as she lost herself in the feel of his lips on hers, their bare chests pressed together, his large warm hand spread out on her back.

He didn’t break their kiss as he kept one arm twined around her, scooting up and back to settle on their bed. He didn’t have to move too far, their mattress rested on a low platform frame, barely six inches off the floor.

Tora slipped his hands down under the waistband of her pants, and Poppy arched her back, pressing herself back into his fingers as they curved around her ass. He gave her a firm squeeze before laying back, pulling her on top of him. 

Poppy reluctantly broke away from her husband's lips after a few moments to push herself up, reaching down to start working her pants off when Tora stopped her, gently catching her hands.

He gazed up at her, his eyes smoldering and intense. “Mind if I do the honors?” he purred, hooking a finger into her waistband on either side of her hips. “I love being able to unwrap you like the absolute gift you are.”

Poppy felt her face flush even as her heart swelled at his words. How did he _still_ manage to do that to her? Even after all their years together, he still left her utterly speechless and overcome with his sincerity and love while simultaneously making her feel like the sexiest thing alive. 

She dropped her hands away, letting him tug her pants down to her knees in one smooth motion. She reached back to pull them the rest of the way off her legs and flung them to join the growing pile of discarded clothing littering their floor, knowing full well she was giving Tora a nice eyeful in the process. 

She looked down at him and smiled sweetly right before abruptly grabbing his waistband and sinking back to her heels, sliding herself down his body as she dragged his pants off.

Tora sucked in a breath at her sudden movement, squirming a bit as she shimmied herself and his pants down his legs. 

“Hey now, don’t rip these ones, sweetheart. I want to wear them again,” he chuckled a little breathlessly, lifting his hips up to make the removal process a little easier. 

Poppy blew an errant strand of hair out of her face and huffed at him, “It’s been over 14 years, and I’ve only ever done that _once_! And it was an accident!”

“Accident,” Tora repeated, making air quotes as he snickered at her scowl. “Whatever you say, Bobby. I think we both know that you would’ve torn those pants right in half if you could have.”

“Yeah well, not all of us are 6’3” and blessed with an obscene amount of muscles,” she grumbled as she threw his pants off to the side. 

“I’ll give you obscene,” he said, humming with pleasure as Poppy ran her hands up his calves, her fingers slowly tracing over the lines of his leg tattoos.

“I think that’s my line right now,” she said demurely, and then proved it by gliding her hands higher up his legs, pressing her chest into him as she slid her body up against his. 

Tora’s breath hitched as her palms reached his upper thighs, then he let out a frustrated huff as she purposefully paused right before reaching his groin and detoured her hands out wide to his hips, her thumbs drifting over his hip crease. 

She would’ve had to be blind to not see how turned on he was, especially since her face was so close to the area in question. Poppy took her time pulling herself up more, his hard length slowly sliding between her breasts. She paused there, undulating against him, letting her cleavage create some nice friction, causing Tora to hiss and thrust his hips up against her. 

“Now who’s being the tease?” he groaned. “Jesus fucking christ, you feel amazing.” 

“Oh, is someone feeling a little turned on right now? I can’t quite tell if you’re enjoying this or not,” she said smugly, throwing his earlier taunt back at him. 

His fingers curled around her shoulders as she rocked against him a little more. 

“Get up here before you make me lose my goddamn mind, Poppylan,” he quietly growled. 

She arched an eyebrow and smirked up at him, which abruptly turned into her squeaking in surprise as he suddenly hauled her up against his chest, immediately ravaging her mouth with a long punishing kiss. He didn’t relent for even a moment as she groaned and panted around his lips.

“Tora,” she moaned into his mouth. 

She’d just braced her hands against his chest to steady herself when he flipped them over, pinning her down onto their bed. She loved the steadying weight of his body, she never felt crushed or smothered by him - he was a solid anchor, a welcome counterbalance grounding her in place. 

For all their height and weight differences, they fit together perfectly. 

Poppy gazed up at the hungry eyes studying her. His long dark hair cascaded around his face, his cheeks flushed with desire, and she thought to herself yet again how unfair it was that he’d been gifted with such pretty eyelashes to frame his already incredibly striking eyes. 

She didn’t get more than a couple breaths to take in the sight of him before Tora dove back down to capture her mouth once more. 

He thrust his hips into hers, drawing a shuddering groan out of her as she felt his hard-on grinding into her center. She let loose a long low moan at the heat flooding between her legs and pressed her hips up into him as he rubbed himself against her.

“Tora...please,” she gasped.

He didn’t need any more invitation than that, shifting his hips to smoothly slide himself inside her. They both moaned at the moment of contact. Poppy always loved that first delectable thrust as he entered her.

Tora dug his fingers into her ass, pressing himself more fully into her. 

“God, you feel _so good,_ ” he panted into her ear.

They couldn’t get as loud as they used to before their kids entered the picture, so they’d gotten into the habit of keeping their mouths close to each other’s ears to catch every gasp and exhalation of pleasure. Tora was never a loud lover to begin with, so Poppy loved getting to hear all the quiet noises he made as they moved together. The barely audible whimper he made right before he came was her favorite sound in the whole world. 

Poppy’s eyes rolled back and fluttered closed at the delicious sensation of Tora slowly moving in and out of her. The man was well endowed, and she thanked all the gods above that he filled her so perfectly. Every languid thrust he made created white hot sparks of pleasure that sizzled throughout her body. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him as close as she could. Her fingers raked down his back to the top of his ass of their own volition. He jerked and hissed with pleasure as her fingernails dug into his skin, immediately increasing his pace as she squeezed her legs tighter around him and panted his name in his ear. 

Poppy tossed her head back and arched into him as hard as she could. 

“Oh god, Tora, just ride me!” she rasped out.

“Happy to, sweetheart,” he purred, grinding himself into her. 

His hands gripped her ass, his fingers digging into the meat of her cheeks, as he thrust harder into her.

Her moans were getting louder as she felt the pressure building inside her. Tora clamped his hand over her mouth, and she bit down on his middle finger as she felt herself starting to unravel. Once he’d released her uninhibited vocalization of how much she enjoyed his body, Poppy had never really been able to ever fully quiet herself again.

Her muscles clenched, and she softly cried into his hand as her orgasm rolled over her, pleasure washing through her whole body. Her hands involuntarily scrabbled up and down his back, her fingers raked over his skin. Her toes curled, heels digging into his ass, her muscles clenching as she instinctively arched up even more and rode out the cresting wave pulsing through her body.

A few moments later as she relaxed back down and felt herself go heavy, Poppy heard that treasured sound escape Tora’s lips as he chased his own pleasure, thrusting and then losing his rhythm as he jerked against her. The muscles beneath her hands trembled and shivered as he emptied himself inside her. Tora thrust once, twice, and finally a third, each time softer than the last, until he went boneless on top of her. 

“Oh fuck me, Bobby,” he groaned, his face pressed into the side of her neck.

“Well, I think I just did,” she said smugly.

He snorted. “How are you so damn good at this?” he whispered breathlessly, turning his head so his lips brushed against her ear. 

Poppy patted his rear appreciatively. “Just had a good teacher, I guess,” she said with a satisfied smile. “Now let’s get cleaned up so we can cuddle. Your wife needs to be close enough to hear your heartbeat tonight.”

++++

They fell asleep draped over each other, their breath syncing as they drifted into slumber. Poppy went out like a light, her head nestled on Tora’s shoulder, her hand resting over his heart. 

As he was slipping into unconsciousness, Tora heard a quiet voice at the back of his brain whispering that he wasn’t paying attention to something important, that a crucial detail had slipped his notice. 

Sleep washed over him before he could give it any more thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ripping off belt loops thing is inspired by real life. I totally did that to my husband once. We still reference it often.


	20. What Do Your Dreams Tell You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora has a rough night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note that there is blood, violence, and harm to children described in this chapter, though none of it actually takes place in reality--  
> Song suggestion to listen to on repeat while you read this chapter: “Nightmare” - Scary Rap Beat by Odece. https://youtu.be/lBkMywMTkFU  
> Sorry guys, I know the last chapter was really sweet, but this one is not.

Tora was 5 and running through the playground at the park, Lily racing ahead of him. Her long dark hair flew behind her, whipping in the wind as she sprinted away.

He was trying to catch up to her, but the taller girl was so much faster, her legs were longer and outpaced his. 

The play area was too large, they never came to the end of it no matter how far they ran; the structures loomed overhead, growing taller and more twisted the further they went. 

They needed to go home. They shouldn't be here, but Tora couldn't remember why.

He tried to call out to Lily but nothing would come out of his mouth. If she would just look back, he’d be able to tell her to stop. Something bad was going to happen. He just wanted her to turn around. But he couldn’t see her face.

Why couldn’t he see her face?

Tora pushed himself as hard as he could, putting on a burst of speed that brought him closer to Lily. He reached out - she was so close, almost in his grasp. The ends of her hair grazed the tips of his outstretched fingers.

And then something grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

That boy Lily had punched held him painfully, the fingers of one hand digging into Tora’s arm, practically choking him with the stranglehold his other hand had on his collar. The boy wrinkled his nose and shoved Tora to the ground. The air knocked out of him from the impact, and he gasped for breath as he glared up at his attacker. 

The bully curled his lip in disgust. "Your eyes are creepy," he spat, pulling his arm back to strike.

Tora balled his fists, preparing to launch himself at the much bigger boy, even though he knew he couldn’t win, when Lily jumped in between them. She snarled and for a moment he saw a young tiger instead of a dark haired girl protectively standing over his prone body. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” she said over her shoulder to Tora, though she never turned and looked at him. 

Lily caught the taller boy’s fist as he swung it forward and then she fired back with her own punch. This time when her fist connected to the kid’s face he didn’t go down. His head barely moved. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“That the best ya got?” he said. And then he hit Lily in the face. Hard.

Tora heard her enraged cry of pain and the snap and crunch of facial bones breaking as blood splattered on the ground. He tried to scream, to yell, to make any noise, but his voice wouldn’t work. He needed to help her, but he couldn’t speak, couldn’t get his body to move. Lily swayed, her back still to him. Blood poured down the front of her.

It was too much, there was too much blood.

He needed to see her face.

Why couldn’t he see her face?!

Something brushed against his nose in real life, and Tora was instantly awake. He slowly blinked as he came back to reality and then groggily brushed away the strands of hair laying across his face that were tickling his mouth and nose. 

He’d been dreaming a moment ago, he was sure of it, but even though sleep still clung to him, his brain more asleep than awake, the details were already lost to him. The harder he tried to hang onto it, the more the dream slipped away, dissipating like smoke. 

He’d been trying to catch...someone? The snap of a nose breaking and the splatter of blood hitting the floor faintly echoed through his head before that too faded. So...nothing he hadn’t dreamt about before then. He hadn’t been the one getting hurt - he would have recalled the sensation of pain and not the sound of it happening if that was the case.

Thankfully, the image of his hands being free of any blood stuck in his mind’s eye, so he at least knew he hadn’t been the one doling out the violence this time. Out of all his nightmares, he hated those ones the most. 

He rolled over and rested a hand on Poppy’s side, the steady rise and fall of her breath quickly lulling him back to sleep. He felt slumber lapping at him like waves and let the darkness wash over him once more, swiftly lost to any conscious thought. 

\----

Tora was 8 and running through the woods at the park, Lily racing ahead of him through the trees. Her long dark hair flew behind her, whipping in the wind as she sprinted away.

He was trying to catch up to her, but she kept disappearing from his sight, weaving in and out of the undergrowth. He caught glimpses of her orange tiger hat flickering through the greenery like the flames of a fire. 

The forest was dark and threatening, branches kept reaching out and grabbing at his clothes, roots rose up to trip him, every stumble slowing his progress even more.

He needed to get Lily back home. She wasn’t supposed to be out here. She’d promised him she’d stay away from this place! He’d begged her not to run off alone and to stay close to him, and she’d agreed….hadn’t she?

He couldn’t remember right now why it was so important that she not go into these woods. 

“Lily!” he shouted, but she didn’t seem to hear his voice. “Lily, stop!”

But the girl didn’t pause or slow down. He desperately wanted to see her face, but she never turned to look back at him.

Branches whipped across his face and arms, he felt thorns tear at his legs, but he didn’t let the pain stop him. Tora ran as fast as he could and started gaining on her. 

“Kodora, it’s not safe here!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, reaching out to grab her.

The world shifted around him, and now she was above his head, clambering up a tree.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” she called down to him, her face still hidden from his view. 

“No! You don’t need to do that!” Tora cried. He tried to move, to climb after her, but his feet were rooted to the ground. 

Suddenly a dark figure leapt out and grabbed Lily’s leg, dragging her off the tree branch she’d been holding onto. She screamed and struggled to free herself from the arms holding her tight, clawing at her assailant. She threw her head back, and Tora heard the crunch of the person's nose breaking.

Her assailant threw Lily to the ground and then looked up, blood dripping down his face, and Tora realized it was one of the creeps from the park. The thug leered back at Tora as he hauled Lily up by her throat. 

Tora tried to scream, but nothing would come out. He was frozen in place, not able to do anything besides helplessly watch Lily struggle.

The figures in front of him blurred, and where Lily and the man had been a moment ago there now was a young tiger and a black dragon furiously fighting on the forest floor, snarling and swiping at each other.

The tiger was fierce but so much smaller compared to the dragon digging its claws into her. She lashed out, raking her paw across the dragon’s snout, and a spray of dark blood spattered against the surrounding trees. The dragon staggered back, and Tora’s hope rose for a moment, but then the great lizard snarled and sunk its fangs into the tiger’s neck. The wildcat roared in pain as blood poured out of her wounds. 

Something wrapped around Tora in the real world, immediately pulling him back to consciousness.

He sucked in a breath as he woke up, his body tensing for a fight. His mind was still so muddled with sleep, it took him a moment to orient himself and figure out where he was. 

He’d rolled again, his back to Poppy. She was currently spooning him, the side of her face nuzzled against his back, her arms wrapped around him as far as she could reach, one hand resting on his stomach, the other a comforting weight on his chest.

“Hey,” she murmured blearily, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Bad dream? You were whimpering just now.” It was clear she’d roused right before him as she slurred her words slightly, sleep still weighing heavy on her.

“...Maybe? I don’t really remember,” Tora mumbled, trying to sort through the images in his sleep-addled brain.

He slit one eye open to check the time - 3:47AM - and then laid his hands over Poppy’s and focused on feeling her breathe against him to ground himself. 

Okay, he definitely remembered more of that dream than the first one he’d woken from, even as he felt most of it melt away. He wasn’t sure why it’d upset him so much, the snippets he retained didn’t make much sense.

A small tiger and a black dragon locked in a brutal fight. Something… someone?... grabbing Lily. His daughter running through the woods.

There was something important mixed in there, but it slipped away from him as he rubbed the grit out of his eyes.

He didn’t normally have multiple weird dreams in a night like this.

Nightmares were less common for him these days, but he still got them occasionally. Those usually left him sweating and shivering, gasping for air as he fought to wake up, and he always remembered those very clearly, unfortunately. Too many of those bad dreams were just remixes of old memories, so those images were already stuck in his head. And he usually didn’t have more than one in a night - mainly because he had a hard time falling back asleep again after he woke from one.

Tonight, though, was just...odd. A nagging feeling of quiet unease was curled in the center of his chest.

Maybe it was just the weather?

Tora cracked an eye open and glanced up at the high narrow clerestory windows that were on two sides of their bedroom. He saw a distant flash of heat lightning, briefly illuminating the clouds hanging heavy and dark. It was supposed to storm within the next day or so. He hoped it’d help break the heat and humidity that had risen the day before. 

He felt Poppy’s head loll against his back as she slipped back into sleep, her breathing growing deeper, her arms going slack around him. 

He took a big breath in and then let out a long sigh. The weird dreams could honestly be from any number of things - the kids acting out, his anxiety and fear flaring up, watching his daughter get in a fight with a bully, throwing his back out on Saturday, Poppy having that old nightmare.

Tora grumbled a bit as he made himself comfortable again. After the emotional roller coaster of the last few days, maybe his brain just felt like fucking with him. That made as much sense as anything else.

He rolled over to face Poppy, carefully pulling her arm out from under him. He didn’t want her waking up with a numb hand.

He smiled at the memory of the time, back when they’d first started sharing a bed, she’d had her arm tucked under him for a good chunk of the night, resulting in her being completely numb from her fingers up to her elbow. Eventually he’d shifted and then she’d rolled over causing her hand to flop onto her face. She’d woken up and freaked out because there was a strange hand resting on her cheek. She’d savagely chomped down on it before she’d woken up enough to realize it was attached to her. Tora had roused to her holding her hand and cursing. 

He shook his head and smiled wider, guiding her hand to rest on her side and then tracing his knuckle down her cheek. Feisty hamster indeed.

Tora settled his hand on the side of her face, his fingers sliding into her hair, his thumb lightly tracing the curve of her eyebrow, the slope of her cute little nose, the softness of her cheek. He loved touching every part of Poppy - almost fifteen years together and he still couldn’t keep his hands off her.

He felt his body relaxing as he lost himself in the feel of her. He didn’t mind being awake in the middle of the night too much if he had his wife next to him. 

Poppy mumbled something incoherent and nuzzled her face into his hand, and Tora felt the tightness in his chest loosen.

He soon felt his eyes growing heavy and let himself slip away into sleep once more.

\----

Tora was walking with Lily in the woods, her tiny hand clasped in his. She was happily chattering away about something, her words washing over him indistinctly.

He reached out and tugged on the ears of her hat, lifting it off her head. Tora laughed as Lily playfully swatted at him, trying to get it back as he held it just out of her reach. 

She stopped and looked at something behind Tora.

“Dad, what’s that?” she asked, furrowing her brow and pointing. 

He turned to glance in the direction she indicated, but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary in the undergrowth.

When he looked back, Lily was gone.

Tora spun around frantically, but there was no sign of his daughter besides her tiger hat still clasped in his hand. 

“Lily!” he yelled. “Lily, where are you?!” 

It was silent for a long moment, and he felt his heart hammering in his chest.

Then he heard her scream. 

“Daddy! Daddeeee!” she shrieked from somewhere close by. “Help me!!” She broke into a long distraught wail that trailed off into hysterical sobbing. 

Tora couldn’t figure out which direction her voice was coming from, it seemed to keep shifting around him.

When he tried to make his way out of the small clearing he was standing in, he found his way blocked on all sides. There were narrow openings here and there close to the ground, but he was too big to fit through any of them.

Tora was wild with fear, his daughter’s cries of distress making his heart pound wildly. He tore at the bushes around him trying to create a path out, but he was trapped. He felt the clearing shrinking, the trees pressing in around him. 

“LILY!!” he screamed.

"Tch. So noisy." Tora's mouth went dry as the voice that haunted his nightmares came from behind him, “I thought I trained you better than that, Tora.” 

Tora whirled around and then stumbled back, tumbling to the ground as his heel caught on a stray root. Lily’s hat fell from his hand.

Vincent Balthuman stood there looking down at him with that disappointed expression that meant someone was about to die, or at the very least wish they were dead once he was through with them.

“ _Y_ _ou’re dead_ ,” Tora choked out in a horrified whisper, involuntarily scrambling backwards until his back hit a tree. “I killed you myself.”

“Hm, and yet here I am, my dear boy,” Vincent purred, sauntering over. “And you have been a _very_ bad dog. Didn’t I tell you that there would be consequences for running away again?”

Tora couldn’t breathe, couldn’t make himself move as he stared up at Vincent, the sadistic cruelty gleaming in the man’s pale eyes. 

“Though you’re not really much good to me anymore,” Vincent went on. “You’ve gotten soft. _Weak_. _Useless_. I suppose I’ll just have to train in a new dog that will actually come to heel and follow orders.”

He yanked on the chain that was suddenly in his hand, and Tora felt himself shatter when _Lily_ stumbled into the clearing, falling to her knees. The leash Vincent held connected to a choke collar around her neck, her skin raw and red from the metal spikes digging into her throat. 

Vincent grabbed Lily by the hair and yanked her head up.

A horrified whimper escaped Tora’s mouth. Her face was heavily bruised, blood dripping steadily from a cut on her lip and from another over her right eye, which was swollen shut. Her left eye glared furiously at Vincent.

“How kind of you to provide me such a fine replacement, son,” Vincent said with that cruel smile Tora knew so well. “I’ll enjoy breaking her in.” 

Lily spit defiantly at him, and Vincent backhanded her across the face. She crumpled to the ground with a strangled, angry cry.

“No!” Tora yelled. He felt hot tears streaking down his face, and something wild thrashed around in his chest trying to free itself. “No, please, don’t hurt her! I’ll come back. I promise I’ll do whatever ya want. Just let her go. _Please_ ,” he begged, reaching out towards his daughter. 

“Ah ah,” Vincent chided, pulling Lily back roughly. She choked and gagged as he pulled the chain tight, the collar digging into her neck and cutting off her airway. “I think I like this one better. She’s so easy on the eyes, don’t you think?” he said, grabbing her chin and jerking her face up to study it.

Tora felt something crack inside of him, a darkness shook itself loose and howled within him, and finally he was able to rise to his feet. 

“Go fuck yourself, Vincent!” he spat and then charged, aiming his fist straight for the face he hated most in the world.

_Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Di-_

Tora slapped his alarm clock, silencing its noise. He rolled onto his back and groaned, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

“Fuck,” he whispered.

He was covered in sweat, and his heart was racing. That last dream he remembered far too clearly.

He raked trembling hands through his hair and tried to regain control of his shallow, panicked breathing. He blew out a shaky breath as he reached over to grab Poppy’s hand. He squeezed it tightly and clasped their joined hands to his chest even as his wife snoozed on. 

He tried to focus on nothing else except the feel of Poppy’s hand in his, but the image of Lily’s bruised and bleeding face swam to the front of his mind, and Tora swallowed thickly. Bile rose at the back of his throat.

He couldn’t stop the shudder that wracked his body at the vision of Vincent, _fucking Vincent Balthuman_ , touching his daughter. The sound of Vincent’s hand hitting her face echoed in his head, and Tora felt like he was going to throw up. 

Fuck. Nope. Nope, nope, hell fucking nope. This was _not_ how he wanted to start his day. 

_He’s dead_ , he reminded himself. _Dead and gone for a very long time. He can’t hurt you anymore. He will never be able to touch Poppy or the kids._

He’d killed that motherfucker, and made _damn sure_ he was dead. Vincent’s own “training” had given Tora the skills to accomplish that, which he thought was justly ironic. If he believed in karma, it was fitting that the gentle boy Vincent had tortured into becoming a violent killer grew to become the man to finally take him out. 

Vincent Balthuman’s death was the last murder commited by the Legendary Tiger of Ares Street. The day he finally killed Vincent, the Tiger died too. Tora had at last been freed from the role he never wanted.

 _I broke those chains for good,_ he told himself firmly. His children would _never_ experience that darkness.

Tora felt his muscles quivering, still bracing for a fight. His heart rate was high and wouldn’t slow.

He blew out a heavy sigh and then lifted the covers and rolled out of bed. He needed to check on his kids - seeing them safe and sound asleep would help more than anything else right now to clear his head and calm him down. 

As he pulled on his pajama pants, Tora heard his phone vibrate and light up with a few notifications.

He was just going to leave it until after he’d seen to his kids when he saw there were two texts, one from Kurt and another from Frank. It was far too early for him to be getting texts related to work - no one would be at the warehouse or gym for at least another hour. 

Tora gave an annoyed groan when he read their messages. Both men were out sick today.

Fucking hell, could this day start off any worse?

His phone vibrated a few moments later, and Tora could have slapped himself for daring to even silently ask that question. It had just gotten worse.

Now Jensen was out too. Both of his sons had a stomach bug, and Jensen’s wife couldn’t get anyone to cover her shift at work so he needed to stay home with them. 

Tora growled to himself. Well fan-fucking-tastic. His three best guys all out on the same damn day. His work day had just gotten long and exhausting, and he hadn’t even gotten dressed yet.

Tora stabbed at his phone to check the other notification, wondering what other fresh hell was going to get added onto his plate. 

_Excessive heat and humidity warning effective 7am until 8pm. Temperatures will be high and humidity levels will push the heat index to dangerous levels. Limit time outdoors._

_Severe thunderstorm warning effective immediately. Heavy rain expected overnight. Flash flood watch in effect starting 8pm tonight until Wednesday 8am._

“God fucking damnit,” Tora hissed under his breath.

He had to fight the urge to throw his phone against the wall. The only things stopping him were that he didn’t want to wake Poppy that way, and he couldn’t just buy new phones like he used to back when he had cash to burn on stupid shit.

He very carefully set his phone back on his bedside table, and then stomped out of the room. 

Working in the warehouse was going to be a real treat today, that was for sure. It was hard enough keeping that place comfortable on a normal summer day, but with this kind of oppressive weather they were all going to be very sweaty and incredibly grumpy by the time they closed up for the day.

And with three guys out, that meant Tora would be the one picking up a lot of the slack - he’d be running back and forth his entire shift and putting in a decent amount of overtime to cover the staffing shortage.

He ran his hands down his face as he headed down the hall to the kids’ rooms.

At least he could comfort himself with the knowledge that his family would all be safe and comfortable at home today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who was the idiot who bit her own numb hand in real life? Yeah, hi, that was me. Totally fell asleep on my own arm once and then freaked out when I woke up to a strange hand on my face.


	21. Something Amiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora has a very long day and comes to a horrible realization once he gets back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me too much, guys.  
> This is my longest chapter yet!

The kids were all still blissfully sound asleep, but Tora’s mood didn’t improve much after checking on them.

Even though he’d just woken up, he felt exhausted - he couldn’t shake the uneasiness that clung to him after his long night of unsettling blurry dreams capped off by that horrifically crystal clear nightmare. But trying to decipher two weird ass dreams he could barely remember and one he would love nothing more than to completely purge from his mind was the least of his problems at the moment. He had more pressing issues he needed to focus on. 

Tora still planned to do some prowling in the woods at the park that night, no matter how shitty the weather might be. He was getting to the bottom of whatever the hell those creepy assholes were up to, even if he had to camp out in the middle of a fucking downpour.

He knew from experience that crummy weather, up to a certain point, was good cover for hiding illicit activities. Who else would willingly venture out in such crap conditions? 

And if he was honest, there was a part of him that would enjoy the hunt more without having to worry about any civilian witnesses. Not that he had any desire at all to do anything else besides gather whatever information he could while staying as invisible as possible.

Tora hadn’t survived two decades in the mafia without always having multiple contingency plans just in case things went sideways, and the less variables he had to plan for the better control he could maintain of the situation.

But tracking down those punks was this evening’s concern.

He had to deal with his work day first; he was heading in early and staying late to cover the unexpected staffing shortage. With three guys taking sick days, Tora was going to have a long, taxing day even if absolutely nothing went wrong. Dealing with the extra workload from the shortfall would be a huge pain in the ass no matter what the weather was like, but the rising heat index certainly wasn’t going to make things any easier. 

Of course this would be the day where he could really use Kurt’s stupid jokes and Jensen’s unflappable dry wit to help break the inevitable tension. And Frank had a knack for sniffing out brewing trouble and heading it off before it blew up.

With the conditions outside set to only grow increasingly stifling and oppressive as the day wore on, Tora knew things staying quiet and uneventful was highly unlikely. He could pretty much guarantee that the higher the temperature got, the more trouble he’d have to deal with. 

If he was a betting man, he’d put down good money that he’d be breaking up a fight before lunchtime rolled around. The only question was whether it’d be his employees or gym clientele going at it. Usually his guys were pretty good at staying professional, but days like this tended to bring out the inner thug in everyone.

Tora ran his hands through his hair as he strode back into their bedroom to dig out a set of clothes and start getting ready to head out. He wasn’t even going to bother taking a shower since he knew he’d just be drenched in sweat by the end of the day anyways. He’d clean up once he got back home. 

He slipped on the silicone ring he always wore to work; Tora didn’t wear his actual wedding ring on the clock since he used his hands all day in the warehouse and gym. That ring with his wife’s fingerprints engraved into it meant a hell of a lot to him and he didn’t want it to get lost or banged up. And having a piece of metal on your finger while handling bulky, heavy shit was a good way to get said finger ripped off or seriously injured. 

He grumbled to himself as he yanked on a pair of grey cargo pants, distracted by his lengthening to-do list layered on top of his agitation from those stupid dreams. It took him several seconds before he suddenly realized Poppy was awake and quietly watching him.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked softly.

Tora knew his wife could read him like an open book most of the time, though right now he wasn’t even attempting to hide his frustration and stress from her. 

“Just got a lot on my mind, sweetheart. Sorry I woke you up,” he muttered as he pulled a T-shirt on, then grabbed an extra one to change into later in the day. He already knew he was going to be hot and miserable, might as well have a fresh shirt at the ready to make his day marginally less crappy. 

Poppy sat up in bed and flipped the covers off. “I’ve been awake since you got up to check on the kids. I’m sorry I fell back asleep so quickly last night. I didn’t realize you had such a bad nightmare,” she said apologetically. 

“Nah, Poppylan, that’s not what got me so riled up,” he said. “Well, not completely anyways. Had some bad dreams that are still bothering me a bit. Kinda feels like there’s something important I’m missing. But fuck if I know what random ass thing my brain’s trying to tell me.”

The hazy fragments from that second dream wouldn’t stop niggling at the back of Tora’s mind, though he’d be damned if he could say why. But he knew for sure that if he kept picking at it, the only thing he’d accomplish would be to make himself even _more_ irritated and grumpy. 

Tora continued, “But my bigger problem is work’s going to suck absolute ass today. My three best guys are all out sick or taking care of sick kids.”

Poppy groaned sympathetically as she got out of bed and padded over to the closet next to him to choose her own outfit. Tora had been running the place long enough for her to know that many guys taking a sick day at once meant he’d be putting in overtime.

“And I still need to go to the park after all that,” Tora told her.

He caught her deepening frown as she slipped on a bra and tugged a floral yellow tank top over her head. 

“It’s supposed to rain pretty heavily later, do you think it’s even worth it to go out there tonight? Will anyone even want to do ‘business’ in the middle of a thunderstorm?” Poppy asked as she pulled on a pair of red shorts. 

Tora briefly admired her ass in them, both appreciative and envious of her more minimal attire - he had to stick to long pants and close toed shoes for work, which would make the heat even more irritating to deal with.

“Oh, thugs love shitty weather, sweetheart. I should know,” he said, flashing a smirk as he tried to lighten the mood a little bit. “Plus, there’s less likely to be random idiots stumbling around that I have to dodge or distract.”

Poppy didn’t look convinced, and he saw the shadow of worry and fear darken her face. Tora reached out and gently cupped her chin, tilting her head up so she would meet his gaze. The need for reassurance filled her expressive brown eyes.

“Hey, don’t go getting all worked up now,” he said, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “A storm actually makes my job easier. It’ll be pretty much impossible for anyone to hear my footsteps if it’s pissing rain. Everything will be wet, and the thunder will help mask any other sounds I might make.”

Poppy closed her eyes and leaned into Tora’s hand for a moment, curling her hand around his. She blew out a long breath, obviously steadying herself, and then looked back up at him.

“I trust you, and I know you know what you’re doing...but I can’t help how I feel. It’s still going to weigh on me until I’ve got you back home tonight, safe and sound,” she told him, squeezing his hand.

“Well, how about once I’m home I give you a reward in return for the one I got last night, hmm?” he said with a grin. His smile widened as Poppy swatted at him.

“You’re insatiable, you know that,” she said, trying and failing to look unamused as she rolled her eyes at him.

The upturned corners of her mouth and the sparkle in her eyes gave away what she actually thought of his proposal.

“I can’t help it that you're so delectable, sweetheart. I just want to eat you up,” he purred, leaning down to nibble on her ear, getting the giggle he was hoping for. “Plus it’ll give me extra motivation to get back even faster.” 

Poppy started to say something in response when they heard Lily shuffling by their door; their oldest yawned and mumbled a good morning to them on her way to the bathroom.

Violet skipped into their room a minute later for morning hugs, much more chipper and bright eyed than her big sister.

A few minutes after that, Joey was awake and calling for attention. 

As they all made their way to the kitchen, Tora started to put his hair up but Poppy stopped him, asking if she could do it for him instead. He knew it wasn’t just an excuse to play with his hair, though his wife did love doing that too. He could tell she needed that extra bit of time to connect before they had to go their separate ways for the day. 

So after they got the kids settled at the kitchen table for a mostly quiet breakfast, Tora found himself on the couch munching on some peanut butter toast and downing a cup of green tea while Poppy expertly tied up his hair. It wasn’t anything fancy - just a tight bun that she cinched in place with a strawberry hair tie.

Not the original hair tie she gave him all those years ago, of course. That one lived in a little tray on his dresser, frayed and worn from the years he’d carried it around in his pocket. 

A little tiger hair clip got added after Lily perked up enough to shout her choice of hair accessories for the day.

Poppy stepped back to check over her handiwork, grumbling something under her breath a moment later as several strands slid loose from the bun she’d just made. 

“Huh, what was that, sweetheart? Something about how amazing my hair is?” Tora teased between bites of his breakfast.

“I said, _certain people_ are just so naturally blessed with such silky smooth hair that doesn’t want to stay up. I need to slide a few bobby pins in here to keep your hair from coming undone.”

Tora chuckled, the corners of his mouth curling up impishly. “Bobby pins huh? I’d be happy to slide my pin into something else na-” Poppy clamped her hands over his mouth before he could finish.

Tora felt the heat radiating off her face as she hissed in his ear, “ _Don’t you dare._ The kids are sitting right behind us! And it’s not like I don’t know how that sentence ends, because pretty much every time you see one of these, you use that same line.”

“Hey, I’m not that unoriginal. I change it up sometimes,” Tora mumbled around her hands. “And I mean, it’s just too easy, sweetheart. Your name’s right in there.”

Poppy muttered very quietly in his ear, “Other things were right in there last night.”

Tora gasped dramatically, and then pitched his voice to imitate his wife, “Poppylan Wilkes, such language! Think of the children! Their tender ears will curl up at such perversity.”

Poppy lightly whacked him on the back and went back to fixing his hair, but Tora could hear the smile in her voice, “Oh, shush you. It’s your fault, you know.” She poked him in the back between his shoulder blades as she continued, “You’re a bad influence on me.” 

“I thought Dad was a bad influence on me,” Lily called out from the kitchen. 

“And me!” Violet giggled. 

Joey just threw his spoon on the floor in a fit of laughter.

Tora snorted. “Apparently I’m just corrupting the youth of the world now,” he said, turning to flash a dimpled grin back at Poppy. He dropped his voice to a whisper as he continued, “Though it’s far more fun to get you all hot and bothered than accidentally teaching them new swear words."

Poppy arched an eyebrow at him. “Oh, I’m aware of that. And isn’t it about time you left for work?”

Tora laughed as he rose to his feet, finishing off the last of his tea. He ruffled Poppy’s hair and then quickly scampered away into the kitchen as she flailed at him for messing up her hairdo.

++++

“Weapons. _Now_. Before ya little shitstains get me really pissed off,” Tora growled a few hours later.

He was in the midst of breaking up his _second_ fight of the day, and had absolutely zero patience left for the two dumb fucks currently responsible for pushing his lunch break even further back. 

There were more visitors coming into the gym than usual for a Tuesday, as people with nowhere else to go sought refuge from the sticky conditions outside. The looming storm had yet to break, the heavy clouds keeping the heat trapped low to the ground with no relief. Thunder rumbled off and on with a few lightning flashes here and there, but no rain had started to fall yet.

Tempers were quick to flare as the larger crowd meant people kept inadvertently jostling against each other; the suffocating humidity was taking a toll on everyone’s self-control, bringing out a fuck-with-me-and-die attitude even in Tora’s most laid back regulars and employees. 

He glowered at the two teenage combatants he’d dragged apart, practically choking them with the vise grip he had on their shirt collars. Their fight was all but forgotten as they’d quickly realized he was a much bigger threat to deal with than the insults they’d just been hurling at at each other.

Fuckin’ cocky high schoolers. Was he this much of an annoying pain in the ass when he was their age? ….Yeah, he’d probably been even worse, if he was honest. 

“You both know the rules, we don’t allow weapons here. So hand them over. _Now._ Don’t make me repeat myself,” Tora rumbled dangerously, pinning them with his most intimidating glare.

Both boys trembled under his furious gaze, swiftly losing their battle to maintain any tough guy act.

Satisfied that he’d scared the fight out of them, he released his hold on their shirts and held out one hand palm up. The two young men meekly passed over the knives they’d pulled on each other just a few minutes prior. Tora tucked the switchblades away into his pants pocket, and then crossed his arms. He continued scowling down at the much shorter teenagers. 

“Since you were stupid enough to pull them out in front of me, you don’t get your knives back ‘til next week. Hopefully by then you dumbasses will have cooled the fuck off and aren’t gonna go trying to stab anyone else,” he said.

While his language was harsher, Tora realized he was using exactly the same "I'm the dad and you will listen to me" tone with these fuckwits that he did with his own kids when they were in full-on hellion mode. If he wasn't so pissed off, he would have laughed at how easily he slipped into dad mode these days. 

One of the guys made an annoyed sound like he was about to protest, and Tora arched his eyebrow at him, turning the full power of his gaze onto the teenager. The kid quickly paled and went silent.

“Got a problem there?” Tora asked quietly. There was something about lowering his voice that scared people way more than if he yelled. 

The kid shook his head without a word, looking like he was about to shit his pants.

“Good, that’s what I thought,” Tora said. “Now go the fuck home, and don’t come back ‘til you can act like you have something between your ears besides empty space.” The boys turned to walk away, but Tora wasn’t quite done with them yet, “And if I hear anything about you continuing this fight elsewhere, you don’t get your knives back, period. I will personally kick both your asses if you cause any more problems, got it?”

Both boys nodded and quickly scurried off, making a beeline for the door. Tora almost felt bad for how scared they looked. Almost. 

He sighed and scanned the room, checking for any more trouble. He’d purposefully raised his voice just enough for the other people in the area to overhear his threats, and all the onlookers were now making a point to keep their gaze directed everywhere except on him.

Everyone now knew Tora was pissed off and had two knives on him - though he always had his favorite pocket knife on him at work. He used it for cutting through plastic wrap and boxes in the warehouse, and only very rarely had need for its intimidation factor.

He’d only ever pulled it out a handful of times over the years for that last reason, but thankfully never ended up actually having to use it. Just naturally being much taller than most people and looking like he would easily win any fight was an effective deterrent for the kind of troublemakers that popped up here.

Tora’s stomach grumbled, reminding him it was well past his lunch time. He headed off towards his office in the warehouse and noticed people giving him a wide berth as he stalked through the gym. Good. Maybe that would put a stop to any more bright ideas about picking fights over stupid shit today. 

After he finally retreated to his office to at last take his much delayed lunch break, Tora peeled his shirt off and wiped the sweat from his face and chest as best he could before changing into his spare T-shirt. He pulled on a dark grey neck buff as a headband.

Despite Poppy’s best efforts, strands of hair had been coming loose and sticking to his face and neck pretty much since he’d clocked in. The gym was a bit stuffy, but the warehouse was positively sweltering, the A/C struggling to keep up with cooling the large space. 

Tora popped open the bento box Poppy had whipped together for him before he’d left that morning, smiling at the care she still took after all these years to give him a good meal. Even though there was no animal rice ball today - and maybe he was just a tiny bit biased - she somehow always made his lunches look so stinkin’ cute. At least he had one thing to bring a genuine smile to his face at work today.

He quickly polished off his meal and chugged a Gatorade before heading back out to continue dealing with the crabby, sweaty masses. 

++++

Tora heaved a relieved sigh as he flopped down in his car to finally head home. The clock on the dashboard read 7pm, which meant he’d worked over 11 hours, most of it spent on his feet.

Thankfully, there hadn’t been any more fights to break up, but he was dead tired, incredibly warm, and very, very sweaty. He just wanted to go home, take a shower, eat something, curl up with Poppy, and pass out as soon as possible.

But the creeps at the park still needed investigating. So food, snoop around in the woods, shower, and then cuddles and sleep.

 _I’m getting too old for this shit_ , he grumbled to himself as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Fifteen minutes later, he was pulling onto their street, his thoughts consumed with his plan of action for later that evening. A few fat raindrops splattered against the windshield as thunder rumbled close by; the clouds looked about ready to burst at any moment.

Tora absentmindedly returned a wave from Lily’s friend Emma as she took out the trash. The girl and her younger brother Alex lived with their mother Gina a few houses away, and was one of Lily’s favorite playmates. 

Tora pulled his things out of the car and ran his hands down his face just before he stepped inside the house. He desperately hoped the kids had been better behaved today for Poppy. She’d only texted him once, asking if he’d enjoyed his lunch, but he had been too busy to do anything besides glance at his phone a couple times.

And even if he had been able to shoot off some texts, it would have mostly been swearing and complaining about how fucking annoyed he was, which wasn’t the kind of messages he liked to send her anyways. 

Violet and Joey ran up to greet him when he walked in, excitedly latching onto his legs. Even as tired as he was, Tora couldn’t help but smile at their enthusiastic greeting. He couldn’t think of anything better than being able to come home to his family every day.

Poppy padded over a few moments later to kiss him, patting his shoulder and wrinkling her nose a bit at his sweaty state. She didn’t even need to ask how much his day sucked, quietly handing him a glass of cold water that he chugged down immediately. 

Tora glanced around then asked, “Where’s the little wildcat?”

“Oh, over playing with Emma. Told her she could stay there until you got home. We ate dinner early, since I knew you’d be working late, and then she asked if she could go play for a bit,” Poppy told him. She leaned in a little closer to murmur, “Thought it might be a good idea to put some space between her and Vivi after yesterday’s shenanigans.”

Tora looked down at Violet and then back up at Poppy and nodded, “Good idea, sweetheart. So no chalk eating or floor licking today then?”

Poppy laughed as she tugged Joey off Tora’s leg. “Thankfully it was much quieter around here. Seems like we swapped, and you got the more frustrating day to deal with,” she said, settling their son into her arms.

Tora leaned down to scoop Violet up and tucked her under his arm like a football, making her giggle. “Yeah, that it very much was. I’m starving, even though I ate lunch late,” he said as he headed straight towards the kitchen. “Why don’t you call to have Lily head home now?”

Tora wasted no time in digging into the plate Poppy had left in the fridge for him as she went to their room to grab her phone. He asked Violet a question and let her happy chatter wash over him, her bubbly effervescence clearing away the frustrations from his work day.

He had already polished off half his meal when he picked up Poppy’s side of the phone call as she and Joey walked back into the living room, “Oh, she already left?......Are you sure she’s not hiding out in Emma’s room like last time?.......yeah, I know, kids right? Thanks for going to double check.” 

Tora continued to eat, one ear tuned to Poppy’s phone conversation while Violet filled him in on the details of her favorite cartoon show.

His head snapped up though when Poppy’s voice rose in concern, “Uh, no, she hasn’t come home yet. And Emma says she left over an hour ago?......You’re sure?........Maybe she decided to detour to someone else’s house since Tora wasn’t home yet……..Yeah, I’ll call around…..Okay, thanks, Gina. Have a good night.”

Poppy ended the call, an annoyed frown on her face. “That kid sometimes. I don’t know how many times I’ve told her she needs to tell me when she’s going somewhere else,” she muttered, shaking her head as she punched in another number. 

Tora felt something knot low in his gut, but reminded himself that their oldest daughter did indeed love flitting around to visit the various neighbors on their street. There wasn’t anything to be concerned about…yet. 

A few minutes later, his concern had considerably spiked after Poppy confirmed Lily wasn't at two more houses.

She then punched in Mrs. Everett's number, wanting to check if the older woman had seen their daughter wandering around.

Poppy had just started asking their neighbor about Lily's whereabouts when Tora's brain at last snapped all the pieces together. His fork slipped from his grasp, landing on his plate with a loud clatter, as he was suddenly filled with horrifying clarity.

He'd finally figured out what had been nagging at the back of his mind since the previous night.

Oh no. No, no, no, NO. Fucking hell no, how could he have been so _god damn_ _blind_?! _How had it taken him three days to realize something so crucial?!_

His interactions with Lily over the past few days replayed at high speed in his head, slowing to an agonizing crawl as he zeroed in on that one moment from Saturday. The moment he fucked up and hadn't even seen it. The rest of the world fell away as their conversation echoed in his head.

_"There’s a really good chance those men are dangerous, and I need you to promise me you’ll stay away and tell us right away if you see them again.”_

_“I promise, Daddy.”_

_“And I’m asking you to stay close to me or your Mom until we know those guys are gone. Don’t run off alone like you did today, please. And stick close to your sister when you’re out. It’s not forever, Wildcat, just until I know it’s safe again, okay?”_

God damnit! She hadn’t actually _said_ she’d do any of that second part!

He’d been so worked up at the time that he’d been willing to take her somewhat affirmative sounding grunt without making her clearly say out loud that she’d follow his directions. If he’d been less agitated, Tora would have caught it right away.

Shit, this was bad.

Lily was his child - she was driven to protect and look out for the people she cared about. Like him, she didn’t make a habit of lying, but was very good at omitting the truth and giving herself loopholes to run with by staying silent. She was also Poppy’s kid - once she decided on a course of action it was almost impossible to dissuade her, she’d doggedly follow through on the things she thought were important.

And their daughter had both of their pigheaded stubbornness in spades. 

Lily most likely made up her mind right during their conversation on Saturday on what she was going to do. He could practically guarantee where she was right now, and it absolutely terrified him.

Tora shot to his feet so fast he knocked his chair over backwards. Poppy looked over at him in confusion, startled by his sudden movement. 

“Poppylan, get off the phone,” he managed to choke out, a roll of thunder rumbling outside far too close for his comfort. “I know where she is.”

Lily was at the park. Alone. Heading straight towards danger.


	22. The Storm Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora and Poppy figure out where Lily is, but unfortunately that's not a good thing.  
> An unexpected delivery only makes their worry grow.  
> Tora prepares to go hunt her down as the weather turns for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as long an update as I had thought I'd do, but it made sense to break where I did as next chapter things get even more exciting.  
> This is the music I had on repeat as I worked on this chapter, if you want to feel the intensity even more: Revenge ll by Aim To Head. https://youtu.be/b9fUdJdlExU
> 
> And a big thank you to TheCurvedWritingDesk and Lindsay Trychta for answering all my questions about firearms. While Tora as a former assassin and sniper knows his guns, I know absolutely nothing about them, so I appreciate all the info to make sure our tiger handles them correctly in a way that provides the best narrative tension.  
> Also, thanks to peanutbutterandchelly for Stages and Stages From Tora's POV - I absolutely love fangirling over your story, it's always an instant read for me, and am so honored you enjoy my writing. Just wanted to give you a little shoutout in this chapter with the neighbor kid who shows up.

Poppy spun around to look at Tora, her eyes widening with alarm as she took in his panicked state.

“Hey, can I call you back, Mrs. Everett? We might have an idea of where Lily is after all,” she said as calmly as she could manage, ending her call as quickly as possible.

Her full attention focused on him as she anxiously asked, “What do you mean, you know where she is, Tora?”

“I’m 99% sure she’s at the park. Probably sneaking around out in the woods right this moment trying to find those assholes,” Tora said as he dragged his chair back up right. 

“What?!” Poppy gasped. “Wha- how- are you sure? Why would she even do that?” 

“Because she’s our daughter, Poppylan. She doesn’t take no for an answer once she’s made up her mind. Probably got it in her damn fool head that she could somehow help us with this,” he said, raking his hands over his head and pulling at his hair as he stalked over to his work bag to grab his phone. “God damnit, she’s been bringing up those creeps every day since Saturday, and I didn’t even pick up on why!”

“I thought you said she’d promised to leave it alone and let us deal with it?” Poppy said, her eyes round with growing fear. 

“Yeah, I thought so too. But she only promised to stay away from those guys if she saw them again and to tell us right away about it,” Tora said as he stabbed at his phone, opening the app for the security cameras he had on the exterior of their house. “Can’t believe I was so fuckin’ stupid, but I literally just realized she only grumbled at me when I asked her to stick close and not run off by herself. I was so worked up I didn’t even catch what she did. Gah, how did I miss that?! She’s _our_ kid. _Of course_ she gave herself a goddamn loophole!” he growled, gritting his teeth as the security app slowly booted up.

Shit, why was the thing taking so long to load?! 

Finally, the menu popped up and he swiped through the various camera feeds for that day, rewinding them back at high speed until he saw movement from an hour and a half ago.

Tora punched play with Poppy leaning into his side, her hand gripping the back of his shirt, and then they both stiffened and sucked in a sharp breath as they watched their oldest daughter slink in the front gate, grab her bike, look around to make sure no one saw her, and then pedal off on her own in the direction of the park. 

“ _Goddamnit, Lily,_ ” Tora hissed. “Why the hell couldn’t she listen to me just this once?”

“Maybe she just went for a bike ride?” Poppy suggested weakly, her voice quivering as he felt her tremble next to him, his wife clearly fighting to push back her growing panic. 

“You and I both know that’s highly unlikely. If she left an hour and a half ago just to cruise around for a bit, she would already have been home by now,” Tora said. He glanced outside as raindrops started lightly pattering against the windows. “Plus, you know she doesn’t like being out in storms. She wouldn’t have just gone on a joyride in weather like this unless she thought it was important.”

Before he could say more, Tora felt tiny hands grab onto his right leg, and he looked down just in time to watch a tear roll down Violet’s face. She looked worriedly up at him, more tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

“Where’s Lily, Daddy? Is she in trouble?” she warbled plaintively. “Are you mad at her?”

Tora immediately kneeled down and wrapped his younger daughter in a tight hug.

“I’m not mad at your sister, V-bean, just really worried," he told her as he rubbed her back. "I need to go find her before the storm starts. I don’t want her to be outside in the rain all alone.”

As if to emphasize his point, a flash of lightning filled the sky a moment later, immediately followed by a clap of thunder that briefly rattled their windows. 

He was about to say more to comfort Violet when a knock at the front door had him on his feet in an instant. He shot Poppy a silent look that had his wife quickly scooping up Violet and retreating into the living room, murmuring comforting words to their daughter as she stepped out of sight of the entryway. 

Tora warily slid up to the door, all his senses on high alert. He wasn’t taking any chances tonight, not with his oldest child currently missing and the whereabouts of those creeps unknown. His hand twitched down to the knife clipped to his belt as he peeked out the sidelight to see who was on the front step.

His shoulders slumped in relief a moment later as he saw one of the older neighbor kids standing there with a bike next to her.

“Hey, Mr. Wilkes,” the teen girl said cheerily as Tora pulled the door open. “Just wanted to drop this off. Found it in the park just now as I was walking home and didn’t want it to get rained on. I’m guessing Lily forgot it there earlier?” 

Panic gripped his throat and his heart pounded painfully in his chest as Tora realized the orange and black bike she was holding was Lily’s. 

“Where did you find that?” he managed to choke out. 

The girl looked at him in confusion. “Uh, like I said, at the park?” she said.

“No, I mean, _where_ in the park?” Tora answered, trying not to glower at the teen.

“Is - is everything okay, Mr. Wilkes?” she asked, taking in his agitation. 

Tora pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to growl. He didn’t have time for this! Every minute Lily was missing felt like she was getting further out of his reach. 

Thankfully, Poppy came to his rescue. She sidled up next to Tora, placing a reassuring hand on his low back, and smiled kindly at the neighbor girl as she reached out to take Lily’s bike.

“Oh, thanks so much for dropping that off, Chelsey! We really appreciate it," Poppy said. "We’re actually trying to figure out where Lily is right now, and think she might have snuck off to the park a bit ago. You didn’t happen to see her there did you?”

“Lily went out in this?” Chelsey said incredulously, looking up at the sky as another bolt of lightning flashed through the clouds, the accompanying thunder much louder than before.

Tora noticed the rain was starting to pick up, the raindrops hitting the ground harder.

Chelsey continued, “No, Mrs. Wilkes, I didn’t see her, there wasn’t anyone else out in the park that I saw. Me and my friends were just taking a shortcut through there to get home faster. And I saw her bike leaning against the big slide at the playground. You know the purple one near the woods?”

“Yes, I know exactly where that is,” Poppy said quickly. “Thanks so much, Chelsey, that’s actually very helpful. Now you should go get inside before the weather gets worse.”

“Um, do - do you guys want any help looking for her? I know she doesn’t like being outside in stormy weather,” Chelsey said. 

“No, that’s alright. You get home out of the rain, and we’ll call your parents if we need any help, okay?” Tora interjected.

“Okay, Mr. Wilkes. I hope you guys find Lily quickly. My mom said it’s supposed to be a pretty bad storm tonight,” the girl said as she headed back towards the street. Another clap of thunder made Chelsey jump and increase her pace as she ran down the block to her house. 

Tora rounded on Poppy as soon as the door was closed, gripping her shoulders tightly as his eyes bored into hers. “Sweetheart, I need you to call the police right now and report Lily missing,” he told her, feeling the knot growing in his chest.

Poppy gaped up at him for a moment and then found her voice, “What? Why? I mean, we know where she is, don’t we?”

Tora clenched his jaw, fighting to keep at bay the terrible what-if scenarios crowding into his head.

“Poppylan, think! It’s a pretty strong likelihood that there are human traffickers doing who knows what in those woods. And our daughter is out there _alone_ , doing her level best to _find_ those motherfuckers. I don’t mean to freak you out, but the longer a kid is missing, the less likely they are to be found. I’m not going to risk that when it’s our daughter on the line. I want as much back up as possible coming behind me. The more trained eyes we can get on the ground, the better," he said, his grip on her tightening. "Call the cops, tell them she’s missing and to haul their asses over here as fast as they can. I need you to stay here and direct the search, okay?”

Tora saw the same fear and panic in Poppy’s eyes that was currently crawling up his throat. She nodded unsteadily at him.

He squeezed her shoulders reassuringly for a moment and then practically ran to their bedroom.

“Where are you going?” she called after him, coming into the room behind him a couple moments later.

“I’m going to find our daughter and make sure those sick fucks don’t get their hands on her,” Tora said as he pulled on a black hoodie and zipped it all the way up.

He reached into the back of their closet for his emergency go bag, quickly flipping through the dark green backpack, making sure that everything was in place. The big first aid kit was secure and fully stocked; he’d just swapped in new bottled water and energy bars the previous week, and put fresh batteries in the heavy duty flashlight at the same time. He quickly ticked off the rest of the contents: Duct tape, a lighter, zip ties, a small skein of light weight rope, a thermal blanket, and tucked into its own pocket, a large knife.

Satisfied that everything was where it should be, Tora zipped it all closed and threw the backpack over his shoulder.

He hesitated for a moment and then pushed aside his clothes to reveal a small safe tucked into the corner of the closet. Poppy sucked in a breath as he squatted down and punched in the code to open it. 

“Tora? What are you planning on doing?” she whispered as he pulled out his Sig in its concealed carry holster.

“Hopefully, Poppylan, absolutely nothing. But I will do whatever I have to if her life is in danger,” he quietly said as he pulled out an extra magazine and tucked it into his hoodie pocket. “Now please call the police, sweetheart,” he said softly as he rose back to his feet. 

Poppy let out a shaky breath and then pulled her phone out of her pocket. Tora saw her rub at one eye and then inhale slowly, steadying herself as she drew on that deep reservoir of strength and bravery he hated to make her use but appreciated so much that she had.

She tapped out the number and lifted the phone to her ear, her eyes locked onto him. 

“Hello? This is Poppylan Wilkes, and I need to report my daughter Lily missing. I live at….”

Tora mentally checked off everything he was carrying on him, proud of his wife as she smoothly rattled off the pertinent details to the dispatcher, her voice only catching a few times.

He worked briskly as she talked, clipping the holster into place on his belt, the gun now tucked out of sight between his waistband and his hip, and then adjusted his hoodie and shirt to completely hide any sign of it.

He patted his pockets and realized he’d forgotten to empty them out before he’d come home, those two switchblades were still on him. Well, better to have extra weapons on hand than not enough.

He was as prepared as possible for a wide array of trouble, though what he wanted more than anything was to get his daughter safely home and not have any reason to pull out even one of his weapons...or the first aid kit for that matter. 

Maybe he was panicking over nothing, and he’d find Lily wandering down one of the walking trails in the woods, completely fine and unharmed.

God, he desperately hoped so.

He’d love nothing more than to drag her home, chew her out, and ground her for a month. Hm, make that _two_ months, the sneaky little shit.

They were going to have a very long conversation about the difference between looking out for the people you care about and stupidly running off into dangerous situations.

Tora perked up and paid close attention as Poppy described to the dispatcher what Lily was wearing, since he’d left for work before the kids had gotten dressed that morning.

Her tiger hat, of course. Blue tie-dye T-shirt. Green shorts. Purple sneakers.

He wished she’d worn all orange or just any bright color - trying to pick out green and blue clothing in the dark, wet woods wouldn’t be easy.

The hat was obviously noticeable, but it would be hard to see if she was low to the ground or she had taken it off and tucked it in her back pocket…. _or if it was removed and tossed aside by someone else,_ whispered the fear clawing at him. 

Nope, he couldn’t think like that right now. He needed to stay focused and not let panic and worry cloud his mind. He could fall apart _after_ he had Lily safely home again.

Tora strode out of their room, Poppy right behind him as she finished talking with the dispatcher. She ended the call right as they got to the entryway. She grabbed Tora’s arm and looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes. 

“They said someone will be here in about five minutes,” she told him, her hand trembling just a little bit. “Tora-” she cut off and bit down hard on her lip, fighting back the tears threatening to spill over.

Tora put his hand over hers and squeezed it tightly as she searched his face.

“I’ll already be at the park by the time they get here. Text me if anything changes, but if I don’t answer right away don’t get worried, okay? My hands might be busy or I don’t want to give away my location by lighting up my phone screen,” he said. “ If - _when_ I find Lily I’ll text you, since reception can be spotty out there.”

Poppy swallowed hard and nodded. “Just - just be careful, Tora,” she whispered, abruptly pulling him close to wrap her arms tightly around him. He felt her sniffle as she pressed herself into him.

“I always am, sweetheart,” he murmured as he returned her hug. 

Violet ran up a moment later and held her stuffed tiger out to Tora. 

“What’s that for, V-bean?” he asked, confused as to what she wanted him to do with it.

“Take Baihu with you so Lily can hold him and not be scared of the storm,” Violet told him firmly. 

Tora kneeled down and hugged Violet. “That’s real sweet of you, Vivi. I’ll let your sister know that you were looking out for her,” he said as he gently took the little tiger and carefully tucked it away into his go bag. “Now listen to your mom while I’m out, okay?”

Violet nodded and stuck her thumb in her mouth, reaching out to hold Poppy’s hand. Her gaze was just as determined and full of trust in him as Poppy’s.

Christ, he needed to leave before he completely lost it. Damn it, he couldn’t let himself start crying or he’d never be able to keep his focus. He needed his head on straight right now. 

He felt the fear fluttering wildly in his chest, threatening to unravel him.

There was a part of him screaming at the back of his mind that he was wasting time, that Lily was in danger, that he’d failed her, that she was already wounded or dead. Images of terrible what-ifs flashed through his head, each worse than the last, and Tora swallowed hard as he got back to his feet. He needed to focus on the job at hand right now. 

He pulled Poppy in for a quick kiss, and as he did so, he visualized all the raging emotions currently swirling around inside him being tucked away into a box and putting it in his wife’s strong hands for safekeeping.

Before he’d met Poppy, he’d had to keep his feelings locked down tight, he couldn’t truly be himself around anyone. Vulnerability was a weakness to be exploited by his enemies, weaponized and turned against him and those he cared about at the slightest opportunity.

Fear had been an ever present companion, constantly whispering in his ear all the ways things would fall apart, that he couldn’t let his guard down for even a single moment.

He had to be hard and tough, emotionless as possible, because that was the only way to survive. There had been no place in his life for gentleness, light, or love before Poppy crossed his path. 

He treasured the man he'd become, the person he got to openly and unreservedly be with his family. He would take back that box as soon as he got home, letting all the fear and worry and anger and pain and love and tenderness tumble out once it was safe for him to do so. 

But right this moment he needed that wall back up, just for a little while. Just until he made sure his daughter was safe.

So he poured all of those soft and tender parts of himself into Poppy as he kissed her, silently asking her to hold onto it all until he could take it back again.

It was just a few moments of his lips pressed into hers, barely the time it took to inhale a breath and then let it out, but she immediately picked up on what he was asking her. She gripped his arms in response, letting him know she understood what he needed to do, telling him to be careful, that she loved him, and to get his ass back home as soon as he could with their daughter safely in tow. 

Tora let her go and then stepped out into the thunder and rain without another word, desperately hoping he hadn’t wasted a single moment.

Five minutes after Chelsey dropped off Lily’s bike, he was racing down the street, saying a silent prayer to whoever might be listening that he would find his daughter before anything bad happened to her. 

Then he flipped his emotions off, and the tiger came out to hunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I hit 50,000 words, which just blows my mind. When I wrote what became the prologue, it was just a short little one-shot I wanted to get down about Tora and Poppy being married and having a baby one day. I had never written a story longer than a couple pages before this, and the thought of ever writing 50K words seemed laughable. I had no bigger storyline in mind when I jotted that first chapter down, it was just a writing exercise to express my love for MPL. Little did I know that it would become the beginning of what has turned into this sprawling story that I'm having an absolute blast writing. I love this community I've become a part of - the MPL fandom is so supportive and encouraging, you motivate me to keep going. I want this to be the best story I can possibly create, because you all just give me so much life.


	23. The Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora runs to the park to find Lily. He makes an unexpected discovery in the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note there is violence and a child is hurt, though not badly, in this chapter--  
> Thank you again to Lindsay Trychta for answering my questions about guns and hand-to-hand combat. Your insight and knowledge took this chapter to a whole other level, and I'm so grateful for the time you took to help me!  
> This is the song I listened to on repeat while writing this chapter, and I think it fits perfectly with the rising storm: WARRIOR by Anilah feat. Einar Selvik https://youtu.be/BlfO4mcwGZw

Fuck. He was exhausted. His knees ached. His calves were sore. His back shivered with fatigue. His body strenuously protested the need to run, loudly reminding Tora he’d already spent 11 hours on his feet that day.

All he wanted was to curl up with his wife and drift off to sleep, comforted in knowing all his kids were tucked into bed. 

Safe. 

Secure. 

Sheltered from the storm about to descend and unleash its fury. 

But instead, he ran through the deepening darkness, all his concentration focused on finding his daughter and getting her home. His years of regimented training and strict self-discipline gave him the control to push the weariness and pain back to a distant annoyance.

Where the _hell_ was she? 

Was she okay? 

Would he find her before something bad happened? 

What if-

 _No. Focus. Don’t think about anything but the task right in front of you,_ he told himself firmly. 

Tora fixated on his daughter, keeping her face at the forefront of his mind, silently reciting her name like a prayer. It sizzled down his spine and out into his limbs, a fresh wave of energy spurring him on. His feet hit the pavement to the cadence of those two syllables, the weight behind them driving him forward. 

Li-ly.

Li-ly.

Li-ly.

All his senses opened up, taking in his surroundings, attuned for anything out of place, anything that didn’t belong.

The street was empty except for him. Everyone else had retreated inside to ride out the encroaching storm, the glow from their windows flashing by in his peripheral vision. 

He wanted to break into a full on sprint, but the burning ache in his muscles told him if he did he wouldn’t have enough energy in reserve to deal with anything else by the time he made it to the park. He needed to conserve his strength, just in case there was more trouble in store tonight beyond tracking down his wayward eight year old.

Tora darted through the rain and gloom, just another shadow in the night.

The frantic voices of fear and panic that had been clamoring inside his head just a few minutes prior were now silenced. All his attention centered on his rapidly approaching destination. 

He rounded the last corner and raced into the park. It had been less than two minutes since he’d shut the front door behind him.

Tora surveyed the area without slowing as he headed straight towards the playground.

A flash of lightning burst overhead, painfully illuminating everything for a brief moment.

There was the big purple slide, vivid and bright for just a second before it was swallowed in shadow once more. He’d start there, since that’s where Lily left her bike. 

Tora paused and glanced up as a sudden blast of wind blew around him. He scrutinized the sky, gauging how long it would be before the clouds ripped open and released the full force of the storm.

With the wind picking up like that, he had fifteen, maybe twenty minutes tops before the deluge truly let loose. It was going to be difficult to trace any trail Lily may have left with the rain growing heavier by the minute. 

The flash flood warning flickered through his mind. He fervently hoped she was somewhere on high ground.

He searched the tree line for anything unusual as he zeroed in on the area Poppy saw those fucking assholes come from on Friday. Tora knew Lily had been aware of their path based on her comment on Saturday about him not wanting to go into that part of the woods. 

He set off, his eyes roaming the ground around him for any sign of the route his daughter took.

Right before he reached the trees, his phone vibrated with a text. Only once he was satisfied the surrounding area was truly deserted did he slide it out of his pocket to quickly read the text Poppy had just sent.

_Cops are here. Sending them your way._

_Thank fuck,_ he thought. They had actually hauled their asses over there in just under five minutes. Apparently they'd realized a child missing out in this weather wasn't anything to fart around about.

A moment later Tora's phone lit up with another text from Poppy, _Be safe. I love you._

 _Love you too. Will text once I find her,_ he sent back and then tucked his phone away after switching it to Do Not Disturb. Even if the rising wind and rain were loud enough to cover any small sounds, he wasn’t going to take the slightest chance that an errant vibration might alert anyone to his presence. 

Tora felt the electricity crackling in the air as another bolt of lightning raced across the sky, a resounding boom of thunder immediately following. The clock was ticking as the storm continued to intensify - he didn’t want Lily stuck out in weather like this. She’d been gone for almost two hours now. 

He quickly found his way onto the narrow footpath that snaked through this part of the woods, settling into a steady loping pace as he slipped among the trees.

All his senses were brought to bear, hunting for any trace of his daughter. 

This park wasn’t huge, not like some of the ones back near Narin City, but it would still take time to scour the area, peeking under bushes and through the undergrowth.

Well, unless he got incredibly lucky and just stumbled across his daughter making her way down the trail. Another clap of thunder told him that was unlikely; if she was inside, Lily didn’t mind storms too much, but she hated being out in them, especially with loud thunder like this.

She was most likely taking shelter from the rising gale, curled up in some tiny hiding spot. That at least meant she was hidden from those fucking traffickers, but it would also make it incredibly difficult for Tora to locate her. 

And he wasn’t going home empty handed - he’d stay out here all night if he had to.

Tora moved into a small clearing and instantly had rain pelting his face. He wiped the water out of his eyes and kept moving.

It would have been nice to pull up his hood to keep his head dry, but it would muffle his hearing too much and block his peripheral vision. He needed to be able to immediately tell which direction any sound was coming from. And he didn’t want to miss even the slightest movement around him.

As he headed deeper into the woods, getting closer to the stream, a dim light flared to life about 40 feet off to his left, flicking out for a few moments before returning.

Tora instinctively dropped to the ground in a crouch. He didn’t sense any eyes on him, but stayed motionless for several long seconds just to be safe, sweeping the surrounding trees for any indication that he’d been spotted.

He stayed low and crept off the path, disappearing into the shadows. He slid from tree to tree, slinking through the undergrowth towards the only sign of life he’d seen so far.

Tora stilled as a harsh laugh drifted over the sounds of the storm. He continued only once he picked up the murmur of two male voices obviously involved in a conversation. 

Once he got within 20 feet, able to make out the ring of the light more clearly, he pulled the neck buff down from his hair, slipping it over his face to cover his mouth and nose. It was wet and the rank smell of sweat filled his nostrils, but he didn’t want these guys to be able to easily identify him. 

As he pushed damp hair out of his face, his fingers brushed over the tiger hair clip Lily had insisted on that morning. Tora carefully removed it and slipped it into his pants pocket then turned his entire focus to the scene in front of him. 

It was the two young men from Poppy’s pictures.

They were standing out of the rain under the overhang of a large tree, a small camping lantern resting on the ground between them. Neither seemed to be paying any attention to their surroundings, absorbed in whatever they were discussing. 

Tora slowly moved closer until he was finally able to pick up what they were saying.

“--said he’d be here, so just let it go,” said the more fancily dressed of the two. The blonde man reminded Tora a bit of Quincey, if his best friend had far less class and much poorer taste in fashion. 

Flashy Boy here was decked out in an ensemble that even Tora knew was more about showing off than actually dressing well. He could only imagine what scathing put-down Quincey would have at the ready for this kid’s tacky choice in clothing. The dude’s lightweight designer jacket was soaked through, and Tora could see him shivering just a bit against the dampness. His fancy sneakers and the lower third of his jeans were splattered with mud. 

The shiny gun Flashy Boy was currently fiddling with was the only thing about him Tora took seriously. It was a chromed out Ruger, probably a 45 by the look of it.

Of course that’s what this showoff would have. Dude didn’t even look like he knew how to hold it properly the way he was dicking around with it. What a waste of a decent gun. 

A couple quick successive flashes of lightning caught the area where the serial number had been filed off, and Tora rolled his eyes. Amateurs. 

“I still don’t like it, man. Feels kinda like he’s flaking on us after all the work we put in,” said the other guy, running his hands through his short brown hair. 

He was also wearing high end clothes but had dressed more sensibly for the weather. He was wearing a bright red hoodie with the word SUPREME going across the shoulders and repeating in smaller text down one sleeve. He also wore jeans, but his sneakers, while still expensive, seemed more suited for the current conditions. 

Tora was just going to assume Sensible Clothes was also carrying, though the fact that he wasn’t stupidly waving a gun around probably meant he had at least a little bit more sense and skill than Flashy Boy. Which also meant he was likely to be more of a problem to deal with. 

Keeping just outside the reach of the lantern’s glow, Tora circled around to get behind the tree the two men were leaning against, now able to approach them completely unseen.

These chucklefucks were almost comical in how little attention they directed to their surroundings. If it weren’t for his need for a little more information, he could take them out right now, even with the gun still in Flashy Boy’s hands. 

Mrs. Everett had seen _three_ men, and Tora wanted to know who the third guy was.

“Look, Drake’s followed through on everything else before, let’s just wait a bit before leaving. Dude said he caught some nosy little bitch that was sniffing around earlier, so maybe he’s still dealing with her,” Flashy Boy said. 

Tora crept within just a few feet of them before settling down between two bushes. He was practically right on top of them, and these dumbasses just continued chattering away like the idiots they obviously were.

He sank down into a crouch he could easily spring out of at a moment’s notice. 

Sensible Clothes grunted and kicked at a small rock on the ground. “...Yeah, okay. Okay, we’ll wait. But only 10 more minutes. I don’t want to be stuck out here too much longer, bro. Storm’s picking up,” he said. “But I also really don’t want to drag these little snots back through the woods again if I don’t have to.” 

Tora sucked in a breath as he heard an angry muffled yell coming from nearby followed by the sounds of sniffling. He hadn’t seen anyone else when he’d approached. But he had been pretty focused on the men since he immediately recognized them, and they’d been the only two he’d heard.

Unfortunately, from his current position Tora could only see Flashy Boy and Sensible Clothes from behind and a little to the side. The large tree blocked his line of sight to their left. And even though their lantern was dim, its light made it difficult to pick out any details in the surrounding gloom and rain. 

Flashy Boy raised his voice, his tone harsh and cold, as he looked off to his left, “Yeah, that’s right, you little shit, we’re talking about you and your little friend there. Try to bite us again, and we’ll really give you something to cry about.”

Tora listened closely as whoever it was wordlessly protested again, their mouth clearly gagged. It sounded like a child, and his heart ran cold at the realization.

How many other kids would’ve been wandering out here tonight? But...it sounded like these guys had more than one kid held captive.

“Don’t think she’ll be doing much of that now that we gagged them both,” Sensible Clothes said matter of factly. 

Okay, so there _were_ two. That just made his job exponentially harder. 

Tora’s gaze swept the area, trying to locate where exactly Lily and this other child were.

Would he be able to grab both of them and still outrun these two motherfuckers? He couldn’t say for sure unless he actually saw how big the other kid was and whether they were currently tied up to something. It would take time to cut them loose, and that would be further complicated by how they were bound and gagged.

His thoughts were interrupted by Flashy Boy stalking over to the left, disappearing into Tora’s blind spot. 

Tora quickly slid back into the shadows, silently shrugging off his go bag as he got the man back in his line of sight. Flashy Boy tucked his gun away as he strode over to glare down at the shadowed side of a nearby tree that was partially obscured by a large bush. Tora’s heart clenched in his chest as he made out a line of rope wrapped around the trunk; he couldn’t see anything more as the kids were on the other side of the tree from him. 

He felt the world stop as a small bare leg kicked out at the man, a flash of lightning confirming the shoe at the end of it was purple. 

Flashy Boy grimaced as the foot managed to connect with his knee, and, before Tora could react, immediately delivered a hard backhanded blow, eliciting a strangled cry of pain from the recipient.

The sound reverberated to the depths of Tora’s soul, and he was moving before he had time to think of anything beyond the overwhelming desire to break every single bone in the man’s hand for striking his daughter. 

Tora dealt with the closer threat first, surging forward to deliver a sharp blow to the side of Sensible Clothes’ neck right below his ear. The man instantly collapsed to the ground unconscious before he’d made a single sound. 

Flashy Boy was as slow as he was stupid, and Tora had him in a chokehold before he could get out more than a shocked, “What the--?!"

The man went limp and passed out in less than 10 seconds. Tora quickly dragged him over next to his buddy, dropping him on the ground none too gently.

He grabbed his go bag and pulled out the rope, making short work of securely tying the two up. They wouldn’t be going anywhere unless someone else cut them loose. 

Tora patted them down, finding that Sensible Clothes indeed had a gun and both had a couple knives on them. He tossed their shitty knives into the bushes, and was about to do the same with their guns when he paused, struck with a thought that made him smirk.

He popped the magazines out, chucking those as far into the woods as he could, and then returned the now empty guns back to their owners’ waistbands. 

When the cops found these dumb fucks, Tora wanted their guns on them for a couple different reasons. One, it was just a huge “fuck you” to these two, and at least he’d have one thing from this whole ordeal that he could smile about in years to come. Two, he guessed the guns were stolen or obtained some other illegal way, and he didn’t want these guys to have any wiggle room for deniability. Even if they were empty, an illegal weapon was still illegal.

Tora wanted every charge brought against these guys to stick. 

As they came to, Tora gagged them both before they had a chance to say a word.

Flashy Boy struggled against his bonds for only a moment before suddenly realizing his predicament, his eyes going wide with fear as Tora squatted down and leaned in close to his face. Tora was confident he looked absolutely terrifying right now judging by the panicked expression on the other man’s face.

“You hit my girl,” Tora said deathly quiet. “The only reason your hand isn’t broken right now is because I don’t want her to hear that. But if I _ever_ see you again, rest assured I will break every. Single. Bone. in the hand you hit her with. Slowly. You understand?” 

The man nodded, his breath uneven.

“Good,” Tora said, and he waited for Flashy Boy to relax before he delivered the same blow he’d given Sensible Clothes a minute ago. The man instantly passed out. “That’s for the nightmare you fucks gave my wife,” Tora muttered as he rose to his feet.

He rushed over to the tree to free the children.

Two little girls tearfully looked up at him, their mouths gagged and their hands bound behind their backs. One had a dark red mark on her cheek from Flashy Boy’s blow. 

And neither of them were his daughter.


	24. Yaky And Bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora rescues two girls and then keeps hunting for Lily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Just a note that there are injuries to children described, and child abuse is referenced in passing, as well as some blood in this chapter--  
> A little Easter egg for FawkesFire13 in this chapter. Thanks for being one of my most supportive readers!

For several disoriented and bewildered seconds, Tora couldn’t move, his brain trying to make sense of the girls in front of him. He had been so convinced one of them was Lily that he could only stare back in shock at the two sets of dark eyes gazing fearfully up at him.

They looked to be around his girls’ age, and Tora’s heart clenched at the thought. If he hadn’t been out here tonight....he didn’t want to think about what would have happened to them if they’d fallen into the hands of that Drake guy.

The posturing dipshits currently tied up behind him were most assuredly _not_ the brains of the operation, his easy take down of them a clear indication of both their inexperience and low position. 

As he took in the girls’ battered state, Tora felt his protective dad side flare hot with burning rage.

Besides being bound and gagged, the scrapes and scratches all over each child were further evidence they’d been dragged here unwillingly, every wound pointing to their struggle to escape and the roughness with which they’d been handled. The bigger girl had clearly taken the brunt of their kidnappers’ ire, her face swollen and red in more than one spot, obviously having received more than just the blow he’d witnessed. 

Tora suddenly felt like he’d been too charitable in the minimal injuries he’d given those sick fucks, the desire to break more than a few of their bones difficult to push aside. 

The girls were tied to the tree, their bodies streaked with mud, soaking wet and shivering. Though based on the threadbare condition of their clothes, he felt it was a safe guess that this wasn’t their first night stuck out in the elements.

They’d probably been alone on the street for a while, an easy target for abduction. Tora knew from his own experience that no one really cared when street kids disappeared. To most people, if they noticed at all, it was just one less grubby face hanging out on the corner or digging for food in the trash. Nobody bothered too much about looking for those children. 

The older girl narrowed her eyes and stared him down, the challenge evident in her gaze. She didn’t need words to express the universal code for, “If you try to hurt my younger sibling, I will end you.” Tora had seen that same look in Lily’s eyes on multiple occasions, and even his sweet Violet had bravely jutted her chin out like that a time or two for her little brother.

But both sets of eyes looking up at him right now were far too old and weary for their young faces, filled with a skittish wariness his own girls had never needed. 

And these two were definitely related, the family resemblance was uncanny. It was hard to tell what color their hair was since it was so gloomy out and they were both drenched, but from what Tora could make out, their features were strikingly similar. The dark eyes, one full of tears and fear, the other tearful but defiant, were exactly the same. 

For just a split second, the decades fell away, and he was looking down at himself and Goliath.

He and his little brother lived on the streets for a short time before Tora had been stolen away by Vincent’s men, but it’d already been just the two of them for at least a year by that point.

Tora knew that look in the big girl’s eyes, because it’d been the same one he’d had, and at an even younger age than her. He was well acquainted with that responsibility to protect, to look out for and take care of the only family you had left as you tried to survive out in the big, scary world together. 

No matter that they weren’t his kids, he’d make damn sure these girls got somewhere safe tonight.

A loud clap of thunder forcefully returned Tora to the present and kicked his brain back into gear.

He still had a job to do, and he needed to take care of these two as quickly as possible so he could continue his search for Lily. He most likely only had just a few minutes left before the storm broke into its full fury. 

Tora shook off his momentary confusion and the cobwebs of the past, taking a step towards the girls before immediately stopping in his tracks when they recoiled and shrunk away at his approach. The older girl glared and cocked her leg back, preparing to lash out at him. 

Tora could easily guess that he probably didn’t look too friendly to these kids right now. A dark, masked figure who’d rushed out of the stormy night, easily taking out the men who’d captured them, and now stood silently looming over them both? 

_Yeah, way to put their fears at ease, dumbass. Did you think they’d be happy about being at the mercy of a big, scary thug that just showed up out of nowhere?_ he muttered at himself.

These girls had been terrified enough for one night, and he didn’t want to traumatize them any further. Tora glanced over at the tied up men, making sure they wouldn’t be able to see anything in this direction, before he pulled the neck buff down from his face. 

The younger girl’s eyes widened, staring hard at him. Was that...did she _recognize_ him? She wiggled against her bonds, trying to say something to her big sister, but obviously couldn’t get any words out.

He put his hands out placatingly as he slowly moved forward again. “Whoa, easy there, I’m not going to hurt you guys,” he said as softly as he could over the storm. 

The bigger girl scowled at him and made a sound that communicated her disbelief loud and clear, her eyes darting over in the direction of the incapacitated men.

The younger girl’s fear of him had noticeably dropped for some reason.

Tora crouched down on the ground in front of the sisters, putting a gentle hand on the big girl’s foot as he continued, “Hey, no need to kick me. If it wasn’t obvious already, I’m definitely not with them.”

She growled back at him, straining to release her bound hands, and Tora couldn’t help his frustrated glare at her. Normally, he would’ve been willing to slowly and calmly put her at ease, but he didn’t have time for it tonight. Not with Lily still out there somewhere. 

“Look, I don’t know who the fuck Drake is or what he was going to do with you guys, but I’m not him, okay?” Tora snapped. “I’m just out here looking for my daughter and found you two instead. So quit freaking out and let me cut you and your sister loose.”

The big girl went still and her eyes got wide, and she shot a concerned look over at her little sister. The younger girl gave her an annoyed look and nodded her head at Tora, obviously saying, “Duh, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

Tora kept his movements slow and deliberate as he reached into his pocket for his knife and then flicked it open.

“I’m gonna get those gags off first, and then get your hands free, okay?” he said, carefully sliding his knife under the knotted fabric tied around the older girl's face. 

He easily sliced through the thin fabric, and both girls gasped and panted for a moment as they caught their breath.

Tora quickly turned his attention to the rope on their hands, annoyed to discover it was that kevlar shit that took way more work to cut through. Those dumb fucks had wrapped multiple layers of it around the girls’ wrists. The rope was completely soaked, making it harder for his knife to catch on it and slice through the fibers.

“You okay, Bug?” the bigger girl asked quietly.

“Uh huh, ‘m fine,” her sister said. “How’s ya face?”

Tora heard the older girl sniff and swallow hard as she experimentally moved her head around.

“Hurts. But not the worst I’ve had," she mumbled. "Not like when those guys jumped me last year. Least I can still see this time.”

He clenched his jaw at her words. He remembered too well just how rough life could be out there when you had no adults to hide behind.

Though it had been infinitely worse for him once it was adults dispensing the violence and not other kids. 

As he worked to free their hands, Tora couldn’t help but notice how much thinner these girls were in comparison to his daughters. When was the last time they’d gotten a decent meal?

“So, when was the last time you had anything to eat?” he asked as he sawed at the older girl’s bindings. 

“...yesterday,” she said softly. 

Tora grunted. Fuck, no wonder they looked so worn out.

“Got some water and energy bars in my bag, if you want ‘em once I get this off your hands,” he said. 

“Yeah, that’d be nice, thank you,” she said.

Tora could see her curiously examining him out of the corner of his eye as he sawed away. 

“Got a name I can call ya?” he asked as he pulled off most of the rope keeping her hands together.

Christ, did those dumbasses not know how to tie a decent knot and tried to make up for it by just adding extra rope? 

“I’m Jax, and this is Bug,” the big girl said.

“Nuh uh! If he gets to call ya Jax, then I get to be Auralie,” her little sister whined.

“You’re not supposed to tell people your real name, dummy!” Jax hissed at her sister.

“If I hafta be Bug, then _you_ gotta be Yaky!” 

Tora smiled and shook his head at their banter. Kids could be so weirdly resilient sometimes. Kidnapped, tied up and dragged through the woods by human traffickers, with some scary looking stranger rescuing them - most adults would be shitting themselves right about now, but these two just went to arguing about their nicknames. 

“Yaky and Bug, huh?” Tora chuckled as he finally got all the rope off Jax. 

She shot a glare up at him before her face twisted in pain, and she groaned as he carefully guided her hands into her lap. Tora gently helped her rotate her shoulders as the girl rubbed her wrists. 

“Nah, don’t worry, I got it. Jax and Auralie for when you’re behaving. But Yaky and Bug if you’re being little snots. That sound about right?” Tora said as he gingerly ran his hands over Jax, checking for any serious injuries. Her face was the most wounded part of her, with a spot over her left eye and another on her cheek oozing tiny trickles of blood.

“Yeah, that sounds ‘bout right, mister,” Auralie giggled. “What’s yer name?”

“You can call me Thomas, or Tom is fine too,” Tora said as he swung his backpack off his shoulder and rifled through it, handing two energy bars to Jax and then twisting open a bottle of water for her. 

“Then how come that lady called ya Tora on Saturday?” Auralie asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him. 

“That’s my wife, Poppylan, and _she_ gets to call me whatever she wants,” Tora said, arching an eyebrow at the girl as he got to work on freeing her hands. Saturday, huh? So she _had_ seen him before. “Sounds like you two saw me with my family here on Saturday?”

Jax shook her head as she polished off the first energy bar and broke into the second one. “Nah, I wasn’t here for that," she said with her mouth full. "Was off getting some food. Bug, I mean, Auralie was hanging out at the playground ‘til I got back.”

The younger girl nodded. “Yeah, saw ya girl take down that big bully, Brian. He deserved it. Always pushing us little kids around just cuz his big bro is mean to him. Yaky is mean to me all the time, but I just get mean right back. If I’m mad, I don’t take it out on nobody. Not like he does,” Auralie said matter of factly, and then slumped forward with a relieved groan as Tora cut her loose from sitting up straight against the tree trunk. “So she’s missing out here? The black haired girl with the orange kitty hat?” the younger girl asked as Tora sawed away at the rope on her wrists.

“Yeah, her name’s Lily, and she biked off this way a couple hours ago,” he said, raising his voice above the blowing wind. “I thought those fuckfaces had her when I showed up a few minutes ago, but turned out it was you two. Glad I could get you away from them, but I still need to find her. Did you see her at all tonight while you guys were out here? I think she was actually trying to find the guys who had you.”

Jax’s mouth dropped open. “Wha--?! Why would she _want_ to find them?!" the girl said in astonishment. "Those shitheads showed up two weeks ago, and they’ve been trying to snag kids off the street ever since then. We’ve been avoiding them all week, trying to hide out here at the park as much as we could. They just got lucky tonight and grabbed us when we were heading into the bathroom by the parking lot to get away from the rain.”

Tora broke through another layer of rope, rushing to get through it as fast as he could without injuring Auralie.

“So you didn’t see Lily anywhere around here today then?” he asked them again.

Both girls shook their heads.

“Nuh uh, didn’t see nobody but us and those two guys over there,” Auralie said, grimacing as Tora finally got her hands free. 

Tora checked her over for injuries, and noticed her right wrist was swollen. Auralie couldn’t move it much and said it hurt a lot when she tried. She greedily inhaled the energy bars he handed her, but only used her left hand to eat and drink. 

“Think it might be badly sprained, maybe broken,” Tora told her. He glanced over at Jax. “And you need to get your face looked at. He hit you pretty hard, and I’m guessing the other ones you got were just as bad,” he said as gently as he could to the older girl.

Jax frowned. “We’ll be fine. Had worse,” she muttered. 

“Look, it’s already storming pretty badly, and it’s gonna get even worse out here tonight. You guys should be somewhere inside out of this,” Tora said. “And it’s one thing to have some nasty bruises on your face, but if Auralie’s wrist is broken, she needs that set and put in a cast. The bones won’t heal right otherwise.”

Jax jutted out her jaw and opened her mouth to argue when her sister cut her off. “It hurts, Yaky,” the little girl sniffled. “Don’t want it to get bad like Chico's arm. He can’t even use it anymore.” 

Jax growled in annoyance. Tora thought she and Lily would get along great, they were so similar. Or be at each other’s throats for the same reason. Probably both honestly.

“Fine. We’ll just run away like we did last time if they try to split us up again,” the older girl grumbled. 

Tora helped them both to their feet, and once he determined they weren’t going to have any issues walking, asked them, “You two know how to get back through the woods to the playground?” 

They nodded. “We go out here all the time at night,” Auralie said. 

“Okay, good. I don’t have time to run you all the way there and then come back out here again. I need to find Lily before the storm gets even worse,” Tora told them. “There’s cops and most likely paramedics already waiting at the playground, so go get your injuries looked at _please_. Plus, you get to tell the cops where these two shitheads are so they can get their asses arrested and in jail where they belong.”

Jax swiveled to look over at the two punks Tora had securely tied up. Her eyes narrowed, and before Tora could stop her, she ran over and swiftly kicked Flashy Boy in the face a couple times.

The man made angry noises through his gag, obviously cursing the kid out. Tora honestly wanted to do much worse to him than two kicks to the face.

The girl ran back over to Tora and Auralie with a triumphant smirk on her bruised face. “Okay, Bug, let’s go,” she said, reaching out to hold her sister’s uninjured hand.

“Hey, wait a sec,” Tora said as he rose back to his feet and slung his bag back over his shoulders. The girls turned to look at him. “You guys know where Red Koi Gym is on Fawkes Street and West 7th near here?”

“Think so. Haven’t been there, but I’ve heard about it,” Jax said. “That’s the one that lets street kids use the bathroom without asking a lot of questions, right?” 

“I run that place,” he said, and the girls’ eyes widened in surprise. “You guys ever get in trouble or need anything, just stop by during the week and ask for me, okay?”

They both nodded at him and then quickly disappeared into the woods, heading in the direction of the play area. Tora really hoped they’d get their injuries looked at. 

Maybe he should bring some shelf stable food and a couple outfits his girls had outgrown to work and leave that stuff at the front desk. Just on the off chance Jax and Auralie ever stopped by.

He knew from his own childhood that if he tried to offer too much help too soon, they’d just run off and never come back. 

Tora settled his go bag more securely on his back as he slipped into the woods and quickly found his way onto the footpath again.

It had taken him all of maybe ten minutes to deal with those men and get the sisters freed. He hoped it had been quick enough.

The trees shook and bent with the force of the wind, no pause between lightning and thunder now, the light and noise an almost constant cacophony. The strobe like effect threw the woods into sharp relief around him, every leaf and twig lit with stark clarity.

Tora swiftly reached the end of the trail as it ran into the edge of streambank. 

The problem in front of him now was right or left - which way would his daughter have gone? If she had seen the traffickers, she may have been satisfied with her mission and ready to head back home. Or she may have gotten scared by the storm and wanted to hide out from it. 

As he scanned either direction, something caught his eye off to the left during the next flurry of lightning flashes. Tora was running before he could even make out what it was.

All he’d seen was a snatch of something orange moving by a tree. It was at roughly Lily’s height. 

_Please, please, please let it be her,_ tumbled through his head as he dashed through the rain, trying not to get too close to the edge of the embankment.

Tora pushed through the last stand of trees and skidded to a halt.

There was Lily’s tiger hat, twisted up on the end of a tree branch. He was amazed it hadn’t been blown off by the wind currently whipping the branch around. 

Tora reached out and plucked the hat off the tree, examining it for any clues. No blood, no tears, it was just soaking wet. Well, at least he knew he was going in the right direction.

But….why had she left it here? Lily barely took the thing off, she’d never just leave it like this.

He spun around, searching for any signs of movement in all directions and then grabbed onto a tree to keep himself firmly anchored as he peered over the edge of the streambank. He squinted against the pouring rain, scanning both up and down stream as far as he could see. Everything was dark and wet. It looked like the sandy soil right below him had a dark shadow spread out in one spot, but other than that he saw nothing unusual. 

Lightning blazed across the sky again, and Tora’s whole body went cold as he realized the “shadow” was a deep, shiny red. 

It was blood. 

Spattered across the ground. 

Twelve feet below him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jax and Auralie's names are a shoutout to Jaxstargazer and TheCurvedWritingDesk. Thank you both for all your support!  
> Jaxstargazer has commented on pretty much every single chapter of this story, and I so appreciate the ongoing enthusiasm for my writing.  
> Curvy's stories were the big catalyst for me trying my own hand at writing fanfic.


	25. Fury And Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora finds some clues and makes a startling discovery.

For a moment Tora forgot how to breathe.

Some part of him was still aware of the wind battering the trees with increasing fury, the flashing of lightning, the heavy rolling of thunder, the rain lashing against his face, but it had all dropped away to a distant murmur.

Everything around him faded out to an indistinct blur.

Everything...except the blood smeared across the ground below him. Tora saw it with an achingly sharp clarity. The image of it seared into his brain, a spike of icy pain shooting straight into the center of his heart. 

He had seen plenty of blood over the years. More than enough to last him multiple lifetimes. Enough to haunt his dreams. Enough to leave him wondering if his hands would ever truly feel clean of it.

He was well acquainted with it. How it looked. How it felt. How it flowed and dripped and splattered and sprayed. How much someone could lose from a blow, from being stabbed, from a beating, from a gunshot….from a fall.

How much loss was survivable. And how much was fatal.

Flashy Boy’s callous and indifferent voice echoed through his head, _“He caught some nosy little bitch that was sniffing around earlier, so maybe he’s still dealing with her….maybe he’s still dealing with her….dealing with her.”_

Jax and Auralie might not have seen that Drake guy tonight, but that didn’t necessarily mean he hadn’t been around. 

Tora wanted it to be something else. Someone else. _Anyone else_ but her.

 _Not her. Please, don’t let it be her.  
_ _Not like this._

But the soggy orange hat clenched in his fist didn’t lie. Lily only took it off grudgingly, and she definitely wouldn’t just hang it on a tree and walk away.

Something heavy plummeted into the middle of Tora’s chest, crushing his heart with its terrible weight. He was teetering on the brink, about to shatter into a million little pieces that he would never, _never_ be able to mend.

It felt like he was looking at the world from underwater.  
Drowning.  
Trying to claw his way back to the surface.  
But he was being dragged down, down, down to somewhere dark and cold.

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. 

Tora felt something crack deep within him, right at the very center of who he was.

And then his senses returned with a savage ferocity, the world rushing back into grim focus. A hot fury washed over and through his entire being, filling every empty space inside of him with a smoldering fire.

He didn’t know which was more terrible in its wrath - the storm currently raging around him or the one fighting to break loose within him.

Before he could even form a coherent thought, his body was moving, sliding down the steep embankment a few feet over to the side of the blood. Some part of him still had the presence of mind to remember not to cover any evidence with the dirt and gravel shaken loose by his descent. 

Tora landed hard, his feet slamming into the compacted wet soil. His knees protested the abuse, and his legs burned from the impact.

He pushed the pain away like the annoyance it was. He’d let himself feel the hurt later. 

He stalked over to the bloody area, crouching down to examine the ground, trying to parse what happened. 

How had she landed? Had she even been conscious on her way down?

He looked up at the steep streambank he’d just come from. If he was prepared for it, he could take a fall that high without too much damage. But he knew how to land, to roll, to disperse the impact.

The blood in front of him showed that Lily hit hard enough to get injured. Head wound? Even small cuts could bleed a lot.

How long ago had she fallen?

Damnit, the rain had washed away so much already. It was hard to tell exactly the amount of blood spilled with all the water mixed into it now. It didn’t seem like all that much...for an adult. But for a child? Lily didn’t even weigh sixty pounds.

But she also wasn’t lying here in a broken heap. So...that _could_ be a good sign. 

Tora walked in a circle, looking for any clue, any indication that his daughter had gotten up on her own. There was no sign anyone else had been down here with her. He didn’t see any footprints. No drag marks. The stream was too narrow and shallow to throw a body into, it was only just now beginning to rise from the downpour.

The wind shifted and noticeably picked up in intensity. He noted with rising unease the slanted angle the rain was being blown into.

While the streambank to his left now shielded him from the brunt of the storm, and he could see more clearly since water wasn’t pouring directly into his face anymore, the changing conditions also meant the storm still had more left to unleash.

The flash flood warning blinked across Tora’s mind again. He couldn’t linger down here for much longer. There was a reason the streambanks were so high for what was normally just a little trickle of a creek. When it rained like this, this area could fill with a seething torrent of water in a matter of minutes. 

He had to get a move on. Now. He needed to figure out which way she might have gone. 

Low. He had to look as low as possible. He did another sweep, intently scanning the ground and the first few feet of the embankment next to him. 

A flurry of lightning flared across the sky, throwing everything into bright relief for several seconds. It was enough time for Tora to intensely scrutinize the area around him. 

There. He made out the remnants of a thin trail of red spatter heading away from the bloody impact area. 

And there. Going the same direction, about three feet off the ground, a series of parallel gouges in the wall of dirt, as if someone dug into it for support. Was she leaning into it with her shoulder and pulling herself along?

And it was heading _away_ from the river, back towards the playground. The route he’d take to go home.

Was she….he quickly recalled there was a set of stairs up ahead that connected to the walking trails. He’d brought Lily down here often enough for her to know that.

Tora ran, only pausing to check around blind corners before darting forward again.

A tiny butterfly of hope fluttered in his chest, but he couldn’t let himself grab onto it just yet. Not until Lily was safely back in his arms.

But he wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ let himself contemplate what he might find just ahead. That would open the door for too many emotions to flood back in, distracting him from completing his mission.

Fear would make him sloppy, make him hesitate when even half a second could matter. Hope would take his edge off, put his guard down when he needed to be able to react as fast as possible. Sorrow would sap his energy, remind him how utterly exhausted he was and how much pain he was in.

Anger though, anger was good. That he could use. He dipped into the rage simmering inside him like lava to spur himself on, using it to give him a fresh burst of speed. He let it burn away any other emotion, thought, or concern that would hinder his progress. 

All Tora focused on was moving as fast as possible, checking for any threats around every corner, keeping an eye on the weather….and his fingers trailing over the dirt next to him, the pattern of divots and scuff marks the only indication he had that his daughter might be on the move somewhere ahead of him. That she might still be breathing. Still be alive. 

The orange hat currently stuffed in his back pocket had pointed him down here. The blood only told him that she’d fallen and been injured. But the little indents and grooves were a clear trail to follow. Lily had given him something tangible to hold onto, a sign that she’d been right here.

He’d go wherever it was leading him. Deal with whatever waited for him at the end.

Tora peeked around another bend, scanning his surroundings for any movement. He’d been running along the stream for at least ¼ mile now. 

So where was she? He’d thought he'd have come across her by now. Lily took after him in so many ways - protective to a fault, tough, strong, stubborn as hell, just to name a few. But how far could a small injured child really go? 

And where the _fuck_ were those _damn_ stairs?

A thunderous boom shook the sky with an almost deafening roar.

Was that….a cry somewhere in the midst of it?

Had he actually heard that? It'd been weak, thin, tremulous. So faint he wasn’t sure if it was just his mind playing tricks on him. 

Tora stopped in his tracks, trying to listen. His heart thudded loudly in his ears, his breath rising and falling in shallow waves as he tried to slow it. For a few seconds, all he could hear was the wind, the rain, the thunder drowning out everything else. He strained to make out anything else over the tumult of the storm.

Another clap of thunder.

And….oh god, _yes_. There it was. A frightened sob. He hadn’t been imagining it.

Tora trembled, his body quivering for action. He wanted nothing more than to sprint forward as fast as he could, but he forced himself to move slowly.

It wouldn’t do Lily any good if he stupidly ran headlong into trouble. He hugged the embankment, sinking into the shadows. His hand hovered over his gun as he crept up to another blind curve where the stream bent away out of his sight. 

He could hear the strangled weeping louder now, shuddering moaning cries that both tore at his heart and were the best sound he’d ever heard. 

Tora carefully peered around the bend. And then almost fell to his knees at the sight before him, a gasp pulled out of him.

_Lily._

Alone. Huddled against the embankment. 

She was completely drenched, coated in dirt and blood. He immediately zeroed in on her right arm hanging at an unnatural angle, that she wasn’t putting any weight on her right leg.

His daughter was shivering and shaking. Sobbing with fear and pain and exhaustion. 

But alive. 

_She was alive._


	26. Discoveries In The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora finds Lily and rushes her off to get medical attention.  
> Someone watches from the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note there is a lot of blood and pretty bad injuries described--  
> Song suggestion: Hurricane by Fleurie https://youtu.be/nZcf3oXfz5k  
> This chapter is the start of Act 2. Act 1 was 100 pages exactly, so we'll see how long this arc ends up being.  
> This is another long one for you guys!  
> Poor Tora has had the worst day. I promise things will turn for the better eventually.

PART II

Relief flooded through Tora so strongly he barely managed to stay on his feet. His whole body trembled from the wave of emotions crashing over him. 

She was alive. 

“ _Oh thank fuck_ ,” he breathed, blinking hard to keep the tears at bay.

She was alive. That’s all that mattered. Whatever the hell came next, he could handle.

He took one more look around, those few seconds feeling like an eternity as he made absolutely certain the area was clear of anyone else. 

And then he finally, _finally_ bolted over to his daughter.

“Lily!” As he sprinted over, Tora yelled her name, wanting her to know she wasn’t alone, that she was safe now, that everything would be alright. “Lily!” 

She stiffened and raised her head at the sound of his voice, trying to turn but only managing to look over her left shoulder at him. The one eye of hers Tora could see widened with recognition. 

“Daddy?” she choked out. 

It was music to Tora’s ears, what he’d spent the last hour desperately hoping he’d get to hear again. It had been 60 minutes since he knew she was missing, and every second had been the worst of his life.

He dropped to his knees as he skidded to a stop, reaching out to his daughter, taking in her wounded state. Lily swayed for a moment and then fell against him, sobbing and gasping as her left hand grabbed onto his hoodie like a lifeline.

“Daddy!” she cried with a pained wheeze.

Tora cradled one of the most precious treasures in his whole world in his lap, wiping back the wet, muddy hair plastered to her tear stained face. The sight of her in his arms, breathing and alive - it was the greatest thing he’d ever seen.

Something dark inside his chest settled, returning to its place deep within him.

But his daughter was also in incredibly rough shape, and he immediately knew he needed to get her medical attention as soon as possible. 

Even though the air was still warm and humid, Lily’s skin was pale, cold, and clammy. Tora could feel her trembling and shivering. Her pulse was weak and fluttering far too rapidly. He quickly assessed the extent of the injuries he could see, running his hands over her as lightly as he could. 

Lily’s right eye was swollen shut, a deep gash running from her temple to her cheek, blood steadily trickling down her face and neck; the whole right side of her face was bruised and swollen. There was blood dripping out of her mouth, her lip was busted or she’d bitten her tongue or cheek. Her right shoulder didn’t look good - definitely badly bruised, maybe broken; her right forearm and wrist were both clearly broken. Her breathing was too shallow and uneven, hitching every time she inhaled, so maybe bruised or cracked ribs; both of her knees were raw and red, blood oozing from the lacerations there; her right ankle was red and inflamed, another sprain or broken bone. 

Pretty much every bit of exposed skin Tora could see was bashed up. He honestly couldn’t tell all the places she was actually bleeding from as there was so much blood and dirt caked on her. 

He felt himself choking up, overcome by the extent of damage her small body had received.

How the hell had she made it this far so badly injured?! 

“Jesus, kid, you just don’t have any quit in you, do you?” he said, his voice catching in shocked astonishment. “You’re an absolute fuckin’ badass. I don’t know how you even managed to get up from that fall, let alone walk all the way over here.”

A ghost of a smile fluttered across her face. “Mom says we’re not supposed to say ass,” she rasped out.

Her left eye was glassy and unfocused, the pupil dilated - he wasn’t sure how well she was even seeing him right now. 

“I think she’ll make an exception in this case, because it’s true,” Tora said, trying to give his daughter a smile as he struggled not to cry at her battered state.

Even gravely injured she still held onto her sass, her fiery spirit undimmed. 

Lily gasped as his hand grazed over her right side, her already too pale face going white. Tora saw her left eye roll back and then she went limp, passing out.

Shit, shit, _shit_. This was not good.

The injuries he could see were bad enough. Did she have internal bleeding? Had she punctured a lung? She was clearly in shock, and should have been at the hospital an hour ago. 

Normally he would never move someone so badly injured like this. But tonight he didn’t have the luxury to wait for help to arrive. Tora knew these woods well, and he doubted the paramedics would be able to make their way to him any faster than he could get Lily to them.

He needed to stabilize her just enough to be able to run her to the ambulance he knew would be waiting in the parking lot, but he couldn’t do that down here. With the storm raging like it was, this area could flood at any moment.

Tora tapped Lily’s left cheek, one of the few parts of her that wasn’t injured in some way.

“C’mon, Wildcat. Need you to stay with me for just a little longer, okay?” he said, fighting to keep his voice steady and calm.

She whimpered as she came to, tears streaking down her face. Her left eye slit open just enough for him to see the fear and pain reflected there, her left hand curling in a desperate grip on his hoodie. 

“I’m so sorry, Kodora. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t have to,” Tora whispered as he shifted her to get a better grip, keeping her as flat as he could manage, and then rose to his feet in one swift movement.

He broke into a run, trying to keep his stride as smooth as possible, knowing every step he took was going to hurt like hell for her. 

She gasped and shuddered as he moved, her grip on the front of his hoodie tightening even more, but she didn’t say anything, just stared up at him with such profound relief and trust it twisted Tora’s heart into knots. She trusted him completely to take care of her, to make sure she got help, to keep her safe. 

And he’d completely fucked up and utterly failed her.

This day, this entire awful shitty day, had been a disaster from start to finish.

He should have known better, should have been more aware, should have kept a closer eye on his daughter, should have just been….better. Done something more. He should have been able to prevent all of this from happening. 

If he’d been paying better attention in the first place, Lily wouldn’t be here right now broken and bleeding. 

If he’d figured out sooner that she hadn’t promised to stay away, he or Poppy could have caught her before she snuck off.

If he’d explained things more fully, maybe she would have listened to him and stayed the fuck home. 

If he’d talked to people at work right away, he could have taken care of this situation before Lily had the chance to sneak out here and get hurt. 

If he’d gotten home from work just a little sooner...if he’d been able to interpret his dream faster….if he hadn’t spent more than 30 minutes at home before leaving tonight...if he’d been a little faster, a little quicker on the uptake....

If...if...if. Tora _knew_ it was a losing game, that he’d just drive himself crazy stewing over all the things he should have done differently, but he couldn’t help it.

Sure, he’d saved Jax and Auralie tonight….but his overwhelming failure as a dad, as a husband, as the protector of his family oozed into his heart, cold and dark and sticky. Like how Lily’s blood was currently soaking into his clothes and staining his hands.

“...’m thirsty,” she moaned, pulling him from his spiraling thoughts.

Tora didn’t slow his pace as he answered her, “Sorry, Lily, I know your mouth feels awful right now, but I can’t give you anything to drink.” 

Her face contorted and all she could do was gasp and cry to express her pain and frustration at his response. He wasn’t going to waste his breath trying to explain why giving her something to drink was a really bad idea, that it would be a choking hazard if she passed out again.

He was focused on getting her to higher ground. Speaking of which, where the _fuck_ were those _goddamn_ stairs? They had never felt this far before. 

It was probably only a minute later when Tora finally saw them, and he huffed out a relieved sigh. 

On a normal day, when he was well rested and hadn’t already been on his feet for going on 12 hours now, and it wasn’t in the middle of a fucking typhoon, he would be able to charge right up the steep metal staircase pretty easily, only slightly slowed by Lily’s weight. The streambank was only about 15 feet high here, and the stairs ran straight with no switchbacks.

Tonight, though, was going to be a grueling test of just how doggedly stubborn he could be in forcing his body to submit to his will.

If his daughter could drag herself, bleeding profusely and with multiple broken bones, along a stream for a quarter of a mile, he damn well could get her up some motherfucking stairs. It was only 25 steps, for Christ sake. 

Tora settled Lily more tightly in his arms, making sure her head wasn’t raised, that none of her injured limbs would flop around. He took a deep breath, focusing all his resolve on this next task.

And then he started to climb as quickly as he could. 

1, 2, 3, 4….

As soon as Tora moved away from the shelter of the embankment, they were immediately pounded with heavy rain again, the wind furiously whipping around them. He hunched over Lily, trying to shield her as best he could.

5, 6, 7….

The metal under his feet was dangerously slick from all the rain. The wind was doing its best to make him lose his footing. He felt each peal of thunder shudder through the length of the stairs.

8, 9, 10, 11….

The first dozen steps went by fairly quickly. But Tora could feel his legs trembling with exhaustion as he pushed on. His back was starting to spasm from everything he’d already put it through that day. He wouldn’t be able to ask too much more of his body tonight. He was hovering dangerously close to empty.

12, 13, 14….

Fuck. Goddamn it all to hell, _he could do this._ There were only ten left, but each step felt more and more insurmountable. 

15, 16 -

Tora’s shoulders stiffened as he felt eyes on his back. He’d always had a sixth sense for when he was being watched and whether it was a friend or foe. And right now, someone with foul intent was currently observing him from the opposite streambank. 

The only clue the person would have had that he was aware of their presence was Tora’s slight hesitation before he set his foot down on the next step and continued climbing.

 _Drake,_ his mind hissed. Well duh, he didn’t need to be fucking Sherlock Holmes to make that deduction. _Who else_ would be out there? It certainly wasn’t the goddamn Easter Bunny.

17, 18, 19….

The dumbest move Tora could make right now would be to look behind him, tipping off his audience that he knew they were there. If it was that piece of shit Drake, Tora especially didn’t want that asshole to see his face. The storm might help hide his features somewhat, but he wasn’t going to do anything that might make himself an easier target to track down later. Since he hadn’t felt the gaze on his back until just a few moments ago, he felt safe to assume he’d only been seen from behind.

20, 21, 22….

 _Thank god,_ he was almost there. He wasn’t too worried about whoever it was making their way over here. Anyone with half a monkey’s brain could figure out how easily Tora would be able to pick them off if they tried to slide down the opposite embankment and get to the stairs. And if they were going to shoot him, they would have done so by now.

23, 24, and at fucking last, 25. 

Tora stood for a moment, catching his breath as he marshalled his strength and planned out his next moves. His only change of plans was that he wouldn’t be setting Lily down right next to the stairs or pulling out his flashlight as he worked on her. He’d go a little further back into the woods to hide from the eyes watching him. 

Tora glanced over his shoulder once he slipped under the cover of the trees. The opposite bank was empty, no sign of movement except the tree branches thrashing in the wind.

He felt the sense of being watched quickly fade away to nothing. Well, whoever it was out there, he’d worry about it later. His top priority right now was Lily.

Tora took them a little deeper into the woods until he found a somewhat dry spot under a couple of large trees growing close together. He kneeled, laid Lily down, and then swung his backpack off, quickly pulling out the thermal blanket, a bottle of water, and the first aid kit. 

He flipped open the first aid box, immediately grabbing some gauze pads. He dampened them with the water, and then wiped Lily’s face off as best he could. Yes, that gash was serious, but her face wasn’t as wounded as he’d first thought. Her mouth didn’t appear to still be bleeding, which was good. He taped a fresh gauze pad above her right eye to staunch the area still bleeding the most. 

“Daddy?” she moaned as he worked. “You mad at me?”

“Absolutely furious,” he said quietly, shifting his focus to stabilizing her broken wrist and arm. “But we can talk about that later, once you’re feeling better. I’m just _so fuckin’ glad_ you’re alive, that’s really the only thing that matters to me right now.”

“I saw those two guys,” she whispered, so quiet Tora could barely hear her over the storm. “They didn’t see me though.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, Kodora. But that was incredibly dangerous what you did tonight,” he murmured as he carefully maneuvered her right arm across her stomach. 

She swallowed hard and moaned at the movement of her injured limb. She went on, her voice fading in and out, “Wanted to help those two girls...but I got scared and ran away. The men had guns.”

Tora shuddered at how close Lily had gotten to those creeps.

“I took care of them, Kodora, you don’t have to worry about those guys ever again,” he said, guiding her left arm to cradle her right. “And those girls are okay too. I cut them loose and sent them to get help.”

“Mm, thas good,” she slurred and then went silent, her left eye slipping closed. 

Tora shook out the thermal blanket and then carefully tucked it under her less injured side. He tried not to move her as he quickly wrapped her up in it. She was shaking so badly. 

God, she was far too pale. He needed to finish this up fast and get moving again.

“I fell,” she whispered after a couple moments. 

Tora perked up at that. Had Drake been the one to hurt her this badly? 

He pulled out the extra magazine from his hoodie pocket and tucked it into the front pocket of his backpack. The night wasn’t over yet, so he kept his gun on him.

“Ran to the stream to hide...but my hat got caught...and I slipped,” she muttered and then sniffled hard. “Lost my hat, Daddy,” she said plaintively. “Couldn’t get it cuz I fell.”

Tora wasn’t sure how aware Lily was right now, she seemed to be slipping in and out of coherence.

“It’s alright, Wildcat. I found it for you,” he said softly as he pulled his hoodie off and laid it on the ground next to her. He scooted her over as carefully as possible and wrapped his jacket around her for an extra layer of insulation and protection. 

Lily made the happiest sound he’d heard since he found her. “Really? You got it back?” she mumbled. 

He pulled the waterlogged tiger hat out of his back pocket and wrung it out before tucking it into the hoodie pocket. “See? It’s right there. You can put it back on later once they fix up your head, okay?”

“Mm ‘k,” she groggily grunted. 

“Vivi also didn’t want you to be scared, so she sent Baihu with me for you to hold,” he said, pulling out the little stuffed tiger and tucking it into the hoodie right next to Lily’s chest. 

“Aww, hi, Baihu,” she said. “Tha’ waz nice of Vivi.”

Lily was wrapped up snugly in the blanket and hoodie, her arm and shoulder at least immobilized from further damage. There wasn’t much else he could do right this moment that the paramedics couldn’t handle better. He didn’t want to waste time patching her up more when they’d have to remove it all anyways. 

Tora wiped his hands off on his pants, trying not to think about how much of his daughter’s blood he currently had on him, and then pulled out his phone to text Poppy. 

_Found her. Badly hurt. Need ambulance at park in 5min,_ he sent to his wife. 

Almost instantly a reply came back, _Already waiting for you there._

He tucked his phone away, and turned to his daughter. “Okay, Kodora, let’s go,” he said, sliding his hands under her and scooping her back up in his arms.

Tora shot off through the trees, aiming for the nearby paved walking path. While it curved back and forth a bit, it would be far easier for him to navigate right now. There were more direct routes through the woods, but the risk was greater for tripping and fumbling his precious cargo.

His feet hit the path in under two minutes, and in another three he was back within sight of the playground. He saw the lights from two police cruisers and two ambulances in the parking lot as he raced across the open grassy area. 

The wind tore at him, shrieking in his ears, but Tora made out shouts as he came within view of the waiting crowd. 

A swirl of chaotic activity happened in quick succession as he staggered to a stop under a small awning that had been erected by one of the ambulances.

Lily was pulled out his arms and laid onto a stretcher. Tora heard himself quickly rattling off all her injuries he was aware of and how she sustained them as the paramedics bustled around her.

Poppy was suddenly in front of him, her face streaked with tears. Tora blinked, not quite understanding why his wife was standing there. She was supposed to be at home with Violet and Joey. Why was she here? 

He wasn’t ready to take the box of his emotions back yet - he needed her to hang onto it for a little longer. It was too much for him to deal with right now.

She threw herself against his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Tora could feel her shaking, though he couldn’t tell from what. 

It felt like his brain was full of cotton, and thinking was suddenly very difficult. 

Where were their kids? Were they safe? He needed to make sure they were safe. 

He looked wildly around, trying to sort through the crowd of unfamiliar faces. 

“Vivi and Joey?” was the only thing he could manage to get out. His tongue was thick and heavy in his mouth. 

Why did it feel like the world was tilting away from him?

“Mrs. Everett and Gina are watching them,” Poppy said, her face still pressed into his chest. 

Okay, they were safe. His family was safe. He didn’t need to run anymore tonight. 

Tora’s hands drifted up to Poppy’s back, and suddenly he was holding onto her for dear life. He felt himself shaking and couldn’t stop the tremors wracking his body. 

He didn’t know how long they stood there holding each other. It could have been seconds or hours, Tora couldn’t track it. His body wouldn’t stop trembling.

He needed Poppy’s strength right now. He didn’t have any left. He was completely empty 

Poppy let him go and stepped back, looking him over with worried eyes. “Tora, you’re covered in blood. Are you okay?!” she asked, panic rising in her voice.

“It’s not mine. I’m not hurt,” he felt his mouth say.

He tried to focus, to clear his head enough to explain to her what had happened, but he couldn’t grab onto any of the words.

Poppy had blood streaked on the front of her jacket and a red stain on her cheek where she'd pressed her face into him. She shouldn’t have touched him, he had blood all over him.

He didn’t want her to have blood on her hands too.

He tried to step away from her, but staggered and swayed. Two sets of strong hands steadied him, guiding him towards the other ambulance. They were leading him away from Lily. He needed to stay with her.

He started pulling away, shrugging the hands off of him, trying to get back to his daughter. 

Someone was telling him something, their voice loud and insistent, but he couldn’t hear any of it. It was all Indistinct sound washing over him. He felt his backpack being tugged off of him, and he grabbed onto it. No. He needed to keep that on him.

He couldn’t leave Lily alone. She couldn’t be alone again.

He must have said something, because suddenly Poppy was in front of him again, her hands holding his face. Was she talking to him? Her mouth was moving, but he couldn’t hear any of the words coming out of it.

“---? ---?! -ora! Tora! Hey, come on, you’re scaring me!” she said, fresh tears leaking down her face.

He hated to see her cry. Was that his fault? He reached out and wiped the moisture from her cheeks. His hand trembled, and he couldn’t get it to stop. 

Why couldn’t he stop shaking? His body wouldn’t listen to him, his muscles betraying him, involuntarily clenching up as he continued to shiver uncontrollably.

Poppy grabbed his hand with both of hers, and Tora’s gaze finally met hers. Why were her eyes so panicked and afraid? Everything was fine. He’d gotten Lily back, hadn’t he?

Someone came up to Poppy and said something to her, gesturing at Tora, though he couldn’t make out what they said. His wife shook her head, getting into a rapid exchange with them.

Tora couldn’t see who the person was talking to Poppy, all he could make out was the paramedic uniform. 

A couple moments later, she gently pushed him back, guiding him to sit down in the chair suddenly behind him. 

Someone wrapped a thermal blanket around his shoulders. He didn’t need this. Lily was the one who needed medical attention.

Tora dimly made out his daughter being loaded into the nearby ambulance, and he tried to stand up to get to her. Someone needed to go with her. He must have said that out loud, because Poppy grabbed his shoulders and shook him, snapping his attention back to her face.

“Tora, it’s alright! I’m going to ride to the hospital with her. You need to stay here, okay?” she said, searching his face for something. He couldn’t tell what she was looking for. 

He mutely nodded. If Poppy was going with Lily, then it was okay. He’d stay behind for now, if that’s what his wife wanted him to do.

She leaned in and kissed his lips for a brief moment, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. 

“It’s going to be okay,” she said into his ear, giving him one more squeeze, quickly slipping something into his pants pocket, and then whirling away as someone called her name. 

Poppy jumped up into the ambulance, her eyes meeting Tora’s as she was helped to her seat. She mouthed, _“I love you,”_ right before the doors slammed close. 

The siren blared, and then the vehicle sped off into the night, leaving Tora alone with the storm.


	27. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora is in shock and has to reckon with the last time he felt this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note there is mentions of blood, violence, and child abuse in this chapter--  
> I actually have two song suggestions for this update. Play this one first: All The King’s Horses by Karmina https://youtu.be/u1j2LoW3P14  
> Then finish the chapter with this one: Let It All Go (extended version) BIRDY + RHODES https://youtu.be/jIyd3GEEKn8
> 
> Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out - I needed a little bit of a breather after finishing that last update. It was a key action chapter, setting up a lot of things to come. This one is also a key chapter but it's aaaalll emotional, and was hard for me to write initially. There was so much to unpack here, and I'm a little nervous to post it as I really hope it resonates with you all. It made me tear up a few times while I was writing it.

_You’re going into shock, dummy,_ the functional part of Tora’s brain said.

 _No shit,_ he thought. Like he wasn’t aware that he’d completely shut down. _What gave it away - not being able to see people clearly or that I can’t make out what they’re saying? And ‘going into’? I'm pretty sure the inability to move or speak is a good indication I’m definitely already all the way there._

He’d been hoping to make it home before he started falling apart. But here he was, practically catatonic, just sitting like a dumbass out in the middle of a fucking parking lot with a howling monster of a storm seething around him.

Normally, losing situational awareness like this would have been absolutely terrifying, but right now, Tora just didn’t care. Which should have scared him. He _should_ have been incredibly worried that he didn’t give a flying fuck about how out of it he was.

Some tiny part of his brain was in full on panic mode, freaking out over the exposed and vulnerable position he was currently in, yelling at him to snap out of it, to get his eyes up, to pay attention to his surroundings, to get his head back on straight…. but that side of him felt so far away, like it was shouting at him from across a canyon. It just didn't feel like it mattered.

He was completely numb.

And if he was honest, he didn’t really _want_ to feel anything right now. 

The image of Lily’s blood spilled out all over the ground kept flashing through his mind...that gut wrenching moment when he’d thought Flashy Boy hit her...how easily he’d slipped into violence, ready to maim or kill anyone who might’ve hurt his daughter...all the awful scenarios he’d imagined as he raced along the stream following her trail...her scared, battered face...the extensive injuries he’d catalogued, knowing there were likely even more he’d missed….how pale and cold and practically lifeless she’d been in his arms...her blood everywhere.

Too much. It was too much.

 _Was she okay?_

_Did I get to her in time?_

_Please be okay, Lily. I really need you to come out of this okay._

Had they made it to the hospital yet? He honestly didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there. 

Tora distantly thought about texting Poppy - she’d been so scared, and he hated being the cause of any of her tears - he wanted to assure her he was alright, that she didn’t need to worry about him too. But he couldn’t get his body to cooperate enough to pull his phone from his pocket. And even if he could get it out, he wasn’t confident he’d be able to compose anything that would make sense anyways.

Tora felt his hands clenching together tightly. Tremors shivered through his arms, his legs, his back. His body just wouldn’t stop shaking. He was hunched over, his head hanging low, his elbows resting on his knees. All he could do was breathe. 

He felt cold, but it wasn’t from the water soaking into his clothes. It wasn’t anything the thermal blanket still wrapped around his shoulders could relieve. 

He idly noted the edges of the blanket catching in the blowing wind. The storm was whipping things around, threatening the stability of the little tent the paramedics had erected. 

He could sense people nearby and that they were moving around in his vicinity; he picked up the ebb and flow of voices, but he just didn’t care about trying to make out what they were saying or doing. 

He gazed intently at his clasped hands, trying to focus on something, anything other than the images relentlessly playing over and over again in his brain. He flexed his fingers experimentally. 

Lightning flashed, brightly highlighting the red smears on Tora’s skin. He was painfully reminded he was covered in blood, _her blood_. His hands...his arms...his shirt were splattered and stained with his Lily’s blood.

Tora wanted to curl up and cry, but he couldn’t do more than grit his teeth and swallow hard around the knot constricting his throat.

He felt the world around him slipping even further away. Who he was now - husband, father, a person he was proud of - fell away, and he was pulled back through a dark doorway he'd never wanted to open up again.

The blood, the splintering fragments threatening to break inside his chest, the aching loneliness and complete disconnect from everyone else. There’d only been one other time in Tora’s life he’d felt this utterly overwhelmed and shut down. A day when he’d shattered, and it’d taken him _years_ to pick the pieces back up again. The day he’d been broken and lost himself for a long time.

The first time Vincent Balthuman made him kill someone.

He’d been all of, what, maybe 15 at the time? Vincent had spent the previous ten years systematically breaking Tora down, ripping away his childhood and innocence, trying to snuff out any goodness or hope he held onto, attempting to crush him down into nothing more than an obedient attack dog that unthinkingly responded to his master’s every command. It’d been beaten into Tora for years that he was nothing, could never be anything else but what Vincent wanted him to be.

For ten long years, he’d kept fighting, some part of him had managed to hold out, his light hadn’t been fully extinguished. The same passion and untamed spirit he saw in Lily, in all his kids actually, was what he’d seen staring back at him whenever he looked in a mirror...until that day.

Before Tora could even drive, or vote, or legally buy cigarettes, he’d been forced to kill someone with his bare hands. 

He’d been terrified, sick to his stomach, wanting nothing more than to run as far away as he could, but he’d had to stand there and pretend like he didn’t feel any of it. He’d had to deny everything screaming within him about how absolutely wrong it was, how utterly fucked up the whole situation was. 

That day, he’d somehow managed to make it home before he’d completely lost it, before the tears started and wouldn’t stop, before he’d retched and heaved up every last bit of bile from his stomach. And Tora finally just...broke. It was simply too much for anyone, let alone a child, to endure - he couldn’t handle it anymore. The blood on his hands had been too much. 

All the years of abuse, of loneliness, of trying to hold on, hold out for someone, anyone to see him, to care, and rescue him from that hell finally caught up with him. He’d splintered and was left with only fragments of who he once was, losing any sense of the innocent child he'd once been.

It was the day Tora had shattered into a million pieces, left wondering if he’d ever be able to pull himself back together. Wondering if his mind, his body, his heart would ever respond the way he wanted them to again. Wondering if he’d ever find himself once more, or if he’d forever lost who he truly was in all the pain and fear and terror and anger and brokenness of that one moment. 

He’d been abused and groomed to do awful things that were completely contrary to his nature, and in the end had to shut down to survive. He’d had to deny and shove away everything he’d felt then, locking away the broken, hurting parts of himself to continue functioning, to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Tora didn’t want to lose himself like that ever again. He didn’t want to move through life with a thick wall between him and everyone else, especially his family. 

But the old fear and darkness were so incredibly loud and insistent in his head right now, curling around his heart, trying to strangle the hope out of him. Screaming that he was still broken, still a failure, that he wasn’t the person his kids believed he was, that Poppy thought he was. 

That lonely, broken, abused 15 year old with no one to help free him from the darkness trying to swallow him whole tried to tell Tora nothing had changed. That he was only good for what he could do for people and not for who he intrinsically was. That he had to be functional, capable, strong to be worthy to be loved and valued. That if he couldn’t pull himself together and get back on his feet, he was nothing, useless.

Tora felt himself spiraling down, too exhausted, too empty to fight it, to push back against the old darkness. He felt himself slipping away the longer he sat there frozen.

A particularly loud clap of thunder made him flinch, pulling Tora out of his head just enough to tune into the conversation going on behind him.

“How long are we gonna let him sit there? I don’t wanna be stuck out in this storm all night,” said a man’s voice. 

“Hey, if _you_ wanna try to get the guy into the truck who shrugged us off like we were nothing, be my guest. He looks like he could kill us seven different ways without even thinking about it, so I’m not touching him unless we have to,” said an older, more resigned sounding woman. “His wife said that he’ll fight like a hellcat if we try to force him anywhere before he’s ready, and to give him 10 minutes to come down. I, for one, don’t feel like getting punched in the face this shift, so we’ll give ‘im 10 minutes. God, I hate dealing with ex-military guys. Dude was probably special forces too, based on what his wife said he could do if we get him pissed off.”

If he could have, Tora would’ve laughed - the woman’s assessment wasn’t completely wrong; he _did_ have the knowledge to easily take them out, even as worn out and in pain as he currently was. He more than likely would instinctively throw punches if they tried to manhandle him. Though being in the military would have been far and away preferable to growing up in the mafia’s clutches, that was for damn sure. 

He wondered what Poppy had told them to make them so cautious, but he appreciated that no one was trying to touch him right now when he felt so vulnerable. 

_Poppylan._

He desperately wanted to hold onto his wife and not let go for a good long while. If there was anyone who could calm the storm seething inside him, it was Poppy. But she was currently out of reach, making sure their daughter wasn’t alone as she was raced off to the hospital.

Tora shifted in his seat and felt something in his pocket poke into his leg. That’s right, she’d tucked something in there right before she left with Lily.

The thought of Poppy finally loosened whatever was completely locking him in place. The image of his wife in all her fierceness, her fire, her strength, her bravery, her light, her unwavering love finally gave him back enough control to move a bit again. Tora blew out a breath as he felt himself come back just a little.

He relaxed his hands, pulled them apart, and then slowly pulled one to his knee. He felt like he was forcing his way through molasses as he pulled his hand up his leg. 

It seemed like it took forever, though it was probably just a few seconds, before he was finally slipping his fingers into his pocket.

As Tora’s hand curled around what she’d left him, the storm inside of him instantly stilled. 

This woman. This amazing, thoughtful, loving woman that he had done _absolutely nothing_ to deserve. How did she know this was exactly what he’d need right this moment? 

She’d given Tora something to hold onto, to ground him, to center himself in the midst of the storm trying to sweep him away. Something to remind him of who he was, the person he’d become, that he was no longer that lonely, abused, unloved teenager, not a caged animal or a weapon for the mafia.

Without saying a single word, without even standing next to him, Poppy told Tora how much she loved him, how much she believed in him. How she fell in love with him when he wasn’t proud of himself, that she’d seen the light and goodness in him when he couldn’t. That even though he’d spend the rest of his life trying to be the best he could for her, she’d always loved him just as he was. 

She’d walked with Tora as he’d grown and changed and healed, been there every step of the way as he'd become someone he was proud to see in the mirror.

Even as she sped away from him into the storm, she was able to tell him that he wasn’t a failure or broken or anything else the darkness and fear inside him was trying to convince him he was. 

Poppy had brought him the strawberry hair tie looped around his wedding ring. 

As he gripped it tight, Tora felt something else brush against his knuckles. It was the tiger hair clip Lily had insisted he wear that morning. 

He gathered all three into his hand, holding onto them like the priceless treasures that they were. They were his lifeline tonight, giving him the strength to return to himself, guiding him back to the present moment, giving him something solid to anchor himself to.

These three little objects wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else, but encapsulated everything good in his life, his progress out of the darkness and into the light.

Right here, this was his whole damn journey from being a thing, a tool, a weapon, a dog on a leash, to breaking free, becoming his own person, someone who could define himself, finding out who he was as a friend, a husband, a father.

Three tiny little things that held so much, meant so much to him. 

They pointed back to where he’d once been: drowning in fear and darkness and grief, wanting to just give up and not try anymore. How much the emptiness and sorrow and loneliness had dragged him down. The wounds he’d had to bear far too young.

The objects in his hand were also a sign of a hope, reminding Tora that even in the darkest and worst times in his life, when he thought he wouldn’t survive long enough to find happiness and light and freedom, that there _had_ always been some part of him that wouldn’t give up. That there was always a little flicker of fire inside of him too damn stubborn to give up and completely go out. There was always something that wouldn’t let him stop, that kept him putting one foot in front of the other, even when he felt like there was no point to going on. 

Tora held these little objects that reminded him of where he’d come from and where he was going. A reminder that the person he once was - that broken, shattered, lonely boy - wasn’t the person he was now or would be in the future. He would continue to move out of the darkness - he was so much more than what Vincent and the clan had told him he could be.

And while he might carry scars - and yes, those wounds occasionally still oozed and stung - he wasn’t irreparably damaged. The last 14 years had shown him that. He didn’t need to hide behind walls to protect himself anymore. 

Tora would readily acknowledge how shitty and fucked up the past was, how much it still hurt sometimes, but it didn’t get to define him and who he was _now._ It didn’t get to rule his whole life or control his destiny. He’d risen above it - he’d already become more than what his past said he could ever hope to be.

There were three kids who were testament to that, each one making his life so much fuller and filled with joy. 

So yeah, he might crack - hell, he could feel broken as shit - but he didn’t have to live in fear of completely shattering and spinning out of control like he once had.

He’d already survived the worst, the darkest, the most terrible time of his life. He’d gotten through something so awful that it’d broken and destroyed others...but he was still here, wasn’t he? Still breathing, still moving through life, still putting one foot in front of the other. 

And he wasn’t alone - he didn’t have to try to stand on his own strength anymore. He could hurt, be scared, be worried, feel all the things he wasn’t supposed to when he’d been the Tiger of Ares Street, and that was okay. He didn’t have to be fucking perfect to love and care for his family. 

The hair tie, his ring, the hair clip reminded him he didn’t need to be an unfeeling rock, an immovable object that wasn’t affected by anything. Tora could cry and feel and shiver and shake...and that didn’t take away anything from who he was for himself, for his wife, for his kids.

Poppy was there for him through everything, no matter what. He could rely on his family to comfort him, to be there for him - they weren’t going to just let him drown or flail all on his own. He didn’t expect his wife to be perfectly strong - he knew she didn’t expect that from him either.

Tora didn’t have to be everything, or even have his shit all together. He just needed to show up and be himself. And that was enough. Tonight it’d been enough, hadn’t it?

He’d saved not one but three lives. If not for him, Jax and Auralie would be hurting and alone, dragged off to who knows where, at the mercy of that sick motherfucker Drake.

And he’d found Lily in time, gotten her stabilized and handed off to the people who could help her. He’d been scared out of his mind, but he’d saved all three of them.

Tora inhaled in and then let out a long, slow breath. 

He’d feel scared, he’d worry, he’d be sad, and all the other emotions he’d had to set aside for a little while this evening.

He didn’t need to be perfect - just strong enough to trust his wife’s and kids’ love for him would support him when everything else felt like too much.

He slipped his wedding ring on and flexed his hand. 

The strawberry hair tie went back in his pocket - that old thing was far too frayed for him to trust it wouldn’t snap if he put it around his wrist. He tucked the tiger clip in with it - he’d put it back on for Lily later, once she was coherent enough to have opinions about his hair again.

Tora sat there for a few more moments, just letting everything inside him settle. The only storm left right now was the one blowing in the sky above him. He still had things he needed to do, and even if he was hurting, that was okay.

He raised his head, blinked slowly and then looked at the nearest paramedic.

“You guys have something hot I could drink?”


	28. Next Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora comes back to reality, sees a friendly face, argues with a paramedic, and gets a ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! Thank you to FawkesFire13 and peanutbutterandchelly for beta reading the beginning of this chapter, and for your encouragement and support this week. I really needed the boost.  
> This is my longest chapter to date, with over 5500 words for your reading pleasure!
> 
> We are almost at the end of Tora's incredibly bad, very VERY long day. He's completely tapped out after everything that just happened, and the man just needs cuddles and to get some rest.
> 
> And likewise, I needed to give myself a break after writing 8 incredibly intense and long chapters. I took a week off just to give myself a bit of a breather. Fall tends to be a rough time of year for me mental health-wise, and I realized forcing myself to continue trying to write about trauma and tough emotions without a break wasn't very wise. It's important to make sure we don't ignore our mental health, and I know y'all understand how crucial that is. 
> 
> And I wasn't completely on vacation from this story: I spent three solid days going back and editing all 100+ pages, so if you've been meaning to do a re-read, now's a good time! The only major change I added was a couple paragraphs about Quincey in Chapter 3. Otherwise it was mostly tweaking dialogue to flow a little better and formatting it to read better on a phone screen. After writing almost daily for over two months, I've improved vastly as a writer and wanted the story to have the same cohesive style.

“You guys have something hot I could drink?” Tora asked. 

His tongue still felt heavy in his mouth, and his legs definitely weren’t ready to support his weight just yet, but at least he could string a sentence together again. 

For a couple seconds, no one moved, the people standing near him left blinking and briefly immobilized at his sudden return to coherence. 

But the paramedics quickly recovered, snapping into action, and less than a minute later someone hustled over to hand Tora a styrofoam cup half filled with a dark steaming liquid. He grunted out something he hoped came across as thanks for the rapid fulfillment of his request.

He eyeballed the drink in his hand for a moment. Coffee was more Poppy’s thing - he far preferred tea - but tonight he’d take whatever he could get. 

Tora tossed it back and grimaced as acrid bitterness hit his taste buds. He shuddered, but this time it was from the awful taste filling his mouth. He couldn’t help an involuntary cough as his body tried to rid itself of the brackish sludge coating his tongue. 

Coffee? More like hot liquid garbage. Who the hell would actually _want_ to drink this swill?

But it was something to focus on, and Tora latched onto the unpleasant sensation, using it to pull himself further back to reality. 

One of the paramedics standing nearby chuckled apologetically, “Yeah, sorry, man, I know it’s not the best, but that’s all we got on the truck tonight.”

Tora briefly lifted his hand in silent acknowledgement as he swallowed down another mouthful. As much as he hated the taste, it was hot and had caffeine in it, so it would do. His night wasn’t over just yet, and he would take any scrap of energy he could get at this point. He knew there were still at least a couple more hours ahead of him before he could finally collapse and pass out. 

Tora reached deep to draw on his remaining little sliver of strength as he concentrated on his next steps.

Home first. He needed to see Violet and Joey, make sure they were okay. Safe. 

And then he’d make his way to the hospital. 

His body might be screaming at him to just fucking stop already and finally get some rest, but Tora would be damned if he was going to leave his Bobby to sit alone in some waiting room all night. He was going to plant himself right next to her side and pull her close. Tell her how much he loved her while wrapping her up tight in his arms for a good long while.

He knew his wife was strong enough to keep watch over their daughter by herself - she’d sat with her dad and then years later with her Granny, holding their hands as they passed - but there was no reason for Poppy to shoulder the hours of anxious and scared waiting all on her own this time. Tora didn't want her to solely bear that burden tonight or any other day. Not if he had anything to say about it.

He thought it a safe assumption to make that they’d be spending a decent amount of time at the hospital in the coming days. Tora knew from his own experience with severe injuries that their little girl would be staying there for longer than just a night or two to recover from all the damage her body had sustained. And like hell would he be anywhere else than right the fuck next to her bed the whole damn time. 

_Lily._ His fierce, brave, _goddamn stubborn_ little tiger. Tora had no idea how long it would take the doctors to tend to all her wounds tonight. His daughter needed to get stitched up, her broken bones set, lacerations cleaned and bandaged, that head wound taken care of….it was a lot of injuries for anyone, let alone an 8 year old. And a lot of blood loss. 

What state was she in? Just how bad off was she? Would she-- 

_No. Stop._ _Focus, goddamnit. Your family needs you right now._

Tora felt like he was just barely holding the pieces of himself together, all too aware of the cracks threatening to split him asunder. His control felt tenuous at best.

The image of Poppy curled up in some uncomfortable waiting room chair while the minutes slowly ticked by, with only her worried thoughts to keep her company, burned brightly in his mind’s eye. The thought of her stressed and alone flooded Tora with a fresh wave of motivation to get up off his ass and back on his feet. Like hell was he going to abandon his wife to that.

Yes, he was absolutely exhausted, past the point of even functioning on fumes. Tora wasn't going to be doing any more running tonight, that was for damn sure. Hell, he'd be lucky if he could even stand up on his own right now.

He could admit he was afraid. Scared shitless, to be honest. One of his absolute worst fears had come true tonight. One of his kids was gravely hurt, and it absolutely destroyed him that he hadn’t been able to prevent it from happening.

Tora was concerned for Jax and Auralie’s wellbeing too, strangers that they were. He hated the thought of the two little girls fending for themselves out on the street. They were far too young to be on their own like that.

And he was worried out of his damn mind. For Lily, for Poppy, for himself. Was his family now at risk because of his actions in taking those guys down tonight?

The thought of that Drake asshole lurking out in the darkness somewhere troubled him greatly. What did he want? Was the mystery man a threat that Tora would end up having to deal with?

He shook himself loose from the dark whispers trying to regain their hold on him, pushing them back to the recesses of his mind before he started spiraling again. If he let himself get caught up in that train of thought once more, he wouldn’t be good for anything.

Tora looked down at the cup he was still holding, absent-mindedly swirling the remaining coffee dredges around inside it. While his face stayed impassive from sheer force of habit, his other hand curled into a fist where it rested on his leg.

He just wanted to get out of this damn storm and go home. 

And he'd need a ride for that, because even if the wind and rain hadn't been howling down like an enraged banshee, his legs weren't going to take him that far. Not after all the abuse he'd subjected them to that day.

A hand clapped down on Tora’s shoulder, startling him and scattering his thoughts. 

He instinctually dropped the cup from his hand, letting it spill on the ground as his body automatically tensed up for a fight. Tora reflexively whipped his head up to glare at the police officer touching him. 

The cop’s eyes widened in surprise, and he immediately released Tora’s shoulder and stepped back, throwing his hands up in a conciliatory gesture.

“Ah, Jesus, sorry about that, Tom. Wasn’t trying to sneak up on you there,” the officer said placatingly. “Sounds like you’ve had quite the...uh, exciting night.” 

Tora immediately recognized the voice, but he struggled to match it with a face he knew, still foggy from his dazed fugue. He scrutinized the stocky, light haired, blue eyed cop standing next to him, and it took his brain several seconds to connect the man with a name. _Steve._

He’d never seen him in uniform before, which was what had thrown him off.

The tightness in Tora’s shoulders released just a bit as they slumped in relief. _Thank fuck_ for a familiar face right now.

“You can say that again,” Tora said wearily as he ran a hand down his face.

“Want a lift home?” Steve asked.

Tora spit out an immediate and emphatic, “God yes.”

One of the paramedics piped up, the man's partner arching a bemused brow at him as he protested that Tora should really get a medical evaluation at the hospital or at least let them look him over in the ambulance before he headed home. 

Like hell he was going to submit himself to that right now. Tora was in no mood to be poked and prodded at by strangers. Other than his physical and emotional exhaustion, he was fine, and he said as such, with a few choice invectives thrown in for good measure. 

Plus, he just wasn’t up for explaining the gun still tucked into his waistband or enduring the scrutiny his extensive tattoos would provoke. Tora’s arms were already exposed from giving his hoodie to Lily, but between the blood and dirt currently painting his skin and the poor lighting conditions, it wasn’t super easy to make out his ink.

This night had already been long enough, he didn’t have it in him to deal with the inevitable judgmental line of questioning that taking his shirt off and revealing both his firearm and tattoos would entail. Having tattoos wasn’t illegal by any means, but combined with the events of the previous two hours and him carrying a gun, it would likely cast suspicion on all Tora’s actions that evening. 

He had absolutely zero patience left for any more stupid shit, and knew he didn’t have the control right now to not shoot his mouth off. 

And speaking of dealing with stupidity, this stickler of a paramedic was really starting to piss him off. Normally, a threatening glare would have been enough to intimidate most people into dropping the discussion pretty quickly in Tora’s favor, but not this guy apparently. The young man stood his ground, not put off in the slightest by Tora’s curt dismissal or subsequent menacing scowl.

“But you’re covered in blood! We really want to make sure you’re not injured,” the paramedic persisted as the older woman behind him looked on with jaded disinterest. 

Tora set his mouth in a firm line, but glanced down at himself for a moment just to make sure he hadn’t missed any wounds he may have gotten while he’d been so completely focused on Lily. 

His stomach clenched as he took in the state he was in. 

Fuck, no wonder they thought he was hurt. He looked like absolute shit. 

A mixture of blood and mud was smeared from his fingertips all the way up to his elbows. His shirt wasn’t any better, the front completely soaked through with rain and his daughter’s blood. His pants were wet and muddy with dark red smudges on the thighs and knees from where he’d rested his arms. If he had to guess, he thought it likely that he had at least a couple red streaks across his face. 

Tora was suddenly acutely aware of the itchy stickiness coating his skin and the distinctive coppery scent of blood invading his nose. 

He wrenched his gaze back up, clenching his jaw and swallowing thickly. He needed to wipe off as much of this muck as he could before stepping back into his house. _No way in hell_ was he letting Violet or Joey see him like this. 

Poppy’s tear filled eyes and quivering voice drifted through his head, _“I can’t - I don’t want you coming home covered in blood ever again.”_

Tora was hit with the overwhelming urge to tear off his bloodstained clothes _right the fuck now._ He instantly wrote the shirt off as a loss; it was going into the garbage as soon as he got home. The pants might still be salvageable, but he currently had no desire to ever wear them again when all he could see was his daughter’s blood drenching them. 

Shit. He was starting to spiral again. 

Tora sucked in a deep breath through his mouth and let it out through his nose as slowly as he could. He needed to stay focused on his next steps. 

Home to Violet and Joey. 

Then to Poppy and Lily at the hospital.

Tora shook his head at the paramedic again, shooting the man down with an annoyed scowl. “ _I’m fine,_ ” he bit out, his voice a low growl. “None of it’s mine. It’s all my...my daughter’s.” He tripped over the last sentence, his throat tightening at the thought of Lily and how injured she was. 

“But--” the paramedic started to say, but Steve cut him off before he could continue.

“Look, the man said he’s fine, so just let me take him home, okay?” the officer said flatly, brooking no further argument. “I know him well enough to say that if he was hurt, he’d tell you. Tom’s not dumb enough to let an injury bleed out.”

The paramedic looked like he wanted to keep pushing, but his older partner finally stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder, forestalling further protest.

“If he’s coherent enough to swear and argue with you, just let him be. He turned down the medical evaluation and has transportation home, so let’s call it good and pack it up,” she said, giving Tora an assessing once over as she nodded in his direction. 

She leaned in a little closer to her partner’s ear and lowered her voice, though Tora still made out what she said, “And don’t forget the whole fighting us thing his wife warned us about. Do you want to have to explain to dispatch that you got your face bashed in because you insisted on forcing the ex-military guy to submit to a medical eval?” 

The paramedic narrowed his eyes at Tora for a moment then sighed and shook his head, finally conceding defeat. “Yeah, you’re right. Definitely not how I want to end my Tuesday night,” he said to his partner. He shot Tora another look before telling him firmly, “Fine, we’ll let Officer Fischer take you home, but if you discover you’re injured in some way, please seek medical attention.”

Tora nodded once and gestured dismissively before turning his attention back to Steve, who was looking down at him with an amused expression. 

“Remind me to never try to force you to do anything you don’t want to,” the cop said lightly as the paramedics moved away to gather their things. Steve waited until they were occupied with loading their gear into the ambulance before quietly asking, “But I’m guessing you might need a hand, since you haven’t stood back up yet?”

Tora grunted in affirmation. There was a reason he actually liked the man and didn’t just tolerate his presence at the gym. Steve was a hell of a lot more perceptive than most cops he’d met. 

“Yeah, I’m not hurt, but my legs aren’t very happy with me right now,” Tora muttered, wrapping the thermal blanket more securely around his shoulders. “Worked a shit ton of overtime today and then ended up having to deal with this whole mess tonight.”

Steve nodded and surreptitiously offered Tora a hand, hauling him to his feet in one swift motion. Tora bit back a pained groan as his knees and hips shrieked in protest at the movement. 

Jesus fucking _christ_. That did not feel good. At all. 

He really was getting too old for this kind of shit. 

It took Tora a couple seconds before he was confident he wasn’t going to just keel over if he took a step.

Steve reassuringly gripped his arm, then set a supportive hand on the back of Tora’s shoulder as they slowly made their way over to the officer’s squad car. Tora felt like he was dragging his feet through molasses, but at least he was moving. He kept a tight grip on his backpack strap as he focused intently on walking in a straight line.

Tora fell more than sat down in the passenger seat once Steve swung the door open for him, sliding his bag off and dropping it between his feet. Thank fuck it was one of those newer SUVs and not one of the old Crown Vics - he didn’t think he’d be able to get himself up from that low of a seat right now, even with help. 

He couldn’t stop the small half smirk that curled up the corner of his mouth as he silently noted with wry amusement that this was the first time he’d be riding in the _front_ of a cop car. God, how many times had he and his buddies been picked up by the cops when he was in his early teens? 

If Lily was even _half_ the delinquent he’d been, his hair would definitely be fully gray by the time she turned 18. 

_Well, I don’t think she’s going to be murdering people when she’s 15, so you’re probably good on that,_ a voice muttered darkly at the back of his mind, instantly wiping the smirk from his face.

Yeah, nope, that wasn’t a train of thought that was going to lead anywhere good right now.

Steve went over to say something to the departing paramedics, and Tora took the opportunity to quickly slip his holster and gun off of his waistband and tuck it away inside his bag. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back with a long sigh as Steve headed back to the car a minute later. 

The officer already knew where Tora and Poppy’s house was, since he’d been the first squad to respond to Poppy’s report of Lily missing and was the one who gave her a ride to the park. 

Tora only realized the second cop car had left sometime between him handing Lily off to the paramedics and clawing his way back to reality when Steve mentioned the other squad was already patrolling the perimeter of the park.

“Fat lot of good that’s gonna do at this point,” Tora muttered as they pulled out of the parking lot, his eyes still closed. “Sounds like there’s just one guy still out there, and he’s a hell of a lot smarter than those two dumbfucks I took down earlier. He’s probably long gone by now.”

Steve told him amusedly there’d been a third cop car that carted away the two men that had been left so nicely tied up for them. Tora was just glad to hear the two traffickers had indeed been hauled off to jail. 

He managed to give the officer a brief run down of all the info he’d gotten at work the previous day and the situation he’d stumbled on in the woods before he found Lily. 

Tora made sure to describe everything he knew about Drake, little that it was. There was something about that man that set off a warning alarm deep inside Tora’s brain. He knew a dangerous predator when he came across one. The gaze that had rested on him earlier had been unsettling in its sinister intensity. 

As he finished laying out what he knew, Tora finally asked, “I take it the girls showed up, since you got those two fuckwits in custody?”

“Yup, though they definitely weren’t happy about being taken to Children’s Hospital for the night, especially the older sister,” Steve said. “My guess is they’ll be back on the streets again before long. Sounds like they’ve been picked up before and always manage to slip away in short order.”

“Yeah, well, I would too if I was split up from the only family I had left,” Tora said under his breath. 

“While I agree with you, unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it. But I do want to say thanks for what you did tonight,” Steve said as he pulled to a stop in front of Tora and Poppy’s house.

Tora cracked an eye open to glance over at the cop. Steve met his gaze with a grim expression on his usual genial face. 

“You know I’m a dad too. Got two boys at home around your daughter’s age. Hit me right in the gut to see your girl that bad off….and those two sisters beat up like that. If not for you, their night would have ended very differently,” Steve told him. He sighed and looked back out the windshield at the pouring rain, his hands gripping the steering wheel as he continued, “With this job...you can see a lot of shit that haunts you. It’s easy to get callous to cruelty and pain, because otherwise it can drive you insane seeing what people do to each other sometimes. I’m just...really glad we didn’t have to deal with any dead kids tonight.”

“Yeah, me too,” Tora said softly. 

Steve gave him a small smile, “Well, you went out to find _one_ missing girl, and ended up saving _three_ , so that’s a win in my book. I mean, you look like shit, so I know it probably doesn’t _seem_ like such a great night--”

“Gee, thanks. Definitely feel like it right now, that’s for sure,” Tora grumbled, making the cop snort.

“But you get what I mean, Tom,” Steve said. “I know it wasn’t an easy evening for you, but I really appreciate what you did. A lot of people would have just left those girls, not wanting to put themselves in danger like you did, and just continued on their way.”

“Yeah, well, fuck those people,” Tora spat out. “I wasn’t gonna leave them to...that.”

He glanced down at his blood spattered hands clenched in his lap. He desperately needed to get out of these clothes and cleaned up. He’d forgotten to ask the paramedics for something to wipe off his hands in his haste to go home.

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have a spare shirt I could change into, would you?” Tora asked after a moment. “I...can’t walk inside looking like a horror movie. Really don’t want my other kids to see all of...this,” he said, gesturing up at his face and then down to his shirt. 

“Yeah, I totally get that. I have a couple spare t-shirts in the back,” Steve said as he looked Tora over, obviously sizing him up. “Not sure if I have any that are long enough though. I think you’re a good six inches taller than me.”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s short,” Tora said. “Just need something to wear to get inside is all. Really don’t want to give my 5 year old nightmares because I came back into the house covered in her big sister’s blood.”

Steve’s mouth set in a firm line at that, and he nodded as he tugged his hat back on. “I’ll see what I’ve got in the trunk. I know I got some wipes you can use to clean off your hands and face at least,” he said as he stepped out into the rain and scurried to the back of the car. 

Tora leaned forward, finally letting the thermal blanket fall away and peeled his t-shirt off. He used the wet but not bloody backside of it to quickly remove a decent amount of the grime coating his hands before wadding it up and dropping it to the floor. He really didn’t want to see how stained it was. 

Just getting the soiled shirt off immediately made Tora feel better. He was happy to see that not that much blood had actually soaked through the fabric to transfer onto his skin. His hands and arms were looking much better already. His pants didn’t look quite as bad now that they weren’t paired with the bloodstained shirt. 

Steve popped back into the car with a couple shirts in hand and passed over a pack of wet wipes. Tora said a grateful thank you and got to work cleaning off as much as he could. 

It was...disheartening how many wipes he went through and still kept picking up more red off his skin. He scrubbed his face thoroughly, which thankfully wasn’t as dirty as he’d feared. 

Finally, he felt like he was as close to a more passable version of himself as he was going to get until he could shower, and turned to Steve for the shirts. The cop handed them over and thankfully the first one fit. It was quite snug and about two inches too short on Tora, but it would do long enough to get him inside and to the bathroom.

He reached for the door handle and prepared to step out into the rain, but Steve stopped him, wanting to ask a few more questions.

Tora heaved a tired sigh and wearily shook his head no at the cop. “I’ll be happy to talk more with you in a day or two, Steve,” he said, truly feeling the weight of his exhaustion now that he was back in sight of his front door. “But I just can’t do anymore tonight. After finding my girl bloody and getting her rushed off to the hospital....I just really need to go in and see to my other kids right now, if you don’t mind.”

“Ah, sorry, wasn’t thinking," Steve said apologetically. “Take it easy, huh? And I’ll catch up to you later in the week, if I need to.”

Tora nodded at him, hiked his bag over one shoulder, and then half stood half stumbled out of the car. He waved off Steve’s offer to help him into the house, the caffeine from the coffee starting to kick in enough for Tora to make his way to his front door under his own power. 

He was almost instantly soaked from the still raging downpour, but Tora didn’t give a fuck about that at the moment. He just wanted to get the hell inside and hug his kids. 

Steve waited until he’d gotten to the front step and waved before he pulled away from the curb and drove off. 

Tora looked back at the door, and that’s when it hit him that he didn’t have his keys on him. 

So like a complete and utter dumbass, he had to knock on his own damn door to finally, _finally_ get home for the night.

After what felt like forever but was probably closer to 30 seconds, Tora saw motion through the sidelight and then Mrs. Everett was swinging the door open to let him in. 

The older woman took one look at him, and Tora had no idea what she saw, but it had her reaching out and grabbing onto his arm with a surprisingly strong grip. 

“You, dear, have had one hell of a night, haven’t you?” she said gently as she helped him into the entryway before turning to briskly shut and lock the door behind them.

“More like a fucking hellish cherry topping off four shitty days, but yes,” he grumbled, trying to figure out how he was going to stay upright and still manage to get his shoes off. 

Fuck it. His shoes were just going to have to stay on for now, because he sure as hell wasn’t going to fall on his ass in the damn entryway after making it this far. 

Tora glanced up at the clock on the wall to see it was almost 9:30pm, and he realized it had been just a little over two hours since he’d gotten home from work. 

God, _only_ two fucking hours? It felt like a whole day had passed since he’d kissed Poppy in this exact same spot and then frantically run out into the storm. 

He rubbed his eyes, feeling his body starting to crash hard as the safety and comfort of home settled around him like a warm blanket.

Mrs. Everett tutted good-naturedly at Tora as she guided him towards the hallway, quietly informing him that Gina had gone home once they’d put Violet and Joey to bed an hour ago.

He absently noted that for someone a good head shorter than him and at least 25 years his senior, the woman helping keep him upright was actually pretty strong, her hands on his arm and back providing him some much needed stability. 

Tora staggered as his left knee twinged, and Mrs. Everett instantly wrapped an arm tightly around his waist, planting her feet as she gave him a moment to steady himself against her. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “Not to be rude, but, uh, I’m kinda surprised you can hold me up like this.”

The woman chuckled at him as she moved them down the hall, “I know I might not look it, dearie, but I was a nurse at City General Hospital for over 30 years. Used to haul patients bigger than you around like it was nothing. Had to retire right around the time you guys moved here. My feet just couldn’t take those long hours anymore. So holding all of you up is no problem for this little old lady.”

Mrs. Everett made to move to the bathroom, but Tora shook his head, saying he wanted to look in on Violet and Joey first. 

She eyed him critically, giving him a once over as she said, “I think you might want to take a shower first, Thomas. They’re both sound asleep, so they’re not going to mind waiting a few more minutes while you clean up. I’m guessing you don’t usually make a habit of coming home looking like an extra from a horror movie.”

Tora grunted, “That bad, huh?”

“Take a look for yourself,” she said, steering him into the bathroom.

He gratefully noted there was already a fresh change of his clothes waiting on the vanity. As Tora glanced up at his reflection, Mrs. Everett commented that Poppy had set it out right before she rushed off with the police. 

His gratitude for his wife’s thoughtfulness was interrupted as he took himself in. 

Yeah, he wasn’t walking into his kids’ rooms just yet. 

He tiredly sighed as he conceded that showering first was a good idea. While he’d cleaned off the worst of the muck and grime in Steve’s squad car, Tora still had red streaked up his arms and spattered across his face. Even with the clean shirt the cop had given him, he looked like he’d been rolling around in bloody mud for the last hour and a half. 

Damnit, blood was always such a pain in the ass to remove completely. And he still hated that he knew that fact so well. 

Tora waved Mrs. Everett off, and as the woman headed out of the bathroom, she told him she’d be staying the night to keep an eye on the kids for him and to take all the time he needed cleaning up. 

He blew out a long, weary breath as she quietly shut the door behind her, finally letting his backpack slide to the floor before bracing his hands on either side of the sink. He leaned heavily against the vanity for a few moments. Tora closed his eyes and let the quiet and calm of home settle over him, using it to push back the last of the darkness and fear that had been so overpowering earlier. 

He slowly rolled his neck a few times, scanning his body for any signs of injury. Steve was right - if he was wounded, Tora wasn’t dumb enough to just let that go untreated. Thankfully, his initial assessment had been correct, and he was just incredibly exhausted, all of his muscles completely tapped out. 

Well, thank goodness for that at least. His back was probably going to be pretty fucked up the next couple days after all the abuse he’d subjected it to over the last 14 hours, so Tora was glad there wasn’t any other damage to deal with on top of that. 

He huffed out another breath and then glanced back up at himself in the mirror. Christ, he really did look like a fucking god awful mess.

He gingerly pushed himself away from the vanity and slowly shucked off his clothes before turning to step into the shower. 

Thank god he’d installed some grab bars back when Poppy was pregnant with Violet, because that was the only way he was going to stay vertical long enough to wash off.

Tora couldn’t stop the groan that slipped out as he stepped over the lip of the tub. Okay, so maybe his back wouldn’t be the only part of him hurting tomorrow. 

As he carefully dipped his head under the hot stream of water and scrubbed his hair, the three faces he’d saved that night swam into view in his mind’s eye.

Jax. Auralie. Lily. 

The image of them scared and wounded suddenly made his own discomfort feel much less bothersome.

Whatever pain he dealt with was worth it, Tora decided. The exhaustion, the fear, the worry, the terror, the abuse he’d put his body through, dealing with that storm of memories and emotions...it had all been worth it to rescue them. 

He’d do it again in a fucking heartbeat knowing his actions meant they were safe and being taken care of right at this moment.

As he saw the red tinged water swirling down the drain, Tora knew he’d probably have nightmares at some point from all of this. But again, it was a cost he was willing to pay if it meant three little girls weren’t out in the storm hurting and alone.

The tiger had been more than successful in his hunt tonight, and he could actually be proud of that this time.


	29. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things quiet down as Tora puts his things away and settles himself. He finally gets some time with Violet and Joey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song suggestion for this chapter (I listened to this on repeat the entire time I was writing this update): Borders by Kalandra https://youtu.be/zHh4t38f9AM
> 
> Another long one for you guys! This chapter ended up being one of my favorites - I'm really happy with how it came together, and I hope you enjoy Tora getting cuddles just as much as I did. Thanks to FawkesFire13 and peanutbutterandchelly for helping me work through some story beats for this chapter.

Tora wasn’t quite sure exactly how he managed to stay upright as he gingerly pulled on the clean clothes Poppy had set out for him. At this point, after the day he’d just had, the fact that he was still standing in any capacity was a major feat in his book. 

Once he was dressed and as stable on his feet as he was going to get, Tora glanced up at the mirror, checking his reflection. Thank fucking goodness he didn’t see any trace of Lily’s blood left on him. He was far too tired to wash up again if there’d been any spots he’d missed. 

He sighed and blinked blearily at himself, fighting the exhaustion doing its best to pull his eyelids closed. 

God, he just wanted to collapse into bed and not move for a couple days. 

But the visceral need to see his kids meant he wouldn’t be able to relax until he’d reassured himself that they were safe and secure in their beds. No matter how bone tired he was, Tora knew he wouldn’t get any true rest unless he held both kids for a little bit first. He just needed to see their blissful, relaxed faces, stroke their heads, hear the slow rise and fall of their breath as they slept….after everything he’d been through that night, he desperately needed the calming comfort only his family could provide.

As much as he wanted to head straight to checking on Violet and Joey, the backpack sitting on the floor reminded him that before he could step into either of their rooms, there was an absolutely essential task that needed to be taken care of first. It didn’t matter if both kids were sound asleep and Mrs. Everett was hanging out in the living room, becoming a parent had taught Tora to _never_ let his guard down and get lax with safety. 

Growing up in the mafia had meant living in a state of perpetual hypervigilance and constant paranoia, always ready for things to go sideways at any moment...which had honestly done a lot to prepare his reflexes for having kids. He didn’t worry about assassination attempts or thugs looking to settle a score these days, but if there was a way to endanger themselves, his children would figure out a way to do it and faster than he thought humanly possible. It was like they were just instinctively drawn to dangerous shit like goddamn moths to a flame. 

All joking aside, Tora wasn’t ever going to leave a loaded gun sitting out unattended, not in this house, not where his kids could easily access it. 

One gravely injured child was already more than his heart could handle in one day. 

As he stepped towards the bathroom door, he reached down for his bag and nudged the pile of discarded clothes to the side with his foot. The clack of plastic knocking against metal brought him to an immediate standstill, instantly reminding Tora he’d forgotten something in his pants far more important than the firearm in his backpack. It was obvious he wasn’t firing on all cylinders right now if something so significant had slipped his mind for even a moment. 

No fucking way was he going to lose Poppy’s strawberry hair tie after all this time. 

Or, for that matter, leave those switchblades laying around in such an easily reached location.

Tora snagged the pants off the floor, and slowly shuffled to his and Poppy’s room.

He made sure the bedroom door was fully closed behind him before he pulled out his gun and the extra magazine from his backpack, unceremoniously dropping the damp bag on the floor of their closet. Restocking the supplies he’d used tonight could wait until after he’d gotten enough sleep to think straight again. 

Running more on muscle memory than conscious thought, Tora quickly checked his gun over for any signs of damage, brusquely wiping it down before tucking it and the mag back into the safe.

He fished the two switchblades out of his cargo pants and tossed them in next to the holstered Sig. 

He’d bring the knives back to work whenever he went in next. Not that he was in any rush to re-arm those two fucknuggets, but he did say he’d give their weapons back if they behaved themselves. And besides, what use did he have for two shitty ass knives? Years ago, he would have just been a dick and thrown them away, but he tried to be a tiny bit nicer than that these days. 

Tora’s gaze lingered on the tiny arsenal as he started to close the safe door. He breathed out a quiet sigh of relief that he hadn’t needed to use any of the weaponry he’d brought along with him tonight….well, unless he counted himself. 

He wished it was as easy to shut away all the old images of violence and bloodshed stuck inside his head as it was to lock up his gun and the knives. He didn’t want to think about weapons, blood, or taking down dangerous people for the rest of the night. 

Hell, he’d love it if he didn’t have to think about any of that shit for at least the next...forever if he could. 

He wasn’t held captive by his former life anymore - and had put in a fuck ton of hours in therapy to work through all that shit - but Tora hated how, even after all these years of freedom, it’d been far too easy to slip back into that old role of ruthless enforcer. It’d been a conscious decision to pull up that side of himself tonight, to let the Tiger loose in service of tracking down his daughter….but even if it was to help rather than harm this time, returning to that way of thinking even just for a little while left him unsettled.

If he wasn’t so damn exhausted and on the verge of passing out maybe it would’ve been easier to sort himself out and pull his frayed edges back together, but everything inside of him just felt so fragile and out of whack right now. 

Tora let the safe door swing shut with a resonant clunk as the locking mechanism engaged. Well, if nothing else, at least he’d made sure those three destructive things were safely locked away tonight. 

Satisfied that all the items his children could potentially maim themselves with were secured from their prying little fingers, Tora reached back into his cargo pants pocket for the far more significant items. 

The tiny objects he pulled out belied their outsized impact, their presence cutting through the shadows in his mind like a fire blazing out into the night. He grabbed onto the memories full of happiness and love that immediately flickered to life as tightly as he was gripping the strawberry hair tie and tiger hair clip, using them like a lifeline to pull himself out from under the heavy weight of the past. 

He felt the darkness retreat as he slid the loop of the hair tie over two fingers and traced his thumb over the long familiar curves and edges of the plastic strawberry. 

As he turned the hair tie and hair clip over in his hand, Tora welcomed the images of Poppy and their kids that bubbled up unbidden. He let the warmth and light of the years with his family wash over him, a small smile tugging up the corners of his mouth as each new recollection soothed his troubled heart like a healing balm. 

After a minute, he only grudgingly relinquished his hold on the two little hair ornaments because his legs started shivering with fatigue, his body telling him he wasn’t going to be on his feet for much longer. 

Tora reluctantly set the strawberry hair tie back in its place in the little tray on his dresser, nestling it in the middle of a few other cherished items too priceless to carry around. He slid off the silicone ring and immediately replaced it with his wedding band that he kept in the center of the tray when he couldn’t wear it during his work days, the weight of the cool metal band a welcome presence on his hand. He slowly traced his thumb over the long familiar pattern of Poppy’s fingerprint that encircled the whole thing, just like how she sometimes curled a single finger around one of his.

While his weapons were a sometimes necessary tool he needed close at hand, he kept them tucked away and out of sight - his hands were reminder enough some days of all the ways he was capable of inflicting violence. But he’d amassed an arsenal of a different sort with these tokens of affection. Sitting out where Tora could see them every single day when he got up, they were the tangible reminder he sometimes needed of his journey out of darkness and into the light. A visual representation of the progress he’d made over the last 14 years to become someone he wasn’t ashamed to see looking back at him from the mirror. 

Each object represented one of the people who’d deeply impacted his life for the better, who’d helped him grow into the person he was now: The acorn Joey handed Tora the first time the toddler was old enough to walk unassisted outside; the glittery bead Violet gifted to him for Father’s Day when she was two; the smooth skipping stone Lily found for him the first time they’d wandered down along the river together. 

There was the shiny watch far too ostentatious to ever wear that Quincey bought Tora when they were teenagers; Joe’s bracelet and ring that Poppy had returned when they’d moved in together; the key he’d used to lock up Alice’s restaurant for the final time after she’d passed away. A now ancient flash drive that contained a digitized copy of Goliath’s notebook, the incriminating evidence on Vincent the catalyst for Tora getting out of the clan….and the last bluetooth earpiece Gyu had gotten for him right before he’d died, his friend’s death the absolutely gutting sacrifice that’d made it possible for Tora to finally be free from the mafia’s chains. 

These seemingly random trinkets were tangible proof that, even in some of the darkest times in his life, Tora was never truly alone; there had always been light bearers guiding his way, helping him fight back against the darkness. That even when he felt like an unredeemable piece of shit and completely unworthy of love, there had been people who cared deeply about him, who helped him see the goodness in himself when he was blind to it, who saw him for who he really was and _liked_ the person they saw. The ones who’d told him through a thousand different actions that he _was_ worthy of their love and care….and sacrifice. 

Tonight, he’d definitely needed that reminder. It was a good thing to hang onto when so much inside him felt unbalanced and out of control.

Tora stood there for a few more moments, letting the quiet comfort flow into him and wrap around his heart, the rising peace from thoughts of his loved ones soothing the tender cracks that had opened up over the course of that day. 

He took a deep breath and felt the scattered pieces of himself starting to settle back into place, the icy tension inside his chest melting away as his gaze drifted over his little trove of keepsakes. He absently twirled his wedding ring around his finger, the textured band yet another reminder of the love and light that had been part of his life for the past fourteen years.

Tora set the little tiger hair clip to the side - it wasn’t a symbol of anything more than that he liked making his daughters happy. But since Lily had picked it out that morning, he’d bring it with him to the hospital and make sure she saw it in his hair whenever she woke up the following day. 

Tora’s legs trembled again, forcefully reminding him that he needed to go check on his kids before his body finally had enough and stopped listening to him for the day. While his years of regimented training and strict self discipline meant he could push himself a hell of a lot further than most people, he couldn’t go forever...and he was going to hit that wall very soon. 

He glanced longingly over at the bed for a moment, briefly considering sitting down for just a couple minutes to give his legs a short rest….but he knew if he sat down, he wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. Sleep pulled heavily at his eyelids, telling him that once his body touched that mattress, he’d be out almost instantly. 

Tora quickly fished out the two remaining items still in his pockets, his work knife and phone, and then chucked the now emptied cargo pants on top of his backpack. He hadn’t decided yet if it was worth it to try to get the blood out of the pants or if he’d just toss them in the trash and buy a new pair. But that was another thing that could wait for a different day. 

He stowed his knife in the back of his sock drawer for the time being, and lifted his phone to check it. But before he could unlock it, a loud clap of thunder rattled the house. 

Tora’s head instantly snapped up as he caught the quiet whimper of Violet crying over the racket of the pouring rain still beating down against the roof. 

He immediately set his phone down on his dresser and headed straight to his daughter’s room. He hadn’t heard any text or calls come in since he’d gotten home, so if there were any notifications waiting on his phone, they weren’t important and could keep for a few more minutes. 

He’d honestly been surprised his two youngest kids had gone to bed so easily in the midst of such a wild storm. Usually they wanted to cuddle up for comfort with him and Poppy whenever there was a lot of thunder, especially when it was so persistent and loud like tonight’s weather. 

He certainly couldn’t sleep through noise like this; even now, he tended to startle awake from any sudden sounds in the night. Thank goodness their kids took after Poppy and slept like a rock most nights. He was still amazed and slightly worried at what his wife could sleep through sometimes. 

Tora carefully pushed open the door to Violet and Lily’s room, squinting over at the girls’ bunk bed as his eyes adjusted to the dark. Though they’d recently been trading off who got the top bunk, Lily still tended to sleep there more often than not. Tora was thankful to see that tonight Violet had claimed the higher bed - he knew his knees couldn’t take crouching down to the bottom bunk right now. 

His younger daughter was curled up under her favorite fuzzy blanket, thumb in her mouth...and fast asleep. Tora realized she must have just been crying out from a dream a moment ago. 

As he gently brushed strands of hair out of her face, Violet stirred and sleepily blinked at him for a moment and then her eyebrows drew together in bleary confusion. 

“Daddy?” she said groggily.

“Hey, Koneko,” he murmured softly as he leaned against the bed, propping one arm up on the railing and resting his chin on his arm. “Didn’t mean to wake you up. Just wanted to see you now that I’m home.”

“Where’s Lily, Daddy? Did you find her?” Violet asked, her voice growing clearer and her eyes locking intently onto Tora’s face as she came further out of sleep. 

“Yup, I did. Took me a little bit, and I had to stop and help some people on the way, but I found her. She fell and got pretty banged up, so she’s at the hospital with your Mom right now,” Tora said, trying to summarize as best he could without scaring the little girl staring at him. He tucked some hair behind her ear as he continued, “The storm is pretty wild out there, so your sister was really happy you sent Baihu along with me for her to hold. Said it was really nice of you to let her borrow him.”

“Yeah? She did?” Violet said, lifting up her head and then beaming when he nodded in affirmation. 

“Uh huh. And I think that was really nice of you too,” Tora said, smiling back at his little daughter as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. Violet giggled as he rubbed his nose against hers.

He went on as he stroked his daughter’s head, “Lily took him with her to the hospital, so I hope it’s okay that Baihu hangs out with her there tonight?”

Violet reached out and patted one side of Tora’s face, nodding seriously as she said, “He can stay with Lily, Daddy. I don’t want her to be scared.”

Tora mentally shook his head in amazement. His kids never ceased to surprise him. One day they’re licking the floor and doing their best to beat each other up, then the next they’re super considerate and generous, sharing their most prized possession without a second thought. 

“I don’t want you to be scared either, V-bean,” Tora said, giving her an assessing look as he stroked her back. “I know tonight was a lot to handle, so it’s okay if you need Baihu too.” 

His daughter set her mouth in a stubborn line and shook her head at him. “Nope, not scared. I’m a big girl,” she said, though he could see some uncertainty flickering in her eyes as lightning flashed again through the nearby window and thunder rolled steadily over their heads.

“Well, you’re always gonna be _my_ little girl, so if you want some cuddles, just let me know, okay?” Tora told her as he booped her nose. 

Violet giggled again and then let out a huge yawn. Tora could see sleep creeping back over her as her body relaxed under the hand he had resting on her upper back. 

“Mhmm,” she hummed, setting her head back down, her gaze growing softer as Tora gently rubbed her back.

He pulled Violet’s blanket back over her and tucked it around his daughter as she snuggled down in her bed.

“Since Lily and your Mom are at the hospital, I’m going to head there in a bit to keep them company. So don’t worry if I’m not home in the morning, alright? Mrs. Everett said she’s going to stay here and watch you and your brother for me,” Tora told her quietly.

Violet’s eyes drifted shut as she nodded. “Mmkay, Daddy,” she murmured, sinking closer to sleep. But a moment later, her eyes snapped open as a thought struck her, and she asked very seriously, “Is she gonna make us tiger pancakes for breakfast?”

“Don’t know, but I’ll ask her before I leave, okay?” he said.

‘Tiger pancakes,’ huh? That was a new one for him. Tora had no idea what those were, but hoped it wasn’t too much trouble for their neighbor to whip up. 

Violet nodded again and closed her eyes as she settled her head back on her pillow. 

“Love you, Daddy,” she murmured.

“Love you too, Koneko,” he whispered back, unable to stop the smile that instantly spread across his face at her words. 

Tora didn’t think the novelty would ever wear off from hearing his family’s ready expressions of love for him. It was exactly what he’d needed to hear tonight, that was for sure. 

Violet quickly drifted back to sleep as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. He stood there for another minute, just watching her blissfully relaxed face as he listened to the rain continue to pour down outside. 

Tora finally pulled his hand away only when both his knees twinged, his body angrily reminding him he was still on his feet and needed to sit the fuck down soon. 

One more kid to check on and then he could sit. _But only for a few minutes,_ he told himself sternly. He still needed to get his ass over to Children’s Hospital at some point tonight.

He looked back at Violet once more as he carefully shut the door behind him. She didn’t even twitch as thunder rumbled loudly overhead. 

Tora smirked. Yup, she definitely took after her mom’s sleep habits too.

A moment later, he silently stepped into Joey’s room, leaving the door open just a crack so he had some light to see by. 

When Tora turned to look over at Joey’s crib, he found the toddler already awake and standing up in his bed. Joey quietly looked up at him with big, concerned eyes as he sucked on the corner of his tiger blankie.

“Aw, hey, Koji. Is the storm keeping you up?” Tora murmured as he walked over to his son. 

The toddler kept his blanket in his mouth as he stretched his hands out towards his dad, the request to be held loud and clear. Tora was more than happy to oblige, though his aching muscles vehemently protested the extra weight in his arms as soon as he scooped the boy up.

His son immediately snuggled in close, resting his head on Tora’s shoulder as he looked up at him. Tora easily made out the fear in Joey’s eyes as another wave of thunder cracked and boomed. 

Tora’s legs shivered with fatigue again and wouldn’t stop, the almost 30lbs of toddler the tipping point for his body as it finally ticked over from exhausted to completely tapped out. 

He plopped down into the comfy rocking recliner, leaning the chair back and stretching his legs out as he rearranged his hold on his son, taking the stress off his arms. 

Joey whimpered as thunder rattled the window they were sitting by. He grabbed onto Tora’s shirt with one hand, the other keeping a tight grip on his tiger blanket. 

“Yeah, I didn’t like being out in that either,” Tora said softly, as he rubbed his son’s back. “I know it sounds scary, but you’re okay, Sprout. Nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

Tora kept one hand on Joey’s back while he used the other to brush the hair out of the toddler’s eyes. The kid was going to need a haircut one of these days - seemed like his hair grew just about as fast as Tora’s did, much to Poppy’s annoyance. Tora smiled at that: his wife had a whole spiel about how men had no appreciation for being blessed with nice hair. 

Whatever, he could care less about his hair - he just liked when Poppy did anything with it. 

Joey’s hand relaxed on Tora’s shirt as the toddler’s breathing started to slow and deepen. Tora felt his son go boneless against him as the toddler relaxed into his embrace. Apparently he’d just needed some cuddles to soothe his fears away and help him relax.

“Yeah, you and me both, kid,” Tora mumbled as his eyelids fluttered closed of their own accord. 

The relief of knowing his family was safe for the time being meant Tora could _finally_ give himself permission to stop moving for a little while and rest. 

Violet and Joey were okay.

Poppy was with Lily.

Lily was being taken care of at the hospital. 

The rise and fall of Joey’s breathing soothed Tora like a lullaby. The warm comforting weight of his son draped over him was the best kind of blanket, and he felt his muscles turning to jelly as his breathing slowed and synced up with his son’s. 

Maybe he would just close his eyes for a few minutes. 

He couldn’t drive before he’d rested for at least a little while anyways. 

The sounds of the storm faded out as Tora sunk down into blissful nothingness.

\----

Tora didn’t know how long he’d been out when he found himself blinking back awake. Joey was sound asleep, the toddler curled up in his arms like a huge cat. His limbs felt like jello, and he was confused for a long moment as to why he wasn’t still sleeping.

He groggily stared at Mrs. Everett standing in the doorway of Joey’s room, and it took his brain a couple seconds to remember why she was in his house.

“I’m so sorry to wake you up, Thomas,” she whispered apologetically. “I know you probably don’t want to do anything but sleep right now, but you need to check your phone. Poppy’s been trying to get a hold of you for more than an hour now, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little reminder of Tora's nicknames for his kids:  
> Lily he calls Kodora, which means small tiger.  
> Violet he calls Koneko, which means kitten/little cat.  
> Joey he calls Koji, which means tiger cub.
> 
> Also, tiger pancakes are a real thing. It's either just drizzling chocolate syrup over them, or you separate some of the batter and add cocoa powder to it. You add the darker stripes by dripping that batter over the cooking pancake.


	30. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora finally gets in touch with Poppy and heads out to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note that Lily's injuries are described--  
> Thanks again to peanutbutterandchelly and FawkesFire13 for beta reading the beginning of this chapter for me. I always appreciate your guys' feedback so very much!  
> Welp, I think this might be my longest chapter now haha. Once I get Tora and Poppy talking to each other, their dialogue just flows so naturally. I could literally write pages of them just bantering and flirting. I'm so glad to finally have them connecting after such a long night apart.

“I’m so sorry to wake you up, Thomas,” Mrs. Everett whispered apologetically from the doorway of Joey’s room. “I know you probably don’t want to do anything but sleep right now, but you need to check your phone. Poppy’s been trying to get a hold of you for more than an hour now, dear.”

Her words hit him like a bucket of ice water to the face, and Tora felt his drowsiness fall away as his brain quickly scrambled back into gear. 

Poppy had been trying to call him? Why hadn’t he heard his phone go off then? 

A moment later, he suddenly remembered setting his phone to Do Not Disturb right before he’d headed into the woods to search for Lily….and he’d never switched it off.

 _Oh shit!_ How long had he been out for?! 

The last time Poppy had seen him, he was more than a little out of it, and she was probably wondering where the hell he was and if he’d even made it home yet. She must have been absolutely worried sick if she’d reached out to their neighbor about him. 

“Time is it?” Tora managed to mumble, blearily rubbing the grit from his eyes.

“A quarter after eleven,” Mrs. Everett quietly answered. “And I just got off the phone with Poppy a few minutes ago. She seemed...pretty worked up and wanted to know if you were okay.”

 _Fuck._ He’d intended to only briefly get off his feet and cuddle with Joey before going back to check his phone. But he’d sacked out for at least an hour, if not more. 

No wonder Poppy was so concerned about him. Usually he made a point to respond to her texts in less than 15 minutes, especially when they were separated from each other after shit had been going down.

Tora’s eyes widened as a thought hit him that immediately set his heart racing. 

Oh fuck, what if something was wrong with Lily?!

Goddamnit, he couldn’t believe he’d completely forgotten his phone was still on silent!

Tora attempted to sit up unsuccessfully, his body not quite ready to cooperate with him again. The boneless weight of Joey pressing down onto his chest was enough to keep him from being able to lean forward and pull the recliner back up. 

Mrs. Everett noticed his struggle, but Tora shook his head at her offer to take the toddler. He couldn’t bring himself to let go of his son just yet. 

“Would you mind grabbing my phone for me? Left it on my dresser in the bedroom,” he murmured, trying not to wake the sleeping toddler nestled against him. 

She nodded and then quickly disappeared down the hall. 

Tora could tell his body needed a few more minutes before he’d be able to get it moving in any coordinated fashion again. Even if everything inside him was screaming to get up and rush out the door to Poppy right this instant, falling flat on his face wouldn’t be all that helpful to anyone. 

He gently ran his fingers through Joey’s hair, carefully tracing one finger down the side of the boy’s face. The toddler was out cold, nuzzled up to Tora with his tiger blanket partially draped over him. Tora tugged the blanket back into place and then settled his hand on Joey’s back.

Mrs. Everett wasted no time, returning and handing him his phone in less than a minute. She pulled out her own phone and punched out a message as Tora shifted his grip on Joey and then lit up his screen. 

He squinted at the brightness, the current time of 11:17 burning into his eyes until he’d blinked a few times to help his vision adjust. Tora’s stomach clenched at the long string of notifications that had stacked up over the past two hours, all from his wife: two missed calls, a voicemail, and multiple texts. 

She’d left the voicemail at 10:36, and then called him again at 10:46. 

As he read back through Poppy’s increasingly worried texts, Tora felt like a complete asshole for falling asleep and leaving her hanging for so long.

9:08 - _Hey just got to the hospital a few minutes ago. Lily’s getting a CT scan now._

9:09 - _Are you okay? Please text me when you get home._

9:22 - _Lily just went into surgery. Please call me when you can._

9:50 - _Texted everyone about Lily. Are you home yet? Getting kinda worried about you._

10:15 - _Please let me know where you are Tora. I really need to know you’re okay._

10:35 - _Just talked to the surgical team nurse - I need you to call me ASAP._

10:45 - _Tora I’m stuck here and have no idea where you are, PLEASE call me!_

11:00 - _I‘m kinda freaking out right now and just need to know that you’re alright. If I don’t hear from you in 5 min, I’m going to start calling around until I find out where you are._

Holy shit, it was obvious Poppy was scared out of her mind for him. His wife still tended to downplay her emotions, especially over text, so the fact that she’d just straight up said she was worried told Tora all he needed to know about her current emotional state. 

And what the hell had the surgical nurse needed to tell her? Was Lily _still_ in surgery? He needed to call her _right the hell now_.

Tora looked up at Mrs. Everett as the woman tucked her phone back in her pocket. 

“Just letting Poppy know you’re awake now. She sounded...pretty upset when I picked up,” she told him. “She was quite concerned and wanted to know if you’d made it home. When I peeked in and told her you were cuddled up with Joey and sound asleep, she told me to not to wake you. Normally I’d have listened, especially after the day you’ve had...but I think she really needs you right now, dearie.”

“Did she tell you anything about Lily?” Tora asked around the knot that had jumped into his throat.

“She was still in surgery as of ten minutes ago,” Mrs. Everett said sympathetically. 

Tora immediately felt like someone had kicked him right in the gut. That meant Lily had been in surgery for almost two hours now. He reflexively gripped Joey tighter against him.

Their neighbor went on, “Lily’s stable, but it sounds like she had a number of injuries and a few broken bones that are taking time to set properly. They had to give her a blood transfusion earlier -- which isn’t necessarily a sign of anything going wrong!” she added quickly as Tora startled and felt his eyes widen with panic before he could lock down his expression. 

Tora’s heart was racing, and he had to focus on keeping his breathing even. God fucking damnit, he needed to call Poppy and find out what the hell was going on. 

Mrs. Everett stepped closer and put her hand on Tora’s shoulder, her touch helping ground him just as his thoughts started to spin away from him. 

“Look at me, Thomas,” she said firmly. She stared Tora directly in the eye and unflinchingly held his gaze. Even in the dim light of Joey’s room, he could make out the strength and compassion in the women’s eyes.  
“I know it feels like way too much to handle tonight, but I want you to know, _it’s going to be okay,_ ” Mrs. Everett said, her voice filled with unwavering sincerity and confidence as she squeezed Tora’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m not going to lie and say the coming weeks will be easy for you and your family. It’s perfectly reasonable to be worried and scared because your child is hurt, especially when there’s nothing you can do to make it better besides trust the doctors to do their job. Lord knows, it’s always hard to watch someone you love be in pain, but you _will_ get through this. Lily _will_ get through this. That girl is stubborn as all get out and tough as nails, she’ll be fighting with you about taking it easy in no time, I’m sure. And I know she’s got some pretty amazing parents to support her every step of the way while she recovers.” 

Tora took a deep, steadying breath, his neighbor’s words going right to his core. He hung onto her reassurance tightly, tucking it away to pull out later when he knew he’d need the reminder. Mrs. Everett held his gaze for another moment and then patted his shoulder as he felt some of the tension leave his face.

“Now how about I help you get up so you can go call your wife?” she said kindly.

Tora nodded as he carefully shifted Joey up and over to his left arm, the boy’s head resting on his shoulder again. 

Mrs. Everett’s decades as a nurse taking care of patients was evident as she brought the recliner back up and helped Tora roll to his feet in one smooth, practiced motion. She made sure he was steady on his feet and had a good hold on Joey before letting go of his arm and then stepping out of the room.

The toddler had barely stirred through the whole thing, making just a few sleepy grumbly noises and then pretty much immediately snuggling back into place with a contented sigh once Tora was standing. He couldn’t keep the soft smile off his face as he looked down at his sleeping son; Joey was definitely his most physically affectionate child, happiest when he was cuddled up with his family. Tora’s smile deepened at that thought. Well, he was just as content to have Joey in his arms as his boy was to be there.

“Guess that’s not the worst way you could take after me,” he quietly murmured to his son as he walked over to the crib. 

Tora stood there for a moment, not wanting to let go of Joey and the very much needed comfort the toddler had provided for him tonight. He could have happily held his son and slept for the rest of the night, but Poppy needed him right now and he’d already left her waiting for too long. Tora dipped his head down and kissed Joey’s head, and then gently set him back down in his crib. 

“Thanks for hanging out with me for a bit, Koji, I definitely needed that,” Tora whispered as he rearranged the toddler’s tiger blankie around him. “Love you, Sprout, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tora let his gaze linger on his son’s blissfully relaxed face as he did a quick body scan on himself, checking in on the state of his muscles, noting the extent of his still prevalent fatigue. While he was incredibly worn out, his brief rest had at least taken some of the edge off and he wasn’t dead on his feet anymore. 

His years of crashing hard for just a couple hours and then needing to get right back up for another job meant even a short cat nap was enough for him to run on for the time being. Tora could actually form coherent thoughts and was tracking things much better than two hours ago, so he felt comfortable about getting behind the wheel and driving himself to the hospital now.

He pulled out his phone as he stepped into the hall, softly clicking Joey’s door shut behind him, punching the call button on Poppy’s name before he thought to play her voicemail. He’d listen to it after he talked to her - right now, she needed to hear from him, that he was okay, and heading her way soon.

Tora stepped into their bedroom, shutting the door and sitting down on Poppy’s side of their bed. The call rang twice before his wife picked up.

“Tora?” Poppy’s voice quivered heavily with emotion.

“Hey, sweetheart, how are you do--” he started to ask gently as he slouched forward and propped his elbows on his knees.

“Oh my god, Tora, I was so worried about you! Are you okay?!” Poppy cut in, not able to hold back her sniffles as she finished her sentence. 

“Bobby, I’m _so sorry_ for leaving you in the dark like that. I’m fine, really. Just forgot to turn my ringer back on like a fuckin’ dumbass and then fell asleep with Joey for over an hour,” he said, raking his fingers through his hair.

“I - it’s just - you -” she stammered and then choked off. Tora could hear the tears in her voice as she quietly cried. After a few moments, she whispered, “I was _so_ scared, and I couldn’t _do_ anything for you. I just had to _leave you_ there. And the longer I didn’t hear from you, the more I worried you’d had to be taken to the hospital too. It’s just...not knowing where you were and not hearing anything...it brought back some...bad things, you know?”

Tora clenched his jaw and gripped his phone, feeling awful for what he’d inadvertently put his wife through on top of her dealing with Lily being hurt. “Poppylan, listen to me, _I’m okay._ And I have _you_ to thank for that - my ring and your hair tie were exactly what I needed to pull me out of that shock earlier tonight. You helped so incredibly much, sweetheart, so don’t even think for a moment you didn’t do anything for me,” Tora said firmly. “I got home, cleaned up, checked on the kids, and then just conked out super hard. But I’m up now, feeling a hell of a lot more functional, and I’m going to come to you as soon as I get dressed.”

Poppy sucked in a shaky breath and then blew it out, obviously gathering herself back together. “Okay….okay, that sounds good, Tora. Sorry to cry in your ear. I just...really needed to hear your voice after the last couple hours,” she said more calmly though her voice still hitched a few times. 

“Well, I’ll be right next to you soon, and then you can cry on my shoulder as much as you want, alright?” he told her with a small crooked smile.

She huffed a short laugh at his gentle teasing. “Sounds like a plan to me. Maybe bring me some tissues for my sob fest,” she said, and he could tell she was smiling just a little bit through her tears.

“Can do, Bobby. I’d rather you use those than my shirt for a snot rag,” he said, and Poppy gave a shaky chuckle. “I have two questions for you, and then I’ll have my ass in the car in less than 10 minutes. Want me to bring anything else for you? And…how’s Lily?” Tora asked, the knot catching in his throat as the state of his daughter’s well being pressed heavily on him.

Poppy sighed, and Tora had the impression his wife was curled up somewhere and resting her head on her knee as she quietly said, “She’s still in surgery, though she should be out soon. Did you listen to my voicemail?”

“No, sorry, sweetheart, not yet. Didn’t want to leave you hanging a moment longer,” he told her apologetically.

“Well, it’s probably better to hear it from me now that I’m a little calmer anyways. The surgical nurse came out and talked with me about an hour ago,” Poppy said, and then paused for a long moment. “Lily is...hurt pretty badly, Tora. But they made sure to emphasize several times that she’s stable, and they expect a full recovery. There’s just...a lot they needed to fix. The nurse said she has a concussion and a pretty deep cut on her face. Her right wrist was practically shattered and her arm was broken pretty badly too. They think she landed on that side really hard,” Poppy said, her voice growing weaker as she continued listing off their daughter’s injuries. “Her right ankle is broken in multiple places. Lots of cuts and deep bruising all over. She lost quite a bit of blood, and they gave her a blood transfusion earlier to help with that. And they thought she might have a hairline fracture in her left leg and a couple cracked ribs, though they weren't 100% sure on that when they talked to me.”

“Jesus,” Tora choked out. He sucked in a sharp breath and then stared hard at the floor as he felt tears swimming in his eyes. His mind reeled as he took in what Poppy’d just told him. He’d known Lily was badly injured, but to hear it confirmed just brought home how severe it really was.

Just...holy fucking shit. Fuck. _Fuck._ How the hell had their daughter managed to get up from that fall and move in any capacity? And she’d walked a quarter of a mile on a potentially broken leg? It just...he couldn’t dwell on it right now. 

Tora rubbed a shaky hand down his face and then pressed his fingers over his mouth, suddenly feeling incredibly heavy, like a huge weight was bowing down his shoulders. 

“Yeah, it’s...a lot to take in right now,” Poppy said, the exhaustion evident in her voice. “So besides the kleenex, for tonight just bring me a set of pajamas, a change of clothes, a blanket, a toothbrush, my phone charger...maybe a few snacks and something to drink?”

Tora nodded before he remembered Poppy couldn’t see him. “Yup, I can do that, sweetheart,” he said, pushing himself back up to his feet without too much of a struggle, though it wasn't just his body that was unhappy about leaving the comfort of their bed.

“Once we know how long Lily’s hospital stay might be, we can figure out more what we’ll need here,” Poppy told him as he pulled out a duffel bag from their closet. “It’s not like I haven’t sat for weeks in a hospital before or anything,” she said wearily.

Tora paused, brought up short by the despondency and defeat echoing in his wife’s voice. “Hey, you are _not_ doing this alone, you hear me? I’m gonna be there every step of the way for you and Lily. They’re gonna have to knock me out to drag me out of there,” he told her in all seriousness. “No way in hell are you gonna sit there all by yourself.” 

“But someone needs to be at home with Vivi and Joey too,” Poppy started to say. Tora could tell her mind was already whirling with sorting all the details.

“Hey. Poppylan, just stop. I can see your brain going a mile a minute there. We’ll deal with it and figure this all out together, okay? Just not tonight,” he said as he rifled through her dresser for her favorite comfortable clothes, picking out some fuzzy slipper socks for her always chilly toes. “First things first, we need to focus on what’s currently in front of us, and that’s us being there _together_ for Lily once she’s out of surgery, alright?”

Poppy took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “Yeah, you’re right,” she said softly. She went silent for a long moment, and then said even quieter, “I love you so much, you know that? I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. And you’re absolutely amazing, and I definitely don’t know what I did to ever deserve you,” Tora tenderly said, scrunching up his shoulder to hold the phone against his ear as he folded up Poppy’s most frequently used throw blanket and tucked it into the bag. “I’ll be there soon. Just need to finish putting this overnight bag together, and grabbing you that sugary junk you call food that’s hidden behind the mixing bowls.”

“Huh? How’d you know I keep my treat stash there?” Poppy said, completely caught off guard. Before he could answer, she huffed somewhat amusedly, “You know what, never mind. I don’t know why I’m even surprised at how you always know where that stuff is, even though you don’t eat any of it.”

“Yeah, so why do you hide it then?” he asked, making sure she could hear his smirk as he pulled out clothes for himself to change into and then tossed another set into the duffel bag. 

“Because, while you don’t like junk food, I don’t want the _kids_ eating all my favorite treats. They’ll easily go through a whole bag in less than 5 minutes if I’m not watching them,” she said with a put upon sigh.

“Like a ravaging horde of piranhas stripping down a cow,” Tora said with mock solemness while he rolled up Poppy’s phone charger and tucked it into a side pocket of the duffel bag. 

Poppy snorted, “Yes, well, unfortunately they do get hangry sometimes.”

“Yeah, they get that from their bitey little hamster mom,” Tora teased as he packed a small box of kleenex. 

“I do not get hangry!” she protested.

It was Tora’s turn to snort derisively. “Yeeeaah, sure you don’t, Bobby. This coming from the woman who can swallow a large chocolate muffin whole in one bite. It’s like watching a shark go into a feeding frenzy when you scent cookies,” he said with a grin, scanning the room for anything else his wife might possibly need that night. “I’ve almost lost fingers giving you baked goods before. You know what they say about hungry hamsters: 'Feed her carefully, you dumb shit, or you'll find yourself bit.'”

“Har har, very funny. You definitely just made that up,” she muttered. 

“Nope, it’s totally an old thug saying, sweetheart. Used to hear it all the time on Ares Street back in the day,” he said completely deadpan. “Along with ‘The tinier the hamster, the bigger the bite,’ and 'Well fed wife, ya don't get knifed.'”

That last one was actually something he'd heard one of the guys in the clan mutter once, and Tora didn't think the man had been joking.

“Pfft, whatever, you weirdo,” Poppy huffed amusedly. “And it’s not like you eat any less... enthusiastically. I’m not the one who got kicked out of an all you can eat buffet.”

“Hey, I just wanted to see what their limit actually was,” he said defensively. “Plus, I was really hungry that day, so it was a good challenge.”

They both went silent for a couple seconds and then broke into laughter at the same time. It was the kind of laugh that only comes out when things are shitty and grim and everyone’s fucking exhausted, but the momentary giddiness breaks the tension, helping it all feel a little less awful and just slightly more bearable. Tora had never reacted like that before he met Poppy - his coping mechanism used to be to just shut everything down and soldier through whatever shit situation it was until he could finally collapse into fitful slumber or work out his frustrations at the gym. 

But with her, even on a night like this, he didn’t want to shut himself off like that. Just knowing she was there for him and understood what he was feeling made the pain worth it. Neither of them was alone in this. 

Poppy’s giggle ended in a deep exhalation, her voice sounding more normal as she said, “Thank you, Tora. I know what you were trying to do, and it definitely helped.”

“Feeling a little bit better?” he asked, as he experimentally hefted the duffel bag and then set it out in the hallway. 

“Yes, I think I can survive on my own until you get here now,” she told him, the truth behind that sentence making her words more serious than she’d probably intended. 

“Well, you don’t have to hang on for too much longer. I should be there in less than half an hour,” Tora said lightly. “And then you can fall apart as much as you want, okay?”

She snorted at him. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” Poppy said archly. “I’ll let you go so you can finish getting ready to leave. Just text me once you’re heading out please, and then when you get here.”

“Of course. I love you, sweetheart, and I’ll see you soon,” Tora said gently. 

“I love you too,” Poppy said softly back and then disconnected the call.

Tora quickly shucked off the pajamas he’d put on after his shower, and then pulled on a pair of dark blue track pants and a light gray t-shirt. He tossed his hair up into a bun and grabbed another zip up hoodie from the closet. 

He thought for a moment, and then also pulled out his smallest hoodie, the one he’d specifically bought for Poppy to “steal” from him. It was dark gray with a black and orange spray painted style outline of a tiger’s face on the back. It fit him, but just barely, and he’d worn it around his wife just enough times for her to think of it as his. 

He’d watched with smug satisfaction as it had slowly migrated over to her side of the closet, though she always returned it to his side after it had been washed...before it gradually moved back in with her things.

Not that he minded her wearing any of his clothes - she could borrow whatever she wanted and would always look cute as hell in it. It was just a fun way to gift her something. Plus, it was just absolutely adorable watching his wife walk around all cozy while looking like a little badass in her dark edgy hoodie. 

So yeah, that was going in the bag too. Even if she didn’t wear it tonight, she’d probably want something comfortable at hand in the coming days as they sat with Lily. 

Tora made sure to grab his own phone charger and tucked his work knife and the tiger hair clip into his pocket before he stepped out into the hallway, stowing the additional charger and hoodie in the duffel bag. 

He made short work of grabbing deodorant, toothbrushes and toothpaste from the bathroom before he headed towards the kitchen. 

Mrs. Everett looked up from her book as he walked by. “How’s Poppy doing now?” she asked him. 

“Better, though I know she’ll feel a lot less worried once I’m there for the night,” Tora told her over his shoulder as he stepped into the kitchen. 

He paused and looked back at the older woman. “Please don't feel like you have to stay up all night or sleep on the couch. We've got a guest bed in the office you can use,” he told her. “Oh, and, um, I hope it’s not too much trouble, but Violet asked about something called tiger pancakes for breakfast?” Tora hesitatingly asked. He didn’t want to request too much more from their neighbor after she’d already been so generous with his family tonight. 

Mrs. Everett laughed, “Oh, don't worry, I'm just an old night owl, so I usually don't go to bed until close to midnight anyways. And breakfast's really no trouble at all, dear. It’s literally just setting a bit of the batter aside and mixing cocoa powder into it. You stripe that in once a pancake has partially cooked. Your kids can’t get enough of them, for some reason.”

Tora chuckled a little as he thanked her for being willing to fulfill Violet’s request. He’d have to try his hand at making that sometime. Maybe make the pancakes look like tiger faces too, if he was feeling fancy. 

While Poppy was still the better overall cook, Tora’s skills in the kitchen had drastically improved over the years as he’d gotten more opportunity to practice. These days he had more than a few specialties of his own down pat. Mostly baked goods, even though he didn’t usually eat them himself. He’d been teasing about the swallowing muffins whole thing, but all of his girls had a ridiculous sweet tooth that he took pleasure in being able to satisfy on occasion. They all loved his brownie recipe that was just mostly chocolate barely held together with a few other ingredients. 

Tora easily reached back into the cupboard and pulled out a few items from Poppy’s treat hoard. He snorted as he glanced down at the very easily seen snacks. His much shorter wife forgot sometimes that a hiding spot that was effective for her and the kids probably wasn’t as hidden from his line of sight. 

Not that he was tempted to swipe any of her overly sweet junk. Tora preferred actual food with more than just empty calories, and would go for a green smoothie or a perfectly ripe strawberry over a cupcake any day. The kids still wanted the sugary stuff, but he’d been trying to work on expanding their definition of what counted as a treat the last couple years. Fruit smoothies had been received well, but not so much the brownies he’d tried to sneak some spinach into. 

Over fourteen years with Poppy hadn’t done much to take the edge off her ridiculous sweet tooth, though not for lack of him trying. The woman still enjoyed her chocolate dipped and sprinkle covered sugar bombs with an undiminished fervor. The only time his wife ever craved his kinds of snacks was when she was pregnant, which Tora found absolutely hilarious. 

Tora smiled at those memories as he pulled a couple bottles of water out of the fridge and steeped some tea to bring along in a thermos. 

Apparently a lot of pregnant women got cravings for weird shit like pickles with ice cream or potato chips dipped in mayonnaise and peanut butter. Not his Bobby - she would mow through bags of baby carrots like it was her only job. All the green stuff she normally just tolerated or would only eat if it was worked into a dish would suddenly be eaten daily on their own. 

Tora had caught her once, much to her chagrin, eating spinach out of the bag like they were potato chips. He couldn’t even count how many green smoothies he’d made for her just in the first trimester she’d been pregnant with Lily, but it had been a good justification for him getting to buy a fancy blender. 

He tucked a few more things into a lunch bag and then grabbed the now ready tea as he headed back to the entryway. After thanking Mrs. Everett once again for her kindness and telling her to call him for any reason, Tora made his way to the garage. He flopped down into his car, tossing his bags onto the passenger seat.

It’d been just a bit over four hours since he’d come home from work, and good god, was he ready for this day to finally end. 

_On my way now. Be there soon,_ he texted Poppy.

As he was about to drive out into the now much calmer storm, Tora remembered the voice mail still waiting for him. He pulled it up and then put the car into drive. 

His foot instinctively pressed down harder on the gas pedal as Poppy’s tear filled voice played back in his ear. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured, his heart in knots as he listened to her message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thanks to FawkesFire13 for helping me come up with some of the backstory for a few things in this chapter. Our silly chats have helped me so much in creating the characterization for the kids and more of Poppy and Tora's life as parents.


	31. Don't Want To Lose Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy passes the hours at the hospital while Lily is in surgery. The worries and fears from the past rear their ugly heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note, Lily's injuries are mentioned--  
> Song suggestion for this chapter that I listened to on repeat while writing: Control by Zoe Wees https://youtu.be/VghvmL0G144  
> A big thanks as usual to FawkesFire13 and peanutbutterandchelly for discussing plot and helping me work through story ideas. I always appreciate your feedback and insight so much!  
> Welp, another long update for you guys as we jump back into Poppy's point of view to see what she was up to while Tora got back home and then fell asleep. I think I'm just going to stop saying "This is my longest chapter yet," because they keep getting longer lol.

“Tora, I - I really need you to call me as soon as you get this... _please._ The - the surgical nurse just came out and talked with me...about Lily. And - and….” Poppy sniffed hard, digging the heel of her palm into her eye, desperately trying to staunch the line of tears trickling down her cheeks. She was currently curled up in a corner of an empty waiting room at Children’s Hospital. It was quiet at this time of night, her only company the brightly colored artwork on the walls around her.

She couldn’t stop her voice from quavering as she went on, “It’s...pretty bad. She went into surgery over an hour ago, and they’re still working on her….There’s...a lot they need to fix. She’s got multiple broken bones and a nasty head wound, though I guess you already knew that. They think she has a concussion and may have cracked a couple ribs when - when she fell. And...she...lost quite a bit of blood. They’re not sure how long it’s going to take before they’re done tonight. But...it’s just…I...” 

She trailed off for a moment, fighting to not break down sobbing. The image of her daughter laying pale and bleeding in the stark light of the ambulance flashed through her mind, overlaid with a hauntingly similar scene of Tora laid out on a stretcher, unconscious and bloody. 

Lily looked _so much_ like her dad, and on the storm tossed ride to the hospital earlier, Poppy had felt the years fall away as she was thrown back...to that other awful, heart breaking night. The night she’d almost lost him. The dark memories flickering back to life threatened to completely undo her composure. 

Poppy swallowed hard, fighting to push down the fear clawing its way up her throat. She couldn’t lose it. She _wouldn’t._ Not yet. 

Later. She could fall apart later. Once she knew that everyone was going to be okay. But right now, she needed to hold it together and be strong. For Lily. For Violet and Joey waiting at home. For Tora...wherever he was.

When Poppy had seen her husband run out of the storm with their daughter in his arms, she’d almost fallen to her knees from the overwhelming flood of relief that rushed through her. 

He’d found her, their daughter was safe. Everything was going to be alright.

But the moment she’d gotten a good look at his face, Poppy immediately knew something was deeply wrong - with both Tora and Lily. She couldn’t see how bad off their little girl was at first, but when she’d heard Tora rattle off their daughter’s injuries in a strangely detached and flat voice, a knot had settled heavily in her gut. 

Gazing up into his eyes, she’d instantly known Tora wasn’t fully tracking things right then, lost in some dark place inside his mind.

The way he’d grabbed onto her, like he was drowning and struggling not to be swept away, told Poppy all the things he couldn’t say. He’d wrapped his arms around her like he was scared she was going to be ripped away from him. Tora had been shaking so badly, tremors shivering down his arms, as he held onto her like a lifeline. 

When he’d touched her face with trembling fingers, it felt like he was about to fall apart and shatter.

And the devastated look on his face….he hadn’t registered what anyone was saying to him, not responding to any of the paramedics or police officers...or even to her. 

It’d rattled Poppy at a very deep level to see her normally very astute and situationally aware husband so completely detached from reality. 

The emptiness in his eyes right before the ambulance doors had closed….she desperately hoped she’d been right in telling the paramedics to give him ten minutes to come back to himself. She’d emphatically told them not to touch her husband unless they wanted to find themselves on the ground with a fist in their face. Even exhausted and utterly spent, Tora could still fight like hell, especially if he felt unsafe or threatened. 

Over the last hour and a half, she’d heard absolutely nothing from him, and the knot inside her had only grown larger and heavier, threatening to bring Poppy to the floor with its weight. 

Fear and anxiety whirled through her head at the thought of Tora out there feeling bereft and alone without her there by his side. She just wanted to slip her hand into his and thread her fingers through his, her touch a tangible reminder that she was always there for him. 

_Is he okay? Where is he? Why the hell isn’t he answering his phone? Should I have left him like that? Did I make the right decision?_

Poppy sucked in a deep breath, trying to keep her mind focused on the task at hand as she steadied herself enough to continue her message to Tora. “She’s stable, I want you to know that, okay? They told me that she’s not in any danger of...not pulling through. But-” Her voice caught and she choked on a silent sob, the tears streaking down her face. “I _really_ need to hear from you right now. I - I just want to know you’re alright, Tora. I hope you made it home...but please just let me know where you ended up, and I’ll get to you as soon as I can, okay?…” 

She wanted to say, _“I need to know you’re not sitting somewhere feeling completely broken and utterly abandoned right now. Please don’t hate me for leaving you behind. My heart literally felt like it was tearing itself in two trying to decide who to stay with. I know you both need me, but I can’t be in two places at once. Just please be okay. I just need you to be okay enough to have gotten home. I don’t think my heart can handle both you and Lily being in the hospital tonight. Please get back to me, wherever you are. I’m going insane with worry right now, not knowing where you are or what state you’re in. I just need to hear your voice to know you’re alright, and reassure myself I haven’t lost you.”_

Poppy practically whispered, “I’m _so sorry_ I had to leave you like that...but you said you didn’t want Lily to be alone. I’ll be right next to her as soon as she comes out of surgery, so you don’t have to worry about that, alright?” 

He had practically shouted it over the raging storm, insisting that he wasn’t going to leave their daughter, that she wasn’t going to the hospital on her own. Poppy’s heart had broken at the wild desperation in his voice and the panic that had washed over his face as he had pushed away the paramedics trying to lead him away. 

Poppy hadn’t wanted to leave him - Tora had been so overcome and absolutely out of it. But when he’d at least nodded at her in response to her saying she would go and needed him to stay behind, it had given her the strength to leave him sitting there. Some part of him was tracking things enough to understand what she’d told him. 

But had he been able to come back to himself after that? 

Or was he at a hospital now too? 

She needed to finish this voicemail before she lost it and broke down. It wouldn’t help him in the slightest to hear her bawling her eyes out. 

Poppy swallowed again, and then said, “Just get back to me as soon as you can, please, and we’ll go from there. I love you...be safe, and I’ll figure out a way to be with you as soon as I know where you are, Tora.”

She ended the call and dropped her head to her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs as she tried to keep herself together. The steady trickle of tears continued unabated, dripping onto her bare knees. 

Poppy gave herself a minute to cry before she sucked in a harsh breath, threw her head back to look at the ceiling, and blinked hard to push back the tears. She scrubbed her face and dug the heel of her palms into her eyes. 

_You can do this, Pops,_ she told herself. _You have to do this. They need you to be strong tonight._

She’d been here before, she could handle this. She was no stranger to hospitals. And at least this one was far more pleasant than the ones she’d drifted through like a mournful ghost after her dad and Granny had passed. Far better than the sterile, uncaring big city hospital where Tora had wound up after he’d nearly bled out.

She’d kept watch over him then. She could keep watch over their daughter tonight too. 

And he had been in far worse shape than their daughter, Poppy firmly reminded herself. The surgical nurse had repeatedly said Lily was stable, that they expected her to make a full recovery eventually. 

_It takes time to set multiple broken bones and stitch up so many wounds. It doesn’t mean anything is going wrong just because it’s taking a while,_ she repeated to herself, clinging to the nurse’s gentle reassurance. 

But as hard as she tried to keep it at bay, Poppy could feel the dark whispers building at the back of her mind. She needed to do something to focus her thoughts before they ran away from her. 

She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her texts. 

Right after Lily had gone into surgery, she’d messaged everyone she could possibly think of who would care about what was going on. She hadn’t said anything about Tora, just let everyone know Lily had been badly injured and was currently undergoing surgery.

Poppy had gone down her contact list, sending the same message to everyone who mattered to her and Tora:

Her cousins, Dani and Mirabelle. Erdene and Jacob back in Narin City. Her friends here in town. Tora’s second in command at work, Kurt. Her neighbor ladies group chat. Gina. Mrs. Everett.

Quincey and Cordelia, even though they were out of the country with their twins on a book tour. Poppy wasn’t quite sure where they were in the States right now, but if she remembered the time difference correctly, it was pretty early in the morning for them and they were most likely still asleep.

Poppy had breathed a relieved sigh earlier when Gina texted saying Violet and Joey had gone to bed easily enough, that she had gone home for the night and left Mrs. Everett to keep an eye on the kids. 

Kurt told her not to worry, that he was feeling much better after resting at home that day, and could handle everything at work for as long as Tora needed him to. 

Erdene and Jacob immediately responded with offers to help, though at this point Poppy didn’t even know what they’d need in the coming days. She told them both that she’d let them know as soon as there was anything new to report. 

Her cousins both still worked for the airline, so Poppy wasn’t sure exactly when she’d hear back from them. She knew they’d show up for her in a heartbeat if she needed them to. 

She wearily swiped through the responses that had poured in, even at this late hour. She let everyone know Lily was still in surgery, and she’d update them once she had any more news.

After messaging everyone back, Poppy twisted her phone in her hands, trying to find anything else to occupy her, to give her something to focus on besides the rising anxiety doing its best to fill her mind with terrible what-if scenarios. 

She just didn’t have it in her to make any calls right now. Not when her daughter wasn’t out of surgery yet, and she had no clue of her husband’s whereabouts or what state he was in. But at this point, there wasn’t anything else left for her to do but anxiously wait as the seconds dragged by with agonizing slowness.

The initial flood of adrenaline had carried Poppy through the fraught ride to the hospital as she sat next to her battered daughter being tended to by the paramedics. 

She’d filled out all the paperwork right after they’d arrived while Lily was whisked off for a CT scan and then quickly prepped for surgery. Fifteen minutes after the paramedics rushed her into the ER, Lily was rolled into surgery...and Poppy was left alone with only her thoughts to pass the time. 

She’d texted Tora multiple times, her messages all going unread. She’d had to force herself to not keep checking if he’d seen them, reminding herself that he would call as soon as he read her texts.

She’d reached out to everyone then, keeping her hands and mind busy for about half an hour as she responded back to the incoming flurry of supportive and caring messages. 

Poppy had sat in the surgical waiting room for all of five minutes after that before she couldn’t stand it anymore, feeling herself unraveling as each minute passed by without any word from her husband. Every text notification caused her heart to jump into her throat as hope rose that it was him finally reaching out and letting her know he was alright. 

After responding back to a few more concerned texts, Poppy had marched over to the information desk and asked what floor Lily would be sent to once she was out of surgery, and then went up to speak to the nurse station on that hall. It was both something to keep her moving and also a helpful task to take care of while she had the time. Besides, if she sat still too long, Poppy knew herself well enough to predict the hard crash that would hit once her adrenaline finally wore off.

From past experience, she knew that the chairs in hospital rooms tended to be small and uncomfortable. Her 5’2” frame could handle it without too much of a problem, but she knew her 6’3” husband would be in a world of pain if he had to scrunch himself into a crappy chair for hours...or days on end. 

When it came to their kids, Tora would do anything for them, consequences to his physical well being be damned. In the next couple days, Poppy knew he’d be feeling the effects from the stress and exertion he’d put his body through since that morning, especially whatever he’d had to do at the park that evening.

Thankfully, comfort for visiting family was actually a priority at this hospital, and the staff had been more than willing to accommodate her request, quickly putting in an order for an extra large reclining chair to be sent up to Lily’s room.

She’d also wanted to make sure the nurse station was aware of her and Tora’s….issues with people just unexpectedly entering a room with no warning. Poppy was very insistent that, especially at night, any nurses entering Lily’s room would knock first and announce who was coming in. 

She’d learned from her husband to be vague enough to let people make their own assumptions, and most of the time, people just assumed Tora had some kind of wartime military experience, which was close enough to his past experiences and easily explained away some of his paranoia around safety and security. And that assumption meant that people didn’t generally pry for further details. 

Once that had all been taken care of, Poppy headed back down to the waiting room to check on Lily’s status, which unfortunately was still listed as “In surgery.” 

She’d paced, flipped through a couple dogeared magazines without actually seeing any of the content, checked her texts, slowly studied every piece of art on the walls, and tried to silence the increasingly frantic voices growing louder and more insistent in her head. 

And there had only been continued silence from Tora.

Finally, just a little over an hour after Lily had gone into surgery, Poppy went back to the surgical information desk and pressed for more information on her daughter’s progress. Tears swam in her eyes and spilled down her face as the attendant told her he didn’t have any updates available.

That’s when the nurse had come out to speak with her, gently explaining that they didn’t know when they’d be finished since Lily’s injuries were so extensive. The woman did her best to reassure Poppy that things were going well as the surgical team slowly but surely mended the little girl back together. 

But to hear the injuries listed out in such exact detail and why things were taking so long, hit Poppy hard. Her mind was left reeling, old memories playing on repeat in her head. 

_It’s different, this time is different,_ she tried to tell herself. 

_But what if it’s not?_ a cold voice whispered, and something at the center of her heart froze at the thought.

Visions from the past rose up and flickered to life in her mind: Tora laying there, eviscerated and bleeding out at her feet. Seeing the light fading from his eyes. The love of her life pale and practically lifeless as his body struggled to keep breathing. 

Tora bundled up in a hospital bed, unmoving and unconscious, hooked up to multiple machines as the hours stretched into days...and she couldn’t do anything but sit there, petrified to leave in case he died while she was gone.

The images continued to burn through her mind’s eye, the old wounds seared onto her heart flaring up at the similar emotions now racing through her. Poppy felt herself falling into a dark place she’d fervently hoped to never revisit again.

Her chest was tight, and she couldn’t breathe properly. Her heart felt like it was going to burst as it hammered against her ribs.

 _Lily’s going to be fine. She’s stable. She’s going to be fine,_ Poppy chanted to herself like a mantra, trying to push back the darkness clawing at her mind. 

Fear crawled up from her belly and wedged in her throat. All she could think of was Tora and how she so desperately needed him beside her in this moment to assuage the dark whispers filling her heart and mind. 

She’d retreated to a far corner of the waiting area, texting her husband yet again. Once she hit send, her fingers moved on their own to hit “call” on his name. 

She just needed to hear his voice. If she could only get him on the phone, it’d help her hang on for a little longer, settle the rising maelstrom whirling inside of her….but all she’d gotten was his brusque voicemail greeting and then the beep to leave a message. 

And now here she was, hanging onto her last shred of control by her fingernails. 

Could she sit here all night alone? She’d done it before, with her Granny when she’d passed, and then that long night when Tora barely pulled through…..But, she never wanted to go through that again. She wasn’t sure her heart could take it.

Anyone else that she would have wanted sitting next to her right now was at least halfway across the country or on the other side of the world. 

Poppy felt the tears slipping down her cheeks faster, and she pressed her face more firmly into her knees as she curled tighter into herself.

Her daughter needed her here, her babies at home needed her, her husband needed her… wherever he was. But she needed them too. All Poppy wanted to do was gather her family into her arms and hold them close for as long as she could. 

As the seconds passed, she felt herself spinning more and more out of control, her heart pressing painfully against the walls of her chest with every beat. Her mind was tossed by the tempest of the past and present crashing into each other. 

_“Just focus on one breath at a time, sweetheart,”_ the echo of Tora’s gentle, loving voice washed over her, cutting through her dark thoughts like the sun peeking through heavy dark clouds.

 _Breathe,_ she reminded herself. _All you need to do is breathe._

The storm was still raging outside the hospital - she could hear the thunder rumbling, though it seemed so far away. 

The world beyond the waiting room felt distant and removed. Poppy’s focus narrowed to the plasticy chair sticking to the back of her thighs and her lower back where her shirt had ridden up, the antiseptic smell unique to hospitals that she knew all too well, the steady whoosh of the air conditioning vent above her head, the indistinct murmur of a few distant voices, her muscles tight and vibrating with the stress and tension of this awful night.

_Focus. Focus on breathing. In. Out. In. Out._

The sound of her breath. 

The feel of her chest rising and falling.

Her tears slowly slipping from her face onto her knees. 

Lily. Broken and bleeding.

_Come on, focus! All you need to do right now is breathe, Pops._

Tora. Exhausted and alone. Was he scared and hurting?

The air caught in her throat.

 _You can do this!_ she screamed at herself. _You have to do this. There’s no one else except you right now, so you need to hold your shit together._

A silent sob wracked her, and she swallowed it back down. Poppy dug her fingernails into her legs, trying to use the slight pain to distract herself from the weight crushing into her chest. 

Her phone pinged next to her, and she immediately turned her head to look at the screen. 

It wasn’t Tora. 

Dani was texting her back. Poppy closed her eyes in disappointment for a moment before she sat up to respond to her cousin. 

It hadn’t even been a full ten minutes since she’d called Tora, but as soon as she sent a text to Dani, her fingers acted of their own volition again, pulling up his number and hitting “call” before she could think to stop herself. 

Poppy pressed the phone tightly against her ear as the call rang once...twice...three times...and then clicked over to Tora’s voicemail greeting. 

She wanted to scream, to lash out at him for not responding, for leaving her worried sick and full of fear. _Where the hell are you, and why haven’t you gotten back to me?! Our daughter is still in surgery, and I’m losing my damn mind here over both of you right now. Please just let me know you’re okay, so I can stop feeling like my heart is being ripped in half._

Poppy swallowed hard, trying not to sob, and then hung up.

She sent him yet another text, even though all her previous messages were still unread, _Tora I’m stuck here and have no idea where you are, PLEASE call me!_

She sucked in a shaky breath and then stood up, straightening her clothes and brushing herself off. She was still in her tank top and shorts from this morning, though thankfully she’d had the presence of mind to grab a light rain jacket and her purse before she’d raced off to the park. 

Poppy strode to the single stall bathroom just off the waiting room and locked herself in, leaning her head against the door for several seconds after she’d let it swing shut. 

She relieved her full bladder and then splashed cold water on her face while trying to avoid looking at her reflection. Catching sight of the emotions she knew were written plainly across her face would just set her off into a spiral she didn’t know if she could pull out of right now.

Poppy put her left hand on the door handle to leave and just stood there for a long moment, staring hard at her wedding ring, her eyes locking onto the pattern of her husband’s fingerprint engraved into it, before she turned around and slumped back against the door. Those long familiar ridges and valleys etched around her ring was the only tangible thing she had of Tora to hold onto and comfort herself with right now. She clutched her wedding band tightly with her right hand and slowly slid to the floor, the ceramic tile cool against the back of her bare legs. Her eyes glazed over, not focusing on anywhere in particular.

 _You can do this, you can do this, you can do this,_ she chanted to herself.

_….I don’t know if I can do this._

Poppy propped her elbows on her bent knees and dropped her head into her hands, the room blurring around her as her eyes swam with tears. 

Her chest heaved, and she blinked rapidly. For some reason, her gaze settled on a cracked floor tile a couple feet in front of her. She stared hard at the beige square and the jagged break running diagonally through it. It felt like a perfect representation of her current state of mind. 

Splintering and fractured. Useless. Strained to the point of breaking apart. Weak. 

The dumb thing was broken, why hadn’t they bothered to replace it? All the tiles around it were in perfect shape, their pristine condition just emphasizing the brokenness of that one tile. 

But even though there was a fissure snaking across it, that tile was still in place and doing its job, wasn’t it? It was still holding up and hadn’t come loose or broken into smaller pieces. How many times a day was it stepped on and cleaned, and yet here it was, still firmly rooted to its spot. 

Maybe it didn’t need to be torn out and replaced, it was good enough for the task it needed to do, even in its fractured state.

Poppy let loose a short, shaky, hiccupping laugh. Of all the places to have an epiphany, she wouldn’t have imagined it to be on the bathroom floor off a hospital waiting room. 

Yet here she was. 

Something about that stupid little busted up tile reined in her racing thoughts just enough to reclaim a tiny measure of control. 

Poppy sucked in a shuddering breath and wiped the moisture from her cheeks.

_Breathe, Pops. In. Out. It’ll be okay. In. Out. There you go. In. Out. You’re gonna get through this, just like you did before. In. Out. You’re not going to lose her or Tora tonight. In. Out._

Poppy didn’t know how long she sat there, but eventually she leaned her head back and closed her eyes, slowly twirling her wedding ring around her finger, tracing her right thumb and forefinger over the deeply engraved surface. She didn’t think she’d drifted off, but she suddenly found herself startling when her head lolled to the side. She blinked a few times as she came back to herself. 

She flexed her fingers against her knees, dropping her hands to slide down the side of her thighs and then rested her fists on the floor. As she continued to focus on taking slow, deep breaths, her hands slowly unfurled, splaying out palm down on the chilly tile. 

Well, that had settled things at least a tiny bit. Poppy felt her hold on herself wasn’t quite so tenuous as it’d been before she stepped into the bathroom. 

She rose back to her feet and headed back out into the still empty waiting room. Tuesday nights after 10pm apparently weren’t a super busy time for surgeries at this hospital. Poppy was thankful for the solitude only in that she didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing her red, puffy eyes and tear stained face right now. 

She pulled her phone out to check the time - 11:00pm. 

And still no word from Tora. 

She couldn’t help herself and checked again if he’d seen any of her texts yet….they were all still unread. 

The anxiety surged back up her throat as she realized it’d been over two hours since she’d last seen him. The image of his exhausted, devastated expression haunted her, and all she wanted to know was that he wasn’t still sitting somewhere stuck inside his own head. 

Poppy texted him once more, _I‘m kinda freaking out right now and just need to know that you’re alright. If I don’t hear from you in 5 min, I’m going to start calling around until I find out where you are._

She waited six minutes, painfully aware of every second that dragged by, and then finally called Mrs. Everett. 

She’d been holding out on calling their neighbor, afraid that the woman would tell her Tora wasn’t there and thus have her fears confirmed. 

The phone rang twice before Mrs. Everett picked up. “Poppy, dear, how are you holding up? is everything okay?”

Poppy sniffled hard at the woman’s compassionate tone. “Is - is Tora there? Lily’s still in surgery, and I’ve been trying to get ahold of him for well over an hour now,” she said, a fresh wave of tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m just super worried about him, because he’s usually so good about responding to me when it’s an emergency.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, dearie, I just assumed he’d let you know. Thomas got back something like an hour and a half ago,” Mrs. Everett said apologetically. 

“What? Then why - why hasn’t he read any of his texts or called me back?” Poppy cried, a fresh surge of fear shooting through her. “Oh my god, is he okay?! Did he say anything to you?”

“He was fine when he got in, dear. Exhausted and looking like he needs about a week of sleep, but unharmed, if that’s what you’re worried about?” the older woman said quickly. 

“I - I just...was so worried about him,” Poppy stuttered, feeling something tight start to release in her chest. “You’re _sure_ he’s okay? Where is he now?”

“I’ll be honest, he had quite a bit of blood and dirt on him when he came in, so I got that boy in the shower right away. He cleaned up and then checked in on the kids. Oh, must have been about an hour ago now?” Mrs. Everett said. “Would you like me to check on him?”

“Please,” Poppy said, gripping the phone so tightly her fingers almost cramped. 

She heard the woman get up and move across the house. 

A few moments later, Mrs. Everett softly said, “He’s cuddled up with Joey, completely fast asleep. I’m a bit amazed they’re both sleeping so hard with this storm still going on.”

“Oh thank god,” Poppy whispered. She plopped down in the chair behind her as her knees went weak with relief. 

Tora was home. He was okay. He was safe and snuggled up with their son.

Her world shifted back closer to wholeness and balance as the good news settled over her.

She sniffled as tears streaked down her face, her mind filled with the reassurance that her husband was fine. 

“Are you alright, Poppy? Do you want me to wake him up for you?” her neighbor asked her gently. 

She desperately wanted to talk to Tora, but Poppy could only imagine how drained her husband was after the long day of overtime he’d put in and then capped it off by racing out into the storm to rescue their daughter. She didn’t know where he’d found the energy. 

If he hadn’t even stirred when Mrs. Everett peeked into Joey’s room and was actually sleeping through a raging thunderstorm, that told Poppy how spent Tora truly was. 

And not only had he tracked down Lily, he’d saved those two other little girls as well. Poppy’s heart clenched at the memory of their dirty, wounded bodies that were far too thin for their ages, their threadbare clothes, the fear and distrust on their faces as they’d been bundled up into one of the ambulances. They were probably somewhere at this hospital right now too. 

“No. No, that’s fine, Mrs. Everett. Leave him be for now,” Poppy said, trying to keep the quiver out of her voice. “He needs the sleep, and I can wait to talk to him until later. There’s nothing new to report anyways, since Lily’s still in surgery right now. I - I’m not sure when they’ll be done, there’s a lot they had to repair.” She wiped away the thin line of tears sliding down her cheeks and sniffled again. “I’m just happy to hear he made it home alright. So just have him call me once he wakes up.”

“Are you _sure_ you’re okay, dear?” Mrs. Everett asked, her voice heavy with motherly concern. 

“Yeah, much better now that I know Tora got home okay,” Poppy said truthfully. “I’ve just been really worried, especially after I texted him a bunch and saw he hadn’t read any of them. I’ll call you if anything comes up, but just let him sleep, because I know he really needs it.”

“If you’re really sure about that?” the older woman said hesitantly. 

“Yes, it’s fine,” Poppy said hurriedly, feeling her tears fighting to release again. “Just let him know I called once he’s awake again.”

“Alright, if that’s what you really want, dear. But please let me know if you need anything else,” Mrs. Everett said firmly.

“Definitely, thank you so much for watching the kids tonight, and just being there for Tora. I really - appreciate it,” Poppy said, her voice catching at the end as her emotions welled up. She briefly filled Mrs. Everett on her daughter’s injuries, then made an excuse about checking on the status of Lily’s surgery and quickly ended the call.

As soon as she hung up, Poppy felt the tears of relief roll down her face. Even though she was still alone, and would most likely be on her own the rest of the night, it felt far less overwhelming now that she knew Tora was okay. Just the thought of him relaxed and holding Joey close gave her a warm dose of comfort. After the day he’d had, she just wanted Tora to rest and take care of himself, even if it meant she’d have to sit by herself until the morning. 

It would be a long, lonely night for her, but she told herself she could wait until the following day to talk to him now that she knew he was safely at home. 

Poppy puffed her cheeks and blew out a breath, trying to figure out what to do next. It was just a bit after 11pm, and she could feel the events of the evening catching up with her. Lily had been in surgery for almost two hours, and who knew how much longer it’d be until her daughter was finally done and settled in her room? Poppy didn’t feel like spending the entire night stuck in this lonely waiting area, that was for sure.

She went back over to the information desk and asked if there was a place she could lay down for a bit until Lily’s surgery wrapped up. The attendant apologized for not telling her earlier, and pointed out a nearby door. He explained it was a small room with a couple recliners that was reserved for nursing mothers during the day, but at this time of night, it was available for anyone to stretch out and rest in.

Poppy managed a weak smile of gratitude and wasted no time in claiming the room after the attendant handed her a pager that would light up and vibrate once Lily was out of surgery. A minute later, she was flopping back into a cushy recliner with a weary sigh. She pulled her rain jacket off and draped it over herself after she pushed the chair as far back as it would go. She tucked the pager into her shorts pocket, where she wouldn’t be able to miss it going off. She tucked her phone into the outermost pocket of her purse, and then closed her eyes. 

She didn’t think she’d be able to fall asleep, but the cozy, quiet darkness of the little room wrapped around her and quickly lulled Poppy into unconsciousness.

\----

She didn’t know how long she’d been sleeping when the ringing of her phone snapped her awake. Poppy fumbled for it with her eyes closed and then cracked an eyelid open to check who it was. Her eyes flew open at the sight of Tora’s name on the screen.

“Tora?” she said, unable to stop her voice from shaking with emotion.

“Hey, sweetheart, how are you do-” he started to ask, but Poppy cut him off.

“Oh my god, Tora, I was so worried about you! Are you okay?!” she cried, not able to hold back her sniffles as she finished her sentence. 

“Bobby, I’m _so sorry_ for leaving you in the dark like that. I’m fine, really. Just forgot to turn my ringer back on like a fuckin’ dumbass and then fell asleep with Joey for over an hour,” he said, his voice thick with contrition.

“I - it’s just - you -” she stammered and then choked off. She struggled to contain the wave of relieved emotions crashing over her before she managed to whisper, “I was _so_ scared, and I couldn’t _do_ anything for you. I just had to _leave you_ there. And the longer I didn’t hear from you, the more I worried you’d had to be taken to the hospital too. It’s just...not knowing where you were and not hearing anything...it brought back some...bad things, you know?”

Poppy pulled the chair back up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She let her husband’s voice wash over her, using it to ground herself and silence the dark whispers at the back of her mind. She didn’t even bother trying to stop the tears of relief that sprung up in her eyes as Tora talked.

“Poppylan, listen to me, _I’m okay._ And I have _you_ to thank for that - my ring and your hair tie were exactly what I needed to pull me out of that shock earlier tonight. You helped so incredibly much, sweetheart, so don’t even think for a moment you didn’t do anything for me,” her husband said firmly. “I got home, cleaned up, checked on the kids, and then just conked out super hard. But I’m up now, feeling a hell of a lot more functional, and I’m going to come to you as soon as I get dressed.”

Poppy sucked in a shaky breath and then blew it out, gathering herself more fully back together. “Okay….okay, that sounds good, Tora. Sorry to cry in your ear. I just...really needed to hear your voice after the last couple hours,” she said more calmly though she couldn’t stop her voice from hitching a few times. 

“Well, I’ll be right next to you soon, and then you can cry on my shoulder as much as you want, alright?” he told her, the smile evident in his voice.

He was okay, and he was coming to her. She could keep it together just a little longer.

She huffed a short laugh at his gentle teasing. “Sounds like a plan to me. Maybe bring me some tissues for my sob fest,” she said, smiling just a little bit through her tears.

“Can do, Bobby. I’d rather you use those than my shirt for a snot rag,” he said, and Poppy gave a shaky laugh at his poking fun at her propensity to cry at the drop of a hat. He could tease her as much as he wanted, she was just so happy and relieved to hear his voice, hear him returned to himself. 

Poppy folded up her legs and rested her head on her knees as they talked. Tora’s concern for her and Lily was clear as she updated him on their daughter’s injuries. He’d immediately called her as soon as he’d checked his phone; he hadn’t listened to her voicemail yet, not wanting to leave her waiting even a moment longer.

Poppy held onto Tora’s voice like a lifeline, using it to soothe all the worries and fears that had been growing inside her for the last couple hours. Their conversation settled something wild and dark inside her heart. He would be right beside her soon and that would help even more. She just wanted to hold him tight and not let go for a very long time. 

She gave him a list of things to bring her for that night, the realization hitting her that they had some long days ahead of them as Lily recovered. How long would their daughter have to stay at the hospital? Multiple broken bones meant she would need a lot of care for a while.

“Once we know how long Lily’s hospital stay might be, we can figure out more what we’ll need here. It’s not like I haven’t sat for weeks in a hospital before or anything,” Poppy said wearily, feeling the weight of another long hospital stay for someone she loved pressing down on her.

“Hey, you are _not_ doing this alone, you hear me? I’m gonna be there every step of the way for you and Lily. They’re gonna have to knock me out to drag me out of there,” Tora told her firmly, a hint of a growl in his deep voice. “No way in hell are you gonna sit there all by yourself.” 

“But someone needs to be at home with Vivi and Joey too,” Poppy started to protest, her mind already starting to whirl with all the details to keep track of. It wasn’t just her and Tora anymore - they had three kids now to take care of and watch over.

“Hey. Poppylan, just stop. I can see your brain going a mile a minute there. We’ll deal with it and figure this all out together, okay? Just not tonight,” Tora told her gently. “First things first, we need to focus on what’s currently in front of us, and that’s us being there _together_ for Lily once she’s out of surgery, alright?”

Poppy took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “Yeah, you’re right,” she said softly. 

What did she ever do to deserve this man? He’d just put himself through hell, pushing his body and mind past their limits, and yet here he was, already getting things together to come be with her for the rest of the night. He should be sleeping after everything he’d been through that day, but she knew it would be like telling the sun not to rise once her husband made up his mind to do something. If he said he’d be there for her, he’d find his way to her in short order no matter what obstacles were thrown in his way.

And tonight, she wasn’t going to complain. She really needed to see him too. 

Poppy quietly told him, “I love you so much, you know that? I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. And you’re absolutely amazing, and I definitely don’t know what I did to ever deserve you,” Tora tenderly said, echoing her thoughts back to her. “I’ll be there soon. Just need to finish putting this overnight bag together, and grabbing you that sugary junk you call food that’s hidden behind the mixing bowls.”

He teased her about her treat stash and sweet tooth (okay, yeah, maybe she did pretty much always crave sweet things), actually made her genuinely laugh with his goofy weird humor, and Poppy hung up feeling like the world wasn’t spinning completely out of control anymore.

Poppy leaned her head back against the chair and felt some of the tension drain out of her.

Yes, she could have made it through the night on her own….but she was incredibly grateful she didn’t have to. She was still scared, still worried, still overcome at the extent of their daughter’s injuries. Tora had been through a lot already that day, and Poppy knew they were both running on empty right now.

But it was going to be okay, they would get through this together, just like they always did.


	32. Hold Tight And Don't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora reflects back on Lily's birth and gets to the hospital. He and Poppy finally reunite after a very long night apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note injuries to children are mentioned in this chapter. And will be brought up throughout coming chapters--  
> Song suggestion: Love Has No Limits by Fleurie https://youtu.be/7K3hpb-wijU  
> Well, this is yet again my longest chapter lol. I hope you guys are as happy with Tora and Poppy finally reuniting as I was to finally get to write it!  
> Thank you as always to peanutbutterandchelly and FawkesFire13 for beta reading and helping me with this story. I always appreciate your insight so very much.  
> Also special thanks to Cats_tiny over on Instagram who made an absolutely amazing family portrait of Tora and Poppy with their kids. I don't know how she did it, but she absolutely nailed how I imagine the kids look. Take a look here to have your heart melted into a puddle: www.instagram.com/p/CH03qWlgOdy

The wipers whipped back and forth across the windshield, fighting valiantly to keep the window clear of the driving rain battering the car. Even with them turned all the way up to the fastest setting, Tora could barely see the road. 

Poppy groaned and panted next to him, her hand clutching his in a vise grip as she finished riding out another contraction. 

“Well, this kid certainly isn’t wasting any time,” his wife gasped once she had her breath back. She glanced down at her large, swollen stomach and patted it with a wry smile. “Apparently you just decided a huge thunderstorm was the perfect time to arrive, huh? You going for dramatic entrances like your Uncle Quincey?”

“Don’t give our daughter any ideas. One of him is more than enough drama for me, thanks,” Tora muttered under his breath. 

Poppy snorted amusedly and then heaved out a big sigh as she leaned back in her seat. She kept her hand in Tora’s while she rubbed the back of her neck with the other, rolling her head slowly from side to side.

 _Our daughter._ Didn’t _that_ feel weird to say. And soon, he’d be holding her. 

Jesus fucking christ, he was _not_ ready for this. 

Tora’s jaw involuntarily clenched as he shot a quick glance over at his wife before immediately returning his gaze to the slick road in front of him. Under normal conditions, he could take these turns fast and sharp, but tonight the last thing he wanted to do was hydroplane or hinder their progress to the hospital in any way. Even if it meant he actually had to drive the speed limit the one time getting somewhere quickly was of the essence.

It wasn’t like this was life or death, Tora reminded himself. They’d get there soon enough - the hospital wasn’t even 10 minutes out now, as he continued silently counting down the miles. 

He’d planned for this, spent the last eight months after he’d found out Poppy was expecting going over every single way things could possibly go wrong. He’d made sure to figure out how to deal with any issue that might arise, no matter how unlikely. How many contingency plans had he made, alternate routes memorized? 

Less than half an hour ago, Tora had jolted awake when Poppy cried out his name as her water broke. He’d been on his feet almost instantly, making short work of grabbing all their things and hustling her out to the car. After months of preparation, it was go time. 

Tora was annoyed that she hadn’t woken him sooner, since she’d apparently been having increasingly stronger contractions for the last couple hours while he’d been sleeping, but she didn’t want to rouse him for yet another false alarm. They’d already been to the hospital twice in the last week and a half due to Braxton Hicks contractions. 

But now, at two in the fuckin’ morning, they were speeding off to the hospital as fast as Tora could drive, for real this time. This was actually happening. They were going to be parents. 

It was fine. He was fine. He’d been through far worse shit than this. 

His wife was just in labor with their first child. 

Who was coming a little earlier than expected. 38 weeks was still okay though...right? Everything was gonna be fine, Tora assured himself for the millionth time that night.

His racing heart felt about two seconds from jumping right out of his throat, and his chest felt like it was going to explode at any moment...but he was _fine._

Okay, so maybe he was scared shitless. Tora hadn’t so much as blinked when he’d stared death in the face on multiple occasions, but this….this had him petrified.

Poppy closed her eyes and leaned her head back with a quiet tired moan. They rode in silence through the raging storm, their hands still tightly clasped, until his tiny wife suddenly gasped, crying and shuddering as another contraction tore through her. 

Tora’s eyebrows shot up in concern. That hadn’t even been two minutes since the last one, and the contractions were definitely getting longer and more intense.

“Those are coming pretty close together, aren’t they?” he said softly, trying to keep the worry and fear out of his voice as he squeezed Poppy’s hand reassuringly. 

She nodded and grunted in reply, words deserting her as Tora felt her hand tremble from the exertion her body was going through. 

Goddamnit, could their daughter have chosen a worse night to arrive?! Tomorrow was supposed to be sunny and clear, but no, here they were, driving to the hospital through a fuckin’ downpour in the middle of the damn night. All the stuff they’d read had said first pregnancies tended to go late and that early labor could take hours or even days, but it seemed like _their_ kid had decided right the fuck now was the time, seemingly hell bent on arriving as soon as possible.

Doing things her own way already. Sounded just about right for any child of Poppy’s.

Tora wondered for a moment what it was going to be like having a tinier version of his wife running around. Girls usually took after their moms, right? Could he handle _double_ that sass and feistiness? 

His thoughts were scattered a moment later when Poppy’s fingernails dug into his hand. “Oh, fuck! Holy fucking shit, how does it hurt this damn much already?!” she yelled as she arched back in her seat. 

Part of Tora wanted to laugh at his normally proper wife letting loose a string of expletives, but a much bigger part of him was just plain terrified. She was in pain and about to push out a whole human being, and there wasn’t anything he could do to help the process along or make it any easier for her. 

All the planning and classes they’d taken aside, Tora was _not_ prepared for this. Panic drummed at his ears as Poppy continued to squirm and moan next to him, her cries growing louder as the contractions wracked through her petite frame. 

He gripped the steering wheel so tightly his hand trembled as he pushed the car as fast as he dared to under the current stormy conditions. 

Nope, he was _not_ ready for this. For the small life that was about to drop into his world and change everything forever. For “father” to get added next to “husband,” which were both things Tora never thought in a million years he’d ever live long enough to be. 

He glanced over at his wife again, her face red and sweaty with exertion, her eyes screwed shut from the pain, hunched over and trying to breathe evenly. She cried out, urging him to get them to the hospital “right the fucking hell now!” 

This woman. Still just as bossy and feisty as ever, even the middle of goddamn labor. 

And still just as beautiful. 

Tora knew she would just glare and scoff at him if he said that to her right then, but it was true. 

There was no one else for him. No one else who could ever utterly captivate his heart like she did. No one else he’d be willing to get up for and drive through a fuckin’ howling downpour at 2AM than the little woman spewing profanities next to him. 

He’d just spent the last few years settling into a quiet, normal life with Poppy, and loved everything about their life together. The lingering darkness from Tora's past still reared its ugly head at times, the spectre of fear rising more often than he'd like to dig into his heart like barbed wire, but the longer he was with Poppy, the more free and unburdened he felt. 

When they had left Narin City, Tora had reveled in leaving behind all the expectations and assumptions about him that used to haunt his every step. It’d been surprisingly easy and a huge relief to let go of his old titles, and the chains that came with them, in exchange for the freedom and healing that came with taking on new ones. He’d happily walked away from being the Legendary Tiger of Ares Street, a title he had never wanted in the first place, along with descriptions like feral, savage, unfeeling, heartless, enforcer, dog, weapon being used in reference to who he was.

Just getting that fuckin’ Balthuman brand off his neck had immediately lifted a huge weight off him, no matter how painful the process had been. These days he held his head higher, and Tora no longer felt like he was choking around that suffocating collar with every breath he took. 

He still wasn’t quite sure what it meant to have new words like kind, gentle, loyal, loving, friend, beloved, husband associated with his name….but he was more than willing to keep finding out, especially with Poppy and her light illuminating his way.

Over the last four years of being married, they’d navigated so much, both of them healing from the effects of the past as they settled into the rhythm and flow of building a home and a new life together. Tora felt like he had the husband thing down pretty well now, and had been open to the idea of children when Poppy brought it up last year. They were a family, just the two of them...and now they were about to expand it, very shortly welcoming this little person they’d created together, who was a part of both of them. 

But what the ever living shit did he know about being a father?! His childhood had only provided him with examples of the kind of parent he _didn’t_ want to be. Like fucking hell would he ever inflict that kind of pain on any kid, especially his own daughter. Tora would sooner take another knife to his gut than cause any child of his to feel even a fraction of the abject fear and neglect he’d grown up with. The very thought of it curdled his stomach with righteous indignation.

Parents were supposed to be a source of unconditional love and support, Tora knew that much. But beyond that, he wasn't sure what it looked like in action to be a good dad. It just felt like there were an infinite variety of ways he could fuck up the helpless litle baby that was about to make her entrance. He had no fuckin’ clue what he was getting into, that was for damn sure. 

What if he just sucked at being a father? What if his fucked up past had broken him too much to be a good parent? What if he was just so bad at it that his daughter ended up _hating_ him?

Christ, he was fuckin’ terrified right now. Sure, he was also excited and nervous and worried and...happy, so goddamn _thrilled_ his life had actually gotten to this point….but mostly just terrified.

The hospital lights finally swam into view through the pouring rain, and Tora breathed a sigh of relief. Well, at least that part was over. 

As he pulled to a stop at the ER entrance, he looked down at Poppy’s tiny fist hanging on for dear life to his much larger hand. Tora took a deep breath. Now for the hard part.

\-----

Thunder crashed in a rumbling wave overhead, followed by a bright blazing trail of lightning snaking across the sky.

Tora drove into the parking ramp, his thoughts drawn back to the present as he rolled down the window and took the little ticket from the machine that opened the gate.

It was a different storm filled night now, with its own anxiety filled drive to the hospital. Roused from a short slumber, here he was again for his wife and daughter, ready to stay up through the rest of the night for both of them once more. The reason this time unfortunately was far less joyous or exciting, though the worry and fear were just as prevalent as they’d been that nerve wracking night eight years ago. 

Tonight, there was no frantic running into the ER to drag someone out to help his wife. No haphazard parking job or racing through the halls back to Poppy, his heart in his throat as she writhed in pain and cried out for him. And he certainly wasn’t scared of being a dad anymore, that was for damn sure.

But one thing definitely hadn’t changed in years since Lily was born: Tora was just as determined to be in the same place he'd been back then. Right by his Bobby’s side, holding her tight as they rode out the storm together, waiting for their daughter and a new day to dawn.

Well, that, and their little girl was still just as determined to do things her own way, come hell or high water. Lily was forever blazing her own trail, whether that was coming into the world without any warning as fast as she could manage...or, much to Tora’s deep distress today, running off alone to track down criminals in the park for god knows what reason. 

He released a harsh frustrated sigh as he ran a hand over his head and then gripped the back of his neck. 

Lily really did take after her mom in the most heart aching ways sometimes. While Tora admired their fierce protectiveness and willingness to stand up for the ones they loved, Poppy and Lily were going to be the death of him with their at times irrational pigheadedness and blatant lack of regard for personal safety. 

It’d been less than twenty minutes since he’d said good night to Mrs. Everett and left the house, his drive quiet and unremarkable as he navigated his way through the still heavy though greatly reduced thunder and rain. After the shitstorm of a day he’d just had, Tora was perfectly fine with zero excitement. 

Hell, he’d be more than happy with things staying completely uneventful and boring for the next year. 

He let out a grateful huff at the sight of the mostly empty parking ramp, only a small handful of cars scattered throughout the first level. 

In under two minutes, Tora found a parking spot right by the door, grabbed all the stuff he’d brought along, and was briskly striding towards the hospital entrance. His steps only faltered when he realized he didn’t know where to go after he got inside. He assumed his wife was in a waiting room somewhere, but there was definitely more than one of those in a place this big. He had no fuckin’ clue where to find Poppy in the large, sprawling complex, remembering he needed to text her that he was there anyways. 

Tora paused to pull out his phone, shooting off a quick text one handed, _Just got here sweetheart. Where you at?_

He kept his phone out as he started walking again, making his way down the long connecting hallway from the parking ramp to the main hospital building. Like hell he was going to miss a single message from his wife again tonight, even if it meant both his hands were full. 

Tora generally preferred to keep one hand free, his years of needing to defend himself at the drop of a hat still hard to shake. 

_There’s nothing to fight right now but bad memories and old fears,_ he reminded himself. _Worry about all that fuckin’ bullshit baggage another damn day._

A few minutes later, Tora was both annoyed and grateful to find himself stopped at a security station before he could enter the hospital. Annoyed, because it was yet another delay to finally getting to his wife. But the gratitude was from seeing that there was decent enough security in place. One less thing to worry about while his daughter was here, however long that would be. 

Tora almost growled when the guard told him it was past visiting hours. 

“Not here to visit a patient. My wife’s sitting by herself waiting for me,” he said, biting back a few choice words as he did his best not to snap at the security guard. Who was just doing his damn job, Tora reminded himself. “Our daughter was brought here for emergency surgery a few hours ago. They’re not sure when she’s gonna be done, so we might just be sitting in a waiting room the rest of the night.”

The guard winced in sympathy as he checked Tora’s license. “Sorry to hear that, Mr. Wilkes,” the stocky, gray haired man said kindly, handing back the license along with a temporary access pass. “Once you know how long your daughter will be staying for, make sure you and your wife get your parental visiting badges. You’ll be able to come in any time, night or day, with those. And if your girl is here for more than two weeks, we have free parking passes available for long term stays.”

Tora nodded and grunted his thanks as he headed into the hospital. While he fervently wished Lily would be home in less than two weeks, he also had enough experience with severe injuries to know his daughter was going to be laid up for a good long while. Multiple broken bones were nothing to sneeze at. Especially cracked ribs.

Tora grimaced at that thought. He’d dealt with enough broken ribs over the years to know how grueling that healing process was. Even bruised ribs hurt like an absolute bitch every time you took a decent breath. Now that he thought of it, he’d actually been right around Lily’s age the first time he’d experienced that particular agony. Tora’s heart ached as he envisioned his wounded little girl struggling to breathe through that level of pain. 

At least his daughter would be able to rest in comfort and safety, and he would make damn sure she got as much pain meds as she needed the entire fuckin’ time she was healing. But shit, it still was going to be awful for her...and for him to have to watch her go through that.

Tora blew out a weary sigh as he reached the two story lobby, the only sound greeting him the gentle babble of a small waterfall flowing down from the second floor above him into a pool on his right. Large colorful artwork dotted the walls, and a huge mural of flowers spread up the wall next to the waterfall with real plants interspersed throughout it. The lobby almost felt like a greenhouse, there were plants everywhere Tora looked, including a large tropical plant in full bloom that he knew his wife would love. 

His brows knit together a moment later as he glanced down at his phone. Poppy hadn’t responded back to his text yet, or even read it for that matter. 

She’d sounded absolutely exhausted on the phone half an hour ago. Maybe she’d fallen asleep after they hung up? She’d been so damned worried about him for most of the night, and the overwhelming relief in her voice had been palpable while they’d been talking. Tora could attest that a surge of reassurance and comfort was a powerful relaxant, his immediate collapse into slumber a couple hours ago with Joey curled up on him testament to that. 

And it was midnight - on a normal day, he and Poppy would have already been in bed for a while at this point. No more late night dates starting at 10pm for them these days. So he wasn’t surprised in the slightest that his wife might’ve completely sacked out, especially if she was somewhere quiet and comfortable, soothed by the knowledge that he was on his way to her.

If Poppy was sleeping, Tora hated to startle her awake with the harsh blare of a ringing phone. He wanted her to stay relaxed and not suddenly pull her from what little sleep she’d get today. They were both going to need all the rest they could get in the coming days to recover and get their feet back under them after all the turmoil of the last few days, and especially from everything that had happened tonight. 

Tora slid his phone back into his pocket and took a sip from the thermos he was carrying as he scanned the area to figure out where to go next. At this time of night, the place was practically deserted. Poppy had far more experience navigating hospitals than he did. He’d really only spent time in them for the birth of his kids, and those were always such brief stays. 

Tora’s single extended hospital experience as a patient was mostly an indistinct blur for him, since he’d been pretty drugged up due to the pain of his substantial and almost fatal injury. On top of that, they’d had to keep him heavily sedated since he kept attempting to rip his IV out and throw punches whenever he woke up even a tiny bit. And anytime his brain was aware that Poppy wasn’t sitting next to him, he’d apparently get very agitated and thrash around, threatening to rip open the stitches and staples wrapping around his side. 

His wife didn’t like talking about that time, since she remembered everything that’d happened far too clearly. But over the years she’d mentioned that if she hadn’t been so scared out of her mind for him, she would have been somewhat amused at how terrible of a patient Tora was. Even half dead and completely out of it, he would not submit to anyone except his bossy little hamster. She’d held his hand and talked herself hoarse more than once trying to keep him calm during those long weeks when he’d drifted in an incoherent haze of darkness and pain. 

A phantom ache twinged through his scar for a moment, and Tora suddenly realized he was unconsciously holding his right side over that old injury. He immediately dropped his hand and huffed out an annoyed breath. 

Why the hell was he thinking about that right now? He needed to focus on Lily and her recovery, make sure Poppy didn’t burn herself out trying to deal with all this, see to Joey and Violet’s care at home, and whatever the hell else came up. Not navel gaze about old shit and long since healed knife wounds. 

Tora zeroed in on the one other person he could see and strode over to where the woman was sitting behind the information desk by the elevators. She glanced up at his approach and sat up a little straighter as she took him in. 

_For the love of fuck, please don’t hit on me right now,_ Tora grumpily thought, trying to not glare at the dark haired woman as he made his way over. 

Before he could open his mouth, she gave him a soft smile and quietly said, “Long night?”

Tora wearily sighed, “You have no fuckin’ idea.”

“Can I help direct you somewhere?” she asked. He was grateful to realize she was merely paying attention to the obviously clueless, exhausted man standing in front of her and not checking him out. 

“Yeah, I’m trying to find my wife, Poppylan Wilkes. She’s waiting for our daughter, Lily, to get out of emergency surgery right now,” Tora told her. “But she’s not answering her phone, and I think she might've fallen asleep since it’s been almost three hours since they took our girl into surgery. Just trying to figure out which waiting area she might be in?” His voice caught the tiniest bit as Tora felt the realization of just how long his daughter had been getting worked on.

“One moment, and I’ll check for you,” the woman said, looking at his visitor pass and then down at her computer screen as she typed in a few things. “Lily Wilkes, you said?”

Tora nodded, his heart climbing up his throat as she clicked around and then scanned the screen intently.

The woman glanced back up at him after a couple moments, sympathy in her gaze. “Looks like she’s still listed as being in surgery,” she told him gently, and Tora held back a frustrated groan. Christ, how much longer was it going to take?! 

The woman continued, “Your wife is most likely in the surgical waiting area up on the second floor.” She pointed up and to Tora’s left, indicating the area above them that was open to the lobby. “Take the elevator up and then turn right. You’ll see the sign for surgery, and there should be someone up at the desk who can help you, if you don’t see your wife anywhere. Sometimes people like to walk while they wait, and cell reception can be a bit spotty further back in the building away from any windows.”

Tora thanked her as he readjusted the duffel bag slung across his back and then headed into the elevator. 

Once upstairs, he quickly found the deserted waiting area, his wife nowhere in sight. 

He highly doubted she’d decided to just randomly wander off after their phone call, so he made a quick beeline to the help desk and the young man sitting there. The attendant confirmed that Lily was still listed as in surgery and then pointed out the room Poppy had claimed just over an hour ago. 

Tora shot him a quick, “Thanks for your help,” over his shoulder, already moving before the man had even finished his sentence. 

Tora carefully opened the door, and felt his whole body immediately relax as he took in the sight of his tiny wife slumped over in a recliner, sound asleep and softly snoring. The chair was in the upright position, which told him she hadn’t intended to drift off. Poppy was leaned over to one side, her head resting on her crossed arms on one of the chair arms, her purple rain jacket draped over her legs with her purse tucked next to her thigh. 

The exhaustion Tora saw etched on her face was a good reflection of his own. 

He softly shut the door behind him and silently set his bags and thermos on a table near his sleeping wife.

A moment later, Tora was kneeling down next to her, instinctively reaching out to caress her head as he settled on the carpeted floor. Poppy sighed blissfully at his touch, even in her sleep reacting happily to his presence. 

He leaned his head on the chair arm next to her, just drinking in the sight of her as he tenderly traced his fingers over the side of her face. He ran a finger gently down her nose, and she scrunched up her face so adorably he just had to do it again. She wiggled her nose and made the cutest little grumpy sound, shifting in the chair as she stirred. 

Tora couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face. God, he would _never_ get tired of this angel of a woman, of looking at her, touching her. Not in a million years. He was one lucky bastard - still amazed, even after all these years together, that she’d claimed him as her own.

Poppy leaned into his touch with a happy sigh as he slid his fingers into her hair. Her eyes slowly fluttered open as he lightly massaged his fingertips across her scalp.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Tora whispered as he stroked her head again. “Told you I’d be here as soon as I could.”

“...Tora?” Poppy mumbled blearily, confusedly blinking at him for a couple groggy moments, obviously still more asleep than awake. He watched her beautiful brown eyes snap into focus and lock onto his face, first going wide with surprise and then almost instantly brimming with tears. A second later, she was scrambling out of the chair, her purse and something square and plastic clattering to the floor as she threw herself into his embrace and cried, “Tora!”

He wrapped his arms around Poppy as she tucked her head under his chin and sobbed, clearly letting loose all the emotions she’d been holding back while she’d been waiting alone. Tora held onto her just as tightly as she was clinging onto him. 

Oh fuck, had he needed this all damn day. Hell if he was letting her go anytime soon.

Tora couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his own eyes as his world finally shifted back into wholeness now that he had his wife safe and sound in his arms again. The ice inside him from earlier was completely gone, the familiar comforting weight of his Bobby leaning into him exactly the steadying reassurance his heart needed right now.

Tora pressed his lips into the top of Poppy’s head as she cried, making soothing sounds as he lightly ran his hands over her, instinctively checking her for any signs of injury. Something settled down more inside him as he confirmed she was unharmed. Her skin felt a bit cool to his touch, but other than that, she was fine. Just exhausted and stressed and coming off a shitty, terrifying night. 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay, Bobby. Sorry I left you waiting so long like that earlier. But I’m here, and I’m not gonna let you go. You don’t hafta deal with this on your own anymore. I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured to her, stroking her back, her arms, her hair, her face. Carefully wiping away her tears with his thumb. 

She buried her face in his chest and flung her arms around him, pulling him tightly against her, her whole body shuddering as she wept. Tora could only imagine what had been running through his wife’s mind over the last several hours. Tonight had obviously brought up a lot of bad memories and old fears for both of them.

He curled himself around Poppy, pulling her in as close as he could. Trying to communicate with his touch all his worry and concern, his unwavering love, his appreciation for her and for everything she’d done for him that night, his desire to be nowhere else but right there with her. 

Tora would sit here and hold her as long as she needed him to.

++++

They sat in silence together for a while, neither of them in any hurry to let go. Tora just held her and let Poppy ride out her tears until she’d settled down to hiccuping little shaky gasps. She had needed this, needed him here with her, desperately needed to have him safe in her arms again for her world to feel right and whole once more. 

Her husband’s warm, comforting presence wrapped around her heart, settling something dark and wild within her that had stirred to life the moment she’d watched him sprint out into the storm to find their daughter. 

Poppy took a long, steadying breath and wiped at her eyes. Tora loosened his hold on her to reach over and pull a duffel bag off a side table down to the floor next to them. He zipped it open and pulled out a small box of kleenex, causing her to shakily giggle as she took one for her runny nose.

Of course he’d actually brought her some tissues, even though she’d been mostly joking about it. He was just so genuinely considerate and thoughtful like that. 

Poppy turned to the side to blow her nose a couple times and then used another tissue to clean off her face. Tora just continued to hold her gently, resting one hand on her hip and the other on her opposite knee once she'd rearranged herself to sit sideways across his lap. 

She leaned her head against his chest, and he immediately slid a hand up to her shoulder as he pressed his lips on the crown of her head again. Poppy listened to the comforting steady rhythm of his heart beating under her ear. Each quiet _bathump_ a reminder that her husband was okay, that he was safe, that he’d made it through the night and gotten back to her unscathed. Well...physically at least. She knew this day was going to haunt them both for a while.

It felt like they’d come within a hair’s breadth of losing their daughter tonight. But they _hadn’t,_ Poppy firmly reminded herself, trying to stave off a fresh round of tears. Lily was badly hurt, yes, but she was alive and would recover eventually. It’d probably take their hearts far longer to heal from all this than the time their little girl’s broken bones would need to mend. 

“Sorry I’m such a mess. I was just _so worried_ about you earlier,” Poppy finally sniffled, rubbing at her eyes vigorously. “And seeing Lily like…. _that_ was...absolutely awful. None of the kids have ever needed to go to the hospital before, but I didn’t think it’d affect me _this_ badly. Tonight’s been...a lot to deal with, you know?”

Tora squeezed her reassuringly in response. “‘S okay, sweetheart. Cry as much as ya want. We’ve had one fuckin’ hell of a day,” he murmured into her hair. “I’d be more worried if ya _didn’t_ have a good cry after dealing with that much shit.”

Poppy leaned back to search her husband’s face as he gazed down at her. His expression was full of love and concern, even though it was evident how utterly tapped out he was right now. She always knew when he was really tired or worked up, because his old speech patterns crept back into his voice. And right now, Tora was skating right on the edge of empty - she could readily see his bone weary exhaustion in his slumped shoulders, the grey pallor around his eyes, the little pinched lines between his eyebrows. 

Poppy shifted around and rose to her knees so they were eye to eye, Tora’s hands coming to rest on her hips as she reached up and held his face with both hands. She looked him over intently and then met his soulful gaze straight on, not surprised to find his eyes were a little watery too. 

“You’re _sure_ you’re okay?” Poppy asked plaintively, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. A moment later, she narrowed her eyes at him. “And don’t try to tell me you’re fine and nothing hurts, because I know that’s a bunch of bullshit, mister,” she said sternly, squeezing his face to emphasize her point. 

She leaned in so close their noses were almost touching, silently daring him to just try and lie about his current condition. Not that her husband had ever made a habit of lying to her - they both knew she’d see right through him in an instant if he tried to fudge the truth. 

The corners of Tora’s eyes crinkled up just a bit in amusement, a spark of humor dancing in his weary eyes in response to the steely squint Poppy currently had leveled at him. He gently covered one of her hands with his, sliding her palm over to his mouth to tenderly kiss it, never breaking his golden eyes away from her gaze.

“I’ll be honest, sweetheart, my back hurts, and the rest of my body isn’t too happy with me right now either,” Tora said as he took her hand from his mouth and then brushed his lips over each knuckle. “That catnap with Joey helped take the edge off so I’m not completely dead on my feet anymore. But I’m still fuckin’ exhausted, and feel like I could sleep for a solid week. But other than that, I’m okay. _Really.”_

Poppy would've loved nothing more than to just take her husband home and tuck him into bed with strict orders not to move until the following day. Curling up with him in their comfy, cozy bed sounded amazing right about now. 

But they were here instead, and she knew neither of them would willingly leave anytime soon, no matter how exhausted they were. As Tora would say, she was staying right the fuck here. No way was she leaving their daughter alone at the hospital tonight. 

“Anything I can do to help right now?” Poppy asked, sliding her hands down to Tora’s shoulders as she leaned her forehead against his. "Do you want to put your feet up for a bit?" she suggested, gesturing to the recliner she’d been napping in.

Her husband shook his head. “Would love to, Bobby, but if I lay down again, yer gonna have to find somebody to pry me off the floor, because I won’t be getting up anytime soon by myself,” he told her in all seriousness. “Soon as I go horizontal, pretty sure I’m gonna be out for the rest of the night.”

His point was made a moment later when he leaned his head back and yawned so widely his jaw popped. Poppy giggled when she couldn’t help her own big yawn immediately after his. 

She put a hand over Tora’s mouth as she said, “Oh no, don’t start that! We’re just going to pass the same yawn back and forth.”

“If I keep sitting on this damn fluffy floor, it’s just gonna get worse. I’m gonna knock out real soon, sweetheart. Even sitting up,” he muttered around her fingers. “As much as I don’t wanna move, we should probably get up and sit somewhere a little less comfy, unless ya want me snoozing on ya in a few minutes.”

Poppy sighed resignedly and nodded in agreement at him. She could feel sleep tugging at her as well the longer she sat in the dim, cozy room cuddled up with her husband. He just felt so good, so warm, so _safe._ Like all her old fears and dark memories couldn’t touch her while his arms were wrapped so protectively around her. The temptation to just stay there all nuzzled up with Tora was very hard to resist.

“Yeah, you’re right. If you fall asleep on me, I’d probably be out pretty quick too,” Poppy said with a little smile as she brushed some hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. “It’s like snuggling with the world’s biggest, comfiest teddy bear.”

“Oh come on, I’m not _that_ cuddly,” he grumbled, a slight blush dusting his cheeks at her description.

Poppy grinned and patted his arm. “Yes, you are, and you know it,” she said, leaning in to give him a gentle peck on the lips. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she murmured as she pulled her mouth away from his a moment later and gave his nose a light kiss. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, kid,” her husband mumbled with a silly little smirk on his face. “Let’s get a move on before your big ol’ teddy bear falls asleep then.”

“Just a sec,” Poppy said, holding onto Tora’s shoulders and stopping him from moving away from her. He raised an eyebrow and looked at her with confusion, his silent question clear. “I need to give something back to you first. From earlier,” she said. “It’s important, and I don’t want you to think I forgot about it.”

“Okay?” he said, looking very bewildered. 

Poppy gently cupped Tora’s face with her hands as she gazed into his eyes for a moment. Then she leaned in and gave him a long, slow, deep kiss. For a moment, her husband was still puzzled and then his eyes went soft as the realization dawned what she’d been referring to. He closed his eyes and hummed with contentment, one hand coming up to hold the back of her head, the other pressing on her upper back to pull her closer to him. 

Right before he’d run out into the storm earlier that night, he’d kissed Poppy for no more than a couple breaths. It’d been so brief, but she’d felt everything Tora had poured into it. He’d told her how much he treasured her and their kids, that he would do absolutely everything in his power to find their daughter and bring her back home. How much he trusted her to protect their other kids, that he valued her strength to handle things on her own. 

It’d also been a silent request for her to trust him in return, to be strong and brave in his absence, to do what needed to be done to safeguard their family. To hold onto all the tender and soft aspects of himself as he temporarily set those aside to draw on that skillset Poppy knew he still hated was part of who he was. To remind her husband of who he was when he got back to her side.

And that’s exactly what she was doing now: wordlessly pouring all of that back into him, when he needed the reminder most. Words weren’t enough to express how much she treasured every part of him. She felt him relax and melt into her as she gave him all her love and affection, her deep gratitude for who he was, her appreciation for everything he’d done for their family that night. 

Poppy let go of Tora’s face as their kiss deepened, gently sliding her hands around to the back of his neck, one hand pressing on his upper back and the other holding the back of his head. 

Her husband sighed and relaxed into her kiss even more, squeezing her gratefully as he accepted her outpouring of devotion, silently thanking her back for all she’d done for him, everything she’d given him that day. 

Their lips stayed together for several more long moments, Poppy only breaking the kiss when she felt the muscles in Tora’s back start to quiver as she leaned into him more. She gave him one more squeeze and then let go of him as she settled her weight back on her heels.

“I love you,” Tora murmured, his eyes liquid gold as he held her gaze and gave a contented sigh.

“I love you too,” Poppy told him and then started to gather her scattered things off the floor.

Tora sat there for another moment, just looking at her gratefully with a tired, happy smile until his eyes caught on the coaster sized plastic square Poppy was reaching for.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“A pager. It’ll light up and vibrate once the surgeon working on Lily is done and ready to talk to us. It’ll still work no matter where we are in the hospital,” Poppy said as she handed it over to Tora to look at. “You want to keep it in your pocket? It doesn’t really fit in my shorts’ pockets all that well, and I was worried if I stuck it in my purse, I wouldn’t feel it when it goes off.”

Tora nodded and slipped it into his hoodie pocket, and then carefully gathered his legs under him. He grunted as he slowly pushed himself back to standing, leaning on Poppy’s offered shoulder to steady himself for a moment. 

“So where you wanna go sit? Back out in the waiting area?” he asked as he picked up the two bags he’d brought, handing her the thermos of tea he’d made for her. 

Poppy shook her head. “No, I don’t really want to spend anymore time there if I don’t have to tonight. It was driving me kinda stir crazy before I came in here actually. Even with all the pretty art, the walls just start feeling like they’re closing in after a while,” she said quietly. She took a grateful sip from the thermos, the heat of the tea warming her the whole way down once she swallowed. “Do you mind if we sit outside for a bit? I think there’s a big overhang above some benches right by the main door. It’d be nice to watch the rain and get some fresh air.”

“Sounds good to me. Just lead the way, Bobby,” Tora said, slipping his hand into hers as they stepped out of the room. 

Poppy briefly stopped at the help desk to explain they were heading downstairs for a bit, but would be back up as soon as the pager went off. 

Once they were downstairs in the lobby, she realized she hadn’t even noticed all of the plants earlier when Tora pointed out a large hibiscus tree with bright orange blossoms all over it. She’d been a bit distracted in her initial rush up to the surgical waiting area and then she’d been trying not to focus on all the dark thoughts whirling through her head after that. Poppy squeezed her husband’s hand a little tighter, immensely grateful that he’d been able to get to her before the following day. 

Tired though he was, just having Tora there with her made everything feel far less scary and much more manageable to deal with. She was very thankful she didn’t have to keep watch by herself all night.

As soon as they stepped outside, Poppy felt like she could breathe easier again. The cool air on her face and the sound of the heavy rain splattering against the ground felt far more peaceful than the deathly quiet waiting area. 

Tora pulled out her favorite throw blanket from the duffel bag and wrapped it around her before scooping her into his lap. Poppy protested for a moment about his back, but her husband just leveled a mulish look at her that said he didn’t give a fig about his back, he wanted to hold her and wasn’t going to budge on it. Poppy threw up her hands with a huff and let him pull her close. And he said _she_ was pigheaded and bossy.

They sat and listened to the rain for a few minutes, passing the tea back and forth in companionable silence. When Poppy’s stomach gurgled loudly, Tora smirked and rifled through the lunch bag he’d brought. 

“Real food first, miss sugar addict,” he said in the voice he used to tell their kids to eat their vegetables, handing over a cheese stick, a small snack size bag of baby carrots, and a little sandwich baggie of his homemade trail mix. 

“Yes, _dad,”_ Poppy grumbled with feigned annoyance as she threw back a handful of the mixed nuts and seeds. It was actually pretty good, even without M&Ms, though she would never admit that to her husband. 

Even though she’d had a good dinner, that had been 7 hours ago, and Poppy suddenly realized how famished she was. She quickly polished off everything, prompting Tora to hand her a protein bar, a banana, and a pack of peanut butter crackers. 

He helped himself to a few things as well, and they ate mostly in silence, the sound of the quieting storm a pleasant backdrop for their late night snack. Once they finished off the tea, Tora pulled out a bottle of water, insisting Poppy drink at least half of it before they went back inside. 

Only once she’d eaten enough “real food” to his satisfaction did her husband hand over a small box of strawberry flavored Pocky. He snagged one and munched on it with a thoughtful expression.

“Still prefer the real thing,” he said after he swallowed it down. “I don’t know how you like this stuff so much.”

Poppy opened her mouth to tease him when they both jumped as a loud _BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ_ emanated from Tora’s hoodie pocket. 

He had it out in an instant, the little translucent square vibrating as multiple green lights flashed inside it. They locked eyes for a second and then sprang into action, immediately gathering their things in strained silence. 

Tora grabbed her hand tightly, and Poppy’s heart jumped into her throat as they hurried back inside. Their momentary respite was over - it was time to find out how their daughter was doing.


	33. The Darkness Fades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \--please note, Lily's injuries are described in a lot of detail at the beginning of this chapter--  
> Song suggestions: Breathe by Fleurie https://youtu.be/JQVop3-OOXc and for when they step into Lily’s room, Many Are The Stars I See by Ursine Vulpine https://youtu.be/ZFCJp37-GBE  
> This day, you guys. This long ass, terrible day is finally coming to a close with this chapter. We started with Tora and we end with Tora as he has his family all safe and accounted for.  
> This chapter also hits another cool milestone - this story has now ticked over to 100K words! I've written a whole ass novel now! That's pretty stinkin' cool! I have no idea how much longer this story will be, but I know where it'll end. I hope you continue to enjoy the ride as we head to a happy conclusion.... eventually.  
> As always, my deep gratitude to peanutbutterandchelly and FawkesFire13 for their support, insight, and beta reading. You guys help make this story so much richer!

Poppy’s face was pale, and Tora squeezed her hand as reassuringly as he could while the surgeon went over their daughter’s numerous injuries and recapped what the surgical team had accomplished over the last few hours. 

The tired eyed doctor explained he and his team had actually finished working on Lily over half an hour ago, but had kept her in the recovery area until just a few minutes prior to make sure she was breathing alright on her own. She was being settled into her room at that very moment, and Tora had to suppress the urge to tear out of the tiny, suffocating consultation room they were currently sitting in and race to his daughter’s side. 

He felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes and closed them for a moment, reflexively drawing an impassive expression protectively over his face as the doctor continued to describe all the trauma his little girl’s body had endured that night. He would _not_ cry. Not yet. 

The lanky, silver haired man in green scrubs and a white lab coat sitting in front of them placidly confirmed that their daughter did in fact have a couple cracked ribs on her right side and a hairline fracture in her lower left leg. He noted that since they weren’t full on breaks, the healing process would be quicker for those particular injuries. 

Tora was not going to tell his wife that it didn’t matter whether ribs were broken or cracked, it hurt just about the same - which was a hell of a lot - to breathe. He wasn’t going to add any more stress or worry to the heavy load she’d been carrying tonight; Poppy was already looking faint, her hand tightly clutching his as they sat and listened to the doctor. 

For the next several days in particular, Tora would be watching their daughter like a hawk to ensure she immediately got pain meds whenever she needed the relief. And as the surgeon went on, it gutted Tora to realize that their little girl’s two cracked ribs might not even register on her pain scale at first. There were unfortunately far more severe and painful injuries that would grab her attention once the anesthesia from the surgery fully wore off.

What had taken up most of the surgical team’s time and focus was carefully setting Lily’s shattered wrist, fractured forearm, and badly broken ankle. They’d needed to put temporary pins in her wrist and ankle since those breaks had been fairly complex, the bones requiring more fine tuned support and stabilization than a regular cast could provide to heal properly. The surgeon said the multiple fractures and their level of severity were strong indicators she’d taken the brunt of her fall on her right arm and leg. 

Lily had extensive bruising all down her right side, especially that shoulder, which Tora was relieved to learn _wasn’t_ broken. They were still going to be stabilizing her shoulder with a sling, since it’d been such a hard impact on that side of her body. 

Tora could all too easily envision the sequence of events that culminated with his daughter bloody and crying on the ground in pain: the embankment unexpectedly giving way beneath her feet, trying to catch herself as she dropped and tumbled out of control. Her face knocking against a rock on the way down. Instinctually throwing out her right arm and leg right before she landed; her ribs, shoulder, and then head thankfully not hitting the ground until a brief moment _after_ her wrist and ankle absorbed most of the impact.

He let go a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding when the surgeon informed them there was no internal bleeding or damage to Lily’s organs. Tora knew from personal experience that while multiple broken bones were a shitty and painful ordeal to recover from, internal injuries deep inside the body were a whole other level of hell to endure.

 _Thank fuck_ for small miracles. 

The good news continued, giving him and Poppy a moment to catch their breath. Tora felt something tight release in his chest when the surgeon told them that, even though she’d lost a decent amount of blood, Lily had only needed one blood transfusion while she was in surgery. 

Most of the girl’s scratches and cuts had been superficial and easily patched up. Thankfully, the surgical team hadn’t actually needed to sew up all that many of her lacerations, and there were just two of those that needed more than a few stitches. 

The only really severe gash had been the one that went from her right temple, over her eye (which, _thank god,_ had escaped any major damage) and down to her cheek, requiring a large amount of stitches. The surgeon apologetically said that although he’d dedicated extra time to sewing the wound around her eye back together as delicately as possible, their daughter would likely end up having a scar of some kind from such a deep and long cut. 

A fuckin’ blemish on her face was the least of Tora’s concerns at the moment, but he made a mental note to follow up with Quincey about it later. His best friend’s old scar was almost in the same place as Lily’s injury, and the stylish blonde knew every which way to both cover it up and emphasize it when he wanted to. Uncle Quincess would be more than happy to swoop in to offer his assistance and expertise on this matter, most likely spinning some inventive, suitably dramatic yarn to make his oldest niece feel instantly cool and badass for having a scar over her eye. Once Quincey worked his magic, Tora knew Lily would never feel so much as the slightest twinge of embarrassment or self-consciousness about walking around with a noticeable facial scar. 

Just the thought of the gregarious blonde man, wide eyed and gesturing animatedly, sending his nieces and nephew into fits of giggles with his over the top antics, made the corner of Tora’s mouth twitch up momentarily. Quincey loved those three just as passionately as Tora and Poppy did. While he always shrieked and loudly moaned at the kids all piling on at once and enthusiastically attacking him with hugs as soon as he stepped foot in their house, Uncle Quincess had been utterly crushed the one time they hadn’t stormed out to fervently tackle him when he’d come to visit. 

Any happy thoughts in Tora’s mind quickly dissipated as the surgeon soberly informed them that their daughter also had a concussion of unknown severity. The medical team wouldn’t know how bad it was until she regained consciousness and could submit to a more thorough cognitive test than the one that’d been administered to her by the paramedics. 

Tora felt Poppy’s hand trembling in his as they both reeled from the overwhelming deluge of information dumped on them about their little girl. He wanted to snarl at the doctor for being so blase’ in listing out their daughter’s many injuries. This was damage to _their child_ for fuck’s sake, not a goddamn grocery list! 

His wife had been right, it _was_ a lot. Just too fuckin’ much to take in and process at once. 

The surgeon regarded them with a knowing, sympathetic look, observing the grief, shock, and concern Tora knew was all too evident on both their faces.

“I know it might not feel like it right now, but your daughter was incredibly lucky today,” the older man told them gently. “You informed the paramedics that she’d fallen about twelve feet down a very steep incline onto soft soil near the river, correct?”

Tora nodded numbly. “Yeah, I wasn’t there for it, but think she - she got too close to the edge of the streambank, and it crumbled under her. Wasn’t a straight drop, I slid down it without too much trouble when I was out looking for her,” he said around the rising knot in his throat. “Thinking she rolled most of the way down and then landed pretty hard in the sand.”

The memory of the blood spattered ground flashed unbidden in his mind’s eye, and Tora quickly shoved the haunting image away. He was all too aware that it and other moments from tonight would show up in his nightmares soon enough. 

The surgeon nodded gravely as he flipped through Lily’s chart on the table in front of him. “If that had been a direct fall, Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes, we wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation right now,” he told them grimly, looking back up at them with a solemn gaze. “And if your daughter had landed on a less forgiving surface, I also highly doubt I would’ve ended up talking with you tonight.”

They both sat there in stunned silence for a few long seconds, their clasped hands the only thing keeping Tora grounded and in control. He rarely if ever felt tempted to lash out violently these days, but right now, he had the very strong urge to punch a hole straight through the wall.

Tora swallowed thickly and shot a glance over at his wife as she sucked in a sharp breath and clutched his hand, her fingernails digging into his skin. Her face blanched, and she looked faint as it fully sunk in what the surgeon meant.

“Are you - you’re saying Lily would have... _died?”_ Poppy weakly choked out. 

The surgeon pressed his lips into a thin line as he somberly nodded. “It’s not helpful to dwell on what-ifs in my line of work, but yes, I believe your daughter would not have fared so well if she had landed in any other way from that height,” he said with quiet conviction. “While she has extensive injuries, Lily is thankfully very much alive, and I have confidence she will make a full recovery eventually. Young children are incredibly resilient, and can heal from injuries of this level of severity far better than an adult could.”

The doctor tidily gathered the papers spread out in front of him and tucked them back into Lily’s chart. “Did you have any other questions for me?” he asked them as he tried to stifle a yawn. 

Tora looked over at Poppy to see her silently shaking her head. Her eyes were wide and full of a mix of emotions he couldn’t quite parse.

“Not anything we can think of at the moment,” Tora said as steadily as he could manage, returning his gaze to the surgeon. “Can - can we go up to her room now?” he asked around the large knot constricting his throat. 

_Please just stop talking, and let me go see my daughter already._

The surgeon handed them a set of papers and then directed them to head to the 7th floor and check in at the nurse station there. Poppy dully said she already knew the hall and room number, since she’d been up there earlier in the evening. A moment later she gathered herself together and briskly stood, reaching out to shake the surgeon’s hand as she thanked him for taking care of their daughter. She quickly folded up the papers and tucked them into her purse, turning to grab Tora’s hand again once he’d settled their bags back in his grip.

“Poppylan. Hey. You okay?” he quietly asked, tugging on her hand after she marched them over to the elevators and punched the button to go up.

His wife sucked in a deep breath and squared her shoulders, purposefully not looking at him. “I...don’t really know, Tora. Probably not, but I can’t focus on it right now, or I’m going to fall apart,” she said dispassionately. She stood there for a couple silent moments, and then Tora saw her shiver. “I just really need to see our girl,” she whispered, emotion flooding back into her voice as it cracked at the end of her sentence. 

Tora threw his arm around his wife and pulled her against his side. “Me too, sweetheart, me too,” he murmured back to her. 

The elevator dinged its arrival, and they kept their arms around each other as they stepped into it.

\----

A few minutes later, they were being ushered into their daughter’s darkened room by one of the night nurses. Since Poppy had come upstairs while Lily was in surgery and filled out all the paperwork, they didn’t need to do anything else besides check in at the nurse station and then follow a nurse dressed in scrubs emblazoned with colorful cartoon animals down the dimly lit hall to where their daughter was.

Tora was amused to note the woman, her dark brown hair swept up in a tidy bun with a glittery yellow scrunchy holding it in place, was the exact same height as his wife. The universe just seemed to love throwing sassy, big hearted, short ass women into his path right when he needed them most, and if the nurse was anything like Poppy, or even Alice for that matter, Lily would be in good hands under her care. 

They silently stepped into the room, the only light source a softly glowing moon shaped fixture on the wall right by the door. A curtain was drawn to block any light from shining onto the bed. The nurse, whose sticker emblazoned name tag said Christina A., quietly went over a few key pieces of information and then began to explain what the various softly whooshing machines were for.

As soon as she pulled the curtain aside however, Tora didn’t hear a single word the nurse said, his gaze immediately locking onto the outline of his unconscious, bandaged daughter laying far too still in her hospital bed.

He hadn’t seen Lily for hours now, and his heart felt like it was about to crack right down the middle as his eyes ever so slowly adapted to the dark room. His last clear sight of her, she’d been pale, dirty, and bloody as the paramedics took her from him and loaded her into the ambulance. 

It seemed like an eternity before his eyes finally adjusted, and he could at last see his daughter in any kind of detail. Tora felt all the air leave his lungs and then catch in his throat as he took in her wounded, prone state. His eyes automatically swept over her and compared every injury he could make out to what the surgeon had told them.

At first glance, Lily almost looked like she was just sleeping through another normal night, but the large amount of bandages and gauze all over her body instantly shattered that illusion. 

Her long black hair had been washed, still slightly damp, and carefully tucked back out of her face. Her bare head looked strangely forlorn without her beloved tiger hat firmly in place. 

All traces of mud and blood had been wiped from her skin. But she was still much too drawn and pale. The one uncovered eye had dark circles under it.

The right side of Lily’s face was mostly hidden under white gauze bandages. Both of her lower legs were wrapped in thick casts and propped up at different angles. Her right arm was thickly bandaged from her fingertips all the way up to her elbow, and had been set up in some kind of sling contraption so it could be bent across her torso without touching her ribs.

There were too many lines and cords snaking off her body, connecting her to the various machines on her right side, closest to the door. An IV pole was set up next to her bed with two full bags currently hanging on it.

Tora noted his daughter was dressed in a bright pink hospital gown with flowers and unicorns all over it that he immediately knew she would’ve had some very strong opinions about if she’d been awake. He could practically hear her protesting at being forced to wear something so “princessy.” It was far more her little sister’s style than the patterns and colors Lily gravitated towards. 

If Violet was their little fairy princess who loved glitter and sparkles, her big sister was the brave knight slaying dragons and seeking out adventure...who also liked sparkly things sometimes. But definitely not flowers and unicorns together.

Something settled heavy and tight in Tora’s chest, his heart clenching with a piercing ache. His daughter’s usual fire and vibrant energy was agonizingly absent. His normally spirited and assertive little tiger looked far too small. Too fragile. Too lifeless. 

Before he was even aware of what he was doing, Tora found himself on the far side of the bed brushing a finger over Lily’s left cheek for just a moment before he gingerly set just the tips of his fingers on the back of her left hand. He hadn’t even felt himself move, the need to be close to his girl completely overriding all of his senses, pushing any other thought from his head. 

Her hand was one of the few uninjured parts of her that he could immediately see and easily reach. Tora carefully avoided the IV line that threaded into her skin there and the chunky piece of plastic clipped onto her forefinger, a cord running from that to what looked like a vitals monitor. 

He ached to scoop her up into his arms and hold her like the baby she’d once been, nestle her right next to the heart she’d so easily captured all those years ago. All it’d taken was one look from those golden eyes squinting up at him, and he’d been a goner. It was only the second time in his whole life that Tora had instantly fallen in love at first sight, though in that instance he’d at least been slightly prepared for it to happen. 

He was distantly aware of Christina the nurse continuing to softly murmur information as he let both bags slide down his arm and then soundlessly set them on the floor. Tora reached back behind him without thinking to pull the extra wide, high backed chair sitting there closer to his daughter. He slowly sank down into it once he’d repositioned it right up next to her bed, his fingers never leaving Lily’s hand the entire time. 

Tora only tore his gaze away from his girl when he heard his wife panickedly gasp out, “Why is she on oxygen?!”

He assumed she was referring to the clear thin tubing that ran right under their daughter’s nose that he could hear a faint hissing coming from. He wasn’t sure why that had Poppy so scared and worked up. Her eyes were wide and fearful as her gaze locked anxiously onto their daughter.

“It’s just standard procedure for patients coming out of long surgeries,” the nurse whispered placatingly. “And since Lily has a couple cracked ribs, we want to make sure she’s getting enough oxygen if she starts to breathe too shallowly tonight.”

“Should we be worried about her being in pain or waking up soon?” Tora softly asked, finally finding his voice. 

Christina shook her head as she started typing on the computer and then checked over the machines next to Lily’s bed. “She’ll be out through the rest of the night for sure, and probably not conscious in any kind of capacity until late tomorrow afternoon at the very earliest. They gave her nerve blocks for her arm and leg during surgery, and those won’t fully wear off for at least a day. And for any other pain, we’ve already got this going too,” the nurse said as she pointed to one of the IV bags.

“We’ve done everything we can on our end for now. At this point, our main priority is to make sure Lily is as comfortable and relaxed as possible to help her body start the healing process. She just needs to rest as much as she can over the next several days. We’ll be keeping her pretty sedated so she doesn’t move too much for this first week,” Christina told them as she checked the girl’s vitals and entered the information into the computer.

Poppy sucked in a harsh breath and bit down on her lip at the nurse’s words. Her hands were gripping her purse strap so tightly, Tora could see her knuckles turning white from across the room. He could easily guess how much his wife’s big, compassionate heart must be hurting right now - his own chest felt too full and tight.

“Do you two need anything else before I head out?” the nurse asked them once she’d closed out of the computer and dimmed the screen. 

Tora glanced over at his oddly silent wife who was gazing at their daughter with a thousand-yard stare. 

“Sweetheart? Got anything ya want to ask?” he asked her after she didn’t acknowledge the nurse's question.

Poppy blinked a few times and then absently shook her head after a moment. 

“Alright, I’ll leave you to get settled then. There’s a foldout bed by the window, and the chair you’re sitting in is a recliner, if you want to stay by the bed tonight,” Christina told them, walking over to demonstrate how to flip the bed out.

“If you need any immediate help, just press the call button on the bed here,” the nurse said, pointing to a red button on the headboard. “If you have any other questions or concerns, don’t hesitate to come down to the nurse station, okay?”

Poppy nodded stiffly at the nurse while Tora said a quiet thank you, and then Christina slipped out into the hall, leaving them alone in the dark with their daughter.

His wife stood there for another long moment before she finally dragged her eyes off Lily, her gaze connecting with Tora’s. He gave her as much of a smile as he could muster at the moment, which was admittedly small and pinched. Her eyes were...filled to the brim, and not just with a thick film of tears. Even in the mostly dark room, Tora could make out her overwhelming fear and worry. 

“Hey, c’mere,” Tora murmured, extending his free hand out towards her. He wanted to get up and wrap his wife in a tight hug, but his legs were officially done for the night, refusing to budge from the comfy chair he was perched in.

Thankfully, Poppy seemed to want to be as close to him as he needed to be to her, and practically ran over to fling her arms around his neck. Tora brought both hands up and pulled her against him as she buried her face into his shoulder. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Bobby. We’re gonna get through this together,” he murmured to her, feeling his voice start to slur with the weight of the exhaustion crashing down hard on him. “Not gonna lie, it’s a fuck ton of shit we got dropped on us today, but I’m gonna be right the hell here for ya the entire damn time, ya know that right?”

Poppy silently nodded, not moving her head from his shoulder as she leaned hard into him for a few moments. She patted his arms and let go once Tora felt a muscle spasm shiver across his shoulders. 

“You okay?” she asked him as she stood up again, her hands on his shoulders, her gaze intently searching his face. 

“Mmhmm,” Tora grunted as he nodded, fighting to keep his eyelids from slamming shut on him. “Just real fuckin’ close to falling asleep, sweetheart. Soon as I lean back in this thing, I’m out.” He reached down with one hand to pull off his shoes, while he kept the other on Poppy’s hip. Shoes off and set to the side, Tora nudged the duffel bag towards Poppy.

“If ya want to change, ya pjs and shit’s in there,” he mumbled, letting go a huge yawn that made his jaw crack. 

Poppy gave a short quiet giggle. “Okay, I’m going to go change ‘and shit.’ I’ll sleep on the bed so you can stretch out,” she said as she leaned down to grab the bag.

Tora’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist of its own volition before she could lift the bag off the floor. His eyes snapped open as he glared at his wife. “Fuck no! This chair’s easily big enough for both of us. Wantcha close,” he said, practically growling. “Uh...if ya don’t mind,” he said a second later once his brain caught up with his mouth. 

Poppy gave him a full genuine smile, her eyes soft as she glanced up at him. “I was hoping you would say that,” she murmured gratefully. 

“Then why didn’t ya just fuckin’ say that in the first place?” Tora grumbled as he released her wrist and pulled out the throw blanket from the duffel bag. Poppy took it from him and flicked it out before gesturing for Tora to recline the chair back.

“Because I didn’t want to make your back any worse if me cuddling up to you was going to set it off more,” she said as she draped the blanket over Tora once he’d settled back into the reclined chair. It didn’t quite cover his toes, but he really could have cared less at this point. He ran hot anyways - the blanket was for her.

Tora narrowed his eyes at his wife. “Don’t give a shit ‘bout that, Bobby. Just need to have ya right here,” he mumbled as he patted the open space to his left.

Poppy smiled at him again, “Okay, mister I’m-totally-not-a-big-teddy-bear. I’ll be back out in a few minutes, okay?” she told him as she walked into the bathroom across the room from Lily’s bed. 

Tora grunted affirmatively, sleep rapidly overtaking him. He blearily reached over to the right and carefully slipped his hand underneath Lily’s, her tiny hand barely filling his upturned palm. He loosely curled the tips of his fingers up to rest against the edge of her thumb and forefinger. 

He felt like he’d only blinked, but his wife was suddenly there crawling in next to him, her hair down and out of its ponytail, face freshly washed, changed into her pjs and fuzzy socks. His left arm automatically wrapped around her once she settled in and curled up against his side, her head resting on his chest. Tora managed to tug the blanket down to cover her back before his body went completely boneless. 

His only remaining coherent thoughts were for his family. Lily was hurt, yes, but she was right here, her hand in his, safe from any further harm. Poppy was safe, cuddled up in his arms. Violet and Joey were safe and sound at home, being watched over by their neighbor.

He’d seen to all of them tonight, made sure they were all okay. He could _finally_ rest. 

Tora’s last thought before he let the comforting dark nothingness of sleep take him was a deep, aching relief that his family was safe. That was all that mattered.


	34. Overwhelmed And Overcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy has a rough night while Tora sleeps. The past comes back in full force to haunt her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song suggestions: Parhelion by Ursine Vulpine https://youtu.be/ZZnHXKtJoWc and Slowly We Fell into Slumber and I Held You Until the End of Time by Ursine Vulpine https://youtu.be/8qTs3wgESjY  
> This is yet again my longest update at just shy of 8400 words. I don't know where this all comes from sometimes, it just pours out of me.  
> Thank you as always to peanutbutterandchelly and FawkesFire13 for beta reading and helping make this story so much richer and deeper.

Poppy’s eyes snapped open, her heart beating a jittery staccato rhythm in her throat. 

For a brief moment, she didn’t know where she was, utterly confused as to why she wasn’t home in bed. The dark room she found herself in was cold and unfamiliar. 

No. Not unfamiliar. The smell hit her first, followed by the soft _hiss hiss_ of someone breathing on oxygen, and Poppy’s mouth instantly went dry, her heart freezing to ice inside her chest. 

_No. Oh no. No, no, no,_ _not back here! Please, anywhere but here,_ a forlorn voice wailed from deep within her with frantic desperation. 

She knew this place, this old nightmare filled with sick and wounded ghosts crying out her name in the desolate night. The terror, helplessness, and fear pouring out of her in an endless river of tears. Her weary heart left hanging limp in shreds like a tattered, unraveling flag. And at the end of it, a vast yawning emptiness gaping open within her. 

Oh god, why was she back here?!

Poppy involuntarily tensed and sucked in a sharp breath before the thick fog of sleep finally rolled away enough for her to remember where and when she was. 

Children’s. They were at Children’s Hospital right now. 

She was here for Lily. Her baby girl lying broken and battered next to her. Badly hurt, undeniably so, but _alive._

And Tora was here for them both. Completely spent, he’d dug deep that night to draw on every last scrap of strength he had within him. But he was _safe,_ sleeping soundly right beside her. 

_It’s okay. They’re all okay, Pops,_ she reassured herself, trying to rein in her racing heart. _Different time, different place. Nobody’s coding on you tonight here._

Her head on Tora’s chest rode the gentle rise and fall of his relaxed, steady breath, his sleep heavy and undisturbed. Her husband’s heart beat under her ear with a languid, soothing tempo. His left arm was draped loose and warm around her, better comfort than any blanket could provide. His large, strong hand rested on her hip, his fingers tucked into the waistband of her favorite pajama pants. 

She shot a quick glance over at Lily, her daughter motionless and silent save for the faint hissing of the oxygen entering her nose as she breathed in. Poppy immediately zeroed in on the girl’s vitals monitor, which was thankfully turned towards the bed, the information on the screen easily read. She’d spent enough hours...days...weeks staring at those constantly updating blips of numbers to know when something was wrong.

A moment later, Poppy let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

Fine. Her girl was fine. All the numbers were okay. She watched the green line of Lily’s heart rate travel up and down the screen at an unhurried, stable pace.

Nothing was wrong, everything was calm. 

So why was she wide awake?

Poppy quickly swept her gaze around the room, her mind scrambling to figure out what had roused her from such a sound slumber. Tucked up against the familiar wall of cozy warmth and grounding comfort that was her husband, she should have easily slept through the whole night without waking.

The clock on the wall, its second hand silently spinning a sedate circle, showed it was just a couple minutes after 3AM.

There. A soft knock on the door. Poppy realized that was what had startled her awake so abruptly just a few moments ago. 

She heard the door quietly click open, followed by light, faintly squeaky footsteps padding into the room. 

“Hey, it’s Christina, the nurse from earlier, coming in to check on Lily. Just doing our mid-shift rounds right now,” the now recognizable voice murmured, her words just loud enough to be heard over the rhythmic hum and whoosh of the machines running near the girl’s bed. 

Poppy eagerly grabbed onto the welcome relief the nurse’s orderly presence provided. The woman coming in to do her job duties was a much needed distraction from the memories of other nights during previous hospital stays beginning to race through her thoughts; a litany of grief laden images already threatening to overwhelm her as they flickered back to life. She shoved away those old scenes attempting to play on repeat from her consciousness as hard as she could. 

Poppy wrenched her mind out of the past and held it firmly in the present. She forced herself to focus on nothing else but the nurse’s short shadow drifting across the curtain, the bluish glow of the computer screen as it flared back to life, the light filtering in from the hallway, the various small lights flickering and blinking on the machines on the other side of Lily’s bed. She filled her mind with as many of the details surrounding her as she could, trying to use the reality currently in front of her to clear away the lingering remnants stuck in her brain of other loved ones and their long since vacated hospital rooms.

A moment later the colorfully clad nurse came around the curtain, scanning over her unconscious patient with an efficient scrutiny. Christina examined the bandages covering Lily’s face, made sure the girl’s bandaged arm and legs were still positioned properly, and then did a once over of all the lines snaking off her small body. 

The woman’s face softened with a gentle smile as soon as her eyes landed on Lily's left hand still carefully cradled within Tora's much larger handspan. She carefully leaned over the bed and checked the IV connection without moving either of their hands, pausing for a moment to lay her hand over theirs with a featherlight touch. Poppy felt herself go a little misty eyed at the tenderness she saw in the nurse’s determined eyes.

“Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay. You guys got this,” Christina murmured, giving the back of Lily’s hand a reassuring pat before she straightened back up.

The dark haired woman’s gaze followed Tora’s arm over to the recliner, her concern and compassion for the couple laying there clear to see even in the dim light. The nurse glanced briefly at Tora's face, seemingly satisfied with his relaxed state, before locking onto Poppy when their eyes met and Christina realized she was awake.

Poppy offered what she hoped came across as a grateful smile and propped herself up to chat more easily, trying not to jostle her sleeping husband. Though she quickly realized that for once she didn’t have to worry about accidentally waking him. Tora hadn’t so much as twitched when the nurse came into the room; he didn’t stir in the slightest when Poppy maneuvered herself away from him, his arm bonelessly sliding off her as she sat up.

“How are we doing so far, Mom? Everything okay?” Christina whispered, giving Poppy a sympathetic smile. 

Poppy blearily nodded, wiping away the grit in the inner corners of her eyes. “Yeah, just woke up when you knocked. I tend to sleep pretty lightly at hospitals,” she mumbled. 

_Sitting with people you love as they’re dying will have that effect on you,_ she thought with a morose weariness.

The nurse gave her an understanding look and a knowing nod at that. “Ah, not your first rodeo with this kind of thing then, huh?” Christina said as she smoothly switched out one of the IV bags that was now empty for a new full one.

“It’s been a while, but yeah, this definitely isn't even close to my first time staying overnight with someone like this. I’ve….spent a fair amount of time sitting at hospitals with family over the years,” Poppy whispered, swallowing hard around the growing knot constricting her throat. 

How did you even begin to summarize any of that - the grief that left you hollowed out and empty, the aching loneliness, the gutting hopelessness, the hours and days melting into a dreary numbing blur, the feeling of time dragging to a halt for you as the rest of the world just heedlessly went on with their normal lives? It didn’t matter if Poppy sat there for less than a week or more than a month, she always walked away feeling like some part of her had been ripped out and left behind for the cleaning crew to sweep up and toss out with the trash. 

The nurse didn’t appear to pick up on Poppy’s tension as she focused on finishing up her tasks. “Sorry to hear that, hun. While I’m here day in and day out, I know it’s not easy getting pulled out of your usual routine to sit there with your child as they’re hurting. Though hopefully it’s not quite as scary or overwhelming for you at this point since you know how things work around here,” Christina said somewhat distractedly as she scribbled a couple notes on a whiteboard near the door. 

_God, if only that were true,_ Poppy thought dolefully. It seemed like the opposite was true for her. The more time she’d spent at hospitals...waiting as the hours ever so slowly dripped by, holding her breath in quiet desperation for things to turn for the better…the harder it was to return to watch yet another loved one suffering and in pain. 

Poppy shrugged at the nurse across the room from her. “Yeah, I guess it helps somewhat with that. Hospitals certainly aren’t a foreign place to me anymore. I know how to talk to medical people pretty well now, that’s for sure,” she said with feigned nonchalance. “So you don’t have to worry about explaining basic medical terminology to me.”

 _If things are turning for the worse, I just want to know as quickly as possible. Just tell me what’s wrong, don’t waste my time telling me things I already know,_ Poppy thought testily as she remembered cutting off a doctor who’d tried to talk down to her one of the first nights Tora was laid up in the hospital. 

Christina nodded as she finished her notes on the whiteboard. She turned and leveled a serious look at Poppy as she walked over to the recliner. 

“While I know this might all be old hat to you, it still is a hell of a lot to deal with. There’s no shame in asking for help or taking a break if it gets to be too much,” the nurse told her earnestly. Christina gestured at Tora as she went on, “And it seems like you have a good, supportive partner on your side in all of this. That was pretty obvious just in how he was looking at you when you guys got off the elevator.”

Poppy tilted her head and looked quizzically back at the nurse. She hadn’t noticed anything unusual in her husband’s gaze, though she also wasn’t looking directly at him when they’d stepped out into the hall.

“He looks at you so adoringly, hun. Like you’re the most precious thing in his whole world. You’d have to be blind to not see how much that man loves you,” the nurse told her in all seriousness. “And as exhausted as he clearly was, as soon as we walked in here, your daughter was his only focus. I honestly don’t think he heard a single word I said once he saw her. For such a big tough looking guy, he’s so incredibly tender and affectionate with both of you. Just a hunch that she’s got him completely wrapped around her finger?” Christina said with a little smirk as she tapped the foot of Lily’s bed.

Poppy nodded, a soft smile drifting over her face at the nurse’s words. She reached down and curled her hand around her husband’s hand resting next to her hip. “Daddy’s girl from the very instant he first held her,” she murmured, her smile growing bigger at the memory of Tora’s face when Lily looked up at him and he saw her golden eyes for the first time. It was one of those moments Poppy would treasure the rest of her life. 

“All of our kids mean the world to him. He’d do absolutely anything for them. I couldn’t have kept him away tonight, even if I wanted to,” Poppy went on, that knowledge warming her own heart as the nurse smiled back at her. “He got here as soon as he possibly could.”

“That’s good to hear. Sad to say, it’s more common than you’d think to see only one parent show up the entire time their kid is staying here,” Christina said with a sour expression. “Usually mom, because dad’s ‘too busy with work’ or some other bullshit excuse like that. Pardon my language.”

Poppy waved dismissively. That wasn’t even really a swear word to her at this point, her years with Tora had pretty much completely desensitized her to most profanity. Not that she’d tell him that, of course. She still wanted him to watch his language around their kids. 

Though it was pretty funny sometimes how hard he tried to come up with more innocuous phrases that still ended up containing swears. Poppy supposed growing up in the mafia surrounded by expletive spewing men hadn’t given her husband a very accurate idea of what language most people considered vulgar. 

She was still curious where he’d pulled “shit potato” and “arsebadger” from though. Those didn’t seem like the kind of phrases he would have heard from anyone in the mafia.

Poppy squeezed Tora’s hand, thankful for his presence beside her that night, goofy swear words and all. Their wedding rings gently knocked together as she moved her hand tighter around his. Of course he had put that on before he’d come to the hospital. Even as spent as he was, she knew he wouldn’t have left his ring behind, probably needing that tangible reminder of their love just as much as she had tonight.

Christina went on, “Kids do a lot better if they can have a parent stay with them as much as possible. They tend to deal with the pain a little easier if mom or dad is here to help distract them. Even if they’re unconscious, stuff like that,” she gestured towards Tora and Lily’s joined hands, “makes a big difference. While they might not be awake, they know you’re there, and that can help a lot with them staying relaxed and calm. So the more mom or dad can sit with them, the better things tend to go.”

Poppy felt an involuntary shiver run up her spine at those words. She knew the nurse standing in front of her was just trying to offer some encouragement, and it might have actually comforted her if she didn’t hear a different nurse’s voice echoing through her mind from over a decade ago. 

_“If he keeps moving around like that, he’s going to rip his stitches open. We need him to stay as relaxed and calm as possible. Anytime you leave, he somehow picks up on it and gets incredibly agitated. We’d prefer not to sedate him this heavily, so if you can stay here as much as possible, it might help him recover better. Try to talk to him, hold his hand, just let him know you’re there.”_

Poppy tried to tell herself that this time was different, that things weren’t nearly as dire...but all she could hear was, _“stay here as much as possible,”_ ringing through her head.

Christina continued on, oblivious to the deeply unsettled state of Poppy’s thoughts. “It seems like you two have built a strong, loving family together, and will be a good support for each other during your daughter’s stay with us. If you trade off who’s here with Lily, it can help things feel a little less taxing,” the nurse said kindly. “Going home to decompress and unwind when you can is important, so you don’t burn out.”

 _But Tora has a business to keep running, and I know more about the way things work at hospitals than he does. It would just make more sense for me to be the one who’s here most of the time….as much as I really don’t want to be,_ Poppy reasoned with herself, trying not to whimper at the thought of the long, draining days ahead of her. Actually it was probably more like multiple _weeks_ of sitting here, as Lily’s severe injuries meant the girl wouldn’t be going home anytime soon.

And who would be taking care of Violet and Joey during all of this? Would she and Tora even see each other in person all that much until Lily was discharged? Was this the last night she’d get to sleep next to her husband until who knew when? Her mind spun with all the details to keep track of, all the logistics to hammer out quickly stacking up into a teetering pile. 

Poppy gripped Tora’s hand tighter as she gave a weak smile and numbly nodded at the nurse. “Yeah, I’m sure we’ll sort it all out,” she mumbled. 

“I have to keep moving along in my rounds now, hun, but if you need anything, just give us a holler down at the desk, okay?” Christina said as she headed towards the door. “Me or another nurse will be back in a couple hours to check on Lily again.”

Poppy desperately wanted to yell out, _“Please don’t leave! Please, please, please don’t leave me alone with just the thoughts and awful memories in my head for company right now.”_ But she just softly said, “Uh huh, thank you,” to the nurse as she stepped out into the hallway.

The door clicked shut, and Poppy was alone again. 

In spite of her best efforts, the darkness from her past was swirling around freely now as she desperately tried to silence the whispers from years ago playing on repeat in her head. 

_It’s different this time! There’s nothing to get so worked up about. Nobody’s dying or even close to dying tonight!_ Poppy silently screamed at herself. 

The surgeon’s words from earlier chose that moment to pop back up with ringing clarity. _“If that had been a direct fall, Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes, we wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation right now. And if your daughter had landed on a less forgiving surface, I also highly doubt I would’ve ended up talking with you tonight…..I believe your daughter would not have fared so well if she had landed in any other way from that height.”_

Poppy wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to stop the tremors shivering through her. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, her throat was far too narrow and tight. All she wanted right now was for Tora to wrap her up tight in his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay and that she wasn’t alone….but he desperately needed a good night of sleep. She wasn’t going to wake him up because of some stupid memories that were annoyingly setting her off. 

_Come on, Pops, keep it together! You’ve dealt with way worse than this all on your own before. You don’t need to bother Tora tonight, just stop being such a crybaby,_ she told herself furiously. _He needs to sleep, and you need to pull yourself together. Quit dwelling on the past and focus on something else._

Poppy brusquely rubbed at her face. A walk to clear her head would’ve been nice right about now, but like hell she was going to leave this room tonight. No way was she abandoning her husband and daughter while they were vulnerable and helpless like this, not even briefly. They needed her to be there for them, just in case anything happened. 

But she needed _something_ to do, or she was going to fall apart. 

Poppy swept her eyes around the dark room, trying to figure out what she could occupy herself with until she could calm down enough to sleep again. 

She shifted in the recliner and felt something in Tora’s pants pocket poke against her leg. He’d been so tired, he hadn’t done more than take his shoes off before he’d almost immediately succumbed to sleep. Usually he would at least empty his pockets out.

Poppy reached down and probed the mystery object. Keys. His wallet too. She didn’t want him to accidentally wake himself up by rolling over and jabbing his leg with the keys.

Even though she knew he was sound asleep, Poppy still paused to softly murmur to Tora that she was about to take something off of him. Their years together had taught her that even if she thought he was out cold, his brain could be surprisingly aware. It was never a good idea to startle the former mafia enforcer or catch him unawares, especially when he was asleep or feeling weak and vulnerable.

“Just grabbing your keys and wallet, okay, dear?” she whispered, slowly sliding her fingers down into his pocket to grasp both items at once before smoothly pulling them out. She deposited them on the little rolling side table that was near the recliner before patting down Tora’s other pockets. 

“That’s just me checking your hoodie,” Poppy murmured. She found his phone in one of his hoodie pockets and set that aside with his keys and wallet - it’d probably be a good idea to charge it, and hers for that matter too. 

Lastly, Poppy leaned over to check Tora’s other pants pocket. “Emptying this one for you too. And I just know you’d have a perfectly inappropriate pervy comment right about now for me, wouldn’t you?” she muttered as she fished around in his pocket. “Probably something about how I shouldn’t forget to check the front of your pants since I’m down here anyways, huh?”

Poppy found his knife, which she left where it was, but then something small and plastic caught on her fingers that she pulled out. Her eyes welled up with tears once she saw what it was. 

The tiger clip Lily had loudly insisted Tora wear that morning. 

God, it felt like that breakfast had been a week ago. Just the kids eating and chattering while she and Tora got a few minutes together, bantering and flirting as they talked about nothing in particular before starting their respective days. 

Poppy tightly curled her fingers around the hair clip and brought that hand up to her mouth for a moment as she struggled to compose herself. They would get back to that again, _they would._ This wasn’t going to last forever. They’d get through this, just like they always did with whatever life threw their way. Lily would recover and come home, they’d all be fine, and things would go back to normal. 

Poppy felt her hand trembling against her lips, she was holding onto the hair clip so strongly. She sat there for another moment and then carefully tucked the hair clip back into Tora’s pocket. She knew he’d want to keep that on him right now, even if it did end up digging into his leg. 

Okay, that was done with, and had taken her all of a minute. Poppy could still feel her heart thrumming away wildly in her ears as her thoughts kept spinning away from her. 

What else? She needed to focus on something else, keep the darkness from oozing out and settling into the crevices of her mind, keep herself from falling apart into a useless heap of helpless tears.

Poppy turned around to look at Tora. She gently brushed her fingers down his cheek before she cupped one side of his face with her hand. He softly sighed in his sleep, his head shifting just slightly into her touch.

Yes, _that_ helped. That small sign of life was enough for the darkness to retreat from her thoughts a tiny bit. Just enough for her to breathe a little easier again.

Poppy traced her thumb over the curve of Tora’s cheekbone, thankful she could touch him right now. Even asleep, he grounded her, his warm solid presence giving her something to focus on in the here and now, helping her remember that the past was in the past and couldn’t hurt her anymore. That the more she grounded herself in the present, the less unpleasant memories would bother her.

Well, normally that would’ve worked. Tonight, not so much. The more she tried to bring her awareness and senses fully into the current moment, the more her heart rate seemed to pick up. The harder it was to suck a full breath into her lungs. The more it felt like her ribs were caving in around her heart.

Ugh, if only that god awful scent would stop invading her nose for just a moment, stop settling on her tongue with that familiar drying antiseptic taste. Apparently it didn’t matter where she went, all hospitals had that same damn smell. 

It had been almost twenty years now since her Dad had passed away, but Poppy could still immediately recall the same cloying mixture of bandaids and industrial bleach cleaner that didn’t quite cover the stench of sickness and death. It’d permeated the air as she sat and held her Dad’s hand….as she sat and held Tora’s hand….as she sat and held her Granny’s hand….as she sat and touched her husband’s face now.

 _“Fuck,_ ” Poppy breathed out with with a frustrated huff. This wasn’t working. She felt even worse than she had right before Christina came into the room.

She reluctantly dropped her hand from Tora’s face and clambered out of the recliner. If she sat there any longer, she knew her thoughts would just spiral more. She needed to move, to set her hands to a task, focus her mind on _doing_ something, anything but just sitting and watching the clock drag from one sluggish second to the next. 

Poppy repositioned the rolling side table more closely to the recliner and locked the wheels in place. She put the lunch bag and her purse over on a small round wood table by the window. Her rain jacket got hung up on a wall hook by the bathroom. 

She grabbed the duffel bag, plopped it up on the foldout bed, and then methodically sorted through all the contents. 

The hoodie Tora had obviously packed for her briefly brought an amused smile to Poppy’s face as she rolled her eyes. It was the one he’d purposefully bought for her to “steal.” The big, bad tiger thought he was so incredibly clever and sneaky - like she hadn’t been able to see how it wouldn’t quite zip up all the way over his broad chest. He wore it just often enough for it to smell like him, and it looked pretty cool, so Poppy did actually like wearing it. It was just funny how her husband thought he’d actually pulled one over on her with his indirect gift.

Poppy glanced over at the sleeping man and wryly shook her head at him. He was an absolutely gorgeous, stunning hunk who loved her and their kids with every fiber of his being that she loved right back....but he was also such a complete dork sometimes.

She pulled the hoodie on and zipped it up, sighing with relief as the scent of her husband and home washed over her, temporarily pushing away the stench of the hospital from her awareness for the moment.

Poppy took her time slowly refolding all the clothes and tucking them back into the duffel bag. She’d made note of the little closet by the bathroom door, already drawing up a mental list of all the things she’d want to have on hand in the coming days, how she would set up the little storage space for maximum efficiency. 

Once she finished repacking the bag, she set the little box of kleenex and their phone chargers over on the side table by the recliner. She made sure both her and Tora’s phones were still on silent for the rest of the night, noting the notification of multiple texts from Quincey waiting on Tora’s phone.

Her brother-in-law had also responded to her. Poppy smiled and shook her head at the string of missives he’d started sending a few hours ago. She was sure Tora had received a similar amount of messages, if not even more, from the man who might not share blood with her husband, but was most assuredly family. 

12:47am - _Whatever you two need, just let me know. And don’t even try to tell me you DON’T need any help, because we both know that’s a BIG FAT LIE, Miss Editor._

12:49am - _And I don’t care what you or the grumpy tiger say, you’re just going to let me shower you all with love, mkay? You’re my family, so just DEAL WITH IT. Cordy totally agrees with me on this, so don’t even try to argue with us. We are a united front, an immovable wall on this matter._

12:50am - _Plus the twins would be sad if you don’t accept any help. You don’t want your favorite niece and nephew to cry, do you? They’ll totally cry FOR DAYS if you don’t let us help!_

1:00am - _I want the hospital address and room number ASAP. My favorite raven haired niece needs some sympathy flowers...and maybe a few other things. Just don’t tell Mr. Stick In The Mud I’m sending more than flowers._

1:02am - _I’M SERIOUS, DON’T TELL HIM. I want him to be surprised okay? Plus I love the annoyed face that man makes to hide his happiness when I spoil your kids, it’s just too fun. I can practically feel it all the way across the ocean._

1:05am - _I’m guessing chocolate is probably a no at this point? I mean, she’s your daughter, so I know she’s going to want something sweet eventually. A spoonful of sugar and a pound of chocolate help the medicine go down, that’s how that goes right? Plus hospital food is soooo bland and insipid!_

1:07am - _You know what, I’m just going to send you chocolate anyways, and you can share some with the girls later. My favorite little fairy princess also needs some too so she doesn’t feel left out. I don’t want to get whacked with the wrapping paper tube of shame again next time I visit because she didn’t get any. I’ll just send you a couple boxes of the good stuff._

1:08am - _I know your husband hates the kids having that much sugar, so I’ll send decoy kale chips or some other weird healthy crap to appease his wrath. Also don’t tell him I said that either._

1:10am - _Please tell me there’s a tv there with a DVD player. I can send you DVDs ASAP. She still likes Pokemon right? Has she gotten into Avatar yet? I feel like that’s right up her alley with all the adventure and power of friendship and big fluffy flying creature._

1:14am - _What about Netflix? I can set up an account. I can set up the whole hospital with accounts if she wants to share._

1:18am - _Tell crabby pants he needs to eat something. Nobody likes a hangry grouch. The man gets SO pissy when he’s running on empty, let me tell you. My peace lily is less dramatic when it needs to be fed than he is. Make sure he gets some protein and drinks a glass of water._

1:19am - _And YOU make sure to eat something too! I know you think you can just run forever, but you can’t subsist solely on stubborn determination and a can-do attitude, my dear._

1:23am - _Give my favorite golden eyed niece a hug and kiss for me as soon as you can. Tell her Uncle Quincess loves her SO MUCH, and I’ll be there as soon as she’s up for visitors._

1:26am - _Cordy says I’m being a pest and should stop peppering you with stupid questions. I also just realized we’re like 16hrs behind you, so you’re probably sleeping right now and not actually ignoring me. So I can just keep going lol. You get the joy of waking up to my fantastic messages of love and affection in the morning. :)_

1:28am - _Cordy says I’m most definitely being annoying, and she’s going to take my phone away if I don’t stop “harassing” you guys._

1:33am - _I snuck into the bathroom to send this. Seriously Pops ANYTHING you need or just want. Tell me and consider it done._

1:38am - _I have to go get ready for an author talk and a book signing now, but I love you guys. I hope everyone is okay. Update me as soon as you can. Xoxoxo_

Poppy realized she was crying when a couple fat teardrops plopped down on her phone screen, the man's much needed words going blurry as more tears welled up in her eyes. 

How did Quincey manage to do that? He was all the way on the other side of the world, but just reading through his thread of concerned messages helped so much. The dark thoughts in her mind had almost disappeared under the barrage of relentless cheer and insistent kindness that was Quinceton Balthuman. 

Poppy wiped at her eyes, incredibly grateful for family like him. Knowing Quincey, there would be several packages showing up on their doorstep within the next few days, along with deliveries to Lily’s room here. She smiled at the thought of Tora grumbling about his over the top little brother being so extra and ridiculous all while trying to hide a grateful smile at the blonde man’s free expression of love for their family. 

Something settled inside her, and Poppy felt like she could draw a full breath again for the first time in hours. She actually felt like she could sleep again. If he did nothing else, Quincey had already helped by calming her down and allowing her to gain back some measure of control over her chaotic emotions and whirling thoughts. 

Knowing he would see his messages had been read, and not wanting him to worry about why she was up at such an odd hour, Poppy texted back, letting him know all was quiet at the moment, along with a brief update on Lily’s injuries. She said Tora was dog tired and sound asleep, and that she’d just woken up because the nurse had stopped in to do a routine check-in, but that everything was fine. 

With that squared away, Poppy made sure their phones were plugged in and charging before she crawled back onto the recliner next to Tora and snuggled up with him again. He radiated cozy heat like a little furnace, quickly warming her all the way down to her toes. Even with her hoodie on, she’d gotten a bit chilled while she’d been up, the hospital’s AC far cooler than they kept their house. 

Poppy laid her head on her husband’s chest once more, letting the sounds of his steady, even breath and relaxed heart rate wash over her like a lullaby. She felt the tension seep out of her and blinked sleepily at the wall clock lazily spinning as she sunk towards the comfort of sleep. 

Just before 3:30am. Still plenty of time to get several more hours of shut-eye before morning came.

\----------

A gentle knock woke her again, and Poppy groaned, burying her face in Tora’s chest. She could immediately feel her heartbeat shooting back up to a jittery pace. 

She cracked open a bleary eye to glare over at the clock. Just a few minutes before 5am. _Goddamnit,_ was she going to get _any_ decent amount of sleep tonight? 

Poppy hadn’t even been out two hours before the nurse had come in at 3:00, and now it’d been maybe an hour and a half, if that, since she’d managed to drift off for the second time. She could tell by the weariness weighing down her limbs that neither time had she managed to hit the most restorative part of a sleep cycle.

“It’s just Christina coming back in to check on Lily,” the nurse quietly murmured once again, her footsteps making the slightest squeaky sound as she headed over to the computer.

Poppy tried not to snarl. The nurse was just doing her job, she reminded herself. And following exactly what she’d specifically requested anyone do when entering Lily’s room: knock twice and then announce who was coming in. She should be _grateful_ that the staff was even willing to accommodate her and Tora’s hang-ups like this. 

She knew she’d feel much, much worse if she came to with a stranger unexpectedly standing over her daughter’s bed. 

But that didn’t mean she had to be _happy_ about being woken up right now either. 

Poppy lifted a hand and grunted a wordless acknowledgement of the nurse’s presence, not up for any more interaction than that at this point in her night. Well, technically, it was the morning now. 

Ugh, was four hours of uninterrupted sleep really too much to ask for?! She’d just wanted to turn off her brain for a short while before she had to be a responsible adult and take on everything that would come with the rising sun the next day. Apparently even being able to escape into her own unconsciousness for a few hours of carefree oblivion wasn’t going to be an option for her tonight.

And Poppy knew exactly how exhausting sitting in the hospital day after day was going to be. She needed all the energy she could get for the long days and weeks ahead of her. Starting out exhausted wasn’t going to do her or Lily any favors, that was for sure.

She barely tuned into the nurse going through her tasks this time. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t be seeing this same routine repeated multiple times a night over the next few days. 

Her mind felt like it was going to burst as sleep fully deserted her. The heavy weariness was still there, but Poppy could already tell she wouldn’t be falling back asleep anytime soon.

The list of things she needed to do kept getting longer. She imagined it extending down onto the floor and slowly filling the room until she suffocated under its weight. 

Advocating for her daughter. Talking with the girl’s medical team day in and day out. Staying on top of Lily’s care and recovery. How long would the badly injured girl need to stay at the hospital? Were they going to need to modify anything in the house for her? She’d probably end up needing to do physical therapy once her casts were off, so more medical care to schedule and manage once she was discharged.

The rest of Poppy’s family needed to be taken care of too. Someone needed to watch Violet and Joey while she was here and Tora was at work during the week. Would the younger kids feel jealous or neglected? They’d never gone very long without either parent being around. 

Her husband needed to rest and keep his back from getting messed up again. She wasn’t sure all of what he’d gone through emotionally that night, but she could tell it’d been bad. He needed to be able to talk about it, to process whatever had sent him into a spiral of stunned shock earlier that night.

Everyone needed to be updated with what was going on too. Should she start a CaringBridge site for their family? She’d need to keep that up to date too then.

Staying on top of her work deadlines once her buffer articles got used up. Could she take an extended leave of absence? It wasn’t like they depended on her income from the paper, but it helped keep their finances in a comfortable place.

Groceries still had to be bought. Laundry needed to be done. People would want to drop off meals, so she’d need to stay on top of which days they needed food. How much could she ask of her friends and neighbors before it was too much and she became a burden to them?

And it just wouldn’t stop, her mind spinning with a growing wave of details that stretched beyond her capacity to hold onto with any clarity. 

Poppy startled a moment later when the nurse softly said, “Everything looks good. I’m glad to see Lily is resting well. A quiet night of sleep is exactly what she needed after such a long surgery.”

“Mhmm,” was all Poppy could manage in response.

 _I needed a quiet night of sleep too, damnit!_ she silently fumed. 

A moment later, she sighed and told herself to quit complaining and find some silver linings to focus on instead, that it wasn’t going to help anything to get pissed off at things she couldn’t do anything about. _At least Tora’s getting some good rest tonight after the day he had. He had to do way more than I did yesterday, so better that he’s out than me right now, I suppose. I should be happy he even managed to get here at all before morning. We’re probably not going to spend another night together for a while, so I should just enjoy being cuddled up with him while I can._

Christina quickly finished with her tasks and softly said she’d be back in at 7am. She repeated that if Poppy needed anything to let the nursing station know, before she headed out into the hall. 

_I need to go home and sleep in my own damn bed undisturbed, that’s what I frickin’ need right now,_ Poppy grumbled to herself as she shifted around trying to get comfortable again. She felt herself getting annoyed at everything right now. Anger rose up in her hot and crackling, singing through her thoughts with a growing fury.

The noises of the machines seemed far too loud all of a sudden. The incessant whooshing and whining electrical hum was unremitting, grinding at her ears, invading her brain. She couldn’t drown any of it out, her mind all too aware of what each machine was for. Poppy hated the continuous sound, but also knew how important it was that no part of it stopped.

The hiss of the oxygen. The nurses quietly talking and moving their carts through the halls. The rumble of the HVAC system. It was a cacophony, a relentless auditory reminder of where exactly she was right now. 

She was pissed that Tora got to sleep while she was wide awake and dealing with her thoughts by herself. Angry that Lily had put them in this situation, stupidly running off and getting herself hurt. Furious at those pieces of shit criminals for setting this whole heart wrenching thing off in the first place. Mad that she had the experience to even know they were bad news with just a glance when no one else seemed to notice. Irked at herself for choosing to go to the park on Friday when she did. Irritated at her editor for wanting her to write up a piece about the new playground. Indignant that her husband had to deal with those men instead of the police, who needed to do their damn job and keep dangerous people like that far away from her family.

Poppy felt hot, angry tears sliding down her face as her body trembled with the emotions raging through her. She flopped over onto her back and stared hard at the ceiling, her hands curled into tight fists on her chest.

It just wasn’t fair! After everything she and Tora had been through, couldn’t they catch a break?! Why did it have to be their daughter that got hurt? Why did Poppy have to be back here, in a place that stirred up so many awful memories for her? Why did Tora have to go through all of that tonight just to keep their family safe?

Her heart pounded in her chest at the sheer injustice of it all, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shut out the roiling tidal wave of emotions assailing her thoughts.

 _Breathe, Pops, just breathe. You’re not going to get another wink of sleep at this rate if you stay so worked up,_ she told herself.

Poppy shifted around again, turning on her side to face Tora. A moment later, she felt his arm clumsily slide around her, his hand settling in its usual place on her hip. He patted her reassuringly, and for just a moment her mind went quiet as her heart soared. She shot a glance up at his face, desperately hoping to see his golden eyes staring back at her...but he was still fast asleep. He’d just been instinctively responding to her distress and restlessness.

It would just have to be enough. She _wasn’t_ going to wake him up. Just being close to him like this would help. She didn’t _need_ him to be awake right now, even if she _wanted_ him to be. He needed to sleep, and she needed to calm the hell down and stop letting her thoughts run away from her.

Poppy readjusted the blanket around her, pulled the hood of her sweater up over her head, and then tucked her face into Tora’s side. If she could just block out everything else for a little while, maybe she could drift off again. Just pretend they were somewhere else more pleasant. Somewhere they _wanted_ to be, that they’d _chosen_ to spend the night at.

She forced herself to breathe slow, long breaths through her nose, fighting to keep her mind as empty as possible. Nothing. Just focusing on the blankness behind her closed eyelids.

Her chest felt like it was slowly crushing inwards again. And her stupid heart just wouldn’t slow down for anything it seemed. 

Blank. Emptiness stretching in front of her mind’s eye. _Think of nothing but your breath and the warmth surrounding you, Pops._

She didn’t know how long she laid there before she finally felt some of the tension slowly unfurl from between her shoulder blades, a trickle of release trailing down her back one vertebrae at a time. She focused on relaxing each individual muscle in her body one at a time, bringing her awareness to each one and intentionally letting it go lax.

Poppy felt her heart rate start to come down and breathed a sigh of relief...right before she groaned with frustration. Her bladder was suddenly very full, loudly telling her it needed relief _now._ Of course she needed to go to the bathroom _right after_ she’d just gotten comfortable again. 

A string of expletives that would’ve made Tora proud ran through her head as she set to extricating herself from her comfortable position, wiggling out of her husband’s cozy embrace to stomp over to the toilet. 

Once she was done, Poppy wet down a paper towel and wiped off her face and neck, suddenly feeling uncomfortably flushed. She unzipped her hoodie and flapped her shirt several times, trying to bring some cool air over her skin. She pulled off her fuzzy socks and sighed with relief, happily wiggling her toes as her overly warm feet were quickly cooled by the chill ceramic floor tile.

She splashed more cold water against the back of her neck, and then put her hair back up in a ponytail to get it out of her face and off her sweaty skin. 

Why was she so frickin’ hot all of a sudden?

She plopped down, stretching her legs out in front of her, splaying her fingers out wide, palms pressed down on the tiled floor. 

Would a cold shower help? She glanced over at the shower stall, debating whether it was a good idea or if she was even allowed to use it. She supposed it would be fine, but worried about rousing Tora with the noise of her turning on the fan and running the showerhead. And now that she thought of it, she didn’t see any bath towels in here by the dim glow of the night light plugged into the wall.  
Okay, no shower tonight. She didn’t feel like trying to dry off with a shirt or just standing there to air dry. 

Poppy sighed and stood up, brushing off her legs. She pushed the bathroom door back open and paused for a moment to gaze at Tora and Lily. They looked so much alike, especially as they lay there sleeping. Their mouths were soft, their dark eyebrows relaxed, the intensity they both usually carried entirely absent from their faces.

Lily hadn’t moved in the slightest, still completely out.

And Tora was just as motionless, dead to the world.

_Dead._

Poppy’s hand gripped the door frame so tightly she felt the edge of it biting into her palm.

She had come so close to losing them both. Lily tonight. Tora over a decade ago.

The surgeon’s words from just a handful of hours ago played through her head again. If Lily had fallen somewhere else, come down even just a little differently, hit the ground with her head or side first, she wouldn’t be lying here right now.

Christina’s voice rose up again in her mind, _“We’ve done everything we can on our end for now,”_ a word for word echo of an indifferent doctor back in Narin City saying the exact same thing about Tora. 

What had they cared? As soon as they’d seen the Balthuman brand on his neck, the tattoos covering his chest and arms, they’d dismissed him as just some street thug caught up in another pointless gang fight. Was someone like him even worth their effort to save?

It hadn’t mattered that he’d been distracted trying to protect _her,_ his guard lowered just enough for the knife to slip past his defenses. If he’d been paying closer attention to his attacker rather than hers, he would’ve easily blocked or avoided the weapon that sliced him open and left him gasping like a fish on a dry land.

 _Dead._

It’d been such a near thing that night, Tora teetering so close to death he’d coded twice before morning finally came. 

The smell, just like now.

The sounds of oxygen and IV machines humming and whooshing, just like now. 

That taste settling onto her tongue, sucking all the moisture from her mouth, just like now. 

The love of her life lying spent and unconscious….just like now.

Poppy’s legs gave out, and she felt herself sag against the bathroom door frame and sink down to the floor.

The memories crashed over her, dragging her down, and she was lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FawkesFire13 is the Quincey whisperer, and she helped so much with the creation of the texts from him in this chapter. I can't wait to have him show up more soon!


	35. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poppy remembers other hospital stays and breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note, this chapter contains descriptions of people dying, getting injured, and being in the hospital. Poppy is having a PTSD response and a panic attack--  
> Song suggestion I played on repeat the entire time I wrote this update: Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie https://youtu.be/OE9jSVbkvwg  
> As always, my deep gratitude to peanutbutterandchelly and FawkesFire13 for their beta reading, story feedback, and encouragement. This story wouldn't be what it is without them.  
> Some of you asked about Tora's injury and hospital stay, and here is more details about what happened that night. I was already planning on having it in this chapter, so I hope it answers some of your questions.  
> This is a hard, fraught chapter, but things will get better from here.

Poppy was sitting alone with her dad. She held his hand, watching his face as he slept, the breath rasping in and out of him shallow and uneven. They’d put him on oxygen, his lungs too weak to draw a full breath now. 

Though he’d tried to hide from her how bad it was, Poppy knew the pain had gotten worse the last few days. She was just glad he’d managed to finally drift off after not sleeping much at all the previous night. Some momentary relief from the disease wracking his body.

But she knew the time they had left together was short - the doctors were trying to soften it for her, but Poppy wasn’t stupid. She was 15 and old enough to understand when someone was dying. 

She squeezed her eyes shut to staunch the tears she felt welling up. She couldn’t cry, not yet. She had to keep it together, be strong. If she fell apart, there was no one else to watch over him, and she couldn’t bear the thought of him lying here alone. Granny had been here for days already - Poppy could manage to sit with her dad for one day by herself.

There were so many things she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to do with him.

_You need to teach me how to drive, Dad. I haven’t even gotten my learner’s permit yet. I just started high school this year - you have to be here to see me graduate. You need to tell off my first boyfriend that I’ll have someday. Help me figure out which college to go to. I want you there for all of it._

A little over a month ago, he’d been fine, maybe a little more tired than usual, a bit run down feeling. It was just a lingering cold, he’d thought. Or too many hours on that big project at work. 

Nothing to be concerned about, Pops. 

_“Don’t worry, it’s all going to be okay. You guys got this.”_

She’d just focused on finishing her homework. Giggled with her friends about that kinda cute boy who’d been making eyes at her. Julri something or other. He was a bit dorky, but it was the first time any boy had looked at her with interest like that. It felt...nice. Thrilling. A little nerve wracking maybe. Just another teenage milestone.

And then the doctor’s office called, the routine tests they’d ordered had come back with some odd results. Nothing to worry about, her dad told her, they just needed to run a few follow up tests, do a bit more bloodwork to check things over. 

He was fine. He was just a little run down and achy feeling, that was all. He’d be back to normal soon, Pops, you’ll see. It wasn’t anything to be concerned over.

But it _was_ , and he rapidly got worse. Because it was cancer. Late stage. It was everywhere. Invading his body. Shutting his organs down one by one.

So sorry, there was nothing else they could do besides make him comfortable, try to ease the pain wracking his body more and more as the disease swiftly took its course. 

His time was short, measured in days, maybe weeks...but certainly not months. There were whole days now where he was barely coherent, drifting in and out of consciousness as the doctors increased the pain meds yet again. Trying, and mostly failing, to stay one step ahead of the agony ravaging through him.

There was so much she still needed to say. How could she condense a lifetime of words into the time, swiftly ticking down to zero, that they had left together? What would she want to tell him when she was 17…20...25….30….35….40.....50? Whatever it was, Poppy wouldn’t be able to tell him then.

The story of her life still yet to be written wouldn’t contain his comforting, supportive presence. Her dad’s story was being cut off mid-sentence, no happy satisfying resolution, just a harsh and jagged “The End” scrawled in red halfway down the last page. The remaining blank pages ripped out and scattered by a savage, cutting wind.

It wasn’t fair. She was only in 9th grade. Her mom had up and left them, now she was going to lose her dad too?! Poppy would be alone. Completely and utterly alone. 

The years and decades of her life stretched out in front of her, so many chapters yet to start.... but her dad wouldn’t be there to see any of it. To see who she’d grow up to be. 

Would he be proud of her, the woman she’d become? She didn't even know yet what she wanted to be when she grew up.

All Poppy was sure of was that she wanted to be surrounded by love, by the people she cared about. But now she'd have to go through the rest of her life with a glaring gaping hole where her dad should be. 

No more pictures of him making silly faces. No more climbing trees together. No more cute rice balls crafted so carefully by his hands.

Just her. Alone.

There were still so many things left to say. So many things left to do. But time, suddenly the most precious thing in her young life, was far too short. What she wouldn’t give for just a little more, for even one more day of climbing trees and watching the clouds drift by in a bright blue sky. 

But instead, Poppy watched the future torn to shreds by the cancer cells proliferating through her father's body at an unstoppable rate.

_“We’ve done everything we can on our end for now. At this point, our main priority is to make sure Lily is as comfortable and relaxed as possible.”_

What? No, that wasn’t right. Their daughter was going to be fine. 

There was time, decades to spare, for the girl to say and do everything that mattered, a lifetime ahead of her full of promise and life and love and good health.

Poppy’s dad was the one who’d died on her. Slipping away as she’d begged him not to leave her bereft and alone.

_“Wake up, Dad...please, wake up.”_

_Don’t leave me like this. Please don’t leave me. You can’t go yet. We still have so much left to do together._

Her hands pressed into the chill floor in a dark room. 

Warm. She was too warm. Practically burning up. Why was she so hot when the room was so cold?

Poppy came back to herself, her chest heaving, heart beating wildly out of control.

_Breathe, Pops, breathe. Let it go, and focus on where you are now. You can’t do anything about what happened back then. The people in front of you are what matter right now._

Tora. Lily. Still and unconscious. But they were _safe_ , they were _both_ safe.

 _The past is the past. Focus on where you are now._

The _hiss hiss_ of oxygen running.

Someone walking by in the hall, the footsteps faintly squeaking against the freshly cleaned floor.

That smell, always the same, hanging in the air. 

Her mouth dry, thrown open as she tried to suck in air.

_Why can’t I breathe?_

A shift, a blur. 

A different hospital room, the sounds of the callous big city not quite drowned out. But the same shattering grief was there hollowing her out. 

Poppy was sitting alone with Tora. His breath ragged and weak as his lungs struggled to draw in a full breath. They’d put him on oxygen to take some stress off his wounded, torn body.

_“It’s just standard procedure for patients coming out of long surgeries.”_

His large hand, normally so steady and strong, was cold and limp in her grasp. He should have been holding her hand like he always did, taking any opportunity to catch her tiny fist in his warm, gentle grip. It always felt like coming home every time he threaded his fingers through hers.

Tears welled up and she clamped her eyes shut. She couldn’t cry, not yet. She had to keep it together, be strong. If she fell apart right now, there was no one else to sit with him. No one but immediate family was allowed to be in the ICU. She’d fibbed and said they were newly married so that they’d let her stay beside him.

The pitying looks Poppy saw the nurses surreptitiously casting her way told her everything. She knew his prognosis wasn’t good.

There were still so many things she wanted to say, so many things she still wanted to do with him, this man who’d reminded her with his every word and action what true love looked like.

They should have been snuggled up in bed together, Tora stealing little kisses as she drifted off. His fingers trailing through her hair, across her shoulder, over the dip and curves of her side, his hand settling in its usual place on her hip. Curling his arm around her as he cuddled close and breathed out that deep sigh of contentment he only ever shared with her. 

He should be sound asleep, safe, and happy.

Not here, clinging to life by the barest of threads. 

Tora’s eyes were closed, and all she wanted right now was to see just a flicker of gold looking up at her again, some sign of life that he was still there with her. For him to smirk and to tell her that everything was going to be okay, Bobby, he was going to be fine. Why was she so scared? There was nothing for her to be worried about, he’d be up in no time.

_“She just needs to rest as much as she can over the next several days.”_

He was pale, so incredibly pale. Like all his life had drained out with the blood that poured out of his side just a handful of hours ago. There had been far too much on the ground. On him. On her. 

His eyes had gone wide with stunned shock - she’d never seen him look so _afraid_ \- and locked onto hers with a silent plea right before he’d passed out. She’d recognized the desperation for just a little more time together. It was the same wild despairing longing currently beating frantically against the walls of her heart.

Had he seen the end in that moment? There had been so much in his panicked stare. Surprise. Worry. Fear. Regret. Anger. Sorrow. And love. So much love. He didn’t have to utter a word for Poppy to know how much he loved her, his eyes full of everything there hadn’t been enough time to say.

Had she returned that gaze for the final time, never again looking into those eyes that everyone else always seemed so afraid to meet? Would she be going home alone without him at the end of all of this? 

They’d just bought a bed together recently. It was far too big for her to sleep in alone.

_Two years. We haven’t even been together two years yet. You can’t leave me now. Your birthday’s in 10 days, you need to be here for that. You still have so much life you need to live, so many good things you still need to experience. I promised you we’d do something special for your 30th birthday when it rolls around. It’s going to be an important milestone - you need to be here for that, Tora._

They’d been out to celebrate their birthdays together earlier that night. Just like they’d done the past couple of years. They were birthday buddies after all, the dates just a few weeks apart. 23 for her, 28 for him this year. Why not share the fun?

That first year when Quincey threw a party for them at the club turned out pretty well in the end, hadn’t it? It’d been an opportunity to get some time together, to realize a little more what they meant to each other.

Tora had been all in at that point, his heart already hers, telling her she tasted like heaven when they’d kissed that night. It’d taken Poppy a bit longer, her wounded spirit not quite ready yet to commit to another relationship. She needed a little more time to heal, to grow, to find out who she was on her own.

But that day had still been the start of something more, a new chapter beginning for the both of them. A story they’d begun writing together.

 _“It’s a new tradition,”_ she’d told Tora the following March, insisting they have a joint birthday party again. _“I love sharing my birthday with you. It just means double the fun! And I’m going to make it even better next year.”_

She looked forward to figuring out new ways to make him feel special - Tora hadn’t been fussed over or made much of in all the ways that mattered before she’d come along. He deserved to feel loved, and she was going to do her best to make sure every single birthday of his with her was a good one. 

There would be so many more, the decades stretching out in front of them full of promise and love. Plenty of time together. Years to spare to say all the things that mattered. To explore the world, discover new things, and live a long, full life. To grow and mature as individuals and together as a couple. Tora was it for her, she wanted to spend her time, all her days, months, and years with him.

_I want to marry you. When I told them I was your wife, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to say. We’re going to get out of this city together, build a life away from all of this mafia stuff and the darkness that weighs you down, makes you hate yourself. I want you to finally see all the goodness I already see in you._

Tora’s breath stuttered, faltering as his heart rate plummeted. A cacophony of warning alarms rang out, clamoring with a piercing, wailing shriek.

She screamed for help. The room quickly filled with grim faced nurses and doctors intent on keeping the man she loved alive. 

He’d lost so much blood, his body left rent and gaping open after they’d been caught unawares.

No matter that he didn't want the title, hated what his hands had been forced to do over the years at the command of others, Poppy had quickly learned the Legendary Tiger of Ares Street walked around with a constant bullseye trained on his back everywhere he went. He was a highly sought after target, the reasons as numerous as the attempts on his life: for increased street cred, for bragging rights, for retribution, for payback of violence he hadn’t wanted to dole out. 

Tora should have been fully focused on the men attacking him, not the one wrenching her away out of his reach. They hadn’t been trying to take _her_ out, her boyfriend was the prized trophy kill. She was nothing more than a distraction, used to get through the tiger’s normally impervious defenses. 

_“Poppy, look out!”_ he’d yelled out to her, but Tora had been the one who needed to be paying attention.

She had been just the right diversion his assailants needed that night. Throwing her boyfriend off just enough to leave his guard down, his side dangerously exposed at the worst possible moment. 

He was fast, so incredibly fast, but it hadn’t been enough. Even though he’d seen it coming, he hadn’t been able to get out of the way in time, just a moment too slow. The knife had struck true, cutting a deep gash across his side, slashing down through muscle and veins.

_“It’s gonna be okay, Bobby. We’re gonna get through this together.”_

Tora’s hand slipped out of her gasp as she was pushed back and out of the way. She shrank into the corner, trying to not be yet another distraction, the reason Tora didn’t pull through.

_This can’t be it. You can’t leave now. Two years with you isn’t enough for me. I just turned 23 and want to be with you when we’re old and gray. We’re going to make a home that’s both of ours. Have a family someday, if that’s what you want. I don’t even know if you want kids, and I just want the chance to ask you about it._

The medical team somehow managed to stabilize him, drag him back from the edge. But he hovered there, teetering on the brink. The night wasn’t over yet. The sun rising in the morning was certain...but whether Tora would be there for it wasn’t sure.

 _“We’ve done everything we can on our end for now. At this point, our main priority is to make sure Lily is as comfortable and relaxed as possible.”_

No, their daughter wasn’t close to dying tonight. Poppy had seen the vitals, they were steady, normal. Her heartbeat a stable green line of consistent little valleys and peaks.

Not like Tora’s heart rate, jagged and uneven. Faltering. Fading.

_“Come on, Tora, stay with me! I need you to fight as hard as you can right now. Don’t give up...please.”_

_Please don’t leave me like this. You can’t go yet. We still have so much life left to share together._

Poppy’s knees ached from being pressed into the hard, cold floor.

How long had she been curled up here? There was growing light behind the blinds drawn over the window. Morning. 

It’d been morning for a while though. Maybe she just hadn’t noticed the coming dawn before now.

And they were all here, still breathing on. Tora and Lily were safe. She _knew_ that.

_So why can’t I breathe then? Something has to be wrong. Or something bad must be about to happen._

Tora. She just wanted to cuddle up next to him, feel his strong, steadying arms around her, but he felt so far out of reach. She wanted to get up and walk over to him, but her legs didn’t seem to want to listen to her brain right now.

Her chest felt like it was about to explode, her heart pressing painfully against her ribs. Was this what a heart attack felt like?

Poppy opened her mouth to say something, anything, call out to Tora to wake up and help her. She needed just a touch to let her know everything was going to be okay, something solid to hold onto in the middle of the howling storm whipping around inside her head. But no words would come, every thought dying in the back of her throat before it could reach her tongue.

That antiseptic taste filling her mouth. No matter how many times she swallowed it was still there, harsh and drying. 

The room felt stark and barren, chilling her to the bone even as a fire raging inside her made sweat trickle down her back like a stream of tears. 

The machines blinked and hummed and whooshed. She hated the sound but never wanted it to stop. Silence would mean someone had died.

_Why can’t I get my body to move? I can’t breathe. Am I dying?_

A blur, a shift, one scene bleeding into the next. 

Yet another hospital room, this one quiet, the late day sun filtering in through the blinds. The grief was just as resounding as before though, ripping through her heart with a shattering ache.

Poppy was sitting alone with her granny. She carefully held the old woman’s wrinkled, delicate hand as she tried to memorize every last detail of it. She studied the face so similar to her own, desperately wishing for just a little more time to talk with her, for the chance to look in her eyes once more before she had to say goodbye. 

The woman was on oxygen, the hiss of it louder than her shallow, faint breath. Her grandmother was unconscious, and wouldn’t be waking again. 

_“While they might not be awake, they know you’re there, and that can help a lot with them staying relaxed and calm.”_

She and Tora were planning to come visit soon. But having an infant now made travel so much more difficult. Lily wasn’t even three months old yet, and they’d been waiting for her six month check-up before traveling across the country with her.

Tears swam in her eyes, and Poppy blinked them away. She couldn’t cry, not yet. She had to keep it together, be strong, because she was the only one there so far. Dani and Belle were on their way, flying back from their airline jobs that took them all over the world, but they probably wouldn’t make it in time.

_I’m so sorry we didn’t visit sooner, Granny. I wanted you to spend more time with Lily. You only got to see her right after she was born. She looks even more like Tora now, they’re just two peas in a pod, it’s adorable. I wish you could have gotten to know your great-granddaughter._

It was supposed to be a simple procedure, in and out within a day. No big deal, Granny had told Poppy over the phone. Her friend had the same thing done and recovered just fine with no issues.

 _“Don’t bother yourself with it, dear, it’ll all be fine.”_ She’d call once she was home to let her granddaughter know all was well.

But instead, Poppy received a late night phone call from the hospital urging her to get there as soon as she could. An infection had settled in, quickly spreading up the woman’s spinal cord and into her brain.

There was nothing more the doctors could do besides keep her granny comfortable until the inevitable shortly arrived.

The woman’s story, over eight decades worth of life and love, sorrow and joy, laughter and tears, was coming to an end, the final paragraph already in view. There were no more pages left to turn, the book about to draw to a close. So many memories and names and anecdotes lost to Poppy as the words on the pages faded from her view. 

_“She’ll be out through the rest of the night for sure, and probably not conscious in any kind of capacity until late tomorrow afternoon at the very earliest.”_

There’d been time for a quick, tearful goodbye with Tora and Lily after she frantically gathered her things, her heart aching to leave them both behind as she’d rushed off to the airport. She just wanted to hold their baby girl and snuggle up next to Tora on the couch. 

But she was here. Waiting, watching dust motes lazily floating in the sun’s light, listening to the oxygen that was helping her grandmother’s body keep breathing. 

_I know you’ve lived a long, full life, but 27 years with you wasn’t enough, Granny. There’s so many family stories I don’t know, that I’ll never get the chance to pass on to Lily. We were going to go through the photo albums the next time I came to visit._

It wasn’t fair, it never was. 

Her granny, the only direct connection she had left to her dad, quietly slipped away between one breath and the next. 

What was there to say this time? 

_“I’m going to miss you so much, Granny. I just wish...we’d gotten a little more time together. Just a few more hours and days to share the stories that mattered, to sit and hold your hand while you were awake to enjoy it.”_

_Don’t go like this. You can’t leave yet. We still have so much left to talk about together. You were supposed to see Lily grow up just a little bit more._

But Poppy was alone. Again. Like always. 

Her heart and head were pounding, and she sucked in a hard breath, trying to focus on where she was now.

Children’s. They were at Children’s Hospital.

Lily was still out. Tora still sound asleep. Both so close, yet so far away from her. 

And she was alone with the war going on in her thoughts, the emotions crashing through her like a tidal wave. Leaving her panting as she tried to move, to get her body to just stand up and walk over to where her husband was laying. Her body shivered as her chest ached and ached, the tightness spreading up the back of her neck, down her arms. 

_I can’t take a full breath. Everything hurts. My skin feels like it’s on fire. My heart….is there something wrong with my heart? It feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest._

_“Tonight’s been...a lot to deal with, you know?”_

It was too much. It always was. But she had to be strong, keep it together. 

Pick up the pieces and get on with her life while a raw emptiness gaped open inside of her. Just go back to her usual routine with another piece of her heart ripped away with no warning.

Everything always happened so fast. The time running down far too quickly as their lives slipped through her fingers like sand.

Sitting there desperate to hold the story where it was, keep that last page from turning and bringing the book to an end….but it always did. She never got the chance to say a proper goodbye to any of them.

Her dad. He fell asleep and never woke up.

Her granny. She exhaled and never took a breath back in. 

Tora. His heartbeat faded away, the rhythm growing weak.

Tora _had_ tried to say goodbye.

It wasn’t just a dream. Even if she was the only one who remembered it, Poppy knew it had been something more than just her own brain trying to come to terms with what unfolded that night. Of course Tora couldn’t leave without reaching out to touch her one last time.

She just wouldn’t let him go. She wasn’t ready to let go and be alone without him.

_"Young children are incredibly resilient, and can heal from injuries of this level of severity far better than an adult could.”_

He’d gasped out her name right before he fainted from the trauma and blood loss. That had been a plea, a prayer, a cry for help. Not goodbye.

_“You don’t hafta deal with this on your own anymore. I’m not going anywhere.”_

On the ambulance ride to the hospital his eyelids fluttered as he’d moaned her name just once. He’d wanted to know she was safe. Lost in the darkness, he’d been trying to find her, needing reassurance that she was still there. That had been a request for a little light and some hope to guide him back. Not goodbye.

She’d grabbed his hand then, told him she was right there and wouldn’t let him go.

_“Not gonna lie, it’s a fuck ton of shit we got dropped on us today, but I’m gonna be right the hell here for ya the entire damn time, ya know that right?”_

Rushed into surgery, Tora coded on the surgical team as they feverishly worked to stitch all the pieces back together before he completely bled out. 

_“Sorry I left you waiting so long like that earlier. But I’m here, and I’m not gonna let you go.”_

Hours of waiting, and then the moment when she’d finally been ushered into his room to sit with him. Tora had been silent, still, and pale. 

He normally radiated heat, his hand always so warm around hers. But that night, his skin was so cold, like he was facing down the winter wind.

_“Yer gonna have to find somebody to pry me off the floor, because I won’t be getting up anytime soon by myself.”_

No one had come out and said it straight up to her, but Poppy could tell she’d been brought back to have the chance to say goodbye. 

But she wouldn’t say it, wouldn’t make it real. 

_“Sweetheart? Got anything ya want to ask?”_

She refused to so much as think the words, even as she watched his vitals falter and drop….as a crowd of medical personnel rushed in to revive him for the second time that night...as she stood in the corner trying to stay out of their way as they worked.

Refused to entertain the words once he’d been stabilized and they were left alone again. The seconds and minutes dragged by, every moment another victory that he was still there breathing next to her. 

They still had so much life to do together. More chapters to fill with laughter and light and love. There was more to their story. _There had to be._ It couldn’t end like this. Not here. Not now. 

_I won’t let this be where it ends. You don’t get to leave me like this tonight. This isn’t where we say goodbye for the last time._

Poppy squeezed her eyes shut, two hospital rooms jostling in her brain, blurring in and out of each other. Trying to focus on the here and now, but she couldn’t tell which “here” was the right one. Lily was in the bed, then Tora. Her daughter’s face blurring into her husband’s.

No, boyfriend. He was her boyfriend, She’d just told the nurses they were married to be able to sit here, right?

Tora. He was right there, but so far away.

Laying beside her, his face so pale. 

_Please open your eyes again. Don’t leave me tonight._

Poppy watched the clock on the wall silently spin one sedate circle after another. The adrenaline finally wore off, and she crashed hard. As much as she tried, Poppy couldn’t keep her eyes open forever. She felt herself drifting off, still holding tight to Tora’s hand. 

She wasn’t letting go, no matter what.

\------

He stood in her apartment, looking down at her with a small wistful smile that didn’t do anything to hide the quiet sadness she saw in his eyes. 

They were right by her door, though it looked odd somehow. It seemed a little bigger than she remembered it being….and had her landlord painted it while she’d been out that day? What an odd color choice. It was a dark sickly greenish tinged maroon, clashing with the colors in the rest of her space.

Tora held her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles. His gaze was directed down at their joined hands before his golden eyes flicked up to meet hers.

“Hey, Bobby, I hafta go, and need ya to lock up behind me,okay?” he softly said, loosening his hold on her hand. Poppy squeezed tighter, not letting go.

“What? But you just got here,” she said, looking at him in confusion. “I thought you said you could stay.” There was an important reason she needed to keep a firm grip on his hand, though she couldn’t say exactly why. Poppy just knew she shouldn’t let go.

“Yeah, I thought so too, but something came up and I gotta go,” he said with a sigh. “Just wanted to make sure ya were okay before I headed out.” He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with his free hand. His fingers lingered on the side of her face, almost like he was trying to memorize the feel of her skin.

“Stay. You don’t need to leave tonight,” she quietly insisted, putting her hand over the one cupping her face so carefully. Why did it feel like he was saying goodbye and not just goodnight?

“I don’t really have a choice, kid,” he said ruefully, lifting his hand off her cheek after a moment’s hesitation to reach into his pants pocket. He pulled out his phone and showed her that it was lit up and vibrating. “Got a call that I can’t say no to.”

He was already set to leave, his shoes on, his hoodie zipped up. Now that she thought of it...he was dressed in the exact same outfit he’d been wearing the day they’d first met on that train back in Moonbright.

White sneakers, greyish brown pants, dark sleeved gray hoodie that said Superman on the back.

Which was odd, because she could have sworn that hoodie was currently hanging on _her_ side of the closet. He’d given it to her after all. Told her he liked seeing her wear it.

Poppy furrowed her brow at him. “Just don’t answer it. Let someone else deal with it tonight. You’ve done that plenty of times before,” she said, tugging firmly on his hand to bring him away from the door. She managed to pull the 6’3” man off balance just enough that he had to take a steadying step toward her.

Tora regretfully shook his head, and tried again to gently disentangle his hand from hers. “Wish I could, but it’s not the kinda call I can ignore, sweetheart. They’re pretty insistent on it being me that shows up soon,” he said with a wry twist of his lips. The phone still in his hand lit up even brighter and buzzed louder, as if to prove his point.

“Stay,” she said again. “Since when have you just let people order you around like that? I thought I was the only bossy hamster allowed in your life.”

Tora huffed a little laugh at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. “Damn right. _One_ bossy, feisty, ballsy hamster is more than enough for this thug to handle,” he said with a teasing grin. 

His smile dropped away a moment later as he looked at her, his gaze slowly traveling over her face like a caress. He dipped his head down and brought her hand up to his lips, tenderly brushing a kiss against the back of it, his eyes staring soulfully into hers as he did so.

Tora sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I don’t want to, but I gotta go, Bobby,” he said apologetically, lowering her hand away from his face.”Ya gotta let me leave. And I need ya to lock up behind me.”

Poppy tightly clasped his hand with both of hers. She felt tears sliding down her face as she held his gaze. “No,” she whispered, shaking her head. Then stronger, “No. I don’t care what they want, I’m not letting you walk out that door. You need to stay here with me.”

She pulled on his hand again, and he took another halting step away from the door. The phone in his hand buzzed angrily, insistently, and Tora looked down at it. 

“Don’t answer it,” Poppy told him. 

Tora shook his head again. “I don’t gotta choice about that tonight, sweetheart,” he murmured. He straightened and took a step back from her. Poppy felt his fingers start to slide out of her grip. She curled her fingers around his hand as tightly as she could and planted her feet.

 _“Stay here,”_ she told him again, an order this time, not a request.

“Bobby, there’s nothing I want to do more than stay with ya, but ya gotta let me go,” he said pleadingly, his voice cracking at the end. 

Poppy set her mouth in a stubborn, obstinate line. “No. You’re staying here with me, Tora, and that’s final,” she said, her tone leaving absolutely no room for any further argument. She’d picked that up from him and he knew it, the corner of his mouth curling up. 

But Tora’s phone was getting louder, the continual buzz of the vibrations filling the room as the screen flared brightly and cast sharp, dark shadows on the walls. 

Poppy took a deep breath, set her jaw, and moved as fast as she could, snatching the phone out of his grasp before he could stop her. 

“Hey! What are you-” Tora started to say, his free hand coming up to take it back.

But before he could do anything, Poppy turned and hurled the phone against the wall, smashing it into a thousand tiny fragments that rained down to the floor.

She glared at him, her gaze hot and furious. “You. Are. Staying. _Here,”_ she gritted out, dragging him away from the door, away from whatever was waiting on the other side for him, away from whoever had been calling him to go and leave her behind.

She reached up and grabbed onto the front of his hoodie with one hand, pulling his face down to her level. Poppy pressed a firm, insistent kiss to his lips that Tora returned in kind after a brief moment of surprise. She kept a tight grip on his hand, bringing his fist up to press it over her heart.

“You’re staying here,” she whispered once their mouths broke a couple inches apart. “For the next 20,” she gave him a little peck on the lips, “30,” kissed him lightly though a little longer, “40,” kissed him harder as her hands came up to hold his face, “50,” poured all her love and longing into a deep, passionate kiss, before pulling away just enough to say, “and whatever else years. With me. Got it?” 

“Well, who could say no to that,” he said with smug satisfaction, his eyes twinkling with silent laughter. Was that... _pride_ in his voice? “Looks like the hamster is just as feisty and bossy as ever.”

“Damn right I am,” Poppy muttered. She smirked and reached down to grab his hand again, Tora immediately threading his fingers between hers. She looked at their clasped hands and smiled. 

Poppy went to look back up at him, but everything had gone dark. 

“Tora? Tora, where are you?” she called out, trying to make out any details in the black void.

“Right here, sweetheart,” she heard him whisper in her ear, felt him squeeze her hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Ya made damn sure of that.” His breathy little laugh, the one that sounded like a tiny car trying to start. A gentle, grateful kiss on the top of her head.

And then nothing. Just darkness and a quiet, thankful relief.

\------

Poppy groggily opened her eyes to look down at Tora’s hand still clasped tightly in hers. The sun was filtering in around the edges of the blinds. It was morning, maybe even early afternoon.

The machines were humming and whooshing, the alarms all silent. His vitals monitor showed everything was steady. Still weak, but stable.

“I told you I wasn’t going to let you go,” she murmured to her unconscious boyfriend in a low voice, squeezing his hand as hard as she could for just a moment. “You don’t get to leave yet, Tora, because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

_There’s so much life left to live, and I want you there for every second of it._

A stray ray of sun hit the side of her face, and Poppy groaned against the blinding brightness.

She coughed, once, twice. Her mouth felt like a parched desert. 

She flexed her aching hands against the cold floor. Her feet and bent legs underneath her tingled from being in the same position for too long,

Her face was buried in the crook of her elbow, her nose pressed into the fabric that smelled of her husband and home.

She raised her head and turned to squint groggily up at the clock on the wall behind her.

6:45am. She’d been curled up on the floor for at least an hour and a half then, if not more. It’d felt like just a few minutes but also days, any true sense of time completely lost to her while she’d been swept away into the past. Even now, she could feel the waves lapping at the edges of her mind, trying to pull her back out into the tumbling, disorienting riptide of memories that had felt all too present and real. 

Poppy rolled over onto her back and looked up at the ceiling as she stretched out her legs, pins and needles immediately flaring through the cramped muscles. 

She felt gross and clammy, cold sweat making her shirt stick to her skin. She brought her legs up to put her fuzzy socks back on, her toes now frigid. 

Her feet plopped back down onto the floor once she was done, and Poppy just laid there like a stranded starfish after the tide goes out, arms and legs splayed out wide. 

_What the hell is wrong with me? I feel so out of control. Can’t even get my fudging body off this stupid floor._

_“C’mon, sweetheart, I need you to breathe for me. Just focus on one breath at a time, okay?”_

Poppy huffed out a short breath, forced herself to pause for a moment, then sucked in as full of a lungful as she could get. She did it again. And again. The inhales growing a little deeper each time.

Trying not to focus on anything else except her breath, making her chest rise and fall, filling her lungs and then letting the air go.

Poppy looked at the clock again. 6:50am. Wouldn’t a nurse be coming in soon? If she remembered right, they’d been in about every two hours throughout the night. 

Well, she really needed to get up then. Should get up anyways. Because the last thing anyone here needed to see was her sorry butt laying on the floor like a stupid helpless baby. Her daughter was the one who actually needed help, who should be tended to and taken care of.

 _You just need to get your shit together and stop dwelling on the past. Stop being such a baby about all this,_ she scolded herself. _Just suck it up and deal with it. Lily needs you to be strong right now._

It was her own damn fault that she was stuck here. If she had bothered to use the bathroom earlier in the night, she wouldn’t have even wound up on the floor in the first place.

She rolled over onto her side and then shakily pushed herself up to a seated position. The room spun wildly around her for a moment, and she squeezed her eyes shut to steady herself. Another minute ticked by before Poppy was able to slowly and haltingly pull herself up, using the bathroom door frame for support. 

Okay, this was better. She wasn’t on the floor anymore, so that was an improvement. But she also wasn’t up for talking with anyone right now, and didn’t think she could talk to the nurse without bursting into ugly tears.

Yeah, _that_ would instill a lot of confidence in her parenting skills and ability to tend to her child, she thought drolly.

Poppy gingerly shuffled over to the recliner, her aching body making her feel like an old woman. She carefully settled herself down next to Tora, facing away from Lily, her back pressing into his side.

He mumbled something incoherent, shifting a bit as his left hand gave her thigh a gentle pat. He settled into stillness again once his fingers trailed up and came to a stop in their usual place on her hip.

Oh, yes. She had needed this. How had it taken so much effort just for her to get back here next to him?

She felt her back muscles shiver as they twitched and released, some tension draining out of her body as she relaxed against the solid, grounding comfort of her husband.

Poppy had just flipped her hood up and pulled it down over her face when she heard a soft knock on the door. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to relax and breathe slowly as she heard a second knock before the door clicked open.

Christina’s gentle murmur drifted across the room once more. “Hey, it’s me again. Coming in with the day nurse, Chelly, to check on Lily.”

Poppy heard two sets of footsteps quietly pad into the room. 

“Oh good, looks like she finally managed to drift off a little more heavily now. Try not to wake her up,” Christina softly said. “They didn’t get in until just before 1am and were both completely exhausted. I don’t think he’s moved all night, but she was up every time I came through. Poor thing told me she’s had to stay overnight at hospitals a lot in the past and doesn’t sleep well whenever she does.”

Poppy caught snippets of their whispered conversation as the departing nurse gave her incoming coworker a summary of Lily’s status, what she’d done throughout the night, pointing out things of note as the two checked over the little girl. Just the usual routine that Poppy knew she’d become all too familiar with in the coming days and weeks.

An unfamiliar female voice asked, “What’s the status on the concussion and head injury?”

“Nothing new from what’s in the chart,” Christina said. Poppy could hear her typing on the computer, the squeak of a marker on the whiteboard telling her where the second nurse was. 

The night nurse quietly went on, lowering her voice enough that Poppy had to strain to hear it, “The surgeon said she took a pretty hard knock, based on how deep that cut was. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t lose her eye. Poor thing’s gonna have a decent sized scar unfortunately. And she definitely has a concussion, that’s for sure. Doctor thinks Grade 2, though based on how severe her other injuries are I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Grade 3. Once she’s awake, they’ll do another CT scan to check against the one they did right after she came in last night.” 

The other nurse made a sympathetic noise before she said, “Ugh, it’s always so hard to see patients this young with that severe of a TBI. Especially the ones that never get back to how they were before. On the one hand, they don’t know what they’re missing, but on the other, they never get to hit certain milestones.”

Christina blew out a sigh as she walked away from the computer. “I know. One of the things I hate about this job sometimes,” she whispered. “It’s always tough to see parents realize things have permanently changed. That the child they used to have is gone.” She paused for a moment, and Poppy had the impression both nurses were looking over at Lily and then her and Tora.  
The night nurse went on a little more lightly, “Though hopefully we don’t have to deal with that in this case. I try not to focus on all the bad what-if’s before I have to. Right now, we just need to focus on keeping her comfortable and make sure she doesn’t move too much for a bit yet.”

The other nurse said something as they headed out the door, but Poppy didn’t catch it. 

This was it. Her chest was going to crack right in two. Her heart about to explode. 

She felt the pressure building, splintering cracks racing through her mind.

_“Poppy, dear, how are you holding up? Is everything okay?”_

For a long moment she couldn’t breathe and then she dragged in a breath as her body instinctively gasped. 

She felt jagged fissures running through her heart.

_“Are you sure you’re okay, dear?”_

A Grade 3 concussion? She knew that was the most severe. The most debilitating. The hardest to recover from. The most likely to cause permanent damage.

_“Poppylan. Hey. You okay?”_

She couldn’t stop the whimper that came out of her. Her body had started shaking uncontrollably, and she couldn’t get it to stop. 

Poppy felt the pieces of herself fragmenting. 

She couldn’t cry, not yet. She had to be strong. She didn’t get to fall apart. She had to keep it together, keep going. 

_“How are we doing so far, Mom?”_

The cracks deepened, widened. 

The pressure. So. Much. Pressure. 

It was too much. It had _always_ been too much. She couldn’t do this anymore.

Why couldn’t she breathe?

_“Everything okay?”_

She couldn’t breathe.

Her heart. Was her heart going to break? She felt like she was dying. 

Bile rose in Poppy’s throat and she choked it back.

_“Are you - you’re saying Lily would have...died?!”_

A sob bubbled up out of her.

Her body wouldn’t stop shaking.

Her sweet baby girl. She was alive….but had they lost her all the same?

_“Especially the ones that never get back to how they were before.”_

The pressure welled up, pushed against the back of her eyes, filled her chest and throat with a hard constricting weight. 

Her ribs crushed in around her rupturing heart, pressing hard against the growing cracks. 

She was going to throw up. 

Poppy clamped a hand over her mouth and threw herself out of the recliner. Stumbled towards the bathroom. Away. She needed to get away. 

_“That the child they used to have is gone.”_

Gone. 

Poppy was gone. She felt herself splinter, the fragmented pieces of herself holding together for just a brief moment more. She saw herself, the grief, the fear, the emptiness, the pain reflected back at her in a thousand little mirrors. 

And then she shattered, breaking into a million little pieces on the bathroom floor.


	36. Something's Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tora is roused from a deep sleep, instinctively knowing Poppy needs him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--Please note, Poppy is dealing with the effects of a severe panic attack in this chapter--  
> Song suggestion: I’m not OK by RHODES https://youtu.be/P7nav9WKoi4  
> As always, my gratitude to FawkesFire13 and peanutbutterandchelly for beta reading and giving me feedback.

_Wake up._

Tora felt himself come out of complete obliviousness just enough to know he was asleep and very much wanted to stay that way. He tried to burrow back down and pull the blissful, senseless void over himself like a blanket once more.

_You need to wake up. Something’s wrong._

Tora felt his mind rise up a little more out of the peaceful, empty darkness. Goddamnit, let someone else deal with it for once. He had done enough and was fuckin’ tired. 

Sleep. He just needed to sleep a little longer. 

He felt himself drifting down towards comforting oblivion again.

_Wake up, you fuckin’ dumbshit. Something’s wrong, Poppylan needs you._

That got his attention. His brain insistently tugged at him, pulling him away from the deepest level of unconsciousness. He sluggishly rose towards full awareness, feeling like he was trying to come all the way up from the very bottom of the ocean. 

Sleep rolled off of him with painstaking slowness. Even if he wanted to, Tora just couldn't hit the surface that fast, go from heavy, relaxing nothingness to action and motion and thought in the span of a single breath. But if Poppy needed him, he'd get there as quickly as he could. Wouldn't leave her to face whatever it was alone. 

Though it probably would’ve been a little easier to open his eyes if he wasn’t so damn comfortable. He could tell his body still needed to rest, and a part of him grumbled at being woken up from such a deep state of carefree relaxation. 

One more hour, maybe two, and he’d be ready to get up.

_Oh for fucks sake, wake up already, you lazy asshole! She needs you right the hell now._

Another layer of sleep fell away, then another. He felt awareness of reality and where he was currently situated start to filter back in, his senses flicking on several moments before any muscle control returned. 

Even with his eyes still closed and his brain working to clear out the lingering fuzzy haze, Tora instinctually took in his surroundings. A sparse open room, the temperature on the slightly cool side, a few machines softly running. He hadn't gotten a good look the night before, but it was about 15 feet by 15 feet based on the feel of the air flowing through it and how the sound bounced around. 

Somewhere quiet and safe for his daughter to heal, another part of his mind reminded him. 

Lily.

Tora flexed his right hand, his girl's tiny hand still cradled in his upturned palm. There was no tension in the little fingers resting in his careful hold. He noted her skin seemed a bit warmer than when he’d first touched her the previous night; he hoped that was a good sign.

The sound of her breath was steady, slow. Even and relaxed. She was still completely out, seemingly not in any pain or distress. All seemed well at the moment for his daughter. 

Satisfied that Lily was okay for the time being, he let his awareness spread out to everything else.

Tora was stretched out in a large, comfy chair. One that didn't leave his feet awkwardly dangling for once. Big enough to comfortably cuddle with his Bobby.

He remembered insisting on her snuggling up with him, the feel of her head on his chest right before he’d passed out.

His body was heavy, sluggish and slow to respond as the last tendrils of sleep grudgingly released their hold on his limbs. How long had he slept for? It’d been almost enough. He was achy and stiff, but not in as rough shape as he’d thought he might be come morning.

Tora’s arm was awkwardly flopped out in the space to his left. He could feel Poppy’s throw blanket wadded up near his elbow. She should’ve still been wrapped up in it and laying next to him. The last thing he could recall right before he’d succumbed to unconsciousness was the familiar comforting weight and feel of his wife’s soft curves pressed against his side. But she’d apparently gotten up sometime since then.

The important question now was where had Poppy gone and why did she need him?

Tora finally managed to crack his eyelids open. Immediately squeezed them shut against the bright morning light. Blinked. Blinked again. Blearily squinted at the clock on the wall. 7:10am. 

So six hours of sleep. He definitely could’ve used more, but it would do for now. It was enough to get him through the day at least. Well, as long as he didn’t have to do a repeat of yesterday, he’d be fine. He wouldn’t be up for that level of extended, strenuous activity for at least a few days, if not more.

He flexed his leg muscles experimentally. Yeah, no running today, that was for damn sure. Quietly sitting here with his wife and daughter sounded like a perfectly good plan to him.

Tora swept his gaze around the room, quickly taking in his things neatly laid out on the little side table to his left, both Poppy’s phone and his plugged in and charging. She’d obviously been up for long enough to think of emptying his pockets for him, and hadn’t gone too far if she’d left her phone there.

His duffel bag had been set up on the foldout couch by the window, the lunch bag and Poppy’s purse were near it on a small round table, her rain jacket tidily hung up on a hook by the bathroom door. 

But his wife was noticeably absent.

Poppy. She was the reason he’d woken up. He needed to figure out where she was. Something was wrong, though he couldn't say what at the moment. Just that it was bad enough to pull him right out of a very sound slumber. He wouldn’t have been roused like that for no reason.

At that thought, Tora was fully awake and in complete control of his faculties, forcing his body into motion. It had been maybe a minute at most since he’d woken up, and he needed to figure out where the hell his wife had gotten off to. 

He curled his fingers around Lily’s hand for just a moment, giving her a gentle squeeze, before he reluctantly slid his hand out from under hers, mindful of not jostling her IV line.

He pulled the recliner upright and set his feet on the floor, but before he could do anything else, the sound of strangled retching came from behind the closed bathroom door. 

Tora was on his feet and surging across the room before he even had time to think. He had his hand on the bathroom door and was carefully pushing it open inside two seconds.

The sight that met his eyes brought him to a confused halt.

Poppy. Kneeling on the floor, curled over the toilet, her hands gripping the edge of the seat like her life depended on it. Her hair was back in an untidy, askew ponytail, her face flushed and sweaty. She was noticeably shaking - he could see her hands trembling. She looked….utterly exhausted, far worse than when he’d found her passed out in that side room last night. Had she slept at all?

Tora’s heart clenched as he watched Poppy gag, her whole body heaving as she retched again, though nothing came up. She spat into the toilet and then weakly whimpered, dropping her head to rest against the edge of the toilet seat.

“Bobby, you okay?” Tora asked full of concern, almost instantly down right next to her. He reached out to feel her forehead, carefully setting his other hand on her upper back. Her skin was clammy under his fingers. Had she come down with something overnight?

Poppy flinched at his touch, her body wound tight with tension, but didn’t respond to his question. Her body shivered uncontrollably. After a moment, she rolled her head to the side and gazed over at him with glassy, unfocused, bloodshot eyes. 

Tora’s heart ran cold at the vacant, bereft expression on her face. His wife looked straight through him, like he wasn’t even there. All her normal brightness and fire was just...gone. Like everything that made her his beloved, feisty little hamster had been stripped away, leaving an empty, hollowed out shell behind.

What the _fuck_ had happened while he’d been sleeping?! 

“Poppylan? Hey, talk to me, sweetheart,” he murmured, quickly running his hands over her, instinctively checking for any signs of injury. 

Her face was drawn and pale, except for the grey circles under her eyes. There was a feverish flush across her cheeks and down the sides of her neck. She stared blankly past him as she took uneven, shuddering breaths. Her hands slid off the toilet and fell into her lap, tightly gripping the hem of the hoodie she’d put on sometime during the night. 

When he lifted her head and carefully started moving it around, she gasped and gulped in air like she was drowning, finally reacting to his presence.

“Tora?” she said with bleary confusion, trying to focus her eyes on his face. She said his name slowly, haltingly, almost like she was drunk. “You should still be sleeping,” she mumbled.

“Hey, there you are,” he said with a sigh of relief. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Do you need me to get a doctor for you?”

At that she startled, shaking her head forcefully in his gentle hold. “No, I’m fine,” she said monotonously even as her body kept shivering. “Lily’s the one who needs attention. I’ll be fine. Just need a minute.”

Tora leveled a disbelieving look at his wife. Like _hell_ she was fine. “That is the biggest load of bullshit right there, and you know it,” he huffed at her. “Don’t lie to me. You’re definitely not anywhere even _close_ to fine right now.” 

He let go of the sides of her face and reached down to grab her hands, tugging her towards him. Poppy flopped weakly against his chest as Tora wrapped her up in a tight embrace. 

“Bobby, I can’t help ya if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” he murmured to her, stroking her back. “You feeling sick? How much sleep did you get last night?”

“Maybe a few hours,” she muttered, her hands grabbing onto the front of his hoodie and slowly curling into fists. “Kept waking up every time the nurse came in. I just don’t sleep well when….”

“When what?” he prodded after she trailed off and fell silent.

“When - when I have to be... _here,”_ she moaned, her voice rising and then breaking off. Her body started shaking harder. A second later, Poppy went completely limp against him, and she would have slid to the floor if Tora hadn’t been holding onto her so firmly already.

“Hey, whoa, sweetheart, it’s okay! It’s going to be okay,” Tora said as reassuringly as he could. “I’m here, you’re not doing any of this alone, you know that right?”

“I just can’t do this anymore. It’s too much,” Poppy mumbled, her teeth chattering together as she shivered against him. “It’s too damn much, and I...just...can’t. Can’t do it. Can’t watch someone else die on me again.”

“No one is dying on ya, Poppylan,” he told her emphatically. “Lily’s gonna be okay. She’s a stubborn, feisty little shit like you, and is gonna be back to keeping us on our toes in no time. It’s a lot of broken bones and bruises, but she’s gonna heal up just fine from all of that eventually. Remember, that’s what the doctor told us last night.” He knew he was saying that for himself just as much as for his wife’s benefit. It was something they both needed to be reminded of right now. 

“Brain damage,” Poppy whispered. She stared up at him with wide, empty eyes. “She might have brain damage, Tora. Our baby girl. I heard the nurses talking about it earlier when they thought I was asleep. Said she might have a Grade 3 concussion.” 

He froze for a moment, his arms going just slack enough for Poppy to slip out of his hold. She sagged to the floor and curled up into a ball as she wheezed, her chest heaving for air.

“I can’t lose her too,” she sobbed. “I _can’t._ Not again. Not like you, and Dad, and Granny. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do it.” Poppy babbled, her eyes squeezed shut as she laid on her side in a fetal position.

“You didn’t lose me, sweetheart, I’m right here,” Tora said, reaching out to touch her, reassure his wife that he was most assuredly still there. “It’ll take a hell of a lot more than a fuckin’ stab wound to take me away from you.”

He tried to gather her back into his arms, but Poppy flinched away and caved into the floor, sobbing and gasping for air as she kept repeating, “I can’t do it. I can’t do this again.” When she opened her eyes, they were glazed over and unfocused. 

“Poppylan. Hey. Sweetheart? C’mon, kid, need ya to focus on me, okay?” Tora said, fighting to keep his voice steady and calm as he tried to get her gaze back on him. He leaned down and held Poppy’s face as he tried to get her to look at him, but she was completely unresponsive, her eyes clearly not tracking anything in front of her as she fell silent. Her breath came in ragged pants as her body started trembling even harder.

 _Shit._ This was bad. Very bad. He hadn’t seen Poppy react like this...ever. Sure, she’d had panic attacks and night terrors before, regularly dogged by awful nightmares the first few years they’d been married, but then so had he. They’d both been anxious and on edge, jumpy with paranoia after he’d finally gotten away from the clan. 

But they’d sought help together to deal with it, to heal from the wounds they both carried from the past. They’d each gotten a shit ton of therapy, working with a counselor who specialized in post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and grief. When Poppy found out she was pregnant with Lily, it’d dragged up a whole new load of shit for the two of them to wade through, but particularly so for Tora. 

Counseling had made a huge difference for them individually and as a couple, and while they still dealt with haunting dreams and anxiety on occasion, it wasn’t anywhere near as overwhelming as it’d once been. While this last week had been rough, a nightmare now might unsettle Tora for the night or into the next day, but it didn’t usually set off an anxiety spiral or leave him worked up for multiple days anymore. It was manageable and more of an annoyance at this point than debilitating. What had once felt like an unscalable wall was now more like a speed bump, slowing them down but not bringing them to a crashing halt.

Neither of them went in for regular appointments anymore, but they still had the counselor’s contact info taped on the side of their fridge and the appointment line number saved in their phones. It was a reminder to reach out for help whenever stress piled up and started feeling like too much, if something set off a PTSD response, or anxiety got out of control. 

Tora looked down at Poppy, trying to take in her current state as objectively as he could. He’d been so tapped out last night, he hadn’t picked up on the fact that her response to their daughter’s hospitalization was significantly different from the worry, shock, and concern he’d been feeling. He couldn’t believe he’d missed how distressed she was. This was clearly far more than just her reacting to their daughter being gravely injured. 

Something clicked in Tora’s brain, the pieces suddenly falling into place. Fuck. _Fuck._ Did Poppy have PTSD...when it came to hospitals? 

She’d been completely fine giving birth to their kids - he definitely would have noticed if she’d been feeling anything like this. Maybe it was different when she wasn’t the patient, when she was on the other side of things, sitting there with someone she loved while they were suffering? This was the first time any of their children had ever needed to be seen at a hospital, and Poppy hadn’t had any family laid up at one since her grandmother died. 

He knew her dad and Granny dying had each dealt incredibly deep wounds to her heart, but he hadn’t been there for either of those occasions unfortunately. Her dad died six years before they’d met, and when her grandmother contracted a fatal infection, Poppy had insisted he stay home with a three month old Lily.

And she’d never wanted to talk much about his hospital stay, which Tora hadn’t thought too much of until now. He didn’t like thinking of himself in such a vulnerable, defenseless state, and wasn’t particularly interested in knowing all the details of what had gone down while he’d been drugged up to the gills. 

From the few coherent moments he could remember of it, he had just felt incredibly comforted by Poppy’s reassuring presence next to his bed. But that probably hadn’t been what she’d been feeling while sitting there with him all those weeks. He’d been hospitalized for over a month, and she was there almost that entire time with him.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry you went through all of that shit on your own. I didn’t realize ‘til now how fucked up it probably makes you feel to be at a hospital again,” Tora murmured. He brushed the dramp hair out of her sweaty face, and rested a gentle hand on her back. He wasn’t sure how much she was tracking things right now, but was going to make damn sure she knew he wasn’t leaving her alone. 

“Poppylan, I’m gonna get some help for you, okay? I’m not going anywhere, just stepping over to Lily’s bed to call for the nurse,” he said slowly and clearly, trying to catch her eye. He used a finger under her chin to tilt her face towards him. “And before you get all uptight about it, just because our daughter is injured and needs to be taken care of, doesn’t mean you have to pretend everything is fine and run yourself into the ground. You deserve help when you need it too, sweetheart. There’s nothing wrong about admitting this is too much for you to handle. That doesn’t make you a bad mom, it just means you’re human. If you’re on empty, you gotta take care of you first before you try to help anybody else.”

Poppy’s eyes were still unfocused and she didn’t say anything, but she sucked in a hard breath through her nose at his words, her eyes welling up. A thin track of tears slid down one cheek. Tora tenderly wiped it off with his thumb, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

“I’ll be right back,” he murmured. He quickly stood up and strode over to Lily’s bed to stab the red call button that had been so helpfully pointed out the night before. 

“This is the nurse’s desk, how can we help you?” said a tinny voice through a speaker on the wall. 

“Something’s wrong with my wife, and we need someone down here right away…please,” Tora said, trying not to bark an order at the person on the other end.

“Is she experiencing a medical emergency?” 

“I think she might be having a nervous breakdown,” Tora said, hating that Poppy could probably overhear all of this. He knew it was more than just that, but didn’t want to waste time getting into all the details when his wife needed help _now._ “She’s not responding to me, and I want someone in here as soon as possible to help her.”

“Alright, we’ll send a nurse down right now, okay?”

Tora remembered to say thank you before he heard the connection click off. 

He spared a couple seconds to check over Lily, his daughter still completely out. She was breathing slow and even, her face relaxed, no signs of any distress. He huffed out a relieved sigh that she seemed calm and wouldn’t be waking up in pain anytime soon. He touched the side of her right knee for a brief moment, and then headed back into the bathroom.

Poppy was laying right where he’d left her, breathing like she’d just run up a long flight of stairs. Tora immediately sat down, and pulled her up into his lap, guiding her head to rest over his heart. Like hell he was just going to leave his wife on the fuckin’ floor. Even if she was out of it now, he knew she’d feel incredibly embarrassed later to have anyone else see her like that. She knew there was absolutely no judgment from him - she’d seen him at some of his lowest points too.

Poppy silently grabbed onto his right hand with both of hers and pressed it hard against her chest. He could feel her heart fluttering a mile a minute as her body continued to quiver. 

Tora murmured whatever he could think of as he held her, hoping the sound of his voice would cut through the tempest currently crashing through his wife’s body and mind. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart. They’re sending someone now, so we’ll get you all taken care of. I wish you’d let me know you were feeling so awful before now though. Just because I was tired, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me you’re not doing so hot. You mean the world to me, and I want to make sure you get the help you need. I love you so much. And we’re going to get through this together, just like always,” Tora said, dipping his head to plant a kiss on the top of Poppy’s head. 

He kept his lips there, whispering into her hair, “You’re such an incredibly beautiful, strong, brave woman and I love you to pieces, but you’re just so damn _stubborn_ sometimes, you know that? I know I can’t say too much since I’m just as bad, but Jesus, Bobby, don’t let it get this bad before you finally admit you need some help, okay? You don’t gotta carry this all yourself, sweetheart.”

Tora fell silent as he heard rapidly approaching footsteps out in the hallway, and then someone knocked twice sharply before swinging the door open.

“Hello, we’re responding to your call,” said a no nonsense female voice.

“In here,” Tora called out. 

Two nurses briskly marched into the bathroom, taking in the scene with a professional gaze. One of the women, dressed in rainbow covered scrubs with pale pink hair swept up into a tidy French twist, kneeled down to start examining Poppy while the other, clad in Disney princess scrubs with a matching head scarf, peppered him with questions. 

Tora told them everything that seemed important from the last couple of days. He hated that they were talking about his wife like she wasn’t even there. Hated that he had to lay out her mental health history for perfect strangers and summarize all the years of pain and struggle and tears into just a handful of matter of fact sentences. He knew the effort that had gone into Poppy getting to where she was now, all the growth and healing his wife had done. Knew how much strength and bravery filled her from head to toe. He’d make damn sure to remind her of that later, once this was all over.

Rainbow Scrubs checked Poppy’s pulse, tested her eyes, listened to her heartbeat and then asked Tora to help get his wife seated up on the toilet so she could do a more thorough examination. Once she was settled in place and Tora was satisfied she’d stay upright under her own power, Princess Scrubs asked him to step into the hall to fill out some paperwork so they could treat Poppy and provide medication to help her calm down.

Tora narrowed his eyes with annoyance but complied, immediately knowing why they wanted to get him out of the room; he could have easily filled in any forms right there, but he wasn’t going to argue about it today. The same thing had happened years ago when he’d taken Poppy to the ER after she’d fallen and badly sprained her ankle going up the stairs at their old apartment. His wife getting the care she needed was more important to him than proving that he wasn’t the cause of her distress. 

A few minutes later, Tora was just finishing filling in the release forms for treatment when he and Princess Scrubs both startled at Poppy’s voice rising indignantly, “For the last time, _yes,_ I fuckin’ want my husband with me! If you’re worried about someone getting hurt, it’s going to be you in about two seconds if you don't bring him back in here right the hell now!”

Tora couldn’t keep the smug smirk off his face at her angry words. As worried as he was for his wife, it made him feel a hell of a lot better to know her feistiness was still very much present and that she had just handed someone their ass for questioning her. He was just happy to hear her say anything with her usual fervor.

“I think that’s my cue,” he said dryly, handing the clipboard back to a bemused Princess Scrubs as he pushed the door open and stepped into the room. “Hey, don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m here. I was right outside in the hall the whole time,” he said as he came to a stop just inside the bathroom and leaned against the door frame as nonchalantly as he could.

 _Quite fucking around, and just help my wife already. Stop wasting time, you bureaucratic dumbshits. Does she look like I mistreat her and our kids?_ he thought sourly, trying to hide how annoyed and worried he was. Even if it was just routine protocol, it hurt more than he cared to admit that anyone would think he’d ever harm his family.

Poppy blinked up at him with watery, glassy eyes, her body pulled taut with tension and still trembling as the pink haired nurse finished taking a blood pressure reading. His wife reached a shaky hand out toward him, and Tora was kneeling next to her a moment later, wrapping his arm around her waist as she leaned heavily against him. He shot a glare at Rainbow Scrubs who was smart enough not to meet his eyes.

“Sorry, it’s just standard procedure. We have to ask everyone the same questions,” the brightly clad woman had the good sense to say somewhat apologetically as she tucked the blood pressure cuff into her pocket.

The nurse stayed kneeling in front of Poppy as she asked questions about what had happened while Tora was asleep. He listened intently to his wife’s recap of her night, easily able to tell that she was leaving a fair amount of detail out of her recounting. Her voice went flat, completely draining of all emotion as she talked.

Poppy wearily said that she’d woken up both times the night nurse had come in, and had struggled to fall back asleep, flooded with panic and anxiety as soon as she was awake. The more she’d tried to ground herself in reality, drawing on the calming techniques that she’d used successfully in the past, the more worked up she’d gotten. It had all culminated in her feeling completely overwhelmed as heartbreaking moments from the past slammed into her consciousness hard enough to knock her flat on her ass.

Tora’s gut clenched hearing that she’d had not just one, but multiple flashbacks while he’d been blissfully sleeping within easy reach of her. Poppy glossed over what they’d been about, but he had a good guess her dad, grandmother, and him had all shown up. She’d laid there for over an hour and a half, losing all sense of time and where she was, while he’d been completely unaware. Neither of them had ever had that bad or as long of a PTSD response before.

The nurse listened and nodded, asking clarifying questions as she took notes on a clipboard. Tora could feel Poppy’s muscles tensing up, her body rocked with increasingly strong waves of shivers the longer she talked. He was just about to tell her to stop when she finished with running into the bathroom right before he’d woken up.

Rainbow Scrubs put a hand on Poppy’s knee as she kindly said, “It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and experienced some pretty traumatic events in the past. And your daughter getting so badly injured and having to stay here has stirred up those difficult memories and emotions all over again for you.” 

Poppy bit her lip and stiffly nodded in response, her hands twisting the hem of her hoodie again. 

The pink haired nurse went on, “We’re going to give you some Ativan to help with the physical symptoms you’re currently experiencing, but I want you to follow up with your regular physician as soon as you can to establish an ongoing treatment plan. This is an easily abused, addictive drug, and we can only give you a week’s prescription for it. I would also highly recommend you set up an appointment with your counselor after experiencing such an intense panic response like you did today. While medication is a helpful tool, especially in the short term to deal with acute symptoms like this, it’s important to address the underlying causes.”

Tora nodded and squeezed Poppy reassuringly as his wife answered with a mumbled, “Okay, thank you. I’ll do that.” 

He would make sure she did. Hell, _he_ should talk with their counselor too after everything that had gone down. In less than a week, both he and Poppy had come face to face with some of their worst fears, the darkest ghosts from both their pasts rising up with a shattering vengeance. That was a fuckin’ lot of shit to process right there, let alone on top of dealing with their oldest daughter being laid up in the hospital with broken bones in three of her limbs and a severe head injury. 

Princess Scrubs came back into the bathroom a moment later with a little paper cup filled with water and a very small blister pack that held two pills. She handed Poppy the cup and then dispensed the tiny pills into her hand. Poppy took the pills with trembling fingers and quickly swallowed them down. 

“That’s going to kick in fairly quickly, so let’s get you settled in a better spot,” Rainbow Scrubs said gently, rising to her feet and gesturing to Tora to help his wife get up. 

He easily scooped Poppy up into his arms, and she immediately frowned at him, a little bit of her usual fire briefly flickering in her eyes. “I can walk,” she muttered, weakly attempting to wriggle free. “Don’t mess up your back again just to show off.”

Tora softly chucked at her as he carefully made his way over to the recliner. It definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to try to haul her around like this through the whole damn hospital today, but slowly walking less than ten feet while holding his tiny slip of a wife wasn’t going to cause any extra strain to his back. 

“Not showing off, sweetheart. I just want to hold you right now. You weigh pretty much nothing, it’s not gonna bother anything to carry you a couple feet,” he quietly murmured to her, offering her a gentle, reassuring smile.

Poppy grumbled at him as he gingerly set her down in the recliner and tucked the throw blanket around her. “I’m fine, Tora. We need to focus on taking care of Lily,” she protested with a wavering voice, her eyes starting to swim with tears as she gazed over at their daughter.

Tora kneeled down in front of her and tenderly cupped the right side of her face, turning her head so she had to look back at him again. “Poppylan, I’m worried about Lily too, but she’s okay for now. Our girl is right where she should be, getting the rest she needs. Just like you need to keep your cute little ass parked right the hell there until they say you can move again,” Tora told her with quiet firmness, pointing to the nurses before he pressed just enough on his wife’s shoulders to push her back into the chair. “It’s my turn to take care of you, okay?”

He leaned in to whisper in Poppy’s ear as he slid his hands down to gently hold her upper arms, “And I’m not asking. You don’t have to pretend like you’re fine with me,” he said, repeating back her exact words to him from Saturday when he’d fucked up his back. “I’m your husband, and it’s my job to fuss over you sometimes, remember? So you can sit there and keep refusing any help until those meds kick in and knock you the fuck out, or you can stop fighting with me and just let me take care of you. I’m gonna do it either way.”

Poppy puffed out her cheeks and obstinately stuck her lip out like she was going to keep arguing, but a moment later she wearily sighed and sagged into the chair. “Yeah, you’re right,” she quietly admitted. “And it’s kinda silly to try to argue with myself, huh?” 

Tora patted her arms and smirked, “Yup, my wife is a smart woman, and I try to listen when she points out I’m being a stubborn pig-headed dipshit. And if I can take her advice, then so should you.” 

Poppy sighed again, nodding at him as her shoulders slumped, wordlessly conceding to his point. He searched her face for a long moment, only releasing his hold on her to stand back up once he was satisfied that she was actually going to stay put.

The crisis now resolved and under control, the two nurses prepared to leave. Princess Scrubs jotted down a couple things on a big whiteboard by the door and then headed out into the hall as Rainbow Scrubs entered some notes on the computer.

Tora walked over to the pink haired nurse, keeping an eye on Poppy and Lily in his peripheral vision the entire time. He waited until the woman finished her data entry and logged off the computer before he quietly asked, “How long until that med kicks in?”

The nurse glanced down at her watch and softly said, “Another five minutes and she’ll be feeling the full effects of it. And it won’t start wearing off until late this afternoon, so she should be pretty relaxed most of the day.”

Tora sighed and crossed his arms, making up his mind about what to do next. Poppy was not going to be happy with him about it, but he didn’t fuckin’ care right now. 

“I need to take Poppylan home, and get her away from whatever it is that’s setting her off so badly,” he told the nurse in a low voice, not wanting his wife to overhear their conversation. “She’s stubborn as fuck and would normally throw a huge fit about leaving, but hell if I’m letting her stay here to have more flashbacks or panic attacks.”

Their daughter was important, but so was Poppy. It absolutely tore at him to have to leave for even a short time, but Tora reminded himself that Lily was stable and wouldn’t be stirring anytime soon. If she needed anything while he was gone, he had to trust her medical team would take care of it. This was a Level 1 trauma center after all, so the staff knew what the fuck they were doing - his daughter was in highly competent hands.

His wife however was not in good shape. Continuing to stay here was just going to make it worse and keep causing her to spiral out of control. Whatever it was about the hospital environment that had thrown her into such a deeply agitated state, now was not the time to try to face it, not when she was already completely exhausted and wiped out. 

Tora was tired, but he’d at least gotten six solid hours of sleep and felt far more settled than he had last night. Poppy was coming off not even four consecutive hours of sleep and had just been hit with a dump truck of awful memories and overwhelming emotions. Trying to deal with anything in that state was a perfect recipe for failure.

Rainbow Scrubs nodded in agreement at him. Tora finally got a close enough look at her glittery name tag to see it said Jerilyn K. She shot a glance over at his wife as Poppy released a long sigh and let her head fall heavily back against the headrest of the recliner. 

“I think that’s a wise decision at this point,” the nurse murmured to him. “Your daughter is going to be here for a while, and we really do want her stay with us to be as positive an experience as possible for your family. Maybe see if your wife can talk with her counselor before she tries to come back again. I’d hate for her to be constantly triggered whenever she’s here.” 

Jerilyn informed him that Poppy couldn’t leave for another twenty minutes, just to make sure she didn’t have any bad reaction to the drug they’d given her. The nurse said she’d return in 15 minutes to check on them and sign off on Tora taking his wife home. 

Before she headed out, she had him fill out two forms acknowledging that he understood Poppy was currently impaired from the effects of the medication and that he wouldn’t let her drive, operate heavy machinery, or make any important decisions the rest of the day.

Tora was starting to get annoyed with how many pieces of paper he’d already had to initial that morning for having not been awake even an hour yet, especially since he knew this was just to cover their asses legally. His writing looked like chicken scratch, and he grumpily wished them luck trying to decipher any of it as he silently handed the paperwork back to the pink haired nurse. 

Tora stopped Jerilyn before she left, one more important thing to square away before he left his daughter alone. “If she so much as twitches, I want you guys to call me right away. I don’t care how minor, if _anything_ happens, I want to be informed about it _immediately,”_ he said, leveling his most commanding glare at the nurse as he put extra force into that last word. 

She paled just a bit under his intense stare. “Of - of course. We have your contact info on file at the nurse station. But I also suggest you write the best number to reach you at while you’re out on the whiteboard,” Jerilyn said, pointing to the dry erase markers. 

Tora nodded, dismissing her with a grunt as he prominently scrawled his name and phone number in the middle of the board.

It was only after the nurse scurried off that he realized there weren't any extra chairs in the room to pull up by the bed. His options were to sit on the floor (uncomfortable and admittedly bad for his already stiff and aching body today), sit on the foldout couch by the window (too far away from both Lily and Poppy), stay standing until it was time to go, or move his wife over so he could sit with her. 

Pfft, like that was even a decision.

But first, his bladder needed attention, reminding him he hadn’t gone to the bathroom since before he’d arrived at the hospital the previous night. 

Once he’d taken care of that, Tora splashed some water on his face, rubbed the remaining grit out of his eyes, and then took a long look at himself in the bathroom mirror. 

He was in a hell of a lot better shape than last night, but god, what he wouldn’t give to go back to a week ago, when his biggest concern was getting alone time with his wife and finding ways to keep their children entertained over the summer. It wasn’t like their life was picture perfect, but Tora wanted nothing more than a normal ass day with his family right now. Just him and Poppy dealing with the kids getting up to their typical shenanigans - the girls poking at each other and their brother, Lily scaling the walls when Poppy’s back was turned, Violet putting glitter in Joey’s hair, the toddler spreading his toys all over the house. 

Just the usual shit that Tora didn’t typically give much thought to. The quiet, safe, completely unexciting, day-to-day life of being a husband and a dad. The stuff that was both completely normal at this point and also still left him looking around in surprise at where his life had ended up. 

Coming home from work and being hug attacked by his kids before he managed to get his shoes off. His wife smiling at him and telling him about her day as they ate dinner together as a family. Cuddling on the couch for a movie night. Tucking their children into bed at night. Maybe sneaking in a little time to putz around with his latest woodworking project out in the garage.

Poppy had asked him a week ago what he wanted for Father’s Day this year, which was now just four days away. Tora had said at the time he didn’t have anything particular in mind, whatever she and the kids decided to do would be more than good enough for him.

But right now, all he wanted was that completely mundane life back again. Not Lily laying broken and unconscious. Not Joey and Violet at home without their big sister and parents. Not Poppy overwhelmed and dealing with the fallout of debilitating flashbacks. Not needing to pull up his old skillset to track his daughter down, save battered street kids tied up in the pouring rain, take out armed criminals, and get his little girl to safety. Not having to worry about some creepy asshole with unknown motives prowling around in the dark.

Tora heaved out a long sigh and rubbed the back of his neck as he rolled out his shoulders a few times. 

The voice he hated most in the word slithered through his mind unbidden, dark and venomous, _“Tell me, Tora boy, are you scared?”_

He stilled, his hand tightening on the back of his neck as his jaw involuntarily clenched. Tora glared at his reflection in the mirror for a moment. He snorted derisively. 

_Fuck yes, I’m scared. And there’s not a damn thing wrong with feeling that way, you abusive piece of shit. I’m worried out of my goddamn mind for my family. Afraid my little girl is going to wake up with brain damage. My wife is hurting right now, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to carry that load for her. I’d take those memories for her in a heartbeat if it meant she never had another nightmare again._

_But even though this whole fuckin’ shitty ass thing feels awful and overwhelming and scares the absolute shit out of me, I can keep moving forward. Even when the future is uncertain and I’m full of doubt. Even when I have no idea what the hell to do next. Even when it feels like everything solid is falling apart on me. Because I have something your money and power and reign of terror could never bring you, that you thought of as a weakness when it’s the most important thing in the world: love._

Tora headed out of the bathroom with a determined stride and renewed energy. The reminder ringing through his head that their love for each other was what would carry him and his family through the coming days, weeks, and months. Even if they fell flat on their asses, they'd have each other to help get back on their feet again.

_I have a family that loves me and that I love right the hell back. And we’re gonna get through this together. Because our strength doesn’t come from emptying ourselves of “weak” emotions to pretend we’re somehow impervious to pain. We’re strong because, even though life knocks us down and throws some really shitty things at us, we lean on each other when shit hits the fan. I don’t have to do this on my own, and neither does Poppy or Lily or Violet or Joey. They’re what got me through yesterday, and they’ll be there for me today and tomorrow too. Even when I’m afraid._

_So fuck you, Vincent, and get outta my head with that goddamn crock of bullshit that being scared somehow means being weak and useless._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/23/21 Update: Just wanted to let y'all know I'll be taking a longer break from this than I'd originally thought. I WILL be returning to this and absolutely finishing it - I've got the general outline all the way to the epilogue now - but the prequel, A Merry Gallivanting We Shall Go, will have a big impact on certain plot elements, and I don't want to have to go back and change things later. I feel like this story will be much richer and far more resonant if I sort out some aspects and moments of the beginning of their relationship. Eventually this AU will be a trilogy, with the third story set when Joey is in college, so keep that in mind. I am absolutely committed to finishing all of these stories, and want to make sure I provide satisfying resolutions for each of them.


End file.
